Applause and Feedback

Getting a start on April's comments:


Silverkelpie:
This one has lots of entertaining banter and some surprising twists and turns. It was good of the Kid to play along with romancing Dorothy, but I hate that he still ended up hurting her feelings. Glad you allowed Dorothy to have the last laugh! 

Remuda:
I have read this one before, and enjoyed reading it just as much this time around. The way you ended it is priceless, leaving the reader to imagine what may have transpired afterwards. Loved it!

Silverkelpie - I remember this story.  I like how you show that the "boys" are not really interested in what is best for Dorothy, but are interested in Kyle's pride.  Love the way it worked out for Kyle's sister.  The entire story reminds me of this truism:  Life is what happens while you are making other plans.  Heyes' plan didn't work out the way he envisioned, but what happened was far better for Dorothy. Very fun to read.

Remuda - I remember this story. I loved it when I first read it and enjoyed it just as much this time.  I like the smart and thorough sheriff. His way of checking out his suspicions regarding Kid was great.  Well written and tightly plotted.  Loved the ending.

Silverkelpie 2 - I remember this one as well. Wonderful story.  A thought provoking plot.  You did a wonderful job of showing us the awakening of the Kid's self doubts and concerns for what hurt he may have left in his wake during his outlaw days.  The pain of having a child afraid of him was touching.  I really like this story

Skykomish:
Sky, there is so much that's right about this story. The man's voice is consistent and colorful, adding character and authenticity to the tale. The backstory of child abuse provides a credible explanation for how the raiders could have become so callous and murderous.

I love the contrast you showed between the evil preacher who mistreated his children in the name of God, and the loving faith of Kid's mother. The scriptures she quoted were wonderful. She somehow put aside the tragedy of her own imminent death and looked ahead into her child's future, knowing what he would need to keep from being destroyed by bitterness and hate. 

It explains how our blue eyed gunman could become the fastest gun in the west and still somehow have the reputation of never killing anyone. He could face down one of the men that killed his family, and walk away without taking revenge. She taught him the divine power of impossible forgiveness, which allowed him, against all odds, to become a decent man.

Kid and Heyes didn't escape their horrific past unscathed, as they still became outlaws. But throughout it all they still show respect for life, loyalty, 
and a not-so-common decency that set them apart. Isn't this one of the reasons we love them? They are very good bad men, after all.

Loved the ending, with the Kid showing mercy to the man telling the story. Rightly so, since mercy and healing are the natural result of forgiveness. Your last line is lovely. "Forgiveness ain’t findin' a soft warm feelin’ 'bout some fella that done ya wrong. Forgiveness and mercy, they’s a decision to let the bad stuff go. And for some reason, I ain’t never gonna understand, forgiveness heals."

In case you haven't figured it out yet, I was touched by your poignant tale, so beautifully written. 
Like peeling an onion, it has so many layers. Thanks for sharing this with us.

Still on March here - no time to comment this month but I did read everyone. Well done everybody!

Dear Javabee,

I am touched by your comments.  Thank you for taking the time to write in such detail.  "Dead Man's Bluff" is my favorite of my own stories, and I truly appreciate your feedback.

Keays - This was a fun snippet.  I enjoyed the exchange between Big Mac and Heyes.  You captured the voice of Big Mac beautifully.  I can't help but wonder just what Mac is up to asking Heyes to keep his identity a secret.  I can certainly see the banking partner laughing uproariously when he found out who had asked for a loan from their bank.  I keep asking myself just what the bluff is.  Is it Big Mac asking Heyes to keep quiet about who he is?  Or is it something about the job offer and Heyes' refusal to work full time for Big Mac?  Hmm.  I wonder.


HannHeyes - Very fun story.  I really enjoyed the comedy in this piece.  The dialog between Wheat and Kyle was great.  I loved when both Heyes and the Kid yelled for Wheat to "shut up" simultaneously.  The ending was priceless and laugh-out-loud funny.  I can just see Kyle at the end, so proud of his accomplishment.  I guess you could say that your story ended with a bang.

Well I missed February and March, but I promise to try to do April.  Here's a start:

Silverkelpie:  I liked this the first time I read it and liked it again this second go round.  Dotty's a great character.  Many good lines -- the obvious zingers, then others that create such a picture:  "It bore more than a passing resemblance to the Devil's Hole, given that most of the gang were draped over the various furniture none too decoratively."

Remuda:  Another great second read.  You keep the tension as the Kid tries to navigate the pitfalls of a too smart sheriff nicely.  The last two lines are fantastic.

Silverkelpie 2 - I loved this! You wrote a perfectly disgusting character in Burnley. I wouldn't have wanted him sitting beside me either. I personally would've enjoyed getting to throw this man off a train. The ending was perfect. I'm not saying anymore because I don't want to give it away, but I loved it, no doubt about it.

this is in regards to Skykomish's story Dead Mans Bluff
I read this awhile back, it was good to read again.  It is both a hard story and a touching story to read, 
forgiveness is hard but it does help.

continuing with comments:

Skykomish:  I remember this one.  It has a way of sticking with you.  I find it an interesting take on how both Heyes and Curry would have reacted, as well as the narrator.  Style-wise, the first person narrative makes the story all the more compelling.  You also managed to display the narrator's dialect (disclosing much of his character in doing so) without making it annoying to the reader as dialogue with overdone dialect frequently is.  Very skillful.

Silverkelpie 2:  Yes, a very interesting question - was he bluffing.  This story fits the prompt very well.  I like that it follows the twisted threads that make us who we are without answering the lingering questions for any of us.  How far reaching our actions can be without us ever realizing it.

Remuda - Great tension building and you show that the Kid is no slouch when it comes to thinking.  All those exchanges are not only a lesson in dialogue, but a game of bluff by themselves.  Love how the very smart Sheriff caught him out though.  Very 'Great Escape.'

Skykomish - Love the writing style as a narrator telling us the story.  How can you not love a story with phrases like, "forgiveness and mercy in a world gone dark as coal tar and twice as bitter"?  Beautifully written and shows great skill in not just drawing in the reader, but making us care too.

Keays - You capture the many facets of Hannibal Heyes in the description of him walking across the yard, and the exchange with McCreedy shows that he hasn't changed either.  He's still all about himself and his own interests.  If I was Heyes I'd be worried about the subterfuge; that never ends well when Big Mac is concerned.

Hannaheyes - What a hoot!  Love the exchange over the fishing and the' salyamanders', snakes, and the general irritation.  It was a set-piece in comedy writing and laugh-out-loud funny.  A complete romp from start to glorious finish.

InsideOutlaw - Absolutely loved this Hannibal Heyes plan. I have always wondered what the first meeting with that particular sheriff was like. No wonder he has so bad a grudge against Heyes. I enjoyed this!

Riders - I want to know what happens next...maybe! I could feel the desperation throughout this piece. You wrote it so well. It could easily be a part of a longer story.Glad you posted.

Silverkelpie 3 - This story is great fun.  Burnley is a disgusting character and deserved what he got.  Love the line about women's unmentionables and Heyes' response.  I also liked the line about Heyes' eyes "holding his gaze hostage."  Nice writing and a clever plot.

InsideOutlaw - Great Hannibal Heyes plan.  No wonder Clitterhouse was so bitter.  I liked how they were planning how to surrender when Heyes comes up with the plan.  Good story.

Riders - Okay.  Good start.  But what happens? Do they make it?  You wrote a literal cliff hanger.  Actually this is quite good just as it is, but I can't help myself from wanting more. Your writing conveys the tension and action very well.  Given my love of rushing, churning water, I want to know what happens in the river.   Love this dialog:  “Yeah, and Ma also said you were too stubborn for your own good and too crafty for mine.”  Ain't that the truth.

gin16Silverkelpies' "Bluff:. I loved it.  Kid is always ready to help a lady, what a guy!




Moved from the story thread.

InsideOutlaw - What a clever plan!  Worthy any of self-proclaimed genius.  You certainly raked up the tension and had me wondering how you'd get them out of this one.  No wonder Clitterhouse hated them so much.  Loved it.

Riders - Another posse and a very tense cliffhanger.  Love the line, “Yeah, and Ma also said you were too stubborn for your own good and too crafty for mine.” I do hope that you're going to be beaten by the bunny until you post the rest of this one.  I want to know how they get out of this.

Gin's somment has been moved to here:

gin16moulinPs' Bluff 2.  That was a surprise.  A really good story, enjoyed it a lot.

MoulinP 1 - What a diversion Heyes came up with! It worked to perfection. That's alot of jobs they've pulled. No wonder they were the most successful outlaws in the west. And they found that thankfully, the descriptions on the wanted posters are indeed kind of vague and can fit alot of people.

MoulinP 2 - Loved the plan Heyes used to help out his ole friend. Heyes would make an excellent lawyer. I wasn't expecting the ending. I'm not saying much because I don't want to ruin it for anyone, but I enjoyed it.

Keays -- It's always impressive to see how there is a segment to your saga to fit the prompt - and you provided your fans with a tantalizing glimpse of your most recent writing here.

HannaHeyes - I love that according to Wheat worms taste like chicken.  LOL.  A fun interlude all around with the gang at their irritating best.

Silverkelpie 3:  I like the phrase "bottomless pit of irritation."  Quick thinking by the Kid (and you) to get rid of the loathesome Burnley.

And catching up:

InsideOutlaw:  As I read about the beans and the campfire, all I could think of was Mungo and Blazing Saddles.  So that's how they met that sheriff before and why he doesn't like Heyes.

MoulinP 1:  Liked the discussion about Spartacus "Ain't that the Greek kid who rides with the Thursdale Gang?"  Anyway a good fit to the prompt.

MoulinP 2:  I've always wanted to read some fanfic about how the boys saved Soapy from prison in Nevada -- this was an interesting take on it, especially with the side story at the end.

Nancy Whiskey - I loved this little slice of life you showed here. I can imagine Heyes is an unbeatable master at that game. My only problem with the story is that I wished there were more of it 

MoulinP1 - Great bluff, and a wonderful diversion for a robbery.  Loved that Heyes even got Wheat to shave off his moustache.  Perfect for the prompt

MoulinP2 - A great missing scene, with the reason for Soapy being so grateful being explained at last.  Didn't expect that last bit.  Great twist at the end.

Nancy Whisky - A lovely little vignette and perfect for the prompt.  It certainly didn't turn out the way it looked at the beginning!

cjp242 - Good to see you post here! Nice retrospection on the events that happened at Matherville. Liked hearing a version of the story told by an eye witness. I enjoyed the way you wrote Heyes' inner thoughts while listening. Hope to see you post more!

CJP242 - Firstly, thanks for jumping right in and playing straight away. A great take on the Bilson story from the view of a witness, and I loved the comparison between his smile and a shark.  The first person narrative worked really well and the definition of hubris was just perfect.  You capture the duality and the tension of the 'Smiler' episode perfectly; it could have gone either way but for the Kid's deeper understanding of people.  Love the last line and I so look forward to reading more from you.

Moulin P - This was a fun Hannibal Heyes plan.  I enjoyed Wheat's grumbling.  I was sure something was up early on, but it took me a while to realize what was going on.  Fun plot. 

Moulin P 2 - That was an interesting take on the situation.  I didn't see it coming.  I have always wanted someone to write a story about how they saved Soapy from prison, but the added plot twist was a treat.  Kudos for originality and a very interesting plot.

Nancy Whiskey - Lovely slice-of-life piece.  I got a chuckle over this line:   "that's the rules and Daddy says we must obey the rules."  When did Hannibal Heyes become a stickler for the rules?  I always thought he learned them just so he could break them.  Fun piece.

cjp242 - Welcome to the story challenge.  I am certainly glad that you joined in the fun.  I really enjoyed this outside recounting of the events in Matherville. Heyes' thoughts on the subject were well done.  I always wondered if Heyes set up the shooting on purpose.  You revealed a different way of looking at the situation which I found believable and thought provoking.  Well done.  I am looking forward to reading more from you.

April comments

Silverkelpie 1 - cruel of Heyes to use the Kid's love of the ladies to romance Kyle in a frock! HH plan circumvented by Dotty and eclectic array of vagabonds - great read.

Remuda - Great ending with the line from The Great Escape

Skykomish - story of terrible events seen through the eyes of a perpetrator. Well told. Glad H&C could turn the other cheek.

Silverkelpie 2 - Several seemingly disparate threads - eh? pulled together brilliantly into a cohesive whole

Keays - snippet from her excellent series. SOOO good.

HannaHeyes - brilliant glimpse of DHG life off the clock. Makes you wonder if they ever ate with the lack of fishing and cooking expertise. Very funny

Silverkelpie 3

Loved the way the Kid got revenge on the awful Burnley

Inside Outlaw - So that's how they met Clitterhouse. Great bluff that worked but then C isn't too bright is he?

Riders57 - Very Butch and Sundance. Yes I can see that they would prefer a slim chance over no chance.

Nancy Whiskey - a little glimpse of Heyes later in life, settled and carefree. Thank goodness!

CJP242 - first challenge? Wow! it was a good 'un