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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Oct 07, 2017 7:56 am

Still back in September...


Riders: Glad to see your bunny hop! In Brume you have created a classic fat-cat villain, greedy and vile, someone we love to hate. I think he may have met his match in our two cowboys, who seem determined to save the damsels in distress. Your piece is colorful, descriptive, and leaves us wanting more.

Nell: Kid is in tune with the mood and needs of the gang, and once convinced, Heyes had a great idea on what to do. The gifts were so creative and thoughtful, I loved reading about each one. Everyone loves a birthday party, and it was fun to see our gang of outlaws acting with such childlike enthusiasm.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 27, 2017 1:06 pm

More Curry (who could object to that...)

MoulinP:  I love the start of this story, with the two of them enjoying the quiet, after all the action.  Both of them have grown so into their new lives, but the comfort between them is still there, even with Heyes' revelation.  And after all the conflict in the story, they are still there in the room together.  Nice.

Nell McKeon:  After the discussion on the chat about how difficult it might be to write about some of the other variations of curry, you give us this delightful story, so different, so researched, with the boys still being the boys.  Of course my favorite line is "Josleen is currying favor by cooking a curry for Kid Curry."   And the Kid would be up for trying butter chicken curry, no matter how strange it smelled.

Hanna Heyes:  Even in these two short vignettes, you have the boys, as I'm certain we all see them at that age, adorable, but utterly mischievous.  Heyes hiding the curry comb and lying, the start of his silver tongue, and the boys both avoiding chores and work.  One can almost see why they ended up as outlaws, regardless of their family history.  And the Kid getting the best line at the end.  Very Happy
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Nell McKeon



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Oct 28, 2017 9:34 pm

Moulin P - You have a unique vision for the lives of Heyes and Curry both their backstory and future and present it well. I liked how you started the story with a quiet conversation between long time close friends/cousins after all the drama of the "Settling Wheat" sage (which will be continued, correct?) before moving through a vague unease to the unexpected reveal. The potential for a significant rift was there and Heyes knew it but Kid is not the type to hold grudges and deals with practical realities.


HannaHeyes - What little scamps Han and Jed were in their youth. Thanks for the lighthearted vinettes. The tag line was genius. 
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 30, 2017 4:14 pm

MoulinP - There is a great sense of companionship at the beginning of this story. It's clearly what holds them together through all their troubles and the trials of the tale. There was a real potential for a rift there but you brought it all back together very nicely. Great job.

Nell McKeon - Ah, Curry eating curry? It had to be done and I'm glad you gave us your take on it. Loving the line, "there were indeed train robbers in this part of the country, even if Manjot Bhatt did not know how close some train robbers, or rather ex-train robbers actually were." A curry comb? Currying favour? You're getting them all in there. I love the idea of them disguising themselves to avoid the marshal. It  Great notes here. I am very familiar with India and it's people and you captured them well. I was quite hungry by the end there.

HannaHeyes - A Heyes' comb because it belongs to the family? Of coure it would be. Learnin' to cuss? Someone should warn them they won't be able to do that on the show. Lol! Love the last line.

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Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Curry   Tue Oct 31, 2017 10:53 pm

Cal:  This piece was just such a lovely interchange between the boys, that it made me smile.  My favorite line was:  “Heyes far too satisfied with is own genius.”  Perfect Heyes.  
And the best exchange:  “You’ll just have to have a little more faith in me, Kid.”  Kid looked up, blue eyes still and unblinking.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Nov 01, 2017 6:16 am

SK - More from Abi....fab. “Mr. McThing here." Lol....Heyes loves winding up McCully. I have a female readership that’ll pay dearly for it.....I'm crying....The repeated teasing about not knowing the name is fab SK...pure torture for a big ego. Florist! Hairdresser! brilliant."Not the Jonathan Black."...I'm realy lol...this is great...I'd have loved to see Pete and Ben nail this scene. Loving the sting set up..and the line about the town drunk...priceless. Too big for you, sonny. Oh SK this is so good...can't wait for more.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Nov 01, 2017 12:50 pm

Cal - I'm glad you continued this. I'm loving the line, "We never… hardly ever… killed anyone…" I see some foreshadowing here with Heyes being far too pleased with himself. Haha! Of course they don't expect him to be Kid Curry. Nobody expects Kid Curry, except Heyes. Yes, Heyes could be selfish at times and you nailed the Kid as the Leonardo Da Vinci of worrying too. I'm really looking forward to more of this. 

Remuda - First off. I love the title. Ah, fall and Halloween? Very seasonal. I never thought of those things causing sparks to land in the fire. This was short but very sweet. It was very clever writing to capture such poignant thoughts and memories in so few words. Very well done.

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Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Nov 02, 2017 7:36 am

MoulinP - What a treat...it felt like a real honour to be a fly on the wall for that reveal.... I felt quite emotional...a real testament to the quality of your writing...Well done.  And what can I say about all the loose ends you tied up for me....excellent imaginative storytelling of the highest calibre.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Nov 02, 2017 8:03 pm

I haven't finished my Curry yet...... but couldn't resist another Abi instalment.

SK - I could see all the action playing out... I certainly didn't see the mistaken identity coming.  BTW...clever thinking... a marked shoe to trail Abi's horse...I like that and will probably pinch it! I was just thinking what a good ending...when.... with Haloween esque gore you leave us with a cliff hanger... I'm really quite chuffed this means more of this thread... keep up the good work...I need to know what's happened.

I'm going back to the Curry now ...promise
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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Nov 04, 2017 2:06 am

Been a while since I reviewed ASJ stories and looking forward to getting back in the saddle.  Hope I'm not too rusty.

Silverkelpie
Ah, Abi's back!  Looks like she's been back a while, though (didn't realize I was that far behind in my reading!).  Anyway, loving the interplay the boys have going on against McCully, especially McCully's being brought down a notch by Kid.  Wonderful interplay between the two in the latter scene, especially with a menacing Kid Curry.  Entertaining, biting, and smartly written as always.  I'm looking forward to catching up with the rest of the story.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Nov 06, 2017 12:53 pm

Silverkelpie:  Thanks for another great chapter.  I enjoyed how the boys thought they had everything under control, until the twist, and then again until the ending.  Of course, I’m eagerly waiting to see what happens next!
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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Nov 07, 2017 1:39 am

Continuing with October challenges

Moulin
This is a quiet piece.  I've yet to read much of the wider story, but with the backstory explained, this excerpt stands nicely on its own.  The letter's contents were as much of a surprise to the reader as to Curry, but it fits nicely.

Nell
This sounds like quite the adventure on which the boys find themselves.  Love how you got just about all the different points of the prompt in -- Kid Curry, chicken curry, curry comb, currying favor, etc.  Looking forward to how the boys manage to stay clear of the marshal on the train (at least I hope they do!).  The notes are interesting; thanks for including them.

Hannah Heyes
This is cute, and I think illustrative of the way boys might act at a young age, wanting to act older and getting their butts whooped in the bargain.  That last line is an absolute stunner.  It left me laughing out loud.  (Also, are leaves really are raked on farms?)

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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Nov 07, 2017 2:44 am

Finishing October

Cal
Who doesn't love a seething Kid?  The wording really painted the picture.  One should not get on the wrong side of Kid Curry , although Heyes' placations were fun.  Also learned a new meaning of the word "dodger."  Didn't know it meant hand bills or posters (smaller ones, perhaps).

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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Nov 09, 2017 12:23 am

Apologies to NB.  Not sure how, but just realized I missed your October story.  That said, though, I'm not the only who missed one or some.  Perhaps we can all take to heart MAP's suggestion she makes every month that we make sure we review all the stories in a month before moving on to the next.

Nebraska Wildfire

This is a poignant and heartbreaking piece.  We can imagine romance for the guys, but there's little real chance of anything lasting until they can retire from having to watch their backs.  However, if that time were to come, this is how it could realistically happen.  Bessie has her ideas about him, but she brushes them aside until the bittersweet end, when the truth stares them both in the face.

This is nicely written with lovely descriptive details.  Because of RL, I'm way behind in much of my reading, but this chapter has me really looking forward to reading the rest of this story.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Nov 10, 2017 12:47 am

Remuda:  Thanks for the comments.  I found this story arc of mine tending towards the bittersweet.  I have the next few sections that I’ll put up for November, but I’ve not brought myself to finish it.  I want it to end one way, but the story is leading me another.  Sigh.
And I”m sorry I didn’t comment on your piece for October.  I read it but didn’t get back to comment.  I really liked the switch of the roles we often see for the boys, with Heyes out hunting, and the Kid being domestic, and thoughtful.  It points out how interdependent they are.  I think they realize it much more than some of us do.
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Cal

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PostSubject: More Curry   Sun Nov 12, 2017 10:27 am

Trying hard to catch up here .....

Nell  - This sounds like there's been previous action and gun play.... I want to read that... I think that Heyes has met someone nearly as wiley as himself....and Kid's been talking to the daughter? Of course he has lol. Loving the type face for the Indian language....cool. Mr. Jones is most excellent with his gun. ...hehe.. love that. Loving the banter in the barn....never thought of the Indian/ Native American dilemma ...guess that was a real danger for them. And it got me thinking...how lucky is Kid Curry to have a bookish partner that shares such stories as King Arthur with him.... he doesn't even have to read the books! So Heyes gets a free lesson in horse trading... after Brimstone, that's just as well. WOW...he did learn.....not trying to buy back their own horses this time! Loving the thought of a Punjabi Kid. Looking forward to more from the train. excellent ref section.


Hannah Heyes - Oh that bought a big smile to my face Hannah... You shouldn't sell yourself short .. that was one hell of a good challenge you can bet your sweet ass it was lolx! Sometimes I wish we got to see a little of the boys back story on screen...Huck Finn eat your heart out.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Curry   Sun Nov 12, 2017 10:37 am

Remuda - Read like poetry...with some lovely imagery...particularly liked...shaking cobwebs from his brain... I liked the appraisal of their options, and the decision, not to decide...seemed very them somehow. Some enjoyable quiet reflections on the part of the Kid... we also light the candles.... He's right ...it is a very reassuring thing to do... I think he should share that reminiscence with Heyes. Very fitting for the season.
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Nell McKeon



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Nov 13, 2017 10:03 pm

Catching up on October....

Cal - LOL. I just love a seething Curry and Heyes paying him no mind, getting carried away in prevarications and in thrall he holds the listeners. I can't even begin to pick my favorite parts - the fantastic lines just keep coming. The Leonardo de Vinci of worrying was priceless.


Remuda - This was a nice reflective piece, and you do those well. It is sometimes good to see a little role reversal and in this story it felt natural. You set the atmosphere for the remembrance well. I do hope Curry does tell Heyes about it sometime. Thanks for contributing. It was nice to read more from you.


November  ...


Silverkelpie - Another great chapter. I love to read about the partners at their outlaw best. The conversation towards the end regarding Abi and Heyes' attraction and observations about her was stark foreshadow of the twist at the end.
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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Nov 14, 2017 12:00 am

Remuda - They're raked (or blown) on some farms around here. It helps to keep wildfires from getting to close to the house and/or barn.

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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Nov 20, 2017 3:18 am

Silverkelpie:  Great chapter.  I like the Kid being Jonathon Black, playing mind games with McCully.  Kid seemed quite taken with Violet, too bad he didn't see more than her pretty face and I did not see the twist with her being McCully's sister and a murderess.  What/who happened to Abi?  They never seem to catch a break, Heyes care much more than he is willing to admit at this point in time.

Nebraska Wildfire:  Another great chapter.  I feel for Bessie, but she knows who Jed is so she should know that he would need to find Heyes.  You can feel the conflict that Heyes is feeling, guilty for getting Jed killed, being an outlaw and a gunslinger, none of which is true.  But, then he feels that maybe he is still here to suffer but also be of help to Ellie.  So very glad that they reunited in this chapter, I can see the smiles.  They both have a lot to deal with, I hope that they can do it together somehow.  Jed did not leave Bessie to deal with the baby, he didn't know.  He said that he would be back, I believe him.

MoulinP: I do like your story so much.  He was Hannibal Heyes for much longer than he has been Joshua, it would be hard to put Heyes aside.  I would think that his fear of losing Mary prompted Heyes to make an appearance.  I am glad that it ended on an up note.


Last edited by gin16 on Sat Dec 02, 2017 10:40 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Nov 30, 2017 4:33 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - A great job on tweaking the transitions between the different emotional tensions here. You capture the character of the men so perfectly, and the push/pull between the old friendships versus new love is perfectly portrayed so well here.  A masterful job  and I love the way you left an angry Bessie determined to cut Jed out of her life. It leaves their reunion open for us to read and you foreshadow a rough ride for him. 

MoulinP - The two faces of Hannibal Heyes here and you caught his determination to put that man behind him really well, but how can he? He's part of him. His wild side was enough to give criminals pause, so no wonder he was determined to keep it out of the domestic sphere. You took it to the edge, with his anger building, so fabulous spiralling of the tension. You cleverly pull it all back at the end with that lovely gift. Thanks for a great snapshot of both sides of the man.

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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 01, 2017 11:22 am

November stories --

Silverkelpie: Thank goodness I have read your stories, because I am not terribly upset at the end of this. I know Abi survives. But oh boy, what a cliffhangar! My favorite part in this story is the conversation between Heyes and Curry as they're sitting on the hill, passing time. Curry is still a bit of a sucker for a pretty face, isn't he? Violet is a very dangerous woman who knows how to use men. 

Nebraska Wildfire: Well, you sure got me involved in this story! I really want to know how this is going to end up. Reunion is the theme of this story, both for our boys and maybe for the women involved with them. I want to know what happens next!

Moulin P: I'm a big fan of your AS&J universe, and of these characters. We all have a dark side, don't we? In Heyes' case, that dark side is probably what kept him alive for many years. It's a big part of him, which he can't really deny. He can only try to put it on the shelf, along with the hat. Very interesting character portrait in this story.
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 01, 2017 5:46 pm

MoulinP:  Such a very interesting interpretation of the prompt, with Heyes as almost separate from Joshua.  It was a pulling us in as a common domestic dispute, and then turned dark, but knowing what we do, we shouldn’t be surprised.  Any woman living with Heyes probably has to deal with this.  Scary, enlightening, and tender.  Lovely atmosphere as always.
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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 01, 2017 8:08 pm

Silverkelpie - I've probably said it before, but I'm so happy you're reposting these stories. I didn't get to read them the first time around. Love the way you write the boys in their outlaw days. Violet caught, not just them, but me by surprise. And she's McCully's sister?! I'm trying to be patient waiting for the next part  cowboy 12

Nebraska Wildfire - This story has been an emotional roller coaster ride for all involved, even the reader. So many questions yet to be answered. I'm really looking forward to finding out the answers. Thanks for posting such a wonderful and thought-provoking story.

MoulinP - I don't think Joshua will ever exist completely without Hannibal. That's just who Heyes is, for better or for worse. He didn't lead an outlaw gang by being nice and friendly all the time. I'm glad it ended on something positive. It's hard to keep the dark side of one's self hidden all the time, especially when there are so many things that can trigger it.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 04, 2017 12:28 am

Silverkelpie:  You give us a nice early present for the holidays, another thrilling chapter.  With the tension and the emotion throughout this one, it kept me on the edge of my seat reading.  The last line is definitely my favorite.
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