Applause and Feedback

Hunkeydorey - This was a very different take on the prompt but none the less powerful than that.  You start by making us wonder if the boys could be the father of this boy and then lead us to the gang's conjecture about how they would cope with a boy at the Devil's Hole.  Funny lines like:

“It ain’t the same for a man.  She feels the life growin’ inside her.”


“I had a tapeworm once,” Kyle ventured.  

I also enjoyed Hank's motivation for being in the gang being so soundly explained as it captured the reason they were all there, but the scene with the girl at Valaraiso was powerfully done.  I'd like to have seen more of where they were taking little Jack.  Maybe that's part of another story? (Hint, hint)

Hunkeydorey -- so glad you found time to write this month!   You do a great job at tugging on our emotional heartstrings.  I enjoyed many of the little touches:  the Kid being the only one who doesn't cock his gun, the description of Jack through everyone's attempts to decide which leader he resembles more.  I laughed out loud at Hank's example of the Kid's smart mouth.

I just want to let you all know that Silverkelpie's second entry is the opening of our new, co-written story, but she's written this first section on her own and she deserves the praise for it!

Wow, you all are prolific this month!


Javabee:  It's great to see Helen again, but it's too bad that the Kid is still preoccupied with his partner.  She'll have her work cut out for her getting his mind on business-monkey business.

Riders: I remember Mel from your previous installment.  She's a good counterpart for the boys and I'm looking forward to seeing more of her.  I love how you portrayed the Kid in this part.  He's tough, smart, and every inch the outlaw.

 HunkeyDorey:  Jack was lucky his mother sent him to two pretty good bad men.  It just goes to show that some so-called decent folk are hiding horrible souls.  Lots of good lines in this one, but my favorite has to be Jack saying he's 12 and 3/4's and Wheat asking pounds or years.

I must apologize for not commenting on anything the last month or so. Real life has been quite a hassle so far this summer, everything from snake bites, getting registered for college and grants, to sick pets. I've not been reading very much and have gotten so far behind, I'm going to start anew with this month. I know how much comments mean to a writer, so I am sincerely sorry. With that being said, on to July's offerings:

Silverkelpie - I'm glad to see the Tibby series back. I recall reading some of it before, but I don't remember the ending. I love Tibby's character. He's such a magnet for trouble, I believe he'd make one a nervous wreck to be around for a long time. I think Heyes should listen to Kid's discernment. He's usually right when spotting trouble. Looking forward to the rest!

Riders - Another character with the ability to lure in bad luck. It's a wonder the gang didn't just shoot him. Kid might've done just that had Heyes not stepped in at the right moment. The off key singing was funny! Good thing Heyes convinced him to leave. He could've very well been the reason had they ever been thrown in prison.

Javabee - I love the way you write the boys in their outlaw days. You did a good job showing Kid taking charge of the train car and that a woman could be just as much threat as a man. Too bad Kid didn't realize that earlier. Loved the way Heyes made his entrance like he was a star on the red carpet. I liked the way Wheat took charge to make Heyes think more clearly. I'm very much looking forward to reading the rest and seeing what happens when Heyes and Mrs. Parker finally go head to head.

Silverkelpie/InsideOutlaw - I know this story is going to be great be written by you two! You've left me really wanting to know what split the boys up and who is it they've been avoiding all that time. You wrote the part about the hiding of emotions really well. Some just show nothing while others put on a front. A mind left alone to wonder can be one's worst enemy. I guess you could say the mind is a solitary prison cell that can't be escaped. I can hardly wait to read the rest!

Javabee #2 - Helen seemed to be a strong-willed character and you write her as such. Kid shows his protective side here as half of his attention is always on his partner until he knows all is well. Liked this very much!

Riders #2 - I found myself intrigued with this story after only reading the first few lines. Kid has quite the formidable outlaw persona when he wants or needs to let it show.  Sawyer is a great character to have the boys interact with. I'd love to know what their initial meeting was like. You've made a very strong and believable character of Mel. Glad to see her in another story. I'm looking forward to seeing what's going on at that jail and how this all eventually works out!

HunkeyDorey - Jack has guts riding up to Devil's Hole. Liked the boys in the bunkhouse betting and debating on who was the father and what they could teach Jack. Kyle's tapeworm line was hilarious! The flashback showing who Mary was was a somber reminder of how things could be for young orphan girls. I'd be interested in that little visit Heyes mentioned (hint, hint)!

Hunkeydorey:
I really enjoyed this story, HD. You gave the boys a scare and the rest of us laugh, as we all tried to figure out which one of them had fathered a child. Between the the child's blue eyes, his dimples, and our outlaws abundance of romantic liaisons, it all seemed quite plausible. But then the story took a serious turn as we meet the mother, poor Mary. Even though she knew our heroes had become outlaws, she had enough confidence in their basic decency to still help her orphaned son after all those years. Yes, I would certainly like to be there when the boys pay Mr. Fredrickson a much deserved visit. Great job!

This is turning into a banner month for great stories.

EvaHanley -- I always enjoy the missing scenes.  I love that you did this through Heyes' internal monologue, without distractions from extraneous details.  You did a good job of expressing the anger and frustration that Heyes must have been feeling, both at the situation and at himself for being taken.  Great job.   


Gringa -- It's great to have you back, contributing.  This is an excellent story told in flashback.  The dialogue between Curry and his wife at the beginning is very believable.  You did a great job with bringing in many of the examples of the petty corruption and "sharp" business dealings that plagued the West and created fertile ground for the idea of the outlaw as the popular folk hero.  These two may have stopped outlawing six years ago, but you showed that they remain as dangerous as ever.  Please keep writing and churning such great pieces.   

Silverkelpie (1) - Tibby is a package of charm and mischief all in one.  The minute he was described as looking 'like a turtle without a shell' I could see him in my mind.  What a cliffhanger to leave us on and I hope you are finally going to finish this marvelous series     


Riders (1) - The invention of Hoke was pure genius.  He was a complete disaster area and if it could go wrong, it was certainly going to be when he was around.  How did you come up with him?  The whole thing about the axe just made me laugh out loud and Heyes certainly did Hoke a favour by punching him.  Loved the off-key singing     


Javabee (1) - Like everyone else I am an avid fan of Mrs. Parker and her run-in with the boys.  I so enjoyed watching the Kid try to charm and intimidate her.  What will happen when she no longer has the upper-hand?  Let's face it, that's what we all can't wait to find out, but in the meantime you are giving us one rollercoaster of story.      

Silverkelpie(2)/ Insideoutlaw - This really grabbed me.  You capture the atmosphere of angst and regret perfectly.  I can't wait to read a story written by you two!  So many good lines and you paint the picture of this edgy meeting between estranged partners and friends so well.  So what happened to make the Kid wonder if someone is still after them and to make Heyes explain how they deal with their demons.  "The brighter the light the darker the shadows, Kid.  You show nothing, I wear a mask; but did you ever think we could help each other?  You’re the only person I can really be myself with.”  Love it!
         

Javebee (2) - This is a very interesting way to show the relationship between Heyes and Curry and the way the read one another.  You pick a great character in Helen.  She "can carry on a conversation but knows when to stop talking."  The perfect woman!  The Kid clearly thinks so too, but he has to wait until it's safe for him to do what HE wants to do.  Great job.   


Riders (2)- I also love Mel as she is strong, brave, clever and always so well-written.  You captured (no pun intended) a tough Kid here, who could intimidate a hardened lawman.  This promises to be a marvelous story so I do hope we get more of this very soon.  You have really thrown together some diverse skills, but your previous stories show that you are well able to weave those into a wonderful story    

   
Hunkeydorey - You always pull at the heart strings a little and this one is no different.  Poor Mary had a terrible life, but she could rest secure in the knowledge that two pretty good bad men would look after her boy.  I loved all the conjecture about which of the boys could be Jack's father.  Great lines where the gang try to decide if the boy could stay at the Hole  


Eva Hanley - I do love missing scenes and this is a good one.  So much temptation and so very difficult for a career criminal to resist.  The last line just clinches it for me after you take us through all of Heyes' thought processes and grievances which are all so much in character for him.  He just loves to have the last word and would find it hard to leave things as they are.

Eva Hanley - Great missing scene which gives us a peek inside the brain of an irritated and tempted Heyes. Had they followed the right path by going straight? Well we know what would have happened if they hadn't, but you raise valid questions about what most people would have done. Yes. You fill in the gap from the series so very well and capture the machinations of the criminal mind so well. Loved it.

Gringa - Great to get a story from you again and this is a great one. Did they cross the line or what!? Yes, this is the type of thing politicians have been doing for so long and if they didn't come through with the amnesty for the boys something was bound to give! Loved the little nod towards the fact that Heyes still keeps using that mind for planning once life settles down. Great story and welcome back.

Making sure that I keep up with the commenting:

Eva Hanley - Short but very sweet; this missing scene give us a look at the mind of the ex-outlaw leader at a time of great frustration and anger. Heyes doesn't like to be bested, so he has to find a way to level things up and we all know what happens next. Great last line. You fitted in so much by saying so little and I really admire that.

Gringa - Well, what an original take on the prompt! That is one way of making sure they can get on with their lives and they had something on the governor if he retracted the amnesty. They were finally able to get on with their lives and the conversation with his wife at the beginning shows that they finally have normality and security; it was so ordinary, but good because of that. I suppose the lesson is that you shouldn't push Heyes and Curry too far because they'll finally push back.

Eva Hanley:
You have clearly expressed Heyes conflicted emotions as he wraps his head around what it means to live a law abiding life. From the heartbreak of walking away from all the loot in the safe, to the shock of being "taken" in a poker game, Heyes is finding the quest for amnesty quite an adjustment. You gave us a peak into his internal dialogue, as he works his way to the conclusion that he can still come up with a Hannibal Heyes plan and still stay on the right side of the law. Very nice, Eva.  

Gringa:
I liked this very much, Gringa. It's so satisfying to see the governor get what's coming to him, and who better to do it than our favorite ex-outlaws. It seems very realistic to me that the boys would pull off something like this after so many frustrating years of jumping the governor's hoops. It's very nice to see the Kid enjoying domestic bliss with lucky Annabelle, but even nicer to see that there's still a plan or two left in Heyes after all these years. Great story! 

Keays:
I love the visual of the DHG celebrating, complete with a snarking Wheat who, despite his ongoing complaints, never seems to want to leave the gang. I always wondered how our ex-outlaws knew Charlie, and this scenario is very plausible. You got Charlie's likable, but trouble making personality down to a "T". He needed Heyes discipline to keep him from going too far, but was too much of a free spirit to recognize it.

The Kid sure did call it: "One of these times you're gonna step so far over that line it's gonna wind up costin' ya' your life.” This is a well written, fun story, and since we all know what happens to poor Charlie, there is a smack of the bittersweet. Great job of combining lightheartedness with the underlying truth of what happens to Charlie when he crosses the line.  

Keays - It wasn't until the end of the story that I realised that Charlie was 'that' Charlie, but you certainly captured the spirit of the man who would have a whole episode named after him. It seemed so light and breezy until you know what happened to him. The gang are caught just right, especially Wheat, who gripes until challenged to do something about his dissatisfaction, before he backs down. A great take on the prompt.

Eva Hanley:  I could just picture Heyes stewing in the dead of night over his humiliation by Big Mac and fretting over the wisdom of leaving the money and jewels in the safe.  It's too bad the series didn't do more to portray the boys' early moral struggles with going straight.  It couldn't have been so easy to give up something you were so successful at; especially with temptation staring you in the face.

Gringa: Welcome back!!!!  So that's how they got their amnesties.  They were always too smart to let the governor string them along forever and didn't he realize that he was handing them the keys to their freedom by having them do so many questionable jobs?  I loved how they turned the tables and it was great how you wove real history into the tale.    

Keays:  Charlie was definitely a disaster waiting to happen.  Too bad his fun-loving ways caught up to him.  I liked how Wheat had to back down in order to stay with his gravy train, too.

Keays - Charlie was a loveable rogue and you caught that just right. I do love that you plucked out a relatively minor character and gave him a back story but I really didn't get who he was until the end of the story. I bet you planned that didn't you, you sly old thing! Yes, Charlie really crossed the line and Heyes had him pegged just right, it was just lucky that they parted before there were any bad feelings. Very original and lots of fun   

Keays - Very original and I do love that you explored a character from the series of whom we saw only a little. You gave us a Charlie full of mischief and spontaneity. You also gave us a great insight into how the gang works, from Wheat grumbling but knowing that he's well-off, to Heyes knowing it was time to say goodbye to a man who was popular, but a liability. Great take on the prompt.

Keays -- I was wondering why this focus on Charley and where the story was going until the end.  Very nice twist there and a great back story for how they knew him.  It explains their interaction with him in the episode very well.  Great job.

Moonpie:
You portrayed the anguish little Jed was feeling in such a realistic way, that I just wanted to run and grab him and his apples, and throw him into the train myself! You pictured him as such a little boy, trying so hard to keep up and do what needed to be done, it was heartbreaking. His worst fear was the idea of being left alone, but by the end of your story at least that part of it was put to rest. He had learned that if his cousin had anything to do with it, he would never be left behind. This was very touching, glad you shared this short gem with us, Moonpie!

Silverkelpie (1) - I am loving this Tibby series of yours.  I was thinking of this one when I suggested the topic for chat about what fan fiction you'd have loved to have seen as a real programme.  He'd have been a great recurring character     


Riders (1) - Another great invention in Hoke and I really could see the axe flying from his hand!  Great writing.  Heyes really knew how to look after his men.  This is one time a punch in the mouth was a kindness   


Javabee (1) - So many great series.  Maybe we should have a vote for the best series?  I think this would be in for a great chnace at winning.  I can't wait to see Heyes take on Mrs. Parker so I'm looking forward to the next part.    

Silverkelpie(2)/ Insideoutlaw - I love the idea of you two writing together.  What a fantastic opener and if leaves me wanting so much more.  The mood was so beautifully captured and really showed us the difference between the two men.  So what forced them apart and who are they hiding from?   


Javebee (2) - I love Helen, and this is a very interesting way for us to see how the boys work together and communicate without words.  Poor girl coming second to Heyes, but at least she got his attention in the end.


Riders (2)- I do love a tough Kid, and you've certainly captured him as an outlaw to be reckoned with really well in this one.  I can't wait to read more of this as Mel is another favorite too.  She really knows how to hold her own

  
Hunkeydorey - This felt like two different stories.  The first part was light and funny when the outlaw were trying to find out who the father was and were talking about what they'd do for the boy.  The second was very poignant.  I've never read a version of them taking someone else with them from Valparaiso before.  A very interesting take and a wonderful commentary on how poor girls were treated in the 19th century.    


Eva Hanley - You write the frustration of the bested ex-outlaw leader very well.  There's still enough of the criminal in him to dwell on the loot he didn't take.  Of course he has to come up with a plan to move things on at the end, which is so like him.  Great missing scene.  


Gringa - I think this is the best version of how they got their amnesty I've read and it was very clever how you wove this through actual history.  Of course they wouldn't sit back and take that for six years.  Loved the last line 

 
Keays - It didn't click who Charlie actually was until the end and I was just enjoying the story for it's own sake until I realise how cleverly you'd picked up a character from the series and given him a great backstory.  Yes, he was too reckless to stay in the gang, but you explain the realtionship they showed in the series really well with this missing scene