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 Applause and Feedback

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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 11, 2017 1:23 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - Oh, what a perfect Christmas tale. The poor couple, who still manage to help those even poorer, get a little leg up financially from the boys. You also managed to get some good old outlaw fun and action in there too and the lucky lady got Heyes to lie on top of her as well as a lovely handkerchief. What more could a lady ask for?

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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Dec 12, 2017 12:38 am

Silverkelpie:  A chapter full of tension.  Heyes is distraught, realizing just how much he really does care for her and Kid is there for him whatever happens.  How will Heyes know that she survives?  Does he jeopardize by going back to find out.?

Nebraska Wildfire:  A great tale.  Helping out others in need.  It was kind of the storekeeper telling her that he had added to other peoples' accounts before so that she wouldn't feel so awkward about accepting the help.  And the gift of the handkerchief, how thoughtful that was.

HannaHeyes:  I love their letters to Santa.  Han always has an explanation for his actions.  What a mind you have, If life hands you lemons, throw them at the people that caused your problems,  love it.  Somehow Jed's letter is always so much shorter than Han's is.

Nell Mckeon:  A wonderful story.  You write Kid so well.  A man of few words most of the time, but when he says something that is important to him, he is willing to put aside long buried hurts.

Rosieannie:  Heyes really should listen to Kid more, they could avoid a whole of trouble if he did, but it sounds like Heyes had a really good time making Sawyer look bad.  I'm glad they found a good place to stay, complete with plenty of food.


Last edited by gin16 on Mon Jan 01, 2018 11:09 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 22, 2017 6:28 pm

HannaHeyes - Hilarious! More than enough festive fun for everyone here, and Little Heyes is right in character for a too-clever-by-half boy heading for a life of crime. I felt sorry for the poor teacher. And little Jed's shooting spree? Hah! Yes, that's the best thing to do when life hands you lemons. Lol, and a potato under the tree? Poor Santa.

Nell McKeon - Loving the historical notes at the end. They bring extra veracity to the tale full of detail a poignancy. You catch the boys in character right from the start, describing every glance, thought, and nuance to layer the depictions perfectly. What an original premise for a story, and the glimpse into the Kid's dreams for the future was heart-warming.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Dec 26, 2017 8:49 pm

HannaHeyes:  I love these Santa letters.  They are so much fun, showing the boys as typical kids, even if a bit precocious.  The story makes me wonder if they would have ended up as they did, no matter what their history.  Maybe they were responsible for their fate, and not victims.
  
  
Nell McKeon:  The question often comes up of what the boys could do when and if they ever get amnesty.  This story shows that they are capable of almost anything to which they put their determination.  Heyes uses his innate showmanship to up sell and the Kid smiles at the children, showing something innate in him too.  The discussion between them about the picture is the perfect ending, poignant but “keeping the faith.”


Christmas Tree gifts
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 29, 2017 3:32 pm

RosieAnnieUSA:  Thank you for sharing such a lovely tale of the boys in their Devil’s Hole days.  The characterizations are of course spot on.  Heyes is his cocksure self, as leader of the gang, Curry, cautious, and keeping his partner in check, Kyle just happy about a ham and whiskey, and Wheat, being Wheat.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 31, 2017 10:05 am

RosieAnnie - So we finally find out why Wade Sawyer hates the boys so much and we see them turn lemons into lemonade as they hunker down and have a rather good Christmas holed up in a well-stocked cabin. Full of wonderful little touches which shows the reader who characters are and what makes them tick, the dialogue is masterful. Thanks for this lovely seasonal piece.

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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Jan 01, 2018 12:24 pm

December stories:

Silverkelpie: You use your knowledge of the 19th century so effectively in stories. Blood transfusions? An act of desperation, it doesn't usually work (and we don't know why), but we've got nothing else. Also, how easy would it have been to just declare death and not pick up on that faint, faint breath? I'm so glad I live now, instead of then.

Nebraska Wildfire: I love Heyes, as he is getting ready to ride off after the robbery and explosion, all that excitement and some mistreatment of civilians, and he still wishes them to "have a good day!" And yeah, they are pretty good bad men, aren't they? It's the wonderful dichotomy that makes them such interesting characters. Heyes pays for Marie's goods, and for other people's, and it's all from stolen money. 

Hanna Heyes: Those letters are so much in character! I can so easily see a clever boy trying to wheedle his way out of some not-too-serious misdeeds, and the other with an appetite for treats. Charming story.

Nell McKeon: Sweet and nostalgic, with an undercurrent of loneliness and regret. How do you do that, anyway? And you and that farmer were right; it's the simple, everyday moments that we need to treasure. You really hit all the right emotional notes here.
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Nell McKeon



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Jan 01, 2018 3:07 pm

December 


Silverkelpie- Another tension filled chapter with Abi's ife in the balance and Heyes coming to realization of just how much she means to him. So Heyes and Abi have the same blood type (although not known at the time), nice nod to early medical knowledge. In a typically gripping chapter the last two short paragraphs were what really elevated your writing. 


Nebraska Wildfire - This was an engaging tale of some pretty good bad man doing good with ill-gotten gains. It sure plays havoc the honest folks ethics.


Hanna Heyes - Thanks for the delightful in character letters to Santa Claus. The silver tongue and roguish charm from Han and Jed's  directness but I'm not sure how Santa will react to the substitution of a potato for two cookies.


Rosie Annie -  Well that explains the animosity and determination of Wade Sawyer and Kid knows it. Great illustration of Heyes at his cocky, confident best. Like others have said I imagined the well stocked cabin to be Sawyers and it gave me even more chuckles reading your wonderfully humorous (great dialogue!) story. 
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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Jan 09, 2018 6:41 pm

Finally got around to commenting on December's stories...

Silverkelpie - I'm glad I knew Abi would be okay while reading this. Has Heyes truly fallen in love? I liked the ending paragraphs when Kid was pondering on the possibility that Abi might be an image of Heyes' life had they had a better start. Is this the end of this one or is there more? I hope so!

Nebraska Wildfire - I loved this story. You show the goodness that is still there, hidden in the boys' hearts. Really liked the interaction between Heyes and the couple, especially Marie, and their reaction to him. Loved the ending. Maybe the Robin Hood comparison is more true than anyone thought.

Nell McKeon - This was bittersweet to me, but I really enjoyed it. I don't think I've ever read where the boys were involved in that kind of job. And they each had the perfect part of the job, Heyes handling the business end and Kid dealing with the children. The bittersweet part was when Kid was staring at the farm and keeping the picture. Very well written.

RosieAnnie - I loved your story as well! I would LOVE to know how Heyes made Sawyer look like a fool. And Heyes stole his badge! Love it! But he might want to listen to Kid about this. I'd love to read a story about the next time they meet.

*Now on to January...*

RosieAnnie - This was delightful. You had Harry's character down perfect throughout the whole thing. Really enjoyed the story from his perspective. I take it the boys got amnesty at some point in time?

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Nell McKeon



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Jan 09, 2018 10:03 pm

RosieAnnie - This month's challenge stories are off to a great start with your offering. Any story with Harry Briscoe is a winner in my book. You have Harry's character wonderfully illustrated with the the Jenkins/Johnson name confusion, the meandering discussions, and the rhythm of his speech. Thanks for the take on Brimstone from Briscoe's perspective. 

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Jan 26, 2018 12:10 pm

RosieAnnieUSA:  I was so pleased to read your delightful story about Harry.  He is such a fun character, and you have his characterization perfect.  I've had a stressful and busy month, and this story was a perfect reminder of why I love ASJ.
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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Jan 26, 2018 8:26 pm

Rosieannie:  I enjoyed your story very much.  You have Harry down pat in his manner of speech.  His calling Johnson, Jenkins, just checking, was right in line with the way he was.  I wondered at the end if there will be more to the story, other adventures with Heyes and Curry.

Nebraska Wildfire:  I really like these stories, I hope that there will be more.  It shows us a side of Heyes that we very rarely see.  It is usually Kid that shows his softer side and does he know that Heyes is keeping track of Marie and helping her out?.  I was sorry but not surprised that Samuel had passed on.

InsideOutlaw:  A long thoughtful loiok back from where they were, with nothing to now, still with nothing, but each other and that is enough.

MoulinP: Kid, "can we do it"?  He may suggest that they do it separately but he does not want to do it that way.  I like the back and forth; "we'll have to get jobs", "where", "wherever we can", "doing what", "anything legal I reckon'. 

HannaHeyes:  Your childhood stories about them are so good.  Poor Sylvia, she had no idea who she was up against.  I loved Jed's reply "of course it is, it's the same dog"  How else could he have replied?.  I am glad that the story did not go to what happened to their families.

Silverkelpie:  I loved the back and forth between them.  Heyes kept trying to get Kid in on ruining the drapers and Kid wasn't buying it.  Loved Heyes frustration with the sewing machine and Kid bringing up his sewing skills or lack thereof.  I remember the 'look' Kid gave him when he saw his hat.

Nell:  What a moving story.  Kid is up in the middle of the night thinking, that is a change.  Hard decisions, doing what is right and having nothing and no one or turning to a life of crime and having everything you could want and family, maybe not a hard decision after all.


Last edited by gin16 on Tue Feb 06, 2018 11:44 pm; edited 1 time in total
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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Jan 31, 2018 3:38 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - I'm so glad you continued Marie's story. I was hoping there would be more. Heyes always seems to show up just when she needs him. Sad to read about Samuel, but you knew it was coming soon. I hope you continue in this series. I really enjoy them.

InsideOutlaw - Loved this missing scene. So Heyes has bugged Kid the most, huh? Really enjoyed it when Kid just started saying whatever and Heyes would agree with him because he was concentrating so hard on what he was doing. My husband could sympothize with Kid because I do the same thing to him. You made a good point as to why they don't hardly have any money at all too. Thanks for writing this.

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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Jan 31, 2018 8:19 pm

RosieAnnie - Oh, you got Harry down to a 'T'. The bluster, the slightly-less-clever-than-he-thinks-he is bravado, the bluster,  the beady eyed glare. You even got the rhythm of his speech and the lack of attention to detail. I really hope you continue to show us the world through Harry's eyes.

Nebraska Wildfire - Poor Samuel, but you did foreshadow his ill-health in the previous story. I like the touch of him wearing a bowler hat, as they were wildly popular at the time and it also served as a good disguise from his very noticeable HH hat. Sad and poignant. I'm glad you continued with this.

InsideOutlaw - Your knowledge of horses and tack shines in the first few paragraphs - all slight details for you, but they add a veracity to your writing. You give a great rationale for them embarking on the quest for amnesty with no money - an impulsive act and they never saved because they never knew if they'd be alive to spend savings. Great missing scene. If the scriptwriters could have seen this it'd have been added in a shot.

MoulinP - Great positioning, to make this next missing scene fit right in after InsideOutlaw's. You capture the boy's banter perfectly when they're deciding on names. They are already sliding into the world of work by the end of the story and the familiar sight of the Kid talking while Heyes is reading after earning an honest wage was a perfect place to end.

HannaHeyes - Ah, a series of letters? I'm loving the format already. Poor Sylvia starts off being very fond of the boys but their shenanigan start to get old fast. Of course they stand up to bullies and the like but, true to form, they never know when to stop. Poor Sylvia. Of course it's the same dog! Hilarious.

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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Feb 01, 2018 11:40 am

Nebraska Wildfire: Oh dear, what are you doing to me, drawing me in like that? Do I sense some kind of connection between Heyes and Marie? Does that bode well for this lonely, dedicated schoolteacher? Or will her involvement, minor as it may be, bring trouble to her? The essence of good storytelling is engaging the reader and making her want more. I want more!

Inside Outlaw: Nice banter between the boys. I do love the thought of Clem taking their case to the governor. And Kid: did he ever fix that back door of his? That means they must have visited Lom before the visit in the pilot episode. If I wasn't working on other things, that'd be a fun story to write. 

Moulin P: I laughed out loud that Grandpa just called all his grandsons Heyes, because he couldn't remember all their first names. Must've been confusing at times! And yeah, taking that first step is a challenge -- shaking hands with a sheriff, giving their "new" names, doing honest work. Love that little last jibe from Heyes about a warm feeling running down the leg. LOL!
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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Feb 01, 2018 11:51 am

Hanna Heyes: Poor Sylvia! I think she lacks a sense of humor. Some of the lines you give the boys are classic, especially Jed turning in the same essay about the dog. Of course it's the same; it's the same dog! And it is a good question--who looked at a cow and said, mmm, milk for humans? The late comedian David Brenner had a whole hilarious routine about it. Thanks for the good laughs!

Silverkelpie: Love, love, love the banter between the boys here. My favorite might be "Yeah, ‘cos everything a woman does is real easy,” muttered the Kid. “I can’t wait to see you produce milk when you’re done with this contraption.” Being a woman, I am a little prejudiced. Nicely done!

Nell McKeon: It's interesting to be inside a young man's thought processes. He's focusing on the start of his new life, and what he sees in it is easy money bringing physical comforts. He doesn't see where it will lead in the end. Maybe the next prompt should be "the end." Anyway. My favorite line here: "The moral high road wasn’t so high if you were slogging through mud and around big immovable boulders the whole way with no one to share the burden." No, I guess not.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Feb 01, 2018 3:30 pm

Nell McKeon - A beautiful pensive piece, full of the rationalisations and thoughts of a young man standing at the threshold of a life of crime. You capture the internal struggles of a young man tired of fighting to stay alive and who has decided to sacrifice his potentially hard future in exchange a few comforts in the here and now. Beautifully written.

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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Feb 03, 2018 8:10 pm

RosieAnnie:  You channel Harry Briscoe better than anyone!  I love how you bring him to life with descriptive gestures and capturing his distinctive speech patterns.  But I do wonder if Johnson was a frustrated as I was by Harry's inability to talk a straight line.  Clever use of the prompt.

Nebraska Wildfire:  Nice continuation and nice to see that Heyes is still trying to help.  Is it guilt or is it attraction?  I'm not sure yet. Sweet tale.

MoulinP:  We are on the same wavelength with this prompt.  Good explanation of how they chose their first name aliases. LOL, that last bit of bantering took me a second to get!

HannaHeyes:  I love the arc of the letters:  from fresh face idealism all the way to total despondency.  You sure painted an interesting picture of our precocious heroes.

SilverKelpie:  So the great Hannibal Heyes was paralysed by a sewing machine, lol.  Mrs. Butterworth's last line was a hoot!

Nell McKeon:  Good job capturing the unsureness of the reunion and the Kid's awareness that his presence might be less than welcome.  Thank goodness he was determined not to be sent away or 'history' might've been much less fun.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Feb 06, 2018 9:17 pm

Another lovely bunch of stories.  Very Happy

InsideOutlaw:  I loved reading this scene.  It was something so missing from the pilot.  Lovely dialogue as always.  My favorite line:  "It wasn't like we were saving for a rainy day.  Hell, Kid, we never knew if we'd be alive one day to the next."

MoulinP:  Such a sweet piece, with interesting reference to their families.  I loved these lines. They say so much about the boys' relationship.  "The Kid grunted.  He looked like he wanted to say something.  He glanced at Heyes, unsure whether to or not.  With a sigh, he decided to."

Silver Kelpie:  Lovely banter.  They talk to each other differently when it's just them.  And Heyes not being able to work a sewing machine?  Some ... um ... unpolitically correct statements from Heyes there.

Nell McKeon:  So much packed in such a short piece.  So many emotions going through the Kid's mind.  And tossing Heyes' in there, pointing out what really is the Kid's primary motivation.  I loved how he finally came to peace with his decision, in a very Kid like way.
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Nell McKeon



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Feb 11, 2018 5:41 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - I'm so glad you continued with the story of Heyes and Marie. We rarely see Heyes in the obvious good doer mode. I'm getting a hint of mutual attraction from these tales.


Inside Outlaw - Missing scenes are always appreciated and sometimes the quiet ones with simple interactions between the partners are the most satisfying. I liked how Kid kept at Heyes until he got Heyes where he wanted him.


Moulin P - Nice in character bantering regarding the choice of aliases and a good description of the boys easing into their quest for amnesty.


Hanna Heyes - Loved the letters and the progression of the school teachers view on her occupation and the partners as children form hopeful excitement through amusement to total frustration. I have to say you gave Han and Jed some zinger one liners.


Silverkelpie - One thing is for certain, Heyes would never make a career as a tailor after amnesty. I thoroughly enjoyed Mrs. Butterworth. Points to Kid for realizing that not everything women do is easy.
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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Feb 19, 2018 4:18 pm

Nebraska Wildfire:  A good update.  Was not expecting that turn of events.  He must have known that Marie was in Colorado Springs, why pick that town for the boys to let off some steam.  He was taking a chance saying his name was Joshua, she could have told them that her husbands name was Samuel.  Was it fate that she ended up at the Mc Creedy's?.  And then there is Hannah, when does Heyes find out about her?  Looking forward to more.

Nell McKeon:  What a great story.  You could feel the tension in the saloon when Kid noticed that Heyes was acting differently.  Kid had to get in his face to pry the story out of him and then had to stay in his face to get him to listen.  He told him that He wasn't a killer, that he was the killer in the family and then he got dirty when he told him that he had to get to heaven to tell Kids' folks why he made the decisions that he did in life.  That kick to the gut got him to pay attention.  In one of the "Terms" stories Heyes said that sometimes his partners tongue turns platinum, it did in this one.

MoulinP:  Yes, you definitely need to finish this story.  Kid is reading a book, a book he can't see Heyes enjoying, and using "ruminating" and "modus operandi", what is going on? Many Many questions to be answered.

Remuda:  I really think that Wheat needed to stop and think before he shot off his gun, I mean they were outlaws, and short on sleep outlaws, that was downright dangerous.


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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Feb 21, 2018 11:17 am

Nebraska Wildfire: You've totally drawn me into this woman's story. Marie does have an adventurous spirit. She takes chances. Now, it appears, you've introduced us to one big consequence of her actions. So far, Hannah is a secret from Joshua. How long can/will that continue? Where else will her adventurous spirit lead her?
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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Feb 23, 2018 11:21 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - I was so happy to see more of Marie's story. I'm truly enjoying it and hope you have more to come. Will Heyes ever learn of Marie's little secret? Love the way you've written it. Not a side of Heyes that is seen all that much.

Nell McKeon - Liked this turn of a story. Heyes is the one getting ready for a gunfight. Glad Kid could talk him out of it. In no way could that course of action end well. Shorty should be thankful, if he only knew. The ending was somber, but necessary. I enjoyed this a lot.(By the way, my husband can sympathize with Kid. I too, at times, give only part of an answer and he has to give an interrogation to get the whole story.)

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Feb 24, 2018 12:05 pm

Nell McKeon:  Such a deep, introspective story, with the dialogue and characterization ringing so true.  I like how the Kid is struggling to get Heyes to admit what he is thinking, and then surprises Heyes in the end with his own deep thoughts.  I very much think the Kid sees that as his role, to be the muscle, and that Heyes needs to stay in his role, as the schemer.  It works for them.  Heyes is right in the end too.  It never goes well when they separate.  Lovely, touching story.
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Feb 28, 2018 8:22 pm

Moulin P - This story is short, too short to satisfy my curiosity. Now you may finish it without the pressure of a deadline. 


Gotta love the below lines - There is a lot of truth in that.

“I’ll spin him a tale,” Heyes shrugged.


“Yes and THAT’S how he’ll know ya you!”
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