Applause and Feedback

Moonpie - You really caught me up in the excitement of the chase. I was willing little Jed on every step of the way and felt the same relief as he did when their hands met, but then he slipped out of Hannibal's grasp! Such good action writing. I could see and feel every step and bump.

Moonpie - This was really well written.  It was short but got me hooked right away in the chase and my heart sank when the fingers slipped.  You got a whole lot of emotion in such a short piece.  Great job   

Moonpie -- you certainly caught us in the chase and the terror of being left behind.  So much emotion in so short a piece.

Moonpie:  As other have said, you captured Jed's determination to give it his best and his terror at being left behind so very well.  But I really liked the ending, too.  This was one time when crossing the line was going to be positive for them both.

Moonpie - As others have said this short gem is action-packed and full of emotion. There was something about the way you wrote little Jed that made him feel so real and frail with his too-big boots and trousers falling from his skinny frame. Great take on the prompt.   

Bluebelle - A completely hilarious story!  Yes, A Mary-Sue does cross the line, and making her go too far too!? Inspired madness. Loved it.

Bluebelle - Your take on the prompt was so funny and unique.  I adored the fact that you named the character Mary-Sue too.  Heyes and Curry were so in true to canon too with the Kid not wanting to disapoint a lady until she went too far.  Way too far!

Bluebelle:

You made my day, Bluebelle! Being asked to role play himself was bad enough, but asking the Kid to pretend he was Heyes? Yeah, that crosses the line! I found it especially amusing to watch the Kid struggle to remain a "gentleman" in the midst of it all. Loved the title. Clapping!  

Bluebelle - Too funny. You gave me my laugh for the day when it was much needed. Yes, he can't risk going around 'pretending' to be Kid Curry' but he's too much of a gentleman to let a lady down. Besides, there's definitely something in it for him! Loved these lines:

"That’s not the point. What if people put two and two together?”

“We were too busy puttin’ one and one together, Joshua,” the Kid smiled. “I was real gentle. Firm but kind. She had the night of her life, but I was still a gentleman.”

  

Bluebelle -- Loved the title.  Then laughed out loud at why our Mary Sue went too far.  Very funny.

Bluebelle - Loved your Mary-Sue take on the prompt. Yes she went too far. Can you imagine the Kid pretending to be Hannibal Heyes?  

Such a tough month with so many great stories.  How can I choose only one to win?

Silverkelpie (1) - So Tibby looks like a turle without a shell?  I have a picture of a kind of W.C. Fields but with a smaller nose.  If anyone can get the boys into mischief it's him.  I am so looking forward to more of this.    


Riders (1) - Is Hoke from a song?  I kinda remember that coming up and it was used instead of toke so it would get played.  You'd have no problem getting this little gem on any playlist.  Very visually written.  I could almost see the axe fly out of his hand!     


Javabee (1) - Mrs. Parker is my new favourite female character.  I love her and I can't wait to see her caught on the hop by the boys when they eventually turn the tables.  Loving this series


Silverkelpie(2)/ Insideoutlaw - You two writing together is a dream.  I love what I've read of this series already and will be following it keenly.  The way these two show so much emotion withoutout actually referring to it is masterful writing    


Javebee (2) - What a clever way to show the way the boys operate together and work as a team.  Helen is often missed but this actress did a lot with this part and it's great to see her appear in fan fiction 


Riders (2)- So many fantastic series at the moment and this is another one I'll be following too.  Mel is tough, smart and very human, so she can work with the boys without letting them get away with too much.  I do hope you'll post this as a complete story when you're finished so I can read all of this again in one go. 

 
Hunkeydorey - You made me sit up and take notice.  Along with the gang, I wondered which of the boys was Jack's father.  The scene in the Hole where they try to figure out what they can teach him was great fun, with Wheat being as grumpy as normal.  It then turned very sad, but thank heavens Mary had someone they could trust to help her boy when she knew she was dying.   


Eva Hanley - Oh, a frustrated Heyes.  Yes, he is the type to dwell on things and to get very frustrated at having the opportunity to take such riches when he is no longer a criminal.  This missing scene gives us the start of a Hannibal Heyes plan.  What a great take on the prompt.    


Gringa - So this is how they got their amnesty?  What a great way for the boys to cross the line into the normal life you show us at the beginning - and yes.  Men never tell their friends that their wife was asking after them.  They never pass on messages!  You got that SO right. 

 
Keays - Another missing scene, but one that really explains how they formed the relationship with Charlie we saw later in the series.  I do love that you expanded on Charlie's back story.  He was a character, but a liabilty at the same time. 


Moonpie - Oh, the poor little boy, running for his life and losing his apples!  I wanted to take him home with me.  So well written and the action just jumped off the page.

Riders (1)
Love how you used the song here.  I'm going to guess that your references are more literal than the lyrics' figurative bent, or is there another meaning here?  Likely not, as it's so fun.  Hoke really is quite the Jonah, and good luck to anyone near him!  Love how Heyes had to save him from himself, and Kid's wrath.  Very entertaining and creative.  Clapping!

Bluebelle:  LOLOLOL!!!!  I do believe that's the first time I've ever really enjoyed a Mary-sue.  Thanks for the many, many laughs. 


 

NancyWhiskey:  What a powerful reminder of the fragility of life and an interesting philosophy about life and death.  I'd imagine the folks in the old West were very aware of just how death shadowed their lives.  A very different take on the prompt, and a great one.

Nancy Whiskey - A very different and sombre take on the prompt. The last line was very profound and it brings home the point that people were more familiar with death than we are now. The Taoist take on the thread between life and death is very interesting and certainly fits the prompt.

Nancy Whiskey - What a sad little tale! Who was the poor lady. It does show how people accepted sudden death at the time more easily than us, but when you couldn't cure things it's human nature for you to be philosophical about things. A very original take on the prompt

Nancy Whiskey:
It's interesting how the boys were initially uneasy and questioning the "ageless Oriental", but by the end of their encounter were firmly believing him. What else could they do? Unexplained tragedy can only be handled with faith and a philosophical view. An unusual and creative way to look at the prompt. Thanks, Nancy!  :study:

Nancy Whiskey - This is an intriguing and sad little tale.  I would be interested in knowing how you came up with this one but it certainly does fit the prompt.  That poor lady certainly crossed that line between life and death.

I know who and what she was, but it is for you to divine her path.

Sadly, some people just die,
Sorry

Ok. I have finally screwed up enough courage to post my comments. To all I can only admiringly say what a fantastic, creative, talented bunch of writers you are. So many different takes on the prompt from really short pieces to parts of series, from hilarious to sad, from light to dark. I applaud you all!

Silverkelpie (1): You sure got me hooked with your story, I want to read more about Tibby, Mrs. Fox and what is really going on. You sure ended the story with a shocking cliffhanger. It actually left me feeling a little uncomfortable (even though I know that it is part of a series).
I really liked the turnaround - first Mrs. Fox tries everything to persuade the boys, then Heyes does the same with Tibby. It was also telling that the thing that changes the boys mind was the mention of family (and larger pay).

Riders57 (1): Love your writing, your use of language in this story. The almost casual listing of Hoke's disasters makes it all the more funny. Loved the line "...dark cloud of incompetence hovering over him, raining on all who came too close".
Nice action scene of the axe almost hitting Kid and what followed. Heyes sure got his hands full to prevent murder. And then they have to endure the "singing" while waiting for the train - it is adding insult to injury. Nice take on the songs. Am I correct that they all seemed kind of familiar?
Very enjoyable short story. Loved it every time I read it.

Javabee (1): I haven't read any of your Mrs. Parker stories - but this story made sure I will! She is truly remarkable. And the story is so well written, it captures the train robbery really vividly and stays true to itself from start to finish. I could really see it all in my head. No matter whether it is description, dialogue or action - you are a master of all.
Loved how the interchange between Kid and Mrs. Parker foreshadows things to come. Also loved the dynamics between the gang. You have the characters pat down.

Silverkelpie (2) & InsideOutlaw: What a masterful piece of writing. Intense atmosphere from the start (and it doesn't get less so with repeated reading). Made me really curious for more. What happened to make them split up? What turned the Kid into this hurting lone wolf whom even Heyes is somewhat afraid of?
Heyes silver tongue proves useless on someone who knows him so well. Only when he risks opening up and telling the honest truth - that he needs the Kid because he is the only person he can be himself with - does the Kid relent. Loved your way of explaining how they both hide their feelings: one behind masks, the other behind a stoic facade. Even though Heyes' arguments make it appear that Kid would get the better deal, it turns out that Heyes needs him even more. That ties in nicely with the series, where it always seems to be the Kid who suggests splitting up and Heyes insists on staying together.
There is so much more going on than you actually put down in writing. You found ways of showing so many emotions without mentioning them.

Javabee (2): Really nice well written short piece and good to see Helen again. You show the boys' partnership really well plus other aspects of their characters. Kid sure loves his women, but he would not let his partner down while watching his back. He's a gentleman, caring, dependable. Heyes loves his poker, a challenge, toying with his "victim", but he is sensible enough to know when to quit. To me their conversation by look seemed to contain that Heyes does not begrudge his partner his form of enjoyment.
This short story has all it needs. You really do both epic (I presume Mrs. Parker series is epic) and short story well.

Riders57 (2): definitely liked it, looking forward for more. It started out almost sinister, with the Kid talking so callously of killing. But once Heyes is safe, the mood gets lighter and lighter and you had me giggling at Sawyer's realisation that he will have to work with the boys. Mel was fun to read and even Silky had a role to play in rescuing Heyes. The changing interactions between the characters were fun to follow and promise so much more to come. What an interesting quartet to put together.


I guess, I will have to split my comments up. It is getting really late (3.15 am) and my eyes do no longer want to stay open. I'll post the rest tomorrow - or rather later today. ;-)

HannaHeyes:  Wow, that was completely gripping!  Great last line, too.  You so beautifully put into words the feelings Jenny must've experienced upon learning who was responsible for Billy's death.  She's always been one of my favorite characters and I think you captured her 'voice' here so well.   

NancyWhiskey -- yes another line that is crossed.  I liked the segue from concern to frustration/anger to resigned acceptance of the passing of life.

HannahHeyes -- good to see you writing again.  Ah, an explanation by Jenny.  Yes, I like that it's told internally, without externalities intruding.

Hunkeydorey: Your story was an emotional roller coaster for me. Starts out so harmless and funny with the outlaw gang turning into Godfathers, but then comes the icy plunge into the heartbreaking past at Valparaiso. I am grateful that you ended it on a more positive note with Heyes and the Kid accepting the boy as kin, but making sure he will not turn into an outlaw. They may have turned outlaws themselves but they still have their moral code. You really managed to put a lot into this story and more than one line was crossed.
I think I laughed hardest about Kyle's comparing his tapeworm to a pregnancy and then Preacher referring to the tapeworm as a pet. Inspired ridiculous comedy.
And the next moment at Valparaiso you had me almost in tears...
Just one question: Towards the end of the Valparaiso scene, Mary is "...experiencing the notion that it did have to be this way."  Shouldn't there be a "not" in there or did I just not understand the sentence right?

EvaHanley: I loved your short story, its so well written. It fits seamlessly into the episode, matching mood and character(s).
I love how you show Heyes reflecting on his choices, show his wounded pride and anger at his humiliation and then his ability to take these negatives and turn them into a "Heyes plan" where he will use his skills to get even while staying on the right side of the law.

Gringa: Interesting unusual setting - starting out with the 15th anniversary of the amnesty. Nice to see Lom is still around and interesting that they are now friends with Brubaker.
Then the flashback to how they got their amnesty. I could almost imagine it as (part of) an episode, it is so vividly written. Yes, this could very well be the only way for them to get their amnesty. Had a good chuckle at the "witnesses"; they would definitely swear to everything Heyes and the Kid say.
I loved the line "Here's to a night we probably won't remember with friends we'll never forget". And then Heyes had to go and show off that he finally learned Spanish. What a great ending.
Although they really should have gotten around to that earlier! You managed to pack a lot into this story, with nods to a lot of episodes. Inspired.

Keays: I loved your story. At first it appears to be just a lighthearted outlaw gang fun bit. The first time I read it I did not catch on who Charlie was until the Kid yelled his last name. And when the realisation hit, it turned the whole thing bitter sweet.
I loved Charlie in the series and it was lovely to read about him and how he knew the boys. Although, didn't Briscoe say that Charlie never rode with the Devil's Hole gang? But then again, what does Briscoe know...
Reading it a second time I was amazed how I could not have recognised Charlie immediately. It is all there: fun-loving, carefree, sparkling but not too bright, not thinking about consequences, but accepting them without a grudge. I can only conclude that it is masterfully written to have this effect (ok, I could also be just plain stupid, but we don't want to go there).
The end is sad, with Kid predicting what we know will come true. It would have been a nice story even without the last part, but the sad revelation adds depth and new layers and makes it great.

Moonpie: Nice to have a story here about the boys as kids and what could well be their first encounter with a train. Your use of language wowed me: not only vivid description (almost made me feel as I were running along with them), but the parallels between the train action/noises and the running boys (chugging, pumping, puffing, chuffing,...), the screeching scream of the whistle just when Jed gets really frantic.
I was so relieved when their hands finally touched, only to get a big scare when Han could not hold on and had to jump in order to stay with Jed. And after all this intensity you manage to give your readers some comical relief and end what could have easily become a tragic tale on a light note.

Bluebelle: To put it into texting terms: OMG ROTFLMAO.
Definitely a unique take on the subject of crossing a line. Not just writing about a Mary Sue, but also blatantly giving her this name, and boy, does she cross the line. The title already made me chuckle in anticipation and it only got better and better from there. The Kid confused and out of his depth, still trying to be a gentleman, Heyes enjoyment and glee at torturing his cousin while extracting information. The idea that Kid had to pretend to be himself, while being forced to act so completely out of character is in itself priceless (and I have to admit that I had an inkling that Heyes would also enter Mary Sue's imagination), but you managed to take it to yet another level.
The Kids indignation, hurt, fury at being asked to pretend to be Heyes... I was crying tears of laughter by then. Best last line ever!
But I should sue you (or is that Mary Sue you?) for endangering my health and causing me physical pain! I am sure I strained more than one muscle from laughing so hard. This story should come with a health warning.

NancyWhiskey: You created an intense atmosphere from the get go. Interesting to see the boys transformation. From wanting to help and feeling suspicious of the Chinese man, to becoming hopeful, angry and finally accepting and trusting.
Considering the life they lead, such a sudden death must be truly frightening. At least with posses, sheriffs, etc they can use their skills to get out of dangerous situations, but now to learn that a sudden, incomprehensible death might strike anyone at any time. The best thing they can do is take the Chinese man's philosophical musing to heart.

Stepha3nie - OMG.  That was a typo.  I can't believe I missed that.  Thanks for pointing it out and thanks too for all your kind comments.