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 Applause and Feedback

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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Mar 02, 2018 1:36 pm

Finishing up February  freezing cold

Nell McKeon: I think what I liked best about this was the way you demonstrated the relationship between Heyes and Curry. Curry knows his partner so well; he knows when Heyes is pushing his buttons, and he can pull back his emotional response to the provocation. That's the sort of thing one partner does for another.

MoulinP: I love how Curry is learning new vocabulary from that book and throwing off Heyes with that. This was a fun read.

Remuda: I think maybe Wheat and Kyle have been spending too much time together -- Wheat really is starting to think like Kyle! Or maybe, just  maybe, Wheat wanted the satisfaction of scaring Heyes and Curry and seeing them run outdoors in their underwear. Another fun read!
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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Mar 04, 2018 9:26 pm

Nebraska Wildfire
Very nicely written update of the Marie story.  Happy coincidences that she and Heyes keep running into each other unexpectedly.  Didn't know our dark-haired ex-outlaw had such loving attention in him, but it certainly is going a long way toward her recovery.  Wondering when he will find out about Hannah.

Nell McKeon

Wow, such a serious discussion between the partners!  We know Heyes has to keep that dark side in check and leave it to Kid to do his checking for him.  I was with Heyes wondering how the discussion devolved into philosophy and the after-life, but love how it ended.  As well, really liked the visual about Shorty's gaze being level with the saloon girl's considerable assets -- LOL!

Moulin
Love Kid's ruminating on life and explaining their modus operandi -- too funny!  They had better do something before the sheriff gets suspicious and pegs them for other than saddlebums is right.  Looking forward to what comes next.

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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Mar 05, 2018 11:36 pm

Nell McKeon: I remembered this one.  An odd story, but a good one.  So..  the fastest gun in the west can make it rain? What a man!  We need more like him.

Keays:  This is definitely different, but I liked it.  It would be a great thing to have families that are so different from each other and to learn a different way to live.  Thanks for this snippet, looking forward to more.

Nebraska Wildfire:  Oh, I wish this were twice as long as it is.  It is heartbreaking, Heyes does care for Ellie, but they do have to leave. They met these women at the worst time in their lives.  Heyes thought Kid was dead and Kid  had no idea how or where Heyes was.  They were dying, Ellie and Bessie took care of them, that they would develop feelings for each other would be expected.  The ladies should understand that they cannot stay because of who they are.  I am sorry that Kid is upset with Heyes over his indecision.  Also am glad that the sheriff warned them about the bounty hunter, he must have an idea of who they are.

Remuda:  They seemed to cross all of their Ts and dotted all of their I s with this document.  Leaving their legally earned money to each other or wives and issue if any and if none of that applies it goes to Lom.  A well thought out document.  And you brought back Brubaker to do it with them.

MoulinP:  Enjoyed the update.  Stealing a cheese wheel? did the sheriff think they ate it all, where was the evidence?  They really have the sheriff wondering what is going on with Heyes being there, then gone and back again.  A former gang member gone straight helping them out.  I am curious about what is going to happen next.

HannaHeyes:  Finally a horse Heyes can't get along with.  They put on a good show.  Did Kid really know that Heyes wasn't standing where he was?   I am glad that they got paid and they got the bonus too!


Last edited by gin16 on Sat Mar 31, 2018 10:12 pm; edited 3 times in total
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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Mar 10, 2018 3:10 pm

MoulinP - You have me intrigued. I really want to read the rest of this. Loved Kid using the 'big' words. He's right though. What will the sheriff think if one minute Heyes is gone, then all of a sudden he's back? Maybe he'll think he's hallucinating and not give it much though, but I seriously doubt it. Looking forward to more!

Remuda - I loved this! Laughed all the way through it! That sounded just like a Wheat plan. It was so visual, I could see it plainly in my mind as Heyes got more and more angry. And when Wheat told him to calm down or he'd have a stroke, I fell over! Too  bad this scene was never in the show.

Now for March...

Nell McKeon - I remember reading this somewhere. Liked it then and enjoyed reading it again! Kid needs to stay away from the mushrooms.  rainsmiley At least Heyes and his new friend got a good show.

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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Mar 10, 2018 3:38 pm

Nell McKeon
This is cute.  I remember reading it before and glad you brought it back for us to enjoy again.  Ed was indeed a man ahead of his time.  Funny scenes with Kid.  I LOL'd at the last line -- a beaut!

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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Mar 18, 2018 9:55 pm

Keays
This is definitely different, and certainly well written and researched, but it left me a little confused.  With his mother being Shoshone and his dad not a Curry, how would the kinship to Jed and Grandpa Curry work?  In two instances the boys are referred to as cousins, but in another it sounds like Heyes is Jed's uncle, but maybe the latter is just a typo.  Anyway, that aside, always like stories of their childhoods.

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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Mar 19, 2018 3:18 pm

Oh, thanks for letting me know about the typo. I thought I got them all. In my revision for publication, the Heyes character is Jed's uncle (or, half-uncle, if there is such a thing). Heyes is the oldest son of the second marriage, and Jed is the son of Han's older half-sister. Grandpa Curry doesn't come into it.
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Nell McKeon



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Mar 19, 2018 6:00 pm

Keays - This was a beautifully and sensitively written with complex emotions coming though in words. I get the feeling you were inspired by affection for the character of Hannibal Heyes and the actor who portrayed him, Peter Duel. However, in my humble opinion, the reader is best served with approaching this original work in a category of its own rather than trying to shoehorn the story into ASJ canon or fanon. For myself, I would have enjoyed this thoughtful piece had you not even used the names Hannibal Heyes or Jed.
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Mar 22, 2018 12:41 am

Isn't it sad when real life gets in the way of playing in dreams?

Catching up on some February stories for "Short":

MoulinP:  I love the way they play off of each other.  Heyes really doesn't have a plan until the Kid nudges him.  And the Kid's vocabulary is expanding, maybe to annoy Heyes?

Remuda:  I love Wheat in this.  Delightfully annoying.  The dialogue is great.  I liked the echo from Everything Else You Can Steal:  "You should really get some sleep, Heyes."

And now on to March and Reservations:

Nell McKeon:  A unique plot, I enjoyed it.  I could very much see the Kid doing the rain dance.  "Thaddeus loves to help needy folk out.  Don't you, Thaddeus?"  The nod to the current day casinos on native lands, and handcraft selling, like at Four Corners, was interesting.  A man before his time.

Keays:  Another unique take, this time on their background.  I know we've had discussions on how much they tell us in the series is the truth, and how much is not, so that's very open to different ideas.  Still, the idea that they came from good families is there.  "His cousin had abandoned him and as far as he was concerned that was it."  Loved that line.

Remuda:  I hope you had as much fun writing this as I did reading it.  After dealing with my parents' financial and legal matters for years, and recently updating our own wills and POAs, I needed this.
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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Mar 31, 2018 1:07 pm

Nell McKeon: I gotta say, any story that involves Kid Curry taking magic mushrooms is alright with me. I also enjoy your skill with characterization and dialogue. The bit about this isn't Utah, your tracking skills aren't good here; I prefer Ed, Ed's plans for business, and Heyes' reactions to them; and Curry's mushroom-induced willingness to participate in a ritual he doesn't understand. Fun story.

Keays: Although we think of these characters as malleable, rarely do they get stretched in a new direction. You've done that here, and done it plausibly. This does read as more of a story outline than a story; I hope you will flesh it out. When you say "By the time Hannibal had reached his tenth year, he was already seeing himself as one separate and above his peers. It was an attitude that would stay with him well into his adult years and would cause him more trouble and misery than even his wise grandfather could have foreseen.", this is a huge insight into character and underlies everything that happens to him later on. I really really like your approach and, greedily, I encourage you to take it and run with it. I would love to read more.

Nebraska Wildfire: Heartbreaking. I do think Heyes should've been honest about his identity, but maybe Curry called him right on it. It's easier to rob a bank than it is to cause and confront emotional pain. I wonder what's going to happen to Ellie, now that she's a single mother?

Remuda: I really felt like I was reading something written in the late 19th century. You really got the language down.

Moulin P: Hilarious! I love that Heyes and Curry are gaslighting the sheriff and deputy! Looking forward to what happens next.

Hanna Heyes: Very funny! That horse is one lady that Heyes couldn't charm. I enjoy the dialogue too, especially the bit about watching your back.
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Mar 31, 2018 10:32 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - Heyes is a very intelligent man but he is low on the emotional intelligence scale. The situation he finds himself in is probably the hardest to deal with with no satisfactory solution, just pain in varying degrees for all. And that is without the Kid knowing the full extent of what leaving Bessie has cost him. The ending conversation between Heyes and Ellie was heartbreaking.


Good lines -"Then he refocused that still blue gaze on me, the one that said I might be the smart, scheming one, but he knew better how to assess the threat."
  
“When you told me about your quest for amnesty, it got me thinkin’.”  She looked out into the night.  “Who on earth would the governor be able to string along for two years?”  She looked back at me.  “Had to be someone awful dumb.”

I started to protest, but Dea stirred, and I subsided.  A sharper look might have been directed towards Ellie.

“Or someone awfully desperate.”  She met my gaze.  “I knew you weren’t stupid."

 
Remuda - Loved it. My kudos to you on the style. I could very well believe that Heyes would have a last Will and Testement reading like this. Lol - capture, incarceration, or worse (can't actually say death - bad omen). 


Moulin P - LOL - the entire bit with Heyes in the cell, not in the cell, and then in the cell again, along with Curry's acting was great! It's good that pretty good bad men have friends and acquaintances that owe them sprinkled around the west. I, too, hope next month's prompt allows Moulin to continue the story. 


Hanna Heyes - You've got a young Heyes and Kid just right. Guess Heyes hasn't perfected his ornery animal charm routine yet, or does it just work on bulls. Thanks for the laughs and a entertaining story.
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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Apr 01, 2018 1:37 pm

Nell McKeon: Despite political incorrectness, this was a fun read. I loved Kid's thoughts ". . . of course it's dry, it's a dessert . . ."! I'm sure we've all used Heyes' logic at some point in our lives. Ed Soaring Eagle was a great character, who obviously was a man ahead of his time. I expect he will make a great medicine man. Different, for sure, but great!

Nebraska Wildfire: Poor Ellie doesn't have much luck with men. This is a good example of why the boys never let a 'love connection' go too far. But, once in a while, it can't be helped. Even so, Heyes knew he would eventually have to leave. Not easy for a wife to realize that she and her daughter are not on the top of her husband's priorities. As mentioned before, I wonder how Ellie will make out, being on her own with a baby. Still, Heyes is not irresponsible. I expect he will send her money when he can, and once the amnesty comes through, well, who knows . . .

Remuda: This was a different kind of tale, indeed. The language style sets the scene, and one feels like they're reading some legal documents that had been sneaked to the newspaper. True to form that the fellas would feel a certain reservation in signing their names to said legal documents. But once they decided to do it (with Lom's gentle persuasion), they might as well go for broke.

Moulin P: Another fun tale. This story truly emphasizes the fellas' tenacity when it comes to solving a crime they had been accused of committing. I almost felt sorry for the deputy and then the sheriff, as they struggled to deal with the strange doings in their jailhouse. Of course, if the lawmen had known who it was they had in their cell, it might have given them some advantage. I'm looking forward to the continuation of this story.

Hanna Heyes: This story went in a different direction than I thought it would. I was expecting the determined young Hannibal to find a way to clean that stall. Your version was more fun. Even as a boy, Han was showing a certain amount of common sense. Jed, of course, already had a fair dosage of that characteristic.
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Apr 03, 2018 12:47 am

MoulinP:  Amuse bouche?  That is a new one for me.  This was such a fun story, with the boys so busy, but so still.  I guess actually it had Heyes moving, and the Kid staying still. Or with Heyes worried about the big cheese and the Kid worried about his little cheese?  It kept me wondering, and I guess I still am.


Hanna Heyes:  My favorite line was "He and the mare stared at each other like gunfighters facing off in the street."  Heyes foreshadowing the Kid?  I like that their personalities are so distinct already at this age. And my last favorite line:  "That's the last time I dance with the devil."
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MoulinP

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Apr 03, 2018 11:23 am

New Year’s resolution – do comments! First time this year …

Nell McKeon
Brilliant descriptive writing as aways, Nell. Felt I was right there. Heyes and Ed sitting there talking as if the Kid dancing around is the most natural thing in the world. And it works! Beautifully!


Keays
This was certainly unusual but as you say, it does work. Provides one possible explanation to some of the complexities of Heyes’ personality. Well told.


Nebraska Wildfire
So many reservations! I think the mark of a good writer is holding the reader’s attention and you held mine right to the end.


Remuda
Liked the way this was written. Very in keeping with the times. The legalise defeated me in parts but from the gist it was good to see that the boys were looking after each other, their spouses, offspring and Lom. This could have been a risking undertaking for all concerned. Loved the last line.


HannaHeyes
Ooh was it a dare! Jed was going for it but Han had no reservations. I think he was itching to get in there and see if he could tame the horse. Perhaps he engineered the hat stealing …? He got his comeuppance curtsey of Jed’s mistimed throw. Oops!

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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Apr 11, 2018 7:27 pm

Nebraska Wildfire:  I feel bad for Heyes, at the end of the last chapter, "if he had looked back, he wouldn't have been able to leave.  But they had too and he knew that.  Now that Kid knows about the baby, maybe he will be more sympathetic to Heyes and what he had to walk away from   I hope they get the news they have been waiting for at the Nolan ranch.

RosieannieUSA:  What a hoot!  Loved it.  Poor Kid, what a good dream he was having, I wonder how many of those Heyes ended abruptly.  Kid came up with a really good idea, must have been the whiskey, as to how Heyes should approach writing his stories, well it did get Kid back in bed, I wonder if Sally was waiting for him?

MoulinP:  All of this for a poker game, hiding cards in cheese wheels.  Kid resorts to reading a book, with only one good part.  I'm looking forward to whatever plan Heyes comes up with.

Nell McKeon:  I do believe Kid was right, Heyes would have done just about anything and taken all kinds of time to try and get his hat back.  It must have been really hard for Heyes not to laugh or make any comments on Kid wearting the bonnet, I am glad that Judy made him agree not to do or say anything.  Sunburns hurt, I know!

Remuda:  Sometimes things happen and the memories smack you right in the face, they can be good or bad.  Sometimes you don't want to remember but you need too.  It is a really good story.


Last edited by gin16 on Tue May 01, 2018 4:26 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Apr 17, 2018 9:04 pm

RosieAnnieUSA:  Such a fun story.  Trust Heyes to try and figure out how they can make money off their stories, but it would be interesting to see him try to find a literary agent.  I do like how the Kid settles Heyes down.  He comes up with valid points, and I like how Heyes easily agrees.  It is so reflective of how well they work together.
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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu May 03, 2018 10:34 am

April stories:

Nebraska Wildfire: The father asks some good questions, doesn't he? And Heyes does, too. Your story is a good illustration of how people don't think about how their actions might affect other people. I also appreciate how you show some changes in Heyes; Curry, of course, knows him best, and remarks that Heyes isn't cautious about his winning or his drinking. Something is happening there. Looking forward to finding out what happens next!

MoulinP:  Chad's been keeping a few secrets, hasn't he? It's not only the cheese that's a mite stinky in that town! You do a great job of sneaking in some character insights -- Curry's a bit of a complainer, Heyes struggles to eat soup -- which adds to the richness of their personalities. I'm looking forward to seeing if the sheriff buys that Bannerman story, and what happens at the poker game.

Nell McKeon:  A real nice story of a long ride and the relationship that develops between the riders. The boys go from "Mrs" to first-name pretty quick. They're very understanding and helpful, and do all they can to make Judith feel comfortable. If they were looking for work today, they'd make excellent guides on some big-name company's adventure trips. And also a very logical story about how Curry lost his hat.

Remuda:  I really don't know how you're able to seamlessly shift the mood and introduce coincidence and remembrance, but you did it. Not everyone can tie in the guidance of Spirit to an AS&J story, but you managed it. Well done.
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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon May 07, 2018 11:40 pm

Nebraska Wildfire
Nice continuation of your story.  Felt really sorry for both guys, especially Heyes with the after-effects of a bender.  I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to see what the message from the mutual friend in Cheyenne is.  Why do I think it's going to be something other than amnesty?

RosieAnnie
Love this!  The idea of Heyes' penning the true story versus the fictionalized account is fun and would be great to read.  He says they'll make money off the stories, but how will they collect the royalties?  I guess that's still in the planning stages, and no doubt Heyes will come up with something.  Continuation?

Moulin P
Another good continuation.  Love the idea of the boys as Banner-men, even if it is just a ruse.  And the aliases to the aliases -- too funny!  Alphonse, indeed!  LOL  I've thought of this as the cheese wheel story, and it's absurdity at its best.  Can't wait to see how it all shakes out, and hope the conclusion fits in with next month's prompt.

Nell McKeon
What a romp!  The picture of Curry in the bonnet itself makes me laugh, so good on Heyes for being able to hold his tongue and laughter for at least a little while.  This is a great explanation for the change of hats for Kid.  Had a thought when Curry was serving up coffee the first morning in camp that trail-riding wasn't so bad -- maybe not, but not exactly glamping for Judith, either!  Thanks as well for the notes.  I've seen those fields of bluebonnets, and they are gorgeous, indeed!

(Just a note -- In the first section Judith is referred to as Julia; presume it's just a typo.)

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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon May 14, 2018 5:20 am

NebraskaWildfire – I really enjoyed reading your challenge over breakfast this morning, and given the setting, that’s a surprise to me. Sad I thought the pace of the trip into Laramie was perfect, slow, reluctant to leave Kid, the writing matched that pace and mood so well.  You captured Heyes’ unease, as to how others would receive him having paid his dues, too.  And that’s when I started to relax reading it sunny , the kindness of strangers is powerful stuff. Like Heyes, I got the feeling this was going to be a good new beginning. Excellent challenge clapping .
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PostSubject: April Scrap   Mon May 14, 2018 1:19 pm

Continued comments on the April stories.




MoulinP - Scrap.  So the doctor has more problems than the boys?  Except for being in jail of course?   Then there is Heyes spinning a tale for the sheriff that even I might believe.




Nell McKeon - Curry Red and Blue.  Kid Curry in a blue bonnet?  I think I might have wanted to laugh more than Heyes.  But then again, maybe not.  You painted such a delightful and believable picture of the Kid in a sun bonnet.  Thanks much for the notes on blue bonnets.  After looking at their scientific names, I feel much better about the Latin on the seal of my university.  I always called it fake Latin, Universitas Nebraskensis. But looking at Lupinus texensis and Lupinis plattensis (I’m assuming for the Platte River in Nebraska), I stand corrected.




Remuda - Coincidences.  So the Kid is smart enough to flip his own coin this time?  Must have really wanted that bath.  And with just a word and a phrase, you turn their comfortable, peaceful night into dark memories.
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon May 14, 2018 3:38 pm

Cal:  I like that Kyle is looking out for his family, even if it is with a shotgun in hand.  Having worked for Wells Fargo, I loved that they were paying for the wedding.

Nebraksa:  I hope that there are many more chapters to come.  How hard it must have been for Heyes' getting out of prison and walking away from Kid, I do hope his stay to for not much longer.  I like May, she has been so good to one of our favorite outlaws.  Since he has the money to pay back Wheat & Kyle, I think that they must be the friends in Cheyenne, I hope so anyway, he will feel more safe there.

Chelseagirl:  Short and sweet, I loved it.  I feel for Ella, so much can happen in such a short space of time when children are involved.  Loved the court scene, maybe, just maybe if they play the game enough, they will know that that is not where they want to be.  Always  happy to be back in Blue Sky.


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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed May 16, 2018 3:28 am

Cal:  I thought I had posted comments on your story already, but it appears not!

It was such a delightful story.  I could just see Kyle storming about town, rifle in hand, seeming in charge — but not?  Gotta love a Hannibal Heyes plan, no matter for what.  I love that is is set in their outlaw days, but they took the time to dress up and plan a wedding, or was it already planned?  Nice of.Wells Fargo to pay for it all, even if they didn’t know it.
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri May 18, 2018 12:31 pm

ChelseaGirlA Brand New Game
Isn’t it strange seeing Thaddeus and Curry together.  I guess Kid liked that name after all (Many suppose the aliases to be family names anyway… so that would fit too) I like revisiting the Ella universe… checking in…seeing what’s happening.  I can sympathise with Ella’s worries, over being responsible for other people’s precious children, imagining all sorts of terrible fates befalling them… Poor Ella. Genius solution.  Not sure if the boys (The grown-up boys, that is) will be in agreement though, they had one too many close calls in courtrooms.  Loved seeing the young “Perry Mason” at work... if it please the court.
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