Applause and Feedback

Silverkelpie 2: What an idea. Where do you get them from? Turning the DHG latrine into a huge match – what a blast.
And even before the explosion you bombard us with wonderful lines and images. Wheat turning himself into the classic image of a Western villain had me almost sick with laughter. And our boys were making the most of it, but only verbally. It was sweet to see that they tried to save Wheat’s image and reputation by making him change back to his normal self before anyone else could see him.
As I said, too many laugh-out-lout lines to list them all, but one stuck with me. I even wished it had been used in the show. It’s Heyes’ reaction to Kid’s moustache. “It looked like your eyebrows had come down for a drink”.
Other idea and images were also a hoot, like Kyle turning into Mister Uber-sanitary, or the DHG using (and discarding) beauty products. I guess the humour comes from the extreme contrasts.

I really loved the story, but I have a little criticism: I can understand why you chose Wheat as the unlucky protagonist. It had to be someone with a big ego, who is still desperate to impress others. But thinking of the Wheat we saw in the series, I simply couldn’t see him as the person in your story, for me, your Wheat just didn’t act or sound like the Wheat I imagine. “My” Wheat would have been savvy enough to see through the barber’s trick to sell product. Then again, we all have our different phantasies about the boys and other characters. And your writing is simply wonderful!

HannahHeyes: Thank you for posting this. Bunnies come in all kinds and forms. Extra kudos for sticking with the original form. It makes it difficult to bring in other characters or take the story in a different direction. And it forces you to stick enough with the original, so that it remains recognisable.
Unfortunately,I didn’t know the song. So I googled a little bit.
I’m impressed how you managed to make it fit the ASJ universe. Very creative and funny. And you also cleverly squeezed in a proper Hannibal Heyes plan. What’s not to like?

MoulinP: I enjoyed your story, especially the snarking between Heyes and the Kid. I thought it was spot on. Kid complaining that soon they’ll see Noah come sailing by because the weather is so bad, and Heyes, ever the optimist, pointing out they might be able to hitch a ride. Beautiful.
Somehow, the complaining about the weather seemed a little British to me. Does it rain that often on the eastern side of the Rockies? Never mind. The bad season was necessary so that a Heyes unlucky in love (huh?) could get really creative and impress the Kid with his waterproof matches.
I loved your description of Heyes’ ‘pottering’ and the tongue-in-cheek descriptions, like when Kid “…realized what they were but not why they were.” Nice detail, that our self-proclaimed genius has to use the “Boys’ Book of Science”. It reminded me a little of the series “Red Dwarf”, where the computer seems to use the same book, if I’m not wrong. (I love that episode and Holly!).
If only Heyes could have patented his matches – they could have simply bought their amnesty. Then again, we wouldn’t have the series…

I like the ending, and how it ties back to the beginning. And what Heyes fan wouldn’t love this line: “The small fire burning strongly beside him matched the brilliance of his grin.”? Well, this one does!

Keays: Interesting take on the prompt. It really looks like the boys have met their match. You have created an interesting character. And I want to read more! How does this develop? How and what have the boys heard about this bounty hunter?
This story is very clever at making the reader assume things, at taking sudden, unexpected turns.
The initial description of the blond man could have been of the Kid, but I had a feeling that it would turn out to be someone else. What I wasn’t prepared for, was the shock that this mirror image of Kid turned out to be a bounty hunter – and a really good and professional one, at that.
You then again cleverly lay a false trail for your readers. When our boys get followed and ambushed, I assumed at first, it was Josh Randall. I think I was as surprised and dismayed as our boys, when there was suddenly a second person shooting at them.
And just when things look really bleak, Josh Randall makes his entrance and saves our boys. Not exactly what I would have expected from a bounty hunter. He seems to be a good guy, despite his profession. Truly a man of contradictions.
Your action scenes are gripping, as always. I felt as if I was there and had bullets flying around my ears and horses squealing and panicking and falling.

Now, please write more. It just can’t stop here!

Cimarron: Your story may not be long, but it is intense, the language sometimes chilling. But that's fitting, as it is a chilling topic you have chosen. I’m intrigued. You never use a name, the story could be about anyone, but your readers get enough pointers to recognize our boys in two of the men.
There’s more to this story than there appears to be. It seems at first to describe the happenings with Danny Bilson in Matherville. But a few statements don’t match that scenario – or do they?
Did Danny have something to do with our boy’s families in the past? I can’t believe Heyes and Kid would have worked side by side with him if he had anything to do with killing their kin.
So, we must be looking at a similar scene in the boys’ past. Maybe that’s why they seem so reluctant in Smiler to let it come to a showdown? The situation was too similar. It would also explain Kid’s reluctance to shoot to kill, and Heyes attempts to keep Kid from getting into situations where he has to use his gun.
It’s a chilling thought that by seeking justice, the young gunman in the story has taken a big step towards turning himself into his enemy, a killer. He has crossed a line. What is he now?

Moonpie: Kudos to you for choosing this difficult medium. Keeping to the rhythm and rhyme of a song, but manipulate the text enough to turn it into your own story is no easy feat.
I have to admit to not knowing the original song, so my comments are limited to what I see expressed in the posting.
Whichever of the boys it is who flirted with this girl, better be watching out. She sounds very determined and very deeply in love with her man.
It sounds like she helped them escape when the law got too close and that she knew they had to run. Sounds like she loved him enough to let him go. But I feel for her that her mother knows and seems to be the unforgiving kind.
Somehow I hope whoever of the boys it was knows that this could be THE woman for him. Maybe he could come back after they have amnesty?
 
 
Remuda: What a nice surprise to see a continuation of this story. I was wondering how Jed and Han would fare on their own and how they would get re-united again. Please, don’t let us wait too long for more.
You paint wonderful images with your words. I felt immediately drawn in, felt sorry for cold little Jed who doesn’t seem to know what to do. He’s lost his friend, seems a little suspicious of Cager and is in dire need of some reassurance. Luckily his companion seems to be a good soul who offers warmth, protection, companionship and a little light in the dark.
Han seems to have been lucky, finding a place to stay for now, but he can’t sleep easy. It could just be the rain on the roof and sparks from the fire, but to me the worry for his cousin seems to be the real cause. Just like Jed, he seems to have found someone who is willing to help for their own reasons, but without intending to take advantage of a young boy.  The farmer seems to hope that if he helps Han, maybe someone will do the same for his own missing boy.
 
 
Distant Drums: I don’t mind if an entry is a bit late. And yours it worth the waiting. I admire people who can put so many thoughts, so much meaning into so few words.
Your poem brought to mind other expressions I heard for describing the life of an outlaw, like “blaze of glory”, “Life your life like a ball of flame”. They all imply the same – much excitement, fame, maybe even glory, but that life is short and there’s an inevitable end, usually by other’s people’s hands.
The poem also got me thinking that maybe sometimes outlaws got used/maligned by other people (governors?) for their own gain, like we use a match in order to light a candle.
You pose an interesting question when you ask “Have you really chosen such a life?”

Maybe some of the bright burning outlaws can turn their life around and tame the flames and become comfortable with just a hearth flame. Don’t we all hope it for our boys?

Distant Drums
Powerful verse taking us back to the heat of the desert, the thirst, the tragic circumstances, and the aftermath of Smiler.  Not much of a writer, huh?  A poet is a writer, and you've shown yourself well "versed" in the genre.  Nicely done!

From Gin, moved from story thread :

gin16loved it Cimarron, the fellas were so good too their horses, even tried to be when they were running from a posse.

Cimarron
Descriptive narrative.  Had a feeling from the get go Maggie was a different kind of gal and not a Mary Sue.  So you're a Heyes gal, huh?  I'd never have known.  :)  Fun!

Thank you, Remuda.  I wasn't visualizing Heyes in this story, though.  I just needed him for some dialogue at the end. 

Distant drums - Quite the poet recently.  Have you found this to be your voice?  Very descriptive.  I loved the line "In runnels and channels, in waves of soporific dormancy."  It certainly made me feel the heaviness of great heat, and clever of you to use the scene from 'Smiler With A Gun' to use the prompt.

Cimarron - Haha!  Very sensual.  You with your tricks again.  That was one smart one to pick on one of out boys like that.  Loved it.

Remuda - Beautiful descriptive language drew me right in at the beginning and the complexities of the unfolding conversation kept he gripped.  This was desperately sad and poignant, but true to the life many women had when they had absolutely nothing else.  Did they know her from somewhere?

MoulinP - I love the line, "Different noise, one of discovery."  I can imagine the noise and it made me laugh.  I love the fun dynamics of the gang and Wheat's rationalisation for not helping out was spot on.  You certainly got the prompt in.  You had me burning to know what Heyes was up to.  This was a romp form start to finish.  I loved the line about the new Pope, but what!?  You can't leave it there.  You just can't. 

Stephan3ies' Heat:  There was nothing going on in this story, our guys were asleep, but I enjoyed sooooooooo much.  I loved it.  They have one clever dog. A really great story, full of laughter.  I am glad that the bunny hopped.

Stepha3ie - I love the phrase, "definitely hair that hadn’t grown on a human body." I'd never thought of it that way.  Naughty coffee really finds  way to get his own way, doesn't he?  Getting a heat is always far too tempting for animals.  Of course I've counted it.  I always say as long as it's there when I put on the poll, I'll count it.  Thank for supporting the site.


Moonpie - This was a hoot,  Very clever misdirection and Silas is an old devil isn't he?  Loved it.

Hunkeydorey - Red-handed?  What a clever and original take on the prompt.  You had the boys right in character for the men they would become too; the Kid was pressured and can't stop talking in front of  female authority figure, and Heyes is taciturn, admitting nothing and won't let his cousin take the blame.  A great vignette of the boys as boys.

Skykomish - You set the tone beautifully from the get go with these lines, "Can’t a girl offer her father a refreshing drink without wanting something?”  “Not in this family.”  Beautifully written and very poignant, this was moving and loving whilst treading the line to capture the violence and horror of the occasion.  Wonderful.  Just wonderful.

Cimarron - Oh, I thought I was reading something else for a bit there and wondered how you were going to end it.  You sly old dog, or should that be mare?

Remuda - That poor woman, but the Kid was right in character as wanting to speak to one of the 'needy people.'  There was so much more I wanted to know in this one.  Who was she?  Why was she so adamant that she didn't want to go back to San Francisco?  Will you be continuing this one?

Silverkelpie - So they are working for the man who built the damn?  I can't help but feel there's a Hannibal Heyes plan afoot, and I can't wait to find out what it is.
 
MoulinP - Wonderful lines and humor all the way through this one and there's more than enough hear to satisfy even the hardest purist for the prompt.  Then I got to the end and ...that's they way to do a cliffhanger.  You definitely got me hooked.

Stepha3nie - That dog is so disobedient, and so perfectly matched to the boys.  Of course he had to crawl in beside them.  Short and very sweet.  

Moonpie - This was a strange venture into the mind of an old man who loved to wind people up, and beautifully written.  Telling tales around the campfire is traditional, and I get the feeling Silas was one of those old men who spun man wild tales.  I really enjoyed this one. 

Hunkeydorey - Red-handed was a clever way to use the prompt and you gave us the boys just as we know them.  It reminded me of the scene with Sister Julia the way Jed couldn't stop talking and Heyes was glaring at him. 
 
Skykomish - I thought this story was going to start off light, but it soon developed into a gripping wave of emotion.  Wonderful writing and such a tricking picture of that terrible day

Distant drums - A lovely poem, with very vivid images and clever use of words.  Great use of the prompt.

Silverkelpie - Lots of threads in this one which aren't drawn together yet.  I'm glad you are continuing with this one because I'm sure we'll be able to work out what is happening better.  I sense there is a Hannibal Heyes plan afoot to help Mrs. Martin, but I have no idea what it is yet.

MouplinP - I laughed at so many lines in this one; from the broom to the comments of the gang.  All the while Heyes worked on whatever his project was and left me mystified.  Please put me out of my misery and let me continue with this wonderful story soon.

Remuda - It was so like the Kid to want to talk to this woman, and his taciturn manner certainly drew her out, even though it seemed to be against her will.  Did he know her?  I somehow thought she might have been their teacher many years ago?  Very sad.  It stayed with me.

Stepha3nie - Oh, Coffee.  I love him.  He just needs to creep into bed with the boys.  Who can't relate to that on?

Moonpie - Ghost stories around the campfire, huh?  This was a doozy.  At least I thought it was until the end.  Very funny.

Hunkeydorey - I've got to admit it, I suspected the boys too.  I loved the way the teacher zeroed in on the guilty-looking pair at the back.  The Kid was prepared to cover for the culprit, but young Hannibal was having none of it.  Very true to character for them both.  

Skykomish - Wow!  What a story and why can't I write like that?  You capture the carnage and the horror perfectly, but don't miss out on the delicate details which tall us so much about the relationship between father and daughter.  Superlative.

Distant Drums - Yes, there certainly was heat in that episode and it was inspired to turn such vivid descriptions into a poem.  Good job.  

Cimarron - I suspected that this might not be all that it seemed from the start.  You've done this before, but you really made it sound very sensual and I certainly envied her.

Remuda - The Kid was right in character here.  There's no way he'd just take what was on offer, like many men would.  I think he dented her pride though and that she was in denial about where she was headed.  If her teaching career was over, it wasn't going to be long before this life hit the skids too.  Very sad story.  

Silverkelpie - The opening scene was beautifully written, it played like a movie in my head, but I get the feeling we have quite a few more twists to come with this one yet.  Have they deliberately got themselves jobs with the man who built the dam?

MoulinP - As soon as I saw the introduction I knew I was going to enjoy this one!  Loved Preacher wondering if they had a new Pope too.  So what on earth was Heyes making?  You better post the next bit or I'll blow!

Stepha3ie - Coffee is a sneaky little mutt isn't he?  He just won't do as he's told and we love him for it.  Thanks for the smiles.

Hunkeydorey - I love reading stories of the boys as boys, and I'll bet they ran rings around the teacher.  No wonder she suspected them first and clever little Hannibal made sure the real culprit took the blame. The last line was great.  He certainly did learn to look after himself when he grew up, didn't he?    

Skykomish - This story really stayed with me.  Heyes seemed to be such a doting father but the old outlaw is still there and he shows us in this line. "I swear that the bees stopped buzzing and the temperature dropped twenty degrees.  His eyes turned that cold that fast.  I figured I was looking at the leader of the Devil’s Hole gang, not my Pa."

Distant Drums - You are certainly a wonderful poet and I could almost feel the suffocating heat as I read it.  The scene from Smiler was a perfect fit, and you made me live that desert 

Cimarron - Oh, all that naked flesh had me all aflush and the though of running a tongue down it...oh, you clever mare! 

Remuda - I felt so sorry for this poor woman as I read  on and her background unfolded.  She has fallen so far but her price stops her from going back.  Why?  There was so much more I wanted to know about this, but I think that's what makes it so realistic.

Silverkelpie - The writing in the opening scene was stunning and your talent in making us see the people you create is laid out here wonderfully.  I am so glad you are continuing with this one.   

MoulinP - This was so funny.  Just a joy to read with so many brilliant lines.  Now you left me wondering.  Just what was he making?

Stepha3nie - I love little coffee and this story was just a delight from start to finish.  He's so mischievous and won't do as he's told.  So he's just a perfect fit for the boys.  

Moonpie - Silas really could paint pictures with his words, couldn't he?  No wonder he reminded the boys of Grandpa Curry.  

Skykomish - This was a harsh, terrible tale, and also full of love and protection at the same time.  That's a difficult line to tread, but you skillfully navigated us through it to the loving conclusion of the bonding between father and daughter.  I really loved this one.

A slow start to the month but well worth the wait, Ladies.

DistantDrums:  I'm always impressed when you can meet the prompt in verse.

Cimarron:  Sneaky, sneaky with the misdirection.  Cute take on the prompt.

Remuda:  A sad life, made sadder by her pride which keeps her bound to the sad life.  Very descriptively written.

Silverkelpie:  A great start.  Love the imagery of the first 2 paragraphs in particular and look forward to the rest of the tale.

MoulinP:  What!!?   But... But... You can't leave us here.  Good personification of Wheat.  Looking forward to reading the rest.

Stepha3nie:  You've created quite a character in Coffee.  I enjoy reading his antics.  He's a great match for the boys.

Moonpie:  You drew me in from the start.  Great campfire story.  LOL

HunkeyDorey:  Good school days story -- for the most part already showing the boys nature (although I do take some exception with the Kid.  He may help the needy but not at the expense of his own skin).

Skykomish:  What a sad tale, but very compelling.  Well written.

Remudas Solitaire:  I liked the story, but it was an odd one for me.  I do not think that I have read one like it before.  I too would like to know what she said to him prior to coming upstairs and what
happened  in San Francisco, why she was reluctant to accept his offer of help. I am glad that he went downstairs when he did.  Also wondered why he didn't seem to want Heyes to spend time with her.

Distant Drums - Love the poetry.  The description of heat is beautifully written.  The thoughts of water made me go get a glass.  And then to find the descriptions linked to Smiler. Well done.

Cimarron - Such a clever little vignette. I loved the banter at the end, especially these line:  “She’s one ornery mare, Kid.”

“Yeah, she is.”  The men shared a sparkling laugh as they watched the horse dance and play.  “Ain’t she great?”

Remuda - Sad story.  Lovely writing.  I wonder what happened in San Francisco to keep her from even considering an offer to help her out of her situation.  But then, she may feel that the time to go back to teaching has passed.  Maybe she believes that it is too late for her.  The banter at the end is beautifully written.  I especially liked Heyes' first line:  “Nice to know you’re choked up to see me!”  Lot's of clapping.

Silverkelpie - You nailed the description of the wavering mirage caused by heat.  I tried to write it in my story and just couldn't seem to capture it.  Hats off to you! I liked the interplay between the partners concerning how much money they had.  Very true to the series.  Loved the description of Mrs. Martin.  Some commenters are guessing that Heyes has a plan to help the Martins. I am more cynical.  I just figured they are being opportunistic and taking work where they can find it. 

MoulinP - This story is loads of fun. I loved the bit over the coffee at the beginning.  The whole thing with the blacksmith shop and the gang was great and very funny. The last line was delightful.  I would never have thought of doing that.

Stepha3nie - Coffee is a wonderful character.  This story was fun and charming.  You certainly know how a dog insinuates himself into a person's bed and takes over. 

Moonpie - This was a hoot.  Silas is a wonderful character.  He reminded me of Seth.  I was drawn into the ghost story right along with the boys.  Well done. 

Hunkeydorey - I enjoyed this story.  I never suspected the girl.  I guess that I can be gullible.  I liked this exchange:“You guess?  If I were to take all your money, what would that make me?”

“His wife?” giggled the dimpled boy.

“No, Hannibal.  It would make me a thief,” snapped Miss Brown.  “And what happens to thieves?”

“They go to hell,” responded Hannibal, clearly glorying in the opportunity to use a mild profanity.

“They do indeed, Hannibal,” she arched a brow, “and you needn’t look so pleased about it either.”

“But I knew the answer.”

I do agree with Riders that Curry is not likely to take the blame for what the girl did.  He helps the needy, but not at the cost of his own skin.

Silverkelpie
Great descriptions throughout this piece, whether the mirage, Mrs. Martin, Okomi, etc.  Wonderful writing as usual, with an air of mystery leaving us wondering where this is going.  I'm not going to speculate as others have, but will be waiting for the rest. 

Moulin P.
Another Hannibal Heyes plan with mysterious details and wonderings of the gang, and Heyes' even chancing an arrest in a not-as-friendly town.  But just as the reveal is to happen, we're plunged into darkness and met with the cutest "to be continued" line either side of the Missouri.  Had a good chuckle at the exclamatory parentheticals in the paragraph describing the detritus and an "aw" moment when Heyes draped the quilt over Curry.  Looking forward to the continuation.

Stepha3nie
Cute story of our favorite canine scene stealer.  You set a tone of coziness and comfy beds so well that Coffee's luxuriant yawn had me following suit, before Heyes' yawning was downright making me sleepy.  So, real coffee to the rescue to continue here (the mutt is aptly named!).  Needless to say, well done!

Moonpie
Well, you had me going and I was smiling in anticipation of the answer, but it was not the one I expected.  Woodpeckers are the culprits responsible for the otherwise unexplained rapping on my house.  I still don't quite get the joke, but it certainly entertained the boys and us as campfire stories are meant to do.

It's taken me awhile, but here are the rest of the comments for May.


Silverkelpie 2 - A very funny story.  The whole dialogue concerning Wheat's hair colour is great.  An exploding latrine!  Where do you come up with these ideas.  Clapping and laughing.

HannaHeyes - Help me out here.  I'm not good with popular music.  What song is this based upon?  The lyrics you write are sad.  I hope Earl found a rough time in Peru.

MoulinP - I do love outlaw days tales.  This is fun.  I love Heyes ingenuity in working out how to make waterproof matches. 

Keays -  Lots of tension in this piece.  You crafted the suspense and the action very well.  Josh Randall is an interesting character.  He is intriguing and just may be their match.  Nice writing. 

Cimarron - A thought provoking piece.  I thought at first that this was referring to "Smiler" but then I realized that the bully was a different person, one of the raiders.  I felt like they were young when this happened, though I'm not sure why.  Interesting story.

Moonpie - You did a very good job writing in verse.  A sad tale.  his line bothered me:  When you decided you would hurt me  I just hate to think that one of the boys actually hurt her on purpose.

Remuda - Lovely writing and a beautiful installment in the "Trains" series.  I particularly liked the descriptions of the lightening and the extinguished light.  I enjoyed the interaction between Cager and Jed and am glad that he insisted that young Jed get warmed up.  I am glad that you are continuing this.

Distant Drums - Wonderful comparison of the outlaw life to the brief light of a match.  Loved this line:  Have you really chosen such a life?

Hunkeydorey
Lessons learned all around.  I wonder if Jed as a young boy might have taken some of the blame for the needy but wisened enough not to do so as an adult.  Some great lines here, catching the culprit red-handed (literally!) and my favorite, "... heaven knows you treat the Ten Commandments like they were multiple choice."

Skykomish
This story hit a nerve, and I needed to digest it first.  Briefly, I don't believe Heyes would have burdened his daughter to this extent.  After carrying that secret for so long, I think he'd have sought out Kid if he needed to finally free himself of its enormity, but more likely would have continued to keep it to himself.  Something like this might help explain the dark side of Heyes.  Ultimately, though, powerful, well written, nicely paced, and certainly thought provoking.  Bravo!

Distant Drums

Wow! Not much for poetry but as I read it I could really feel the heat and the loneliness

Cimarron

Is it? Is it? No of course surely and of course its not. Took me a moment to figure what it was though. Make me chuckle.


Remuda

There's lot in here. Can't help feeling this is just part of something bigger. Is it? Intrigued - need to know more.


Silverkelpie

A tall of mistaken identity and wanting to believe at first. Then of a good deed but Heyes and needy folks? No that's not right. Perhaps the Kid is rubbing off on him. Great story.


Stephanie

I love Coffee! Reminds me of a little dog I used to have. She had three criteria for a happy life. She liked to be somewhere off the ground - like a bed with Heyes. She liked to be somewhere warm - like snuggled up to Heyes. And wherever she was it had to be soft - like next to Heyes. Oh and take up all the room! But wait ... is this Nellie dog I'm taking about? Or me? Loved it.


Moonpie

Spooky tale! Can really see the boys getting engrossed in the old man's tale.


HunkeyDorey

Jed and pies. But not this time. Yet he's prepared to take the blame to protect the girl. Needy folks started early then. But not to worry - Heyes to the rescue. He's not going to let Jed take the fall. Can really see that.

Skykomish

Poignant tale of Heyes losing his folks and what he had to do. Well written. I could really see Heyes sitting there relating the tale to his daughter. A sombre end to a month of great stories.