Applause and Feedback

InsideOutlaw: I love it! What a great little story.
An unusual glimpse into Heyes’ past. Here, he’s not the cocky self-assured genius so many authors write, but a young man quite unhappy with his lot. Stuck by necessity in a gang he doesn’t want to be with, relegated to the bottom rung, little more than slave labour.
It’s no wonder he relates to the stallion the way he does. They have a lot in common, and not just the obvious colouring. Both are natural leaders, currently forced to obey someone they don’t like or trust. Both have spirit, won’t let themselves be broken. Both have lost their family and crave trusted company. Both are curious by nature but don’t trust easily.
At first it seems that the stallion might be the ideal horse for Heyes. A lesser writer might have Heyes take on the task of gentling the horse. And of course he would succeed in no time at all.
I much prefer your take.
Heyes recognises a kindred spirit, and he lets the horse run free. Gives him another chance at life. I believe it’s more than just sparing a beautiful animal from slaughter. With the stallion he sets part of himself free. Plummer might think that Heyes is a sucker, buying the horse from him. He does not recognise this act of defiance for what it is. The cleverer mind has found a way to get what he wants, the rebellion has started.
Somehow I believe this incident will be the first step for Heyes of freeing himself from this gang. Like the stallion will find another herd, he will find others (friends, a gang), and we know in the end he’ll become the leader of a gang himself, the most successful gang in the history of the West.
In a way Heyes is going the opposite way to the horses. They have been captured, resist at first, show acts of defiance, but then get broken and give in.
Heyes, in contrast, desperately wanted to become part of the gang, then is relegated to the hardest, lowest tasks, and he does them without complaining. But hearing about the planned fate for the stallion finally sparks rebellion and he frees himself, at least mentally, from the yoke. Like the stallion he’ll run free and live his life as he wants.
I love your descriptions, it’s easy to tell that you know what you’re writing about. You know horses and describe them and their behaviour so well. It almost felt like watching it unfold on a screen, instead of reading it.


SheilaUK: I remember this story. And I like it. Even though I see the boys as cousins, your story is believable and in character.
Two misfits, renegades, thrown together by chance, finally realise they belong together. Third time was the magic. I liked how the dynamics of the meetings changed: first it was Heyes saving the Kid’s life, then he saves his pride and self worth by helping him rob a man, and the third time, Kid rescues Heyes from his captors.
In the beginning, Heyes helps almost against better judgement. He’s an outlaw, young, wary, but also cocky and self-assured, and he is far from a hardened criminal. He can’t help but care, nurses the Kid through the night (I see a pattern emerging; Red Dog, anyone?) and only leaves him when he’s sure he will be alright.
It’s almost sweet how Kid plays at being an outlaw. There’s an innocence in his playacting, even though he consciously has decided to be an outlaw. And Heyes reacts to this innocence. Again, he turns protector. First by not embarrassing the Kid, then by helping him out.
He still does not trust him enough to tell him his name, can’t see how he can keep this new friend around, not with the gang he belongs to.
All changes when Kid saves Heyes from his captors. The innocent boy turns out to be deadly accurate with a gun and a friendship for life is made.
The roles are set: Heyes, the carer, the thinker, the leader; Kid the impulsive, the protector, proud.

SheilaUK:  I remember this one and that I liked it for its unusual take on how they became partners.  Jed is more of a boy here than a man and he does not yet believe in his own worth.  Fortunately, Heyes sees his value and history is made.

RosieAnnie:  "Everything is temporary."  Big Jim understands life in a way Berger cannot comprehend.  He has faith in his men and is content in his knowledge that he will be rescued but is secure enough to reveal his confusion at Heyes' choice of disguises.  He praises his man for his resourcefulness but he also recognizes Heyes' abilities are best kept working for him rather than against him.   I like how Heyes analyzes the weaknesses in others and uses it to his advantage.  Very clever young outlaw but even more clever writer!!

Stephanie:  Very clever take on the prompt.  Who of us hasn't spent a restless night with our own renegade thoughts racketing around our brains?  Everyone has self-doubts and the night seems to magnify them.  Our boys are no different and their secret fears are revealed here by their internal dialogues--not at all the faces they present to the world or, it would appear, to each other.

You struck a chord of fear in every writer's heart with this line:  "Can brains dry up?  Do people get a limited supply of ideas, and when they're gone, that's it?"  

Remuda:  Seems we are on the same wavelength this month, only here it's the Kid who recognizes the similarities between the stallion and himself.  Heyes, on the other hand, seems to be a bit cavalier about his partner's well-being.  He cautions Curry not to get hurt but pushes him to take one of the most dangerous jobs in the world.  Luckily, his partner is tough--just not as tough as a renegade stallion.

Dear Writers All,

I don't have the time to give attention to a proper feedback for everyone this month, but I did read each entry and was amazed, as usual, at the interesting variety, creativity, and talent we have in this group. Thank you very much, loved reading your stories!

Javabee 

Okay finishing up May comments:

Silverkelpie -- this is different from your normal style.  Glad you tried a different approach -- you're right challenges are good for experimentation.  I liked the effort to use different "voices" for Heyes and the colt.  My favorite phrase may be "founding me own church afore we see him again."

RosieAnnie -- what a good story!  An excellent Heyes plan as well.  The words flowed smoothly and set the tone.  You built up the sheriff's overconfidence well -- the overconfidence that led to his downfall and how true, the observation that folks see what they want to see and if they see an "injun" that's all they're going to see.

Stepha3nie -- so glad you've caught the writing bug.  It is in the dark of night, isn't it that the self-doubts surface, keeping one awake -- feeding themselves on the darkness and the exhaustion?  Interesting takes on the various episodes seen through our protagonists' eyes.

Remuda -- As always, your dialog sparkles.  This may be an oldie but I don't remember it.  Glad you resurrected it and it fit the prompt well.  Many excellent moments of reflection in the battle between the Kid and the devil.

Silverkelpie: A two-part story, thundering, adrenaline-pumping action in the first and confused, tired pondering in the second part. The come-down and disappointment in the second part is all the harder after suffering through the fear and flight and action of the first part.
I love how you use the point of view of the horse to tell parts of the story. It first conveys the raw fear and confusion of the chase. Then helps us witness the pertinent parts of the robbery, guides us into the “herd mentality” of the gang, following their leader’s instructions. Very cleverly you then use the horses memory to bring up the orders yelled by the boss of the gang and here you shift into the past to tell and let us witness in detail what happened until where we jumped into the story.
I had to read it more than once to spot it, where memory turned into past or rather into ongoing action – the narrative was too gripping. Your time-loop worked very well for me. Not the usual kind of flashback.
By the way, when the name “Plummer” got mentioned, it came as a big surprise to me. “Jim” seems to automatically conjure up images of “Big” Jim Santana. Also, the way the gang followed the orders, only one man grumbling (typical Wheat-like behaviour), and the way Heyes associated their hide-out with safety, made me think that we were witnessing a Devil’s Hole gang stunt.
Interesting that the disappointed men, once they have realised that they’ve been had, only speak of “Plummer”, while the gang leader was called “Jim” during the chase.
I find it also interesting that the entire gang seems to disband in no time at all, once the leader and the latest haul are gone. There seems to be no loyalty between these outlaws, even though the ones Heyes encounters deplore the faithlessness of their boss. They are right of course; you can’t get a worse person than someone who steals from his own. It’s also something Heyes and the Kid never did and something that set them apart from other outlaws.
What does it say about these men (in this story), that apparently horses have more sense than the humans, at least if we can take the thoughts of Heyes’ young horse as an indication. But then again, horses follow the lead mare – and from what we know from ASJ, outlaws seem to be reluctant to let females into their world.
I think my favourite sentence is: “The calming whisper from the silken voice poured soothing secrets to match the sedating, relaxing stroke of the long fingers”. Even reading it has a hypnotising effect on me. And I want it to continue.
Another sentence has me wondering, though: Are you sure you wanted to write “The beast was not slow to disagree“? I would have thought it wouldn’t be disinclined to acquiesce to this particular request (to almost cite one of my favourite pirates). Sorry, just couldn't resist. ;-)


RosieAnnieUSA: Oooh, I like your story! And I’m amazed how you came up with it. I have seen the pictures that inspired you, too – and nothing happened (except maybe some drooling).
You managed to surprise me several times. At first I assumed it would be Heyes in the cell, then I was convinced the story just had to be about how Jim ended up in prison. Maybe a renegade gang member would prevent the rescue?
And then you had me stumped with the bronze colour of the face which so clearly had to belong to Heyes.
His identity was clear from the first whisper (well, definitely from where you mentioned his voice); so, were the lawmen dim (yes, but, well) or had Heyes taken to sunbathing a lot or was it the light that was dim?
I’m afraid his cunning plan might backfire, though. He shouldn’t have worn his too distinctive hat. The Indian disguise might have gone down even better with a bandanna masquerading as a headscarf and the shirt belted over his pants. Also, the sheriff did seem to notice the chocolate eyes and the dimples.
I loved your dialogue. It was so true to the characters. I can’t understand now, how I didn’t recognise “Big” Jim from the moment he uttered his first few words. You really nailed his distinctive way of speaking. I swear I could even read/hear the way he pronounced some of the words.
“Big” Jim is a clever man and astute. I’m sure the sudden smile after his very good advice to never count on anything remaining the same was due to him noticing his rescuers were there.
There are lots of clever lines I loved in your story, e.g. the one about the sheriff both hoping and fearing that someone would come and rescue him. But I think my favourite is the one about making a withdrawal and a deposit: withdrawing “Big” Jim and depositing the sheriff and his deputy in the cell. Typical Heyes smart-alecky gold!
For me, it won by a nostril over of the one about Heyes having to resist temptation all the time. Indeed! (Of course I loved this one! Just check my signature.)
A great story. A Hannibal Heyes plan working well, great dialogue, characters 100% in character and talking as if the actors were speaking themselves. An overconfident, unkind sheriff getting his come-uppance.
What else do you need?
Thank you!

Oh my!  Is this a lead in for something, or what?  Are Heyes and Curry going to have some indignant women coming after them in order to save their inheritance?   There might be a case of conflicting interests come along with that scenario.

Looking forward to seeing how you ladies bring it all together.  Great job!  Nice to see them partners again and how easily they slipped back into that role.

Thanks for a nice break from my studying!

Remuda: Interesting story. Another take on the man and stallion theme. This time during amnesty days and involving the Kid. But where Heyes in InOut’s story intuitively connected with the stallion from the start, Kid tries his best to break the animal. His stubborn streak carries him to dangerous lengths before he admits that the horse has too much in common with our boys: the stallion won’t give in because freedom is everything to him.
The interesting thing to me is how the partners change their minds about the stallion and whether the money for breaking him is worth the risk. Interestingly they never seem to be on the same side.
Once Kid commits to breaking the horses, the battle with the stallion becomes personal. At first Heyes seems slightly worried and also amused at this contest in mule headedness. But when stubbornness turns into obsession he gets worried. Once more he has to rescue his cousin from himself. Kid’s pride and stubbornness don’t let him back down, even when he knows better. Heyes gets tempted by the money, but he knows when to back off, when the risk gets too great. He shows again that he is the gambler, knowing the odds.
It seems like a lucky escape for the Kid, when the stallion manages to break free.
The last exchange of our boys seems to have an ominous ring to it. Will they ever get “gentled”/broken? Would it happen if they were ever sent to prison? Or would they rather fight to the death if that’s their only other choice?
Heyes answer “It remains to be seen” says it all. The reader can only hope it will never get put to the test.

I have to say, I worry about the spirited horse. Yes, he managed to get away, spirit intact, but he’s still encumbered by bridle and saddle. In the wild, these items will probably contribute to his death. If he doesn’t die from food getting caught in the bridle and making it impossible for him to swallow, the saddle will soon rub him raw, and infection will set in. If he doesn’t step on the reins while running and thus breaking his neck or a leg in the inevitable fall.
Hopefully the ranch hands will value the saddle enough to go after the stallion to retrieve their tack. Saddles were expensive, horses not so much.

Remuda - I don't remember ever reading this before so I'm glad you posted it. Tough test of will between a stubborn ex-outlaw and a remarkable stallion. I bet Kid will be sore for some time. Loved the last part about being gentled. Great writing.

Dear May Writers, please forgive me for not commenting this month. You are all wonderful! There's just been a little too much drama for me to concentrate recently. Thank you for all you do.

Moonpie - This truly is starting to look like a dramatic farce with all the mixed up aliases.  I can really see this all starting to unravel soon.  I am glad that you got a 'Smith' in there too.  Doc Murray seems to be very worried about Beecher's wife, rightly so.  You have some very telling lines about domestic violence in the times.

Keays - I knew you could come up with something to fit the prompt and you never disappoint.  Gus really shows his pathetic colours and the last line is great.  A perfect example of your stories and how you take a grittier perspective than many in your writing.  You know I love that. 


SheilaUK - I loved the introduction of Kid Curry to the boys.  Wheat, of course, underestimates him because of the way he looks.  Loved the bullet trick and you capture the relationship between the two boys perfectly.  Loved the pun at the end!

Keays - You are really good at creating original characters and Gus is perfectly whiny and annoying as the pathetic little criminal.  Great to see Lom in there too.  A great piece from your story.


Silverkelpie - I thought this was a post-outlaw piece until the last line.  So that's how they found the place?  I don't think anyone ever took this perspective before.  Lots of beautiful descriptive language in this.


SheilaUK - What a great follow on from your story.  The whole gang were right in character and the relationship between the boys was caught in the conversation about the bed.  The scene with the Kid and the two bullets from one gun was just perfect.  Loved it.

MOONPIE;  All these aliases!  Even I'm getting confused.  You're really taking a look at domestic violence here, and it's sad to think that it was acceptable behaviour at any point in history.  Oddly enough, I'm touching on it briefly in my latest chapter as well.  Odd how that happens sometimes.
  Dr. Murrey is a brave man and I certainly hope he doesn't get himself killed over this situation.
  Heyes sure getting a lot of unintentional insults thrown his way.  What kind of a woman wold run off with an outlaw, indeed!  Depends on the outlaw.
  Love how the sheriff thought Heyes was hiding from the gunfire and not from him!  Heyes was covering his aces there.

SILVERKELPIE;  This was a great story and sure didn't see the course it was taking until you sprung it on us.  DeVille indeed!  I got a little suspicious that things were not as straight forward as they appeared when Gabe started calling them by their actual names.  Something was afoot.  But then again, with you, something always is!

 SHEILAUK;  Poor Kid; he never will get past his baby face.  Nice to see the first time the two bullets display was used to convince skepticals of his abilities.  At least Wheat is smart enough to sort of know when to back down.  Great last line!

Moonpie:  Nice continuation of your story.  I loved, loved the exchange between Kyle and Wheat over their nursing skills in the opening paragraph as well as all the aliases in play.  Heyes really does need a chart for them.  Hmm, I've got a feeling that his cover as a geologist is going to become important later on.

Keays:  This excerpt from The Lineage is perfect for the prompt.  Gus Stainton might be an Ace in the Hole, but he's a skunk.

Silverkelpie:  Snort-DeVille's Hole?  I love it!

SheilaUK:  History is made on the cut of the cards.  The Kid did a great job of establishing his value to the gang while at the same time defusing any tension between Heyes and Wheat.  He's a leader through and through.  LOL, I liked the pun and doubt I could've resisted that one myself!

Moonpie: I'm enjoying your story very much. Kyle's dialogue is a riot. Nice example, too, of how fast Heyes can think when he needs to. I'm scared for the bad guy's wife.

Keays: Another perfect fit for the prompt. Enjoying this revisit to your story very much.

Silverkelpie: Your powers of description are really demonstrated in this story. The vivid language really takes me there.

SheilaUK: Kid is definitely Heyes' ace in the hole. I appreciate the way you showed Wheat as still defiant, and Kid's slight surprise that he was moving in with Heyes.

Moonpie:
I have a feeling things are about to come to a head with all the identities Heyes is trying to juggle; I don't even think a flow chart will save this genius from an impending reveal. But you never know with Heyes, do you. So telling about the attitude towards women at the time, a little abuse is ok as long as you don't get carried away and as long as she deserved it. Sad but realistic. Thanks for another great entry!

Keays:
Love the contrast between these entertaining characters.
The level headed, reliable and strong Lom. The mean, impatient,
but effective Morrison, and the whiny, cowardly Gus. Another 
great entry from your epic, thanks Keays.

Silverkelpie:
Ok, you had me fooled, I thought the story was post outlaw right up until the very end. I have never read a story on how they took possession of the Hole; it never occurred to me that they might actually legally own it! Great story!

SheilaUK:
Loved this version of how the Kid joined the DHG. All the characters rang true, as well as the relationship between our two heroes. Both the Kid and Heyes were able to demonstrate their skills with a gun and cards, which is always fun to see, and they managed to put poor Wheat in his place. Thanks Sheila!

Moonpie -- so the plot thickens.  You are keeping us all waiting breathlessly for a resolution to this, aren't you?  Many twists to the plot, looking forward to seeing where it goes.

Moonpie:  Another installment in your fine tale.  I'm wondering what Heyes will find when he sees Christina.  It won't be good with a brutish husband like Beecher.  Looking forward to more.

Keays:  This was the scene where I decided Morrison was a thoroughly despicable man.  He's so sure of his right to pass judgment on others and refuses to acknowledge his own failings.  LOL, I just realized he'd make a great politician!

Nancy Whiskey:  I so enjoy your stories as you have a real knack for characterizations.  Ma Brown took the time to teach two thoughtless outlaws a lesson and she reaped the benefits.  Perhaps they were just buttering her up or maybe they really got the point.  Loved the line describing Ma's hips as monumental!

Moonpie:

Thanks for so faithfully giving us the next chapter each month. It's very cool how you manage to slip the monthly prompt into each addition. Things sure don't look good for Mrs. Beecher and I'm anxiously waiting to see what has become of her! 

Keays:

This is such a thought provoking chapter. Seeing a glimpse into the inner musings of a man who has acted as a cruel sadist is so interesting. His logic actually makes sense to a point, and even though David is not convinced, he does end up with a few doubts he did not have before. Morrison is wrong, but at least you can appreciate that his motive was to simply bring hardened criminals to justice. The problem is not his motive, but his methods and his arrogant assessment that the boys were completely unredeemable. In this case the means very clearly do not justify the ends; what a great entry for this prompt.