Applause and Feedback

NancyWhiskey:  This is a fun short piece -- well written.  The tension at the beginning is a good bluff to throw us off.  Applauding here.

cjp242:  As others have said, glad you've joined in the fun.  I like the comparison of Bilson to a shark.  You're narrative style works well for this story.  A cute final line - Heyes knows just what to say to discourage his partner, doesn't he.

To all our wonderful writers:

I'm sorry I haven't managed to read and comment on your entries this month.  My Dad passed away last Friday after a long illness and life has been chaotic ever since.  

I will look forward to reading them and commenting on them as I do, but I already know they will be great!

IO

Dear InsideOutlaw,  

Our thoughts are with you at this terribly sad time.  We are all of an age when we have experienced loss and truly understand what you are going through right now.  If there is anything we can do to help and support you, just let us know.  I will certainly do everything posible possible to make this rocky period easier for you.

IO - I'm so sorry to hear what happened. I know exactly what you're going through and it's not an easy road to travel. If I can help/support you in any way, please don't hesitate to ask. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

Silverkelpie - What a robbery! If only they'd known who it was they held up. I bet they would've been scared to death. And poor Gloria, arriving to find out who she had left home for. I felt sorry for her. At least she had hope in the end. I enjoyed this!

Silverkelpie -- again I remember this fun tale.  Love the pun of Ms. Mundy's name.  I do think the Llewellyn's should have been far more horrified at what they had done to poor Gloria.  Again, always enjoy historical notes.  I wonder if there was a connection between Palisade's and P.T. Barnum (the residents and old P.T. seem to be birds of a feather).

Riders - Suzie had/has a hard life. I feel for her. Wonder what her future, or the boys' for that matter, would've been had they all gone to Abilene together. I agree with Kid, she should teach somewhere less strict. How sad she gets left behind again. A very good, but meloncholy, story.

Silverkelpie - I absolutely loved this! This should've been in an episode. I laughed loudly at this part:

“Matches?” Wheat’s bald brow furrowed. “How the Sam Hill was I supposed to know you’d bought some kind of explosive to clean the place?”

“How was I to know you’d throw your beauty products down there?” countered Heyes.

Thanks for this   (and I agree. Kid looks much better without the lip warmer)

Moved to the correct thread


gin16this is for Silverkelpies Matches.  I enjoyed this a whole bunch.  Even if Heyes and Kid laughed at Wheat, they were trying to help him so the rest of the gang wouldn't laugh at him.  The moustache was so much a part of Wheats' makeup, it would be strange to see him without it.  As far as Kids' moustache, he didn't grow it for the ladies, he didn't need it to attract them.

Riders - What a wonderful tale of thwarted hope.  Poor Suzie never had a chance in life, like so many women of her time.  You capture the wildness and softer side of the boys, and even though she may not have a greed with them, they were right not to take her with them.  Very poignant.

HannaHeyes - A great story told through the medium of lyrics, which makes it twice as hard as you have to fit the criteria for both.  Great to see Earl getting his comeuppance in the end too.

Moulip -  I can really see Heyes getting caught up in the Boy's Big Book Of Science.  Loved these lines.  "Had to tell the boys summat.”  “Yeah but not the truth!” Heyes growled at him. And the mental picture of Big Edna and Kyle really stayed with me. Loved it.

Keays - You writers sure have it in for the Kid this month, but at least you wounded Heyes to even up the score.  That's twice he's had an injured leg.  The Kid is right.  It never goes well when they spit up.  Josh Randall is certainly a match for the boys.  I hope that you're going to continue with this one.  I want to see what happens next.

Cimarron - I thought at first that this was the Smiler with a Gun, but it became clear that this was one of the raiders.  This left me with many questions; did they learn from the meeting with the Smiler and do a similar thing as part of their schtick or did they wait an observe a serious opponent to spot their weaknesses and undermine them?  A lot in very few words.  Very intriguing.


Moonpie - The remorse of the woman left behind.  Yes, you do capture this even though I can't remember the song.  It seems like she'll never forget him, and her mother won't let her forget about the indiscretion either.

Silverkelpie1 - Poor Gloria, finding out that her lover was no more than a naughty boy. It was good to see her building a new life with the help of the boys though.  What a fascinating place Palisades must have been.  I'd have loved to go there.

Riders - You really created a rounded character in this school teacher.  She stayed with me, wondering how she fared afterwards.  Would she rebel and go to the dance, leave for more adventure, or stick with the safe and sure.  I get the feeling she'd stay, but hold that memory all her life.

Silverkelpie2 - A very different take on the prompt but it fits perfectly.  Nobody could have thought of all those chemicals mixing, especially not a cosmetic.  Loved it.

HannaHeyes - A clever little ditty and it tells us the story perfectly.  Great job.

Moulip - I bet Heyes did have a book like this.  He'd have loved it, and it seem like a great idea to make waterproof matches.  Fantastic lines in this and wonderful dialogue.

Keays - You can't leave it there!  I want to know what happens next. The boys have certainly met their match and I want to know how they get out of this one.

Moonpie - Another story in verse.  It's sad to think that he had to leave the woman behind despite her being his match, and it's even sadder to think that her mother is unforgiving and won't let her forget about her time with a criminal.

Silverkelpie1 - Oh, there are so many funny lines here, and I joined the boy's confusion in what was going on, but what a place! and what a mail order bride story.  How do you come up with these ideas?



Riders - It's great to see the boys as bad boys, but not too bad, and you capture that perfectly here.  I felt so sorry for Suzie/Hanna.  She never seemed to have any luck in life.  I'm glad she had a little interlude with the boys.  I almost envied her.

Silverkelpie2 - This was hilarious and very visual!  I could almost see Wheat with his darkened hair and moustache, and the description of the figure emerging from the latrine was wonderful.  Clever, funny, and different.

HannaHeyes - Clever little song.  Of course Earl was going to face the consequences when the boys were around. 

MoulinP - Heyes is just the type to dwell on a problem like this and to look for a solution.  What a genius idea, and the conversation about the 'ladies' with the gang was great.

Keays - It was very clever of you to have the whole horse problem come up right after such a whirlwind of action.  I too hope that we're going to see a whole lot more of this story.

Cimarron - Brief but thought provoking.  They encountered one of the raiders, but seem to have been happy to leave him alone until they saw what a bully he was.  Yes, that wouldn't take the Kid too long to deal with.

Remuda - These lines really shone in this sad tale of little boys lost:  "The glow lit two countenances:  one wide in blue-eyed wonderment; the other a hazel-hued dance.  For a brief brace of seconds, clarity reigned, until thunder clapped.  Wet sluiced through a knot in a board, damning the flame, its light extinguished.  The odor of burnt wood hung long in the heavy air."  You really must finish this and post it all together.

Distant Drums - I know nothing about poetry but this work for me.  The comparison is a good one.

Remuda - You paint a picture in words, or two little lot boys; but somehow Jed seems the more lost of the two.  How clever of you to catch the subtle differences in age, which make all the difference at this age. 

Distant drums - I don't know much about poetry, but it is clever to set the brief, bright adventures of the criminal against the flame of a match which is snubbed out because of the danger to society.

Here are my May comments

Silverkelpie 1
Poor Gloria. All that way ... She may not have found her match but she did find a new life. Great weave of reality and fiction.

Riders57
So sad. That's twice the boys have left her. What happened to the Kid helping needy folks this time?

Silverkelpie 2
Wheat and beauty products? Laughed out loud at this one. Very well done.

HannaHeyes
I'm in awe of anyone who can write poetry. No idea how it works but this one does. Earl certainly met his match.

Keays
Really thought you were describing the Kid at first. Ouch and Ouch! Wounded and captured. There must be a HH plan later surely? They've just got to get away eventually. Is there a Part 2 in the offing?

Cimarron
Short but tells a longer story in such a few words.

Moonpie
Said earlier that I'm in awe of anyone who can write poetry. Song lyrics are a type of poetry aren't they? Very sad.

Distant Drums
More awesome poetry - must be the month. I likened it to Elton John's Candle in the Wind. Had the same feel about it as when he released it after Diana died. Great comparison.

Posted for Cimarron who emailed these due to technical problems.

Just finishing up my comments.


Remuda - I do hope that you finish this series one day.  You lay out the dangers and pitfalls open to the little boys without making it too menacing.  It's very compelling. 


Distant Drums - A clever poem and yes, a criminal career can be compared to a flame.

Silverkelpie2:  Hilarious take on the prompt.  Poor Wheat how we love to abuse him.

HannaHeyes:  Great take on hubby's favorite Dixie Chick's song.  I had to compare the original to your take and you did a great job.  I'm always impressed by those who can manage verse or adapt a song to ASJ norms.

MoulinP:  fun story.  Waterproof matches would be very useful on the trail.  They do exist (I know from years of hiking with my Dad -- the ultimate boy scout -- and drinking trail tea, after lighting the fire with boy scout-made waterproof matches in order to heat the water for tea).

Silverkelpie1 - What an amazing town.  I remember this story and instantly thought that I wanted to go there.  This was fun to read again. 
 
Riders - This poor teacher had such a life of powerlessness and drudgery.  In one way I was happy that she had this brief adventure, and in another I felt so sorry for her that she suddenly has a glimpse of a more exciting life, but wasn't welcome there either.  So sad.   

Silverkelpie2 - Laughed out loud at this one.  How clever to turn the latrines into one enormous match, and of course, Heyes is the only one clever enough to work out what happened. 

HannaHeyes - I don't know the song but it fits the boys perfectly and this is just what they would have done.  Great to see Earl shipped off, but it was much better than he deserved.  

MoulinP - Another story of clever Heyes. A very clever twist on the prompt and the scene with the gang was just perfect. 
 
Keays - No!  You can't leave me hanging like this.  They really have met their match here.  What a great story, and you really do have a way of writing great baddies. 
    
Cimarron - This story is short but thick with feeling.  So they found a man who was one of the raiders and he was throwing his weight around the town.  Did he know who the strangers in town really were?  I don't think so, but it still sounds as though the Kid tried to avoid the inevitable showdown.    

Moonpie - Another story in verse.  It's sad to think that he had to leave the woman behind despite her being his match, and it's even sadder to think that her mother is unforgiving and won't let her forget about her time with a criminal.
  
Remuda - Jumping Trains - Yes, this has really caught all our imaginations and lit our nurturing instincts, in the tale of the two little boys separated.  The descriptions are rich and powerful, as always.  Very poignant.

Continuing...

Keays:  Very descriptive beginning and an excellent misdirection there.  Good job, looking forward to the continuation.

Cimarron:  So much in so few words.  You really did a good job of describing what I imagine the reality of a gunslinger was.

Silverkelpie - I remember this one.  Loads of fun.  Gloria is a different and sympathetic heroine.  Loved the precocious 13-year-old trying an unusual method to freedom.  I enjoyed reading this again.

Riders57 - What a sad woman.  You painted a very poignant picture, all the more touching because there isn't an easy answer.  The Kid is right.  She doesn't want to be the women they know.  They cannot provide her a way out of her circumstances, other than the money they offered. I was touched by this story.

Finishing for May:

Moonpie:  Again, another good song riff.  I'm always impressed by those of you who can manage this.  Good job.

Remuda:  Glad you're continuing this story.  The writing is poetic and touches the heart.

Distant Drums:   This is the month for verse apparently.  A very fitting finale for the month.

Finishing up May...

MoulinP - What a miserable day to do a job. Aw...poor Heyes. Lost his lady friend for the weekend. Now Big Edna and Kyle...that's quite an image in my mind! That's a story in itself there. Love that Heyes has found himself some science books and the whole experiment making the waterproof matches. I need some of those myself.

Keays - Pleeease tell me you're going to continue this! The whole sequence of events was so full of suspense and well written. At least Randall has supposedly saved them from Orville and Odin. I've got to know what happens next!

Cimarron - At first, I thought this was about Danny Bilson, but I soon realized who the man was. Did they stay in town hoping the man would call out the Kid? I kinda think they did. A thorough story in a few words. I enjoyed it.

Moonpie - I'm glad to see I wasn't the only one to be inspired by song lyrics! I feel for the girl left behind and having to hear about her decisions from her Ma. Nicely done.

Remuda - I love the Hopping Trains stories. At least now, both boys seem to have made a friend and Han has a roof over his head. It's such a realistic take on what could've happened. I do hope when you finish these, they'll all be put in one place to be read together.

Distant Drums - I really enjoyed this piece. I think the comparison of the outlaw life and the life of a match was wonderful. Great take on the prompt.

Silverkelpie
Good to read legacy stories again and this one is no exception.  Ms. Mundy was in a pickle and the boys to the rescue.  Always loved the spin on the suitor – 13 indeed!  Well done!
 
Riders
Lovely story about dreams – once repressed, now possible.  Nice that the three old friends were able to run into and help each other again.  Susquehanna is a great character name.  Wonder if we’ll see her again.  Clapping!
 
Silverkelpie 2
So it was Wheat in the latrines with a match.  It was just a matter of time before his vanity caused trouble.  Felt sorry for Kyle, suspected as usual but guilty of nothing.  I wonder if Bella will find the “new” Wheat as handsome as the old.  Nicely done!
 
Hanna Heyes
Nice take on a song I’ve not heard in ages.  You don’t hurt anyone connected with our boys and expect to get away with it.  Nosiree, Earl!  Fun!
 
Moulin P.
Fun how a child’s innocence can turn even a curmudgeonly Heyes into a philosopher.  Love the reference to Mr. and Mrs. Noah.  Cute!
 
Keays
It seems the boys have met their match, as have the more bumbling duo of Orville and Odin.  Great characters all!  Love the description, “his blue eyes held anything but innocence.”  Look forward to reading more.

Cimarron
As the boys realized, revenge for a past wrong probably won’t fly in a town where strangers are suspect, no matter the reticence to act in the first place.  Presume this was the first of many quick getaways.  Well done!
 
Moonpie
The one that got away; wonder if he ever regretted it.  I’m not familiar with the song but like the story you told.  Well done!

Distant Drums
The flame burns bright indeed but a short time on a small wick but ever steady on a pile of dry logs; so also the hunted, or the chained.  We can hope they run steadfast by night, leaving dawn to welcome slumber, lest the eagle feast.  Well done!

I just wanted to remind you that I have posted the last of Cimarron's comments for her further up.  She will be without internet for about two weeks apparently, but she hasn't missed anyone out.

I'm sorry I haven't posted comments for so long.
I'll try to do better.

Here's a start on May:

Silverkelpie 1: I loved this story the first time I read it. The poor woman who risks everything for a chance to get rid of her birth name (understandable, btw) – only to get held up, disappointed and then has a unique career choice pointed out to her by none other than our boys.
There’s so much to like about the story, not least among it the historical facts upon which you based it.
It’s always fun when our boys end up in a hold-up and their comments are so spot on, they could have come straight from Roy Huggins. I think this must also be the first time they are disappointed when they hear the town they are travelling to has no law enforcement – they were so looking forward to hand over their captives.
They are truly unlucky with the aliases they have been saddled with. Normally, people just assume (correctly) they are aliases, but this time, they are believed, but get confused with other Smiths and Joneses. They just can’t win.
 
 
Riders: A really good story. I have to admit, that I didn’t like your original character (How could she refuse even a half-hearted marriage proposal from Heyes?! Two reasons not to like her). But I couldn’t get her out of my head, and I kept having discussions with myself about her. It's a credit to your writing, that this character managed to get so under my skin.
In a way, I pity her. In those days, it was difficult for a woman, much more so for a single woman. There were not many career choices, especially when you’re not brave.
As a girl, she was not strong enough to run away with the boys; maybe it was simply habitual fear of her father who called her just at the wrong moment, maybe the possibility to leave her abusive family was another idea (like secretly eating a plum) that simply had never occurred to her. As an adult, she finally leaves home, but seems to have taken the first job offered to her, even though it leaves her without a future.
She dreams of the past and possibly of what her life might have been, if only…
She hates the life she has, but does not seem to be willing to do anything about it. She only allows herself to dream about the only time in her life when she seems to have really lived (the 10 days with Han and Jed).
When given a chance through the unexpected re-union with the boys, instead of using it, she decides to hide from it.
When Kid finally recognizes her, she begs him to take her away with them, rescue her from her life. She’s asking too much and still fails to communicate what she really wants/needs.
If she had told them who she was from the beginning, if she had talked to the boys, maybe they could have helped her. If she had for once defied convention and not gone to the dance, she would have had another chance to properly talk to both of them, but it never even seems to occur to her. In my opinion, she’s responsible for her own misery.
It’s sad. The boys do what they can – leave her money to start a life she wants. They can’t guess at her deeper needs. The well-meant gift in a way leaves her worse off: its material nature destroys her dreams of the past. I can only hope that she will one day wake up and decide to figure out the possibilities the money offers, tries to think outside the rules and limitations.