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Nebraska Wildfire

Nebraska Wildfire

Posts : 150
Join date : 2016-12-10
Location : The Sonoran Desert

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyMon Jun 15, 2020 10:41 am

uk_rachel74:  So much story in so few words.  You’ve given us background on Preacher and the early and late days of the gang.  Great tone, very introspective.  Perfect for the Preacher.
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Remuda

Remuda

Posts : 834
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 45

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptySat Jun 20, 2020 1:39 pm

Nightwalker
First, loving the "B. Cute" as the sheriff's name.  Was the "Sheriff Bell" a reference to his first name?

Otherwise, interesting idea how Grace Turner could have come to know Curry but not Heyes.  However, after reading it several times, I'm confused as to a couple of things.  First, if the boys were random, unknown stage robbers when her stage was held up, how could she have identified Kid Curry by name years later when she wired US authorities from Mexico if she didn't know his name?  She might have recalled his looks and demeanor but wouldn't have any reason to pinpoint him as Curry, especially when there were no likenesses of him.  Second, why was Heyes in disguise, and why would the sheriff have arrested him if he were just checking out stage schedules?  If Heyes was at the robbery, why wouldn't none of three young women have remembered him at all?  Perhaps I'm missing something or overthinking it, but I like the idea overall. 

Chelseagirl

Love when Kyle is a central character and how you expanded on his future possibilities, especially using Mille to coach him in reading and Rita on how to get him to make her a respectable woman.  Noted the part about Kyle's never having had a bounty on him and recalled how Wheat and Kyle saw their wanted posters hanging inside the telegraph office in "The Day They Hanged Kid Curry," so will have to wait to read the whole story when it's available to see if that point is relevant.

_________________
Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything. ~ Wyatt Earp
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Remuda

Remuda

Posts : 834
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 45

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptySat Jun 20, 2020 3:11 pm

UK_rachel74
Nice job.  Not sure I've ever seen backstory on Preacher.

_________________
Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything. ~ Wyatt Earp
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Nebraska Wildfire

Nebraska Wildfire

Posts : 150
Join date : 2016-12-10
Location : The Sonoran Desert

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptySat Jun 27, 2020 7:35 pm

Stepha3nie:  What a sad, but touching and sensitive story.  I too, like Wheat, misread who the note was about, which made it all the more poignant.  Thanks for sharing.
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Stepha3nie

Stepha3nie

Posts : 5114
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 52
Location : Scotland

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptySat Jun 27, 2020 8:55 pm

Shade Nightwalker:
What a fun story. I really like outlaw-days fics. Especially when they contain clever Hannibal Heyes plans. And this one sure does. Using the Victorians' horror and embarrassment over women's unmentionables... *chuckles wickedly*
I particularly loved Heyes's pre-parting shot at the sheriff. Yup, "good luck" indeed. Oh, the poor law man has no idea what he has just unleashed.
Yes, the poor sheriff. What is he to do with a witness statement like that? (Kudos for managing to squeeze such over the top, Mary-Sue-ish descriptions into a story without it being Mary-Sue-ish) Back to the poor sheriff: To be saddled with a name like that... *humming "Johnny B. Goode" to herself*  And speaking of names - can it really be? Does the tricky lady from "The Great Shell Game" make an early appearance? If so, no wonder that she immediately picked on the blue-eyed one in the series. I am glad that she came to her senses in the episode and finally more than "noticed" the dimpled one, though. *nods seriously at world being made right again*
Fun interaction between our boys. I love the last image, of them riding off. So young and carefree. If only it could have lasted. *sighs*

As I already told you, well done for writing in English. But may I say that this time, I noticed a few rough bits here and there? I know, glasshouse and stones. *ducks* There were also many excellent bits. I particularly liked your short descriptions of Heyes's appearance, the way you used them to let us know his thoughts, mood, hidden meaning, especially during his interactions with the sheriff. It made me see Pete act this out. You also managed to come up with some killer lines (like the "good luck" one).



Chelseagirl:
Since I have (so far) not read the previous part(s) of this story, it took me a little while to get into it. That said, there was enough information there for the story to stand alone.
What an intriguing idea - Kyle is dyslexic rather than not particularly bright. *Huh.* Having the idea that one is stupid rubbed in all the time could make anyone (and everyone else) believe it. *ponders* This would explain why he comes across somewhat differently in the episodes without Wheat, where he appears more assertive. Interesting.
A single lade going to a saloon - that should raise a few eyebrows. *she writes, eyebrows raised* Then again, she did not go in during normal business hours and maybe you are right in pointing out that "reformers" might also approach fallen doves. So maybe this is not quite so outrageous.
Wow, now this image will take some getting out of my head: Kyle, the considerate and consummate lover. *claws at brain*
Ahem, what do you mean "not every man can look like Kid Curry"? *cough Heyes cough* Ah, good. I like Ella. What a perceptive lady. *nods to herself*
Snort, a single lawyer lady giving a fallen dove relationship advice. *chuckles* Nice. I like it.
Interesting story with an intriguing female lead (at least in this part). I think I want to know more and will have to go back and read. Yay.

_________________
"I can resist everything - except temptation"  Oscar Wilde
For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!
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Stepha3nie

Stepha3nie

Posts : 5114
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 52
Location : Scotland

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptySat Jun 27, 2020 10:07 pm

Remuda:
Aw, a childhood story. Your writing was so compelling that, once I understood the assignment, I felt compelled to look for possible words myself. Would the name "Al" count? Well, if Kid had German ancestors, he could have added Wal (German for whale). *nods proudly*
Miss Jones, is it? *raises one eyebrow* And really, a Miss Smith as well? *snortgiggle*
I have to admit that I usually don't like children (much), but I like the way you are writing them. Very real and believable, not just going for the "oh how cute" factor, but turning them into proper characters. Yes, playground politics seemed so big and important back then. Interesting to see Jed wanting to avoid trouble with the bully so much. He sure changed later. I am wondering a little where Han is in all this (apart from whispering in Jed's head).
Boy, oh boy, *guffaws* did Miss Jones get it wrong. *calms down* Poignant to think what might have been, if not for the raid... Then again, there is still time.
Extremely well written - but then, we sort of expect that from you. *wink*



uk_rachel74:
What a sad background tale for Preacher.  *sighs sadly* It fills us in on how he became simply "Preacher", how he joined and later left the Devil's Hole Gang. Another bad man with some good in him. And another character I really liked in ASJ.
You know, I don't think I have ever read a story where someone has given him a name. Losing wife and child (and his faith) could sure turn a man to drinking and send him on a downwards spiral.
Our boys save him several times. With money, by taking him in, by leaving no man behind. It is sad that they cannot save him from his darker emotions, particularly envy and grief. At first he envies their carefree youth, believing they don't know grief. Then he learns of their own tragedy and must wonder how they did not let it destroy them. I wonder what makes Preacher envious the second time - is it that they still have someone to celebrate being alive with (after the botched raid), while he is alone, or is it that they have found a better way to deal with their fate than he has? In a way he has lost more than they - he has even lost himself, in a bottle. He doesn't even have a name any longer, is only "Preacher". *really depressed now*
And then the final loss: his two saviours.
The last sentence seems hopeful to me. He gives up his passivity and takes responsibility for his life back. Too bad, the series showed us that it doesn't go too well. But at least he manages to preserve a little goodness and becomes more self-assured, as we find out in "Never Trust an Honest Man". *feels a little happier again*

_________________
"I can resist everything - except temptation"  Oscar Wilde
For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!
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uk_rachel74

uk_rachel74

Posts : 43
Join date : 2019-09-15
Age : 46
Location : United Kingdom

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptySun Jun 28, 2020 12:36 am

Stepha3nie. What a sad story. Nicely written and makes complete sense the Kid would want to bury Heyes where he wouldn't be disturbed. You write Wheat really interestingly too.
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chelseagirl



Posts : 42
Join date : 2018-03-02
Age : 58
Location : New York, NY

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyWed Jul 01, 2020 3:21 pm

Nightwalker:    Oh my goodness, what an image – the resin still oozing out of the pine boards.  I LOVE it! 
Grace Turner is no classical beauty?  Not sure about that:  she’s not one of my favorite characters, but I’d say she is one of the prettiest women the guys run into!
Love her lovestruck description of Kid Curry.  Seems like what happens later will be just inevitable.
William Gates?   Bill Gates???  Hahaha!  Fabulous Hannibal Heyes plan – if no one will admit to it, is that fair evidence?   And poor Heyes, a sidekick?   Awwww. 
Fab story!
 
Remuda:   Charming childhood story.   Miss Smith and Miss Jones, eh?   ;-)
 
UK_Rachel74:   I have been wishing for a story that centered on Preacher for quite some time, so this is a real treat.  You give him a completely believable backstory, and it’s really quite touching.   My only complaint is that I’d love it if it was a lot longer!
 
St3phanie:   You had me at “the full menace a hangover topped by a bad morning could produce.”
Builds on sadness and growing apprehension as it goes on, to its devastating conclusion.   Beautifully written from Wheat’s viewpoint.  
A link to “The Shot” would be appreciated.
 
Replies:    Thanks, everyone!  It’s nice to return to the well for inspiration.   Hopefully I’ll get Millie’s story done this summer, and up on An Archive of Our Own.  And I’m going to try to remember to stop by and read and comment more often.
Remuda:   I’m so glad you enjoyed!   I rewatched “The Day They Hanged Kid Curry” – there’s a wanted poster for Wheat and for two unrelated outlaws in the telegraph office but, as I thought I’d recalled, I didn’t see one for Kyle anywhere. 
St3phanie:  I posted an earlier scene, introducing Millie last month.  My ASJ stories are on An Archive of Our Own under this same screenname, and this is meant to be readable on its own, but it's also part of a longer series that I’ve been writing on and off since the 90s!
My other favorite Western is Deadwood, and considering what some of the soiled doves at the Gem have to put up with, I figured Kyle wouldn’t be Rita’s worst option.  Especially as he’s asking Heyes and Curry for advice about girls.  ;-)  And yes, historically, morality crusaders occasionally barged into saloons.
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Nightwalker



Posts : 64
Join date : 2018-09-14

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyThu Jul 02, 2020 12:40 am

chelseagirl – I’m glad you contributed a story which turns around Kyle. I love this character, he’s such a nice guy after all. Sometimes I wonder how he became an outlaw in first place, and where he would end up without Heyes and Curry. They were kind and patient leaders and I doubt he would have done well in a more hostile climate as I would expect it in most gangs.
I never thought that Kyle might have been underestimated, but why not? Teachers have a lot of influence and power, and some of them use it rather careless considering that they build the base for the entire future of a human being.
It’s not actually her profession, but Millicent (?) would have made a good matchmaker, too. She knows humans and human nature very well as it seems. The course of her life must haven been interesting and it would be nice to learn more about her.
 
Remuda – Alright, I love childhood stories. Little Jed in school is so cute. I can imagine him being fond of a kind (female) teacher. I always had the impression Kid Curry was a smart one, but mostly leaves the talking to Heyes, who really enjoys it to share his thought with others – willing to listen or not. Being on his own the Kid does very well though, or if the cause is important enough to him.
It would have been great to see Jed Kid Curry as a real lawman at some point in his life. It would be a good way to make a living for him once the boys gain their amnesty. The history is filled with enough examples of men who changed to the right side of the law after they ended their life of crime.
I really like Jed’s ideas and the explanation he comes up with for the single lettered word, which is a word in deed in English (there’s no such thing in German).
 
UK_rachel74 – Poor preacher, such a sad story. The West must have been fill with personal tragedies like this. In his conclusion about the boys he was wrong, though. Sometimes a person is carefree not because they never experienced a loss, but they lost everything and have nothing to care about anymore. This only partially applies to our boys who fortunately still have each other, and care about other folks they meet, even if they are basically pretty selfish. Speaking about preacher, I can understand why he wouldn’t like to hangout for long with the gang under Wheat’s leadership, but rather go on on his own. Who knows, where will he end up one day?
 
St3phanie – Finding one horse too much in the corral is quite a mystery to solve for Wheat. I don’t envy the guards who swear that nobody passed them by.
Of course, we know the description of this particular animal very well. But the question is where is the man who used to ride it?
The note Wheat found sent a shiver down my spine. The true meaning was too obvious. Kid Curry would never care about a horse that much – it’s the rider he’s talking about. Wheat is right in saying the boys are inseparable so there’s only one explanation – Heyes has gone home.
The rumors sound to me like the Kid is up to join his friend again rather sooner than later. It’s a sad, but very beautiful story. I’m glad your Muse returned and forced you to write it.
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RosieAnnieUSA

RosieAnnieUSA

Posts : 457
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 101
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyThu Jul 02, 2020 10:34 am

Nightwalker: You hooked me with the first paragraph. I'm always impressed when a writer tells a tale so well in the present tense. How clever that Heyes' "cover" is selling ladies' unmentionables. 

Chelseagirl: What a refreshing and sympathetic look at Kyle! It's nice to think that there are people who can look past his questionable exterior and help to reveal the steady and friendly person beneath.

Remuda: A nice insight into the logical mind of a child. And Jed already knows how to channel his friend Han to help get the right answer to a question. 

uk_rachel74: Like many other fans, I've always had a soft spot for Preacher, and I've wondered how he came to know our boys. This makes perfect sense to me.

Stepha3nie: Wow, what a mystery! You took us through Wheat's somewhat hungover thought processes (at first) and gave us a good illustration how he had to rely on rumor to figure out the mystery. You've definitely drawn me into this story! And your notes at the end -- macabre. I'm horrified by what passed for acceptable practices.
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gin16



Posts : 306
Join date : 2014-08-12

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyMon Jul 13, 2020 8:49 pm

uk_rachel74: So Big Jim was watching Heyes play poker and knew he would need some help and maybe saw some potential in him even at his worst, glad he was there.

Nightwalker:  What can I say, you nailed it and them.

MoulinP:  So, at 15 Heyes made a plan and was determined to make it work.  I liked how Jed could ;hear' Heyes' smile.  He wasn't sure about the plan but followed Heyes anyway.  Also liked that you mentioned Jonathon Curry, the uncle Jed does not know about and will not for years to come.  Will we at any future point find out just who Crowther really was and why he was doing what he did?.


Last edited by gin16 on Sun Jul 19, 2020 9:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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uk_rachel74

uk_rachel74

Posts : 43
Join date : 2019-09-15
Age : 46
Location : United Kingdom

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyTue Jul 14, 2020 7:57 am

Nightwalker- They have basically the ideal partnership, their strengths and weaknesses are so complimentary, that they're pretty much unbeatable. You captured that perfectly.
MoulinP- really tense story, well written.


Last edited by uk_rachel74 on Sun Jul 19, 2020 10:09 am; edited 1 time in total
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Nebraska Wildfire

Nebraska Wildfire

Posts : 150
Join date : 2016-12-10
Location : The Sonoran Desert

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyThu Jul 16, 2020 7:21 am

Uk_rachel74:  I enjoyed seeing more history of Heyes and Big Jim.  The interplay between them is golden. I can see both Heyes at that age and Jim’s more experienced reaction.

Nightwalker:  Perfect description of the relationship between the boys.  Only they really understand and appreciate it.
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chelseagirl



Posts : 42
Join date : 2018-03-02
Age : 58
Location : New York, NY

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptySun Aug 02, 2020 3:26 am

UKRachel: I thought this was a perfect introduction of Heyes to Jim and the gang. Jim sees Heyes's potential and where he still needs help; Heyes jumps right in to fix Jim's plan, because one thing he's never lacked is confidence.

Nightwalker: I don't think I'd ever dare write first person from Heyes's perspective -- you're a braver woman than I. But I really enjoyed his reflections on Curry and their partnership.

Moulin Pouge: the education (in more ways than one) and liberation of Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry. Nice!
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Nightwalker



Posts : 64
Join date : 2018-09-14

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyMon Aug 03, 2020 12:58 am

uk_rachel74 – Oh my, what a start for a story. Poor Heyes is beaten up pretty bad. Big Jim got there just in time. Fortunately for Heyes he immediately realized what an asset he would be for the gang. And Heyes quickly proves his worth. Devil’s Hole must have been some kind of home for both of the boys later on; a save haven they shared with friends – well kind of. Of course, would Heyes miss his cousin as soon as he found a safe place to stay. We’re all looking forward to seem the reunited again.
Thanks for giving us insight into this important time of Heyes’ life.
 
MoulinP – Okay, I was hooked right from the start with your story. It’s no news that I love stories about our boys’ childhood, and you picked a very interesting time of their youth for yours. The boys in trouble and a young Heyes in the making is a most appealing topic.
I like the way you outlined their life in Valparaiso, and the chances Heyes took to soaking in every knowledge available for him, and using every advantage he got in his favor. I think this habit made him so successful later on. And I love how the boys stick together in thick and thin. They never really consider the possibility of leaving the other when things get rough.
It was a narrow escape and they would never have made it without the help of the stranger, who came just in time. Will they be safe with him, I’m asking myself? I hope so for sure.
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RosieAnnieUSA

RosieAnnieUSA

Posts : 457
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 101
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyMon Aug 03, 2020 6:39 am

uk_rachel74: Heyes always lands on his feet, doesn't he? Circumstances work in his favor, even when he's done nothing to particularly deserve such luck. It took a bit of nerve to tell Jim Santana, upon first meeting, that he could do things better. I think your story really illustrates generosity in Jim, who picks up someone who clearly didn't use good judgment, got into trouble, and still thinks  he knows better than Jim. And what does Jim do? He listens. He's patient. He's willing to take suggestions from somebody who hasn't proved himself in any way, shape or form. This story is a terrific introduction to Big Jim.

Nightwalker: I do enjoy these moments of quiet contemplation from a major character. In real time, this thought process would be quicker than a flash of light. I think of those final thoughts crossing Heyes' mind, and I can almost feel his content. Of course, being the evil reader I am, my next thought is, oh boy, that overconfidence could get him into trouble!

MoulinP: I've seen, in conversation with fanfic writers, how maybe we should take seriously the "wayward children" description of Valparaiso. That would make it more of a reform school rather than an orphanage. And, being a reform school, the administration has a much harsher view of the youngsters entrusted to their care. The children are already troublemakers. It's not an good environment for emotionally-damaged children like our heroes had to be when they arrived. Our boys had to survive, had to grow up a little, and running away is really a prison escape. So it was Crowther who helped them, I guess? Not to "save" the children, but to make the warden look bad. Our boys just went from the fire to the frying pan.
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RosieAnnieUSA

RosieAnnieUSA

Posts : 457
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 101
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyThu Sep 03, 2020 5:22 pm

Remuda: I do enjoy these gentle childhood stories. Young Jed is growing up a little here, isn't he? Starting to stand up for what he wants, learning to say no to a favorite friend who might be, even at that tender age, a little full of himself. And I do agree with Jed --- they were a lot more likely to contribute to the dinner table had they gone fishing.
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ingin6



Posts : 6
Join date : 2020-08-25

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyFri Sep 04, 2020 9:44 am

Remuda:  I really liked this.  Was Han trying out swearing?  He liked that Jed would go along with him most times and Jed's 'not going along' bothered him and then to have him walk away made him rethink 'bein' bossy' may not always be a good thing.  Glad he decided going fishing was the thing to do.
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ingin6



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptySun Sep 20, 2020 4:41 pm

MoulinP:  Thank the Lord for people like Jericho Crowther, he is a very determined man.  I hope someday his efforts pay off and he rescues his nephew.  This incident could have prepared them for their encounter with Joe Simms much later in their lives.  I hope that there is another chapter???
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RosieAnnieUSA

RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyTue Oct 06, 2020 6:43 am

MoulinP: Sad and hopeful at the same time. Traumatic experiences scar children for life. Thank goodness for adults who try to do good for those lost and abandoned boys.
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ingin6



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyWed Oct 14, 2020 1:29 pm

SheilaUK:  I enjoyed it.  I would wondered who the person was too.  Kid does know how to get too Heyes doesn't he.

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SheilaUK

SheilaUK

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Age : 57
Location : Derbyshire UK

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyWed Oct 14, 2020 4:37 pm

Thanks Gin. I'm still wondering who he is! Maybe it will be revealed to me and there'll be a part 2. Re Kid and Heyes, I like to think so!
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uk_rachel74

uk_rachel74

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Age : 46
Location : United Kingdom

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyWed Oct 14, 2020 4:55 pm

SheilaUK. That was really good. Loved just how easy it is for The Kid to wind Heyes up. You write their niggly but rock solid friendship very well.

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SheilaUK

SheilaUK

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyWed Oct 14, 2020 7:35 pm

Thanks Rachel!
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HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

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Age : 44
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 37 EmptyThu Oct 15, 2020 8:31 pm

SheilaUK - Glad to see you back! And writing! I loved the story. The ending was absolutely perfect! I won’t give it away, but I would’ve done the same thing as Heyes LoL

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