Alias Smith and Jones Fun and Fanfiction
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RosieAnnieUSA

RosieAnnieUSA

Posts : 418
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 100
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyThu Nov 08, 2018 9:39 am

Please pardon me for not commenting this month. Things have  been a little challenging here in the big city, and I have not even had a chance to read your stories. You are all wonderful for contributing and keeping the spirit of AS&J alive and well. I hope to catch up with you soon.
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Nebraska Wildfire

Nebraska Wildfire

Posts : 127
Join date : 2016-12-10
Location : The Sonoran Desert

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyThu Nov 08, 2018 7:36 pm

RosieAnnieUSA: Here’s hoping your life settles down soon, so you can join back in the fun, enjoying the boys with the rest of us. Work has been challenging for me lately, so I’m going to snuggle up and watch an episode tonight.
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elleree

elleree

Posts : 67
Join date : 2018-07-09

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyThu Nov 08, 2018 7:59 pm

Responses to Comments:


Nightwalker:
The Kaden family is definitely a dysfunctional one for sure. Too bad our boys ran into them! I’m glad the worrying rang true. I shall try to wrap it up quickly so they aren’t left in limbo. And you’ll learn a little more about Ross, too. And we all know how protective/dangerous Heyes can be when he’s really worried.


RosieAnnie:
Sorry that things have been hectic for you! I hope they slow down soon and then you can finally relax. Thank you for letting us know, that was really nice for you to take the time to tell us. I hope all goes well and it isn't anything negative. 
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gin16



Posts : 229
Join date : 2014-08-12

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyMon Nov 26, 2018 2:02 pm

Nightwalker:  What a fun read.  At first, I wondered if Heyes was dreaming, maybe it was better than a dream to him.

RosieAnnie:  I liked Seth Green.  I liked the way he tried to get Mrs. Griswold see that they needed to take care of these boys were in need of being cared about and not just given a list of chore and studies to do, then being punished it they messed up and be happy about it.  Then treating Heyes as the intelligent young man he was becoming with respect.  Well done.

InsideOutlaw:  I am liken this story.  I cannot even imagine how badly Heyes foot must hurt, then too have take care of it, pulling things out and pushing things back in, makes my stomach turn.  I hope Kid shows up real soon.  I would not want to be Mac right about now.
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RosieAnnieUSA

RosieAnnieUSA

Posts : 418
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 100
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyTue Nov 27, 2018 2:23 pm

Nighwalker: You make me wish I was a Pierce and Hamilton 1874.  heat 

Inside Outlaw: One big takeaway I get from this story is, how focused and persistent Heyes is, despite his debilitating injury. When I'm hurt or sick, finding a new position on the couch is about all I do. Of course, Heyes is in desperate trouble. I'm thinking, too, about that bad water. I remember reading a story, some years ago, where Heyes caught typhoid fever. He survived, happily. But bad water was a real and present danger in the 1880's. You also display a economy of words that amply display a mood. Best example; Murderous blue eyes glared back at him promising to snip the fragile thread anchoring Mac’s soul to his body.
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 522
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 63
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyFri Nov 30, 2018 8:18 am

Nightwalker:  To paraphrase RosieAnnie: "oh, to be a P & H '74!!  This was such a fun story and your misdirection was done so skillfully.  Thank you for a great laugh at the end.

RosieAnnie:  I loved seeing Seth Green try to get through to his obtuse teacher and her inability to understand his reasoning.  Miss Griswold was so sure she was correct and couldn't see that she was behaving less than charitably towards a child.  So much for her ethics.  Seth, on the other hand, was a compassionate man before his time.  Too bad Heyes didn't learn more from him.

_________________
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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elleree

elleree

Posts : 67
Join date : 2018-07-09

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyFri Nov 30, 2018 8:19 pm

Nightwalker:
Cleverly done! I know a lot of ladies who would gladly switch places with that safe. You did that so deftly. Excellent job!

Rosie Annie:
I really enjoy this story. I felt so terribly for Heyes (and Jed, even if we don’t see him) and I truly liked Seth. You have a gift for displaying character. I wonder how Jed did on his next math exam… I also wonder what happened to Seth because I’m sure things would’ve changed had he stayed around.


Inside Outlaw:
Poor, poor Heyes and clever Kid! I was so glad Kid finally has the drop on Mac. I can’t wait to see Heyes and Kid reunited and for poor Heyes to get taken care of. I also hope that the amnesty deal can be fixed but Heyes’ health is much more important. And Kid will agree with that, even if Heyes won’t forgive himself.
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Nightwalker



Posts : 35
Join date : 2018-09-14

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptySat Dec 01, 2018 6:15 am

A small selection of stories this month but all excellent. It will become a hard task to choose a favorite for me.

RosieAnnieUSA – I just love Childhood stories. It’s good that not all their experiences at the orphanage were only bad.
I’m amazed how beautiful you captured the characters. Only a view sentences and they were not only some folks, but characters with personality that immediately created an imaged reflection in my mind. When Mrs. Griswold rose not only the chair(s) sighed in relive.
Most of all I like your characterization of young Heyes. Would be nice to hear more about him.

InsideOutlaw – I can’t say it often enough - your descriptive language is adorable. I’m so fond of your wonderful descriptions of small things, surroundings and rich details of your story.
Both of the boys still have a hard time. I can imagine how the Kid must have felt, when he saw the birds circling the sky.
I liked it, that you gave Mac a little more background. I really would like to hear what happened to his son. You made me almost feel compassion for him – well, the focus is on almost. After all he’s after Heyes and the way he behaves makes him no guy I’d like to meet or want Heyes to meet again.
Heyes alone on the run, badly hurt and musing about his nearer future and chances to survive wrenched my heart and made me want to call out: “Hold on, Heyes, the Kid is on his way!”
Most of all impressed me the keen and skillful way Kid Curry handled the situation. He got a lot of information out of the place where the horse died, and the situation at the campsite reminded us of his own mentionable mental abilities. It was a Kid plan and a very good one, too. Just loved it.

Elleree – I still like the Kaden family. It’s a weird bunch but they are interesting opponents to Heyes and Curry. In a way they mirror our boys. We have two groups of relatives that work together. One sticks together, the other one is discorded. One is considerate towards others, the other one mean and ruthless. The outlaws are trying to get straight while the law abiding citicens tend towards the bottom of society.
Ross Kaden is a wonderful character, damned with his no-good brothers. He gave up his own life with good expectations to help the family, most of all for his mother’s sake. Even he knows, who the bad guys in this story are.
Even almost dead the Kid is still pretty dangerous and capable of taking care for himself. But fortunately, Heyes was there to help him and in the end, they could help each other to escape. They are in a miserable situation, but they are both free and alive.
I have the feeling, that if it had been otherwise, the Kaden family might have extinct.
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RosieAnnieUSA

RosieAnnieUSA

Posts : 418
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 100
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptySat Dec 01, 2018 3:16 pm

Elleree: Wow! You've really built the tension and sustained it. I found that I was biting my lip as I read, so carried away with what was happening here. Even in this situation -- or because of it? -- the dangerous sides of Heyes and Curry show up. Looking forward to the next chapter!
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elleree

elleree

Posts : 67
Join date : 2018-07-09

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptySun Dec 16, 2018 10:39 pm

Responses to Comments:
Nightwalker:
Thanks for the response! Glad you’re enjoying the villains. It is always interesting when the ‘good guys’ just aren’t.  Also glad you like/sympathize with Ross. He does know all too well who the real bad guys are. Speaking of, I am quite sure you’re right. If both partners hadn’t been alive, the Kadens would’ve born the consequences.



Rosie Annie:
It feels mean to say ‘I’m glad you were biting your lip,’ but I am. What I actually mean is I’m glad you were invested in the story. :) Thank you for the kind words.
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gin16



Posts : 229
Join date : 2014-08-12

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyMon Dec 17, 2018 6:02 pm

HannaHeyes:  I always love reading these stories.  Han always has an explanation for his behavior and his letter is so much longer than Jed's.

Nightwalker:  Only hard headed cussedness could get you thru something like that and that could have been either one of them.  It was good of Heyes to get apples for Kid, but Kid sure didn't think it was worth it. 

Elleree:  What a harrowing ride, both were in bad shape and the conditions were terrible and getting worse.  Yet they were able to bring up and talk about a childhood memory they shared.  I believe that Heyes' aunt was there shining a light for them "just in case".

Moulin:  What can I say. Loved it.  I loved Heyes telling Susan that her telephone ring was different so he knew that it was her calling.  It reminded me of Kid telling Heyes that he was thinking to loud.  Was Heyes continuing to tighten the robe around his neck and tightening the belt around his waist because he felt exposed and nervous about Tulsee being there? Really Heyes, a pigeon? and needing assistance with his bath, I am certain he could have had all kinds of ladies offering to do that.  It sounds like Danny always had problems, maybe that is why Kid finally banished him from the family.  I like the idea of a "Grumpy Guard."  Finally, is there a story behind Heyes having a picture himself as a child with his parents?

InsideOutlaw:  Just when I think what else can happen, something bad does.  Kid is being true to himself in how he is treating Mac.  I feel really bad for Heyes, he has gone thru so much and then there is the bear.  I am glad that she was as scared as he was.


Last edited by gin16 on Mon Dec 31, 2018 7:25 pm; edited 2 times in total
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elleree

elleree

Posts : 67
Join date : 2018-07-09

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyTue Dec 25, 2018 10:13 pm

Hanna: I love those, I really do. Love the tone of them and how Heyes' letters are so much longer. I also love how a few of Jed's misbehaviors were because the other kid was being a bully or being mean to a girl. I also liked how Heyes defended his little cousin who "gets into trouble but not the bad kind."  Heh. Super adorable. I hope you finish your book in time! 

Nightwalker: This was such a warm and fuzzy story. Between you and Hanna, I'm smiling and quite full of the holiday spirit. I love Kid's reaction to Heyes' return and the banter. I also love how Heyes jokingly says "I love you too Kid" but he's right. All the fuss Kid is giving is because he loves his partner, though he'd never say it. It was also pretty sweet that Heyes went out and became the outlaw Santa Claus. Or latter-day Robin Hood. Very nice story!
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 522
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 63
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyWed Jan 02, 2019 6:22 pm

HannaHeyes:  I remember this one and loved it every bit as much the second time around.  Heyes is honing his justification skills at an early age and what a handful he would be for any teacher.  Of course, he also starts to hedge his bets just in case Santa turns out to be real. I just loved the "my assassins failed" line! Jed's letters are just as direct and terse as he is and we can certainly see his cousin's influence growing.  No hard to believe these two youths turned outlaw.

Nightwalker:  I'm not sure I would've have been as nice as the Kid if my partner did such a crazy thing!  Luckily, this ended up being a sweet Christmas tale.

Elleree:  Lost, hurt, and cold but warmed by great memories and I enjoyed Heyes permitting himself to wonder if he might've had some help.

MoulinP: You do such a great job of drawing the reader into Heyes' life.  His wariness with his own daughter, his delight in a new found love, and his ability to open up with his grandson all add a depth to Heyes' character that we don't often get to experience.  Nice writing!

_________________
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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RosieAnnieUSA

RosieAnnieUSA

Posts : 418
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 100
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyThu Jan 03, 2019 6:43 pm

Hanna Heyes: So funny! I love the line about the "clothes to toys ratio." And saying "my assassins have failed." A young boy, oh so pleased with himself, would think that was funny, and would not understand that it can sound threatening. A lot of self-justification from these two little boys that shows me that maybe, just maybe, they'd grow up not always taking responsibility for their actions. 

Nightwalker: I can see that an early season snowstorm would trap the DHG at Devil's Hole, when they were unprepared. Nothing like the supplies Clarence had in his cabin! Heyes had a nice idea, but really, ask for help, Han! Don't try to do it all yourself! I'm glad it all worked out for our boys. Love the interplay between Heyes and Curry, especially at the end.

Elleree: You brought warmth to a bitterly cold night. The memories they shared were of good times. I'm glad you brought them safely to the cabin. 

MoulinP: I'm loving this series. The conversation between Heyes and Alfie was touching, sweet, and realistic. Very enjoyable story.

Inside Outlaw: There you go again, putting poor old Heyes through the wringer. A confrontation with a bear? Holy smokes! I hope Our Boys are reunited in the next chapter. At least they're getting close. Looking forward to seeing what happens next, as always!
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Nightwalker



Posts : 35
Join date : 2018-09-14

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyFri Jan 04, 2019 7:56 am

Hanna Heyes – The letters are so beautiful.

The first set was written by two sweet boys. Young Han trying to set the record straight, bad enough there already is one to set straight and he knows about it. Sweet-talking Santa and giving him advice at the same time is so Heyes. I just love it.
Jed’s letter is so sweet. Wishing for an elf is such a great idea! I’ll take one, too.

The next set of letters shows that the excitement is already fading. Han’s behavior during the year was even worse and he dang well knows it. HE is worried about Santa’s reputation? Just great! Han can ALWAYS explain everything, but it shows us, too, that he’s pretty aware where he failed – or better that he failed, I’m dead sure Santa will never hear about all the times when he wasn’t caught - he’s just trying to dodge the consequences at Christmas. Just love it, when he offers bringing Santa presents in return.
Jed’s sorry-letter is so great: he’s sorry for being not sorry. Wonderful. He already shows his stubbornness as well as his sense for justness. Such a sweet boy - sorry, man - wishing for a gun as every man needs.

The last set of letters tells us, that Santa’s reputation crumbles. He’s suspecting a swindle and calls for a proof by signing a paper? Han as perfect example of a good boy? His letter had me laughing one time after another.
Jed is straight forward as expected. No question left, if he will stay Santa’s friend, if the gifts turn out disappointing again. Nevertheless, he was kind enough not to leave him the gingerbread, which made the entire family sick – at least not this year.
How their parents took their letters? I’m not that sure that they enjoyed them as much as I did.

Elleree – I’m so glad that the prompt made you write a story against your intention.
The boys were in such a bad situation and still have so much reason to worry about each other. I also like the flashback into their past and their ride home from the Christmas party. Jed’s mother knew the boys very well and saved them – twice. Call me silly, bit it was no question for me who guided them to the cabin.
Heyes must be very sick when he admits, that he’s wrong, even if his partner is unconscious anyway. I sure hope things will soon get better for them...

MoulinP – It’s such a sweet story. Heyes and Susan are quite a pair which deserves each other.
The short scene in the bath gives one inspiration to dream about. Usually I’ve got some problems with the pairing of older men and young women, but well ... it’s Heyes we’re talking about. No way to hold it against him, as long as he’ll be happy again.

Inside Outlaw – Another wonderful reading. It’s a treacherous though of Kid Curry being soft, while his partner is missing. That fellow really doesn’t know what he might be up to.
I’m fascinated again by your use of the language. Even the descriptions of the surroundings empathize Heyes condition.
The encounter with the bear is about the last, poor Heyes needed. I’m sure both of them won’t forget it soon.  I’m just so glad it didn’t turn out as bad as it could have.
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MoulinP

MoulinP

Posts : 238
Join date : 2015-11-29
Age : 58
Location : Norfolk, England

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptySat Jan 05, 2019 7:46 am

HannaHeyes
Love these letters to Santa. So typical of Heyes to try and justify his rather dubious actions and his protests about the clothes to toys ratio. I particularly liked the deadpan delivery of “I see my assassins have failed.” Jed as usual is straight and to the point. I liked his potato gift. The characters of the grown men shine through in both boy’s letters.


Nightwalker
Heyes knew, as always, what would cheer the Kid up. On reflection, perhaps he should have taken one of the Gang into his confidence. Kyle perhaps? Heyes could have seriously misjudged here. I’m glad he made it back just in time for Christmas.


Elleree
Like the reminiscing. Of course, there was a serious reason – to keep them both awake and alive. Funny how the Kid mentions the lit lamp that saved them before. The subconscious sets to work when extreme situations like they were in, happen to a person. In this case, it steers them to safety. Gripping to the end. Very well written.


Inside Outlaw
Brilliant descriptions as always. Really does help to visualise the scenes. Perhaps Mac is starting to see the light that Curry isn’t really as bad an outlaw as his reputation implies. Hope the partners find themselves soon
.

_________________
Kid Curry and that other fella; Hannibal Heyes and whatsname
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elleree

elleree

Posts : 67
Join date : 2018-07-09

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptySun Jan 06, 2019 7:10 pm

Moulin P:  
I really enjoyed this! Too bad Kid wasn’t around to see Heyes being put into his place by his daughter who does seem to be a chip off the old block. (Which is no doubt why she gets to him so.)

I loved:  He stood hands on hips, then realized that made the neck of his robe gap. He clutched it to his throat and gave the tie a tug for good measure, just to be sure he wasn’t about to expose himself to his daughter.


The stance and then reaction was perfect. Also Susan’s line about “Pappy, I really wish you’d go back to thinking with your head instead of … a different part of your anatomy!” made me laugh.


Inside Outlaw:
Thank you so much for the continuation! I could hear a lot of Kid’ lines of dialogue and also enjoyed Mac’s reaction to seeing Kid Curry NOT be a bloodthirsty outlaw. And poor Heyes is truly in a fix but I am sure glad he scared the bear as much as she scared him. I do hope for a reunion soon. Kid needs to take care of his partner! Also anytime anyone says “the fire’s too far away to be a problem” I get nervous. I hope they aren’t in trouble from that next!

Responses to Comments
Gin16: They were indeed in bad shape but not so bad that they can’t still be them. :) Thank you for the comments.

Inside Outlaw: Thank you for the feedback. It was a nice moment to write for Heyes. It was a harrowing moment for them but I wanted it to have a little warmth to it, too.


Rosie Annie:  Aw, thank you for the kind words. I couldn’t leave them out in the cold forever, although I still have to write them fully into safety. Debating just how to do that.
   
Nightwalker: They’re in from the cold but you’re right that they aren’t off the hook. I’m glad to hear the different takes on the light. I wanted it to be up to interpretation…but I like your take. :)

You’re right that Heyes wasn’t in good shape when he said he didn’t know where they were, but he might not have, had Kid actually been conscious. I will try to continue quickly. They’re together at least and have shelter.

Moulin P: I don’t think Heyes would’ve kept going if it hadn’t been for the need to stay awake, but I always enjoy a past scene. Thank you for the kind comments.
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gin16



Posts : 229
Join date : 2014-08-12

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyWed Jan 09, 2019 5:37 pm

Remuda:  It is always good to read something from your vault.  A moving story.  I think that Heyes could hear Kids voice in his head while trailing Cal and then listening to him.  Maybe he found some peace with his decision to let Cal walk away.

RosieAnnie:  Loved it. Loved the bantering. I think it was profanity but said so low that it could not be made out.  I think that it is usually Kid who is miserable and Heyes trying to talk him around so it was good of Kid to do the same.  I was thinking the same as they were, 'why did we do this too ourselves', glad that that they really decided to make some changes.

InsideOutlaw:  This was a powerful chapter in several ways.  Heyes' condition and his ravings are gut wrenching, giving Kid even more to deal with as he is made to remember.  Mac is beginning to see them both in a different light, but continues to think of Kid as a killer, who is he to judge since he himself is one.  Mac probably figures that he is a dead man anyway, so it was good of him to share the pine tar treatment with Kid.

Nightwalker:  I do not like death stories, this was a hard read.  It was well done.  I can see it playing out as you wrote it, Kid going off by himself and staying away and not wanting to be around people. But being there for them if it was needed.

MoulinP:  How strange, I just began reading your story from the beginning this week.  It was hard to read the first time and this time too.  Heyes should be kicking himself for failing to notice that Kid needed something from him too, but then Heyes was falling in love and that can really screw your thinking up.  At this point Kid and Caroline cannot admit that they are falling in love but we know that they do so that helps. Kid needs to get that letter written soon.


Last edited by gin16 on Wed Jan 30, 2019 12:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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RosieAnnieUSA

RosieAnnieUSA

Posts : 418
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 100
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyMon Jan 28, 2019 12:16 pm

Remuda: This is a beautiful story. It illustrates for me how trauma affects our lives forever. People can get past what happened, but they can't get over it. You show the friendship between our heroes, and their deep understanding. Heyes seems to be working through his feelings as he follows Cal, and maybe, just maybe, Cal has worked through some feelings of his own.

Nightwalker: I don't think you meant it that way, but I feel like your story echoes the theme of Remuda's, which to me is, trauma and recovery from it. How does someone react to a devastating loss? Here, Curry retreats. He cuts all human contact to protect himself from more pain. He can't stop being who he is, though; he's not going to let a woman be abused. That incident, where he stepped out of his routine, opened him up, just a little bit, and he made a connection. There's hope for him yet, isn't there?

Inside Outlaw:  Nice little debate there between Mac and Curry. In fact, I think you might be a philosopher! How do we see ourselves? Is there any relation between our self-view and that of society at large? Curry thinks of himself as a reasonable man, not violent, but that's at odds with his reputation. Mac thinks he does what he has to do, shooting someone in an age when there's no infection control, and he's okay with that. It could very well kill Heyes, but what the hey, it's still doing him a favor. This conflict drives the action of the story, and it works great. As always, looking forward to seeing what happens next.
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 522
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 63
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyWed Jan 30, 2019 8:51 am

Remuda:  This has always been one of my favorite stories.  I can just imagine the feelings that gutted Heyes when he began to realize the man he was having a friendly game with might've been involved in his family's deaths.  How he uses "Jed" instead of "Kid" had to have tipped off his partner as to where his mind had gone.  And the ending is pitch perfect.  As the adage says, War makes monsters of us all.

_________________
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 522
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 63
Location : Colorado

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyWed Jan 30, 2019 9:13 am

RosieAnnie:  A classic tale of the morning after, lol.  How many people have awoken to remorse and resolutions to do better?  

Nightwalker:  Heyes is dead?  Oh, I'm gonna hate this... Sally makes a nice vehicle for reflecting the Kid's turmoil and I glad you didn't take the easy way out, i.e. have him saved by the love of a good woman. I much prefer how you ended this without the Kid picking up the pieces; with him still reconciling his loss.


MoulinP:  It's hard for us Heyes girls to ignore his persistent voice, isn't it?  I did enjoy learning of the Kid's new life with Caroline and watching him trying to sort out his feelings about it.  I got a good laugh at his attempts to write a longer letter, too.  Somehow, as much as I feel comfortable writing tales, writing personal notes are a struggle for me not unlike the Kid's.

_________________
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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RosieAnnieUSA

RosieAnnieUSA

Posts : 418
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 100
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyThu Jan 31, 2019 11:53 am

Moulin P: You offer such an interesting insight into the character of Jed Curry. He's inarticulate with his feelings. He doesn't say much to Heyes, his best friend, and he finds it hard to talk about his hopes and wishes with a wife he dearly loves. But when it comes to offering his advice and expertise in the business world, he's confident and able to speak clearly. In that way, I think he's shy. It's a very sweet quality. Also very entertaining for us readers, who see his struggles. Fun story!
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Nightwalker



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Join date : 2018-09-14

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyFri Feb 01, 2019 3:13 am

Remuda – For once no bad things happen, when the boys split up and I think we can be grateful for that.

So sad, that the friendly poker game ended too soon and conjured ghosts of Heyes’s past, triggering his dark side.

It’s great how you captured his mood and the atmosphere.

I love it how you show the affections of the boys in the little things like gestures and the way they care about each other, even if it isn’t always as easy as it seems.

Wonderful intense story.


RosieAnnie – What a funny way to start a story: they boys enjoying a well-earned hangover. It was easy to picture them suffering and complaining, latter one foremost from Heyes’s side.

“I can’t do philosophy on an empty stomach.” Just beautiful!

It must be desperate times, when Heyes agrees with Harry Briscoe and it always makes me suspiscious. One knows never how this might once end.


InsideOutlaw – “The Kid felt a murderous rage exploding in his heart, but he knew if he gave into it he’d become what he’d always feared.“

You’ve got a very interesting point here. Does he know what could happen to him? What it would mean for him in long term? What exactly does he fear: losing his control or losing his humanity? That he might become an unattached killer or such a man like those who killed his family?

I really like it that you give us a little bit more insight into Kid Curry’s mind. He seems to have a more solid moral base than Mac, the Methodist and law-abiding man, who doesn’t mind killing, if it’s only the ‘bad guys’.

It was interesting to get a little glimpse of the boys’ past with the short flashbacks. I’m always interested in their previous life, we know so little about. Mac seem to listen carefully, too. The boys are not at all what he expected. What chord touched Heyes feverish hallucination in him? Did it remind him of what happened to his son?

With Heyes fixing to follow his deceased family you have me on the edge. I deeply hope, the Kid was still in time and Mac’s advice will help to get him well again. Would be better for all three of them.


MoulinP – You put the boys in a very difficult situation here, with one of them married, one of them part of two separate partnerships so to say. There’s no other way but causing problems, even if Mary is such a nice and compassionate wife.

In addition, the ex-outlaws settle down for the first time in year and try to find new places in the community. It must be hard to adjust to every day’s life of every day’s people. Ending their life on the run cost a lot of freedom and the newly gained security (and family life) has its price, too. It doesn’t take long, until Heyes is caught in obligations and responsibilities.

So, beautiful you made him a writer. It’s a challenge for his mind and gives him a way to use his imagination.

It’s sad, that Heyes loses his touch to the Kid and I think this might be the most difficult problem for him at all, the most difficult problem for both of them. And the messages Heyes receives doesn’t make it any better. He knows there’s more about it, but no way to figure it out.

“What is the Kid NOT saying?” – just beautiful.

The Kid spends a lot of thought on his letter’s details, nothing he takes easy. He found himself such a beautiful place, even if things are difficult for him, too. It’s easy to imagine him paying back to the community. As the nature of his job is revealed by the time, it’s no wonder that he’ didn’t tell his partner about it. It would have earned him a lot of teasing, I guess.

Really nice story. I’m looking forward to see how things will turn out for all of them.

Response to feedack:
RosieAnnie, some sayings hold more than a bit of truth: where life is, is hope. There's no doubt, the Kid will find his way.
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elleree

elleree

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyFri Feb 01, 2019 3:35 pm

Remuda:
I’ve read this before and I loved it this time, too.

"Sorry, Jed."
Kid roused fully at the mention of his name.



Love that. I tend to have Heyes use ‘Jed’ when the situation is very, very serious. For instance, Kid’s hurt very badly or Heyes is extremely worried, so I am glad to see you do the same. It would definitely get Kid’s attention, like you have it do here.

His eyes rested on his adversary. He saw – a man.
That was a really good moment.


Kid appeared contrite. "Sorry, Heyes, but that was a promise I couldn't keep. Not this long."
That was a great moment, too. Of course the Kid would follow his partner. Powerful story, Remuda.
 
Rosie Annie:
I'm loving the banter and this should've been in the episode!

Some of my favorite banters...
“Oh. Good.” Curry rubbed his eyes with his fists. “I feel awful”
“You look awful.”
“You look worse. You look sick." 

I can hear that exchange.


“Try not to be a pain in the ass, would you? You know what I mean.”
Hah.

I can’t do philosophy on an empty stomach 
I grinned at that. Such a perfect Kid line.
 
“I can’t believe you ain’t as miserable as me.”
“I’m miserable enough. The difference between us is, I don’t like to bore other people by complaining.”

Again, I laughed.

I did not get sick!”
“’Course you didn’t. Some stranger come into the room and did that while I was out."

Once more with the laughter. You really made me laugh and it was all very much in character. I could also hear them say every line when I read it. Great job.
 
Nightwalker:
So heartbreaking! And believable. If kid didn’t immediately go get himself killed one way or another, I know he would be a shadow of himself and completely withdrawn. Either of them would. 

His eyes laid warm on her for a while, before he turned around and left, back to the woods and his lonely cabin. Wherever his heart was, it wasn’t with her.  
So sad. Then when he imagines Heyes with him… yeah, I teared up for sure. Actually, I’d like to think Heyes was actually there. I know he was in his heart. Okay, now I’m going to go cry. So Poignant! 


Inside Outlaw:
Excellent continuation of your story. Poor Heyes, having to be sick and in such a state and relive losing his family. And poor Kid, reliving it with him and just trying to console his partner. He does an excellent job holding him and soothing, all the while knowing Mac is there watching.


Heyes was growing weaker by the minute as his own fear grew stronger.    
Such a great line. Poor Kid! You also make it so very clear how much they mean to each other. I love it.

“Man with your reputation, I’d have figured you’d enjoy the killin’ for the fun of it.”  
Mac sure doesn’t know Kid well…but I think he’s starting to realize that.

I hope next month sees Heyes well on his way to recovery! 

Moulin P:
Kid agonizing over the letter was quite sweet. I did hate to see them split up, but that’s a personal preference. I just wish they'd talk already! Heyes wondering about what he wasn't saying definitely fit the character. Nice story!
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MoulinP

MoulinP

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Join date : 2015-11-29
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Location : Norfolk, England

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 32 EmptyWed Feb 06, 2019 6:15 am

Remuda
Resolution to kill a raider if he ever met one. Heyes' promise to himself when he's a child and stuck with him into adulthood. Now that he has met one of the raiders - or possibly one - he considers the implications now - for himself and for his intended victim. It's not that he wouldn't do it, or couldn't do it. It's more shouldn't. Both of them are different people now and it's a different time. Cal seems remorseful for his part in the War and what he might have done, if not to Heyes' family, then to one just like it. That comes across so clearly without being sugary sweet. You give us all the thought processes as they happen. Very deep.

RosieAnnieUSA
So the boys go drinking with Harry? Lots of good lines in here. Like previous commentators, some could have been used in the show - true to form.

Nighwalker
What would either of them do if they lost the other? How would they be? Lots of fanfiction writers have brought this up - including me! However, I agree with you. I think the Kid would withdraw from society. I think he would be scared of what he might do and also afraid of letting Heyes down. I liked that you left open the possibility that at some untold time in the future, the Kid finds a little happiness.

InsideOutlaw
Mac is slowly realising that the Kid in the flesh and the Kid in reputation are not one and the same. The way the Kid is caring for Heyes and the conversation between them is opening Mac's eyes. I like the way you are telling it little by little. As always I admire your descriptions and attention to detail. Both draw the reader into the situation as if we're flies on the wall. Which we probably are by the state of the place!

_________________
Kid Curry and that other fella; Hannibal Heyes and whatsname
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