Applause and Feedback

EvaHanley: Even though I grew up without siblings and never had children, this story had the ring of truth about it for me. I could well imagine “major” disasters like this to occur regularly in a two-sibling-household. It’s good that Heyes had excellent training for the job of arbitrator/judge/father.
I absolutely loved the clear parallels you drew between the two parts of the story, using a similar situation, the same descriptions, sometimes even the exact same words.
You had me chuckling when the girl’s part was taken by Wheat of all people and the younger boy of course had to be Kyle.
Heyes shows how well he can read people and that he knows exactly which buttons to press, whether it be with outlaws or his own children. With the girl and Wheat it’s their pride, their position. With the boy and Kyle it’s the threat of taking away their favourite thing.
And in order to get them to work together, he just has to pretend to separate them. They might fight and make noise, but when it comes down to it, they like each other and want to do things together. Even going so far as to forget the initial fight just to stay together. And Heyes' goal is achieved: peace (at least for a while).
I liked how you portray the gang as basically a bunch of unruly kids. That is mostly the impression I got from the series. They might be outlaws, but they’re not really bad. I think the children will benefit from the gang training. And aren’t teenagers outlaws in some way (and be it just fighting the rules) anyway? They are lucky to have such an understanding father, others might just have taken a belt out. But Heyes was always more crafty than that.
A short story, but well written and thoroughly enjoyable. Well done, Eva.

Moonpie:  Nice continuation.  I love Heyes' plan and can't wait to learn what he's cooked up for the Beechers.  It's always fun seeing the gang working together. I think Wheat had the best line--warning the deputy not to get too comfortable (don't want to spoil it for the other readers).  

Stepha3nie:  I really like how you portrayed the supportive, rock-solid friendship between the two partners against the backdrop of the desertion of the Kid's wife.  I couldn't help wondering when I read his wife's letter, if she harbored some jealousy over her husband's relationship with Heyes. It would be tough to have the one you love most so very bonded with another no matter how much you loved them, too.  Her reasons for leaving were well-thought out and conveyed.  She knew what she needed to do and did it, but I wonder if the Kid would really let her take his children from him.  Like others have said, there's lots more to tell here.  I hope you'll consider adding to this story.

Hunkeydorey:  It was clever how you led me in a different direction through the opening paragraphs.  I had no idea this was a childhood story until long into it.  Lots of neat little details here that indicate who they will grow up to be someday.  Jed wanting revenge for his wronged partner and using less than honorable means to achieve it.  Heyes' comment at the end about what it would be like to be known as a thief yet ignoring that they'd started the whole chain of events by stealing Odella's pie.  Like the pies, your story was filling and satisfying!

Thanks for all the kind comments. Moonpie asked me to explain the blue in the names in my story. 'Jay' relates to 'blue jay', Odella comes from odel which is another name for the blue woad used by the druids, and Gormley relates to 'Gorm' the Irish word for blue. I am Irish you know, I have an Irish passport and everything, so I had to get that one in!

Thanks Hunkeydorey. I got Blau, Jay and finally also hit on Gormley, but Odella completely escaped me. Clever names!
Your story is next on my list for comments.

Until then, here are my comments for Moonpie:
Oooh, great, a new chapter in your story. Poor Kid, the worst pain from cracked ribs can indeed come from the cramping muscles. Glad to hear he isn’t as badly hurt as it seemed.
Heyes and the boys to the rescue. I loved how you had them do it. A clever plan executed with experienced ease.
You use dialogue and descriptions to paint clear pictures.
I could see the half impish, half threatening grin when Heyes first cocks his gun. This is the DHG at their best in action, you show them as the capable guys they must have been to become the best in the West.
The use of humour and smart-alecky remarks was spot on. I loved Heyes’ “He’s just a bit tied up right now” or  Wheat’s “I can’t speak for you, Heyes, but I hurt plenty of folks”. Having the “breakin’ hearts” line come from Kyle had me laugh out loud, especially with Heyes and Kid both present.
It’s always nice to see Heyes’ skills applied and I enjoyed the accompanying banter/snarking. And Kid is not too lightheaded to insert a little misdirection for the deputy. But what an oversight on Heyes’ part, of course Kid wouldn’t leave without his gun.
I like Heyes’ plan of staying in town where nobody would expect them. It’s so daring, it might just work, plus it gives Kid a chance to heal up. Let’s hope the hotel clerk doesn’t give a good description of his house-bound guest to a certain deputy at some point. Now I’m looking forward to what exactly Heyes has in store for Beecher.
It’s a joy to read this chapter, with the boys and the gang so in character. I like the way you use the dialogue (is it still dialogue if more than two people are speaking?) here to flesh out the personalities.

Moonpie -- Good jail break - and dumb Beecher for only watching the front - this is the Devil's Hole Gang after all.  The dialog was in character; and enjoyed Heyes' very clever, albeit risky, plan at the end.  Hoping to read the continuation soon.

Stepha3nie -- Interesting take on the prompt.  Makes one wonder how Curry and his wife met and courted.  I really liked  the line:  The fastest hand in the West crawled towards ...

Hunkeydorey -- As other have mentioned, I enjoy the "blue" names.  I would not have recognized any of them except "Blau" and "Jay."  The Kid's plan indicates that he is no slouch either, and I enjoy the pair's indignation at Heyes being wrongly accused (even if he was guilty of something else).

Riders - Poor Heyes, getting covered in skunk juice! No wonder he had to walk. Nobody wanted him near them, not even his horse. I bet some of the fans would volunteer to scrub it off for him. Of course the gang would find the whole situation very funny, just as I did. Great challenge.

Riders - I could really see the Kid's amusement at Heyes' predicament and you captured the simmering resentments of the embarrassed outlaw leader perfectly. Yes, the Kid did come through for his friend by buying him new things but I could understand why he did it from a distance. Very visually written and sparkling dialogue.

Riders:  Hypnotizing a skunk?  What was Heyes thinking?!  Well, he certainly paid for it.  I don't blame the Kid at all for leaving him by himself.  And poor Kyle got the blame for the foul odor!

RosieAnnie:  I wondered why on earth Heyes would choose to elude the cavalry using a wagon, but he was more clever (as were you) than I expected.  Why would I ever doubt a Heyes plan?

Moonpie - Oh, a continuation of the series.  Loving the bantering in the jailhouse when the gang break in and break out a woozy Kid Curry.  Clever old Heyes isn't going to do what's expected of him; and he knows who turned the Kid in and how they were so easily identified?  Looking forward to the next part   

Stephanie - This was very different and very, very good.  The little glimpses of the boys' relationship sandwiched the letter perfectly and showed us so much in so few words.  The letter was very telling; of a woman who felt that she simply was not enough for him and who wanted to feel more important in his life.  The Kid's reaction showed that she may very well be wrong.  Like others I really hope that you write more of this story.   

Hunkeydorey - In chat we listed so many possible variations on the challenge theme, but nobody came up with came up with blueberry pies, so top marks for finding another story which fit.  All the 'blue' names were very clever too and I never got Odella at all.  The playing with the timescales at the beginning was good misdirection too.  The Kid was set on showing Heyes not to think with his heart, and Odella was certainly a good one to start with.  She was happy to allow young Hannibal to take the blame for the stolen pie, but Jed conveniently forgot that she was only in that position he stole her pie!  She sounds every bit as bad as the boys.  Poor Odella.              

Riders - Poor Heyes.  You skunked him, but it was very funny.  It's good to see the Kid have the upper hand in a story and he certainly did in this one.  An irritable and snappy Heyes didn't seem very appreciative of the Kid's efforts to buy him new clothes either.  This was loads of fun and it's a shame that it took a while for the outlaw leader to appreciate his true blue friend.   

RosieAnnie - Loved the setting for this one and using the recent story of the abandoned rifle too.  The Army uniform certainly fits the challenge prompt.  I loved the line, "If the Army wanted you to have complaints, they'd've issued you some."   Of course Heyes had a plan, and what's not to love about a Hannibal Heyes plan?  I'm glad that the odds were with the boys this time.

RosieAnnie - Have you friends in the army? You completely get the whole 'following' orders thing and not being paid to think. I also enjoyed your explanation of the Winchester found propped against a tree in the dessert recently too, and of course, the Kid would have hated to see it wasted like that. Some great lines in this, especially amongst the army characters. Loved it

RosieAnnie - A very good take on the prompt and the True Blue US army sergeant was perfectly written. He was totally in charge, completely loyal, fantastically full of bull and bluster and not prepared to put himself out too much. He also protects his men and isn't prepared to risk their lives unnecessarily. None of that puts him in a position to take on a Hannibal Heyes plan. Loved it.

Moonpie - Loved seeing more of this story. And loved the Devil's Hole Gang breaking Kid out of jail and the way they threatened the deputy. Really looking forward to seeing how Heyes gets back at Beecher and his men!

Stepha3nie - I've never read a story where the lady leaves Kid. Very original. The letter was very poignant. Will Kid ever see her again? I hope to see the answer ;)

HunkeyDorey - Like others, at first I thought this was during the outlaw or waiting for amnesty period. But I loved when it was actually set. Of course Kid has to spring Heyes from unjust punishment, even if it came because of something he stole earlier. Odella had no problem letting someone else take the blame for her actions. Loved all the blue references.

Riders - What a stinky situation our outlaw leader found himself in. But he did kinda ask for in a way. Hypnotize a skunk huh... The reactions of Kid and later on the gang was wonderful. Poor Kyle, always getting the blame :)

RosieAnnie - You don't see many stories that has the Army after the boys. I really enjoyed this one. Nice take on take prompt. That Cavalry leader found out fast that trying to capture Heyes and Curry is no easy feat.

InsideOutlaw - As a caver, I really enjoyed reading this! The descriptions of the cave were good. Makes me want to be in one right now ;) Glad they escaped from the Mormon posse. Smart of them to follow the breeze.

Insideoutlaw - Ooh, you gave us a wet, nekkid, slippery Kid, fantastic action, and a story about the Kid's eye for the ladies all wrapped up with a real place and some great historical notes.  What's not to love?  Great story.

Remuda - A tale of a do-gooding Kid and a war-weary battle-veteran with post traumatic stress syndrome who just couldn't adjust to normal life.  He fixed up the rusty rifle and you gave us one very touching story of someone taking the time to look at the humanity in the drunk.  The way you left things was just right.  The reader hopes that the man can get a fresh start, but we can guess on the future of this poor haunted soldier.

Insideoutlaw - The action in this is wonderful, with so many elements all drawn together in one beautifully packaged up story. I loved the way you got them out of the caves (I'm not going to give it away for anyone who hasn't read it yet) but suffice to say I'd have been first in line to volunteer to help him. Great notes at the end too


Remuda - It's very in character for the Kid to not only want to clean up the rusty old rifle, but also to see the decent man underneath the drunk. This was full of lovely descriptive language helping me to see this story in my mind's eye such as " a large body bowled through the door, knocking Kid Curry off his feet and almost sending Hannibal Heyes to the same fate. Reaching an arm over the still thrashing ejected one to help his partner up finally pulled Heyes into the heap as the swirling eddy of humanity engulfed him." I wish I could write like that.

Insideoutlaw - I always love a story which shows the writer's own personal experience and you can tell you have experience of caving. I would never be brave enough to squeeze into small holes in caves, that's for sure. What a very original way to escape, but that's one tight squeeze I might have been tempted into. I could really see the Kid's head being turned by a lovely women who is a great cook and I loved the action you wrote so well too.



Remuda - This was a very touching story, in which the Kid took the time to see the damaged man beneath the drink and trauma of the past. It struck me that the rifle was an analogy for the poor ex-soldier. It was once pure and valued but the time and the damage has taken effect to the extent that it's all people can see, but underneath it's still the same and all it takes is a little time and patience to get it back as good as new. I wonder if anyone ever took the time to fix up the poor drunk? Loved it and the notes at the end too.

RosieAnnie -- I see that article about the recently discovered rifle sent a bunny hopping -- glad it did. While escape by wagon seems unusual -- your Heyes plan makes a lot of sense -- and no doubt how our boys were so successful -- they do the unusual.  I have to say, when you had the leader looking at the two new recruits that he was having trouble remembering, I was thinking that it would turn out they were Heyes and Curry -- and who knows in a longer story perhaps they are.  Really enjoyed this.

Inside/Outlaw -- another good story, and another explanation for the recent rifle find.  Your descriptions carry us along with the desperate flight of Heyes and Curry.  Poor Kid -- almost trapped into turning Mormon and getting married -- all for the love of good food -- LOL, then the indignity of getting stuck.  And you finish it off with a wonderful author's note.

Remuda -- what a wonderful story.  You truly feel for the man.  We know how common it is for some poor soul who can't leave the war behind -- PTSD they call it now, though they've called it many things after other wars (battle fatigue, shell shock, etc.).  Some great dialogue in there and some excellent characterizations for the sheriff and bartender through dialogue and the lost soul through your descriptions.

Moonpie:
A great jail break story, complete with lots of entertaining banter. Wheat and Kyle always add so much to the flavor of a story and this is no exception. I loved Kyle's description of the saloon gal, Lily, and this line from Wheat made me smile: “If’n I didn’t know better I’d think that the doc gave the Kid whatever Kyle’s been takin’ for years….” Your story even has a risky Hannibal Heyes plan and I can't wait to see how it all turns out.

Stephan3nie:
This is so sad but likely very realistic. I have often thought that our former outlaw might have difficulty adjusting to the constraints of married life. The Kid's wife has understandably had enough of his dalliances and you have conveyed her broken heart and his misery so poignantly. Through it all there is Heyes, who will stand by his partner, no matter what. Very creative use of the prompt. Could there be a reconciliation for the two? Could the Kid change, despite his history? If he did, would she take him back, or is it too late for forgiveness? There's definitely room here for a continuance. Hint.
  

HunkeyDorey:
You made it very clear that Jed was jealous of the time Heyes was spending away from him with the girl. With this in mind, was Jed shrewd enough to steal her pie with the intent from the beginning that it would somehow end up separating Heyes from Odella? Was this all just a shrewd plan designed to get his best friend back, or were the results, including her theft of the teacher's pie, just a happy accident? I wonder. Great Story, HD!