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 Applause and Feedback

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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Sep 08, 2017 10:05 pm

Cal:  The look they gave each other when the sheriff walked made me wonder if they knew him.  Now with the sheriff going on about Hannibal Heyes' name makes me wonder to, is he playing some kind of game with them.  Heyes silver tongue and addled brain do not seem to working together after drinking the "coffee".  I wonder if the ladies meeting is as tame as their menfolk think it is?

Silverkelpie: Thank you for this chapter, I just can't believe that Abi would be distracted by Jed's well musceled torso glinting in the lamplight, (ha, ha); still trying not to look at his glistening torso, "and one of us as naked as the day he was born";  "and more importantly, right now, you stay in bed".  Loved the Kid charming Mrs. MacPhee into getting a room.  The dinner scene was wonderful, Kid ignoring Abi, but maybe they met in church.  Charming Miss Pickering and just about stonewalling McCully.  Kid felt so bad about how he treated Abi, but she understood why he did it.  They trusted her enough for Heyes to tell her about what happened to them as children and Kid told her about his dreams of a good life and a family.  Thank you again.  One other thing, I am absolutely certain that Heyes can be entertaining and can do all kids of tricks, that would be a fun read.

Nebraska Wildfire:  That was hard to read.  I cannot imagine Heyes grief and feeling responsible.  I am glad that Ellie gave Heyes time, waited until he was ready to talk to gently question him, that they both gave themselves time to heal some before moving forward in life.  Well written.

Riders57:  Brume, what an obnoxious man.  The man is $1.50 short and he wants him to come up with $4.00, how cruel.  He deserves whatever the results of Heyes' plan dishes out to him.  Loved Kid's line "better'n what".

Nell McKeon:  Loved Kid taking the time to keep the peace, they happier the gang is the easier his job is.  From the gifts made out of junk, they sure are a talented bunch, if they had just put that talent into good things, they may not have had to turn to outlawing.  Of course Heyes' gift had to be special.  Fun to read.


Last edited by gin16 on Fri Sep 29, 2017 7:30 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Sep 09, 2017 5:26 am

Finishing up August:


MoulinP: Heyes likes to think he has everything under control and all figured out, but with Tulsee around I don't think that's going to happen! It's so much fun seeing him kept a little off balance by her. I loved him being called Grumpy by his grandson. This was a very fun read!

InsideOutlaw: Loved the old west lingo, so colorful and descriptive. You have skillfully threaded it all together into an entertaining tale. Your Heyes and Kid are dangerous here, as I have to admit to being a bit alarmed when they hung Bronc upside-down. But he had it coming, and made for a great story. 


Nell McKeon: I think we all expected Heyes to be the one to solve the puzzle box, but you surprised us. Heyes sulking over the Kid solving it after he had failed made me laugh. Kid explained the differences in their strengths and talents quite well, all to help his partner feel better about his failure. Glad the Sheriff will finally get to marry his sweetheart, thanks to our boys!

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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Sep 09, 2017 11:47 am

MoulinP, here is the link to the Western Slang list:  http://www.legendsofamerica.com/we-slang.html


I'm pretty sure it's posted somewhere on this site, but I can't remember where which is par for the course with me lately, LOL.

Silverkelpie:  I always love the willful skirmishes between Heyes and Abi and this one is satisfyingly misguided. The triangle here was fun; each of them with well-intentioned motivations.  Well-written as always.

Cal: Loved your very original names and characters sprinkled throughout this story and I chuckled when you described Henry imposing physique followed by his falsetto voice.  

Nebraska Wildfire: You skillfully wove a lovely tale of two people battered by experiences, drawn to each other out of necessity.  I liked how the ending implied, for me, that it wasn't a simple love story.  They were still together but it was open for interpretation whether it was for love or a need for healing and comfort and left me wondering if they would stay together.  Always a good thing, when a story keeps you thinking about it.

MoulinP:  I've been gone too long and need to catch up on your 'world'.  I was sorry to see that Mary had died and Heyes' family was having difficulty with him moving on.  And moving on with such a colorful character! 

Nell McKeon:  I felt for both Heyes and the sheriff.  What a frustrating way to deliver an answer.  I'm not sure that bodes well for the future.  

Javabee:  There are all different kinds of needy, aren't there?  Loved reading about the mystery house and the sad story of its creator and especially loved Heyes dealing with the multiple safes.  Good use of an intriguing setting.  

I wish I could be around more.  You all are writing some good, interesting stories.  Hopefully, real life will slow down soon and I can do some catching up.  Thanks for the fun this month!!

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Sep 09, 2017 3:34 pm

Cal: The Sheriff's name struck a chord with me. My husband's family wanted us to name my son Leslie the fourth, and all sorts of family drama ensued when we refused. They got over it, but the coincidence with your story is amusing. Only the spelling is a little different. Loved your story! The Sheriff's reasoning on why Hannibal Heyes turned out so tough and imposing reminds me of a song written and sung by the late great Johnny Cash. It's a story-song called "A Boy Named Sue", and is worth listening through to the end. You can hear him sing it here:
https://youtu.be/WOHPuY88Ry4

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"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning." Mae West
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Last edited by Javabee on Sat Sep 09, 2017 7:23 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Sep 09, 2017 7:11 pm

Silverkelpie: So many goodies in this one. A repentant Kid, a protective Kid, a charming Kid, a flirtatious Kid, a shrewd Kid, a muscular Kid, even a "nekkid" Kid, no less. There is also a funny Kid who clearly imagined Mr. Stanton roaming the west wearing women's underwear! Ok, so I guess Heyes is in it too, determined to get his way and be in control, as reflected here: "The maid saw you with him. You need a story to go back with. Don’t crowd me, lady, or I might change my mind completely."  Unfortunately, the dimpled one keeps his clothes on throughout, so for some reason my attention is diverted back to the Kid's "glistening torso". Your chapter is entertaining, witty, and well written as always. Thanks for the fun! 
clapping

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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 11, 2017 1:34 pm

Javabee - that's amazing.... I hope Leslie the third owns that name! I love the Boy named Sue track.... esp the last line.... I'm sure Leslie the nearly fourth loves it too.... naming is a mine field.... my first Grandson has just arrived and his very young parents have named him Olympius Thor.... they are both body builders.... you just watch him turn out to be a librarian!
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Nell McKeon



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 11, 2017 7:17 pm

Silverkelpie - I really enjoyed this chapter, it was a great illustration of Kid's character. He seems pretty straightforward but is actually full of paradoxical traits. Abi and Heyes are still vying for control and the sparks keep flying while Kid does what Kid always does. Would have loved to been a fly on the wall for this chapter (in more ways than one). 
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Sep 16, 2017 3:40 am

September:  Sow


Cal:  This one made me smile and laugh, something we all need.  There were so many good lines it's hard to pick out just a few.  I loved how the boys were bemused, dazed, and rather happy with their spiked coffee, and then dead cold sober again.  Must have been exhausting.  "He surely owns that name..."  So definitely Heyes.  "The Kid couldn't help himself..." Loved that too.


SilverKelpie:  What can I say that's not already been said?  I'm loving the chance to read the Abi stories.  I really liked the Kid in this chapter, running the con, showing his ability to think on his feet and keep everyone else on their toes, not just taking a back seat to Heyes' chatter.  Of course, Heyes does come in at the end to make certain he's still in charge.  The Kid knows to let him, but Abi has problems with that, of course.  Lovely read.
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Nell McKeon



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 18, 2017 6:38 pm

Nebraska Wildfire- This was such a difficult chapter to read. It was heartbreaking, tender, and ominous all at the same time. You skillfully upped the angst with each repeat of the refrain "you reap what you sow". I hope Heyes opening up to Ellie and his telling of Kid's fate brought about a catharsis of  sorts. You wrote a powerful, emotional scene with a realistic characterization of a totally bereft Heyes. Ellie is accepting, will make a loving practical wife and mother. I'm still not sure how I feel about the last several lines, which can be interpreted several ways.  


We all like to think of them living happily ever after (preferably with amnesty but even without) with successful lives. But in the odds were realistically (not withstanding that they are fictional characters) overwhelming that one or both of them would be killed eventually, wind up in prison, or if they remained free eeked out a subsistence existence under the radar.
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 25, 2017 1:31 am

Nell:  Thanks very much for the kind comments.  I really hesitated putting the last part of this first chapter up on the challenge, because of what it seems to indicate. 
I started this story arc after a discussion on what would keep the boys apart and not searching for each other.  This is what I thought it would take for Heyes.
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riders57

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:54 am

Cal:  I haven't been in the loop for a while, so I have not read any portions before this segment of your story, but I realize that I should do so once I read this portion.  Love the name of the town and the Lady Mayor (and the hairdown).  I also love the ambiguous nature of the sheriff's name.  A good set up, and it will be interesting to see how the adventures of these professional shootists go.  (And, yes, poitin, can be deadly.  I have to admit to some first-hand knowledge of its impact.)
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Sep 27, 2017 11:13 pm

Sow:


riders57:  The Reckoning  The characters of Phileas J. Brune and Henry Weatherpot just jumped off the screen, they are so well defined so quickly.  I was expecting an audience to start chanting, "Boo! Hiss!" for the evil villain.  They seemed very Christmas Carol-esque.  Lovely.  And Heyes at the end with a plan to resolve it all?  Now we just need to know how ...

Nell McKeon:  One Man's Trash ...  This was just such a delightful story to read.  It is so easy to see the notorious band of the Devil's Hole Gang get all excited about birthday presents.  They all seemed very clever, and actually thoughtful.  Another brilliant Hannibal Heyes plan to keep the boys out of trouble and having fun.
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riders57

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Sep 28, 2017 10:03 am

SK:  I am glad you are rewriting the Abi stories.  It took me a minute to remember this one, but I did and I had enjoyed it originally.  It seems that this version has more emotional depth than the original.  Well done and I look forward to reading the rest of it.
,
Nebraska Wildfire:  You tugged the emotions well.  We never want to think of them dying but that would have been the most likely outcome for them.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Sep 28, 2017 2:17 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - Thick with emotional tension, this is very poignant and touching. It perfectly captures the dragging of the truth out of a taciturn and damaged man. That last line seems to be fill of foreboding. Very powerful.

Riders - You bunny is most welcome. I'm glad it got active. It gave us this piece which opens with a wonderfully descriptive  paragraph. I definitely saw shades of Potter from 'It's A Wonderful Life' in here, crossed with Burl Ives from the description. I love a Heyes-developing-a-plan-on-the-hoof so I'm looking forward to reading the next part. There is a next part, I hope?

Nell McKeon - Don't apologise. You gave us a romp of an outlaw party with Kyle right in character as a on over-excited birthday boy. What clever use you found for all those bits of trash. Every single one was just right, especially Heyes' gift.

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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:49 am

Sow cont'd

NB - Thanks for the warning about sad content.... I left it till I felt like an emotional wallow.  Oh and didn't you work those heartstrings! The return to the Reap what you sow motif had me wondering whether Heyes was blaming himself for something to do with Kid's absence.  I liked the slow pace of their life reflected in the slow reveal from Heyes. Thanks for the quip about the hat... old friend indeed. “It’s what I call … called my cousin.  He was younger than me.” broke my heart.


Riders - I too got a Dickensian vibe from all the wonderful names. A little Scrooge and Bob Cratchit.  Excellent painting of villain and side kick.  But...he's taken on more than he can handle in the guise of two outlaw leaders...love it!  Oh and a Heyes plan for good measure   
 "Then maybe you can help us."
Looking forward to more 
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Oct 01, 2017 8:56 am

Got myself into a fix with typeface there...lol

Sow cont'd

Nell - Loved this wacky romp with the Devil's Hole gang.  The trashy recycled presents were very inventive ...Kyle's childlike delight was a delight to read, and Heyes' realisation that when it comes to dealing with people's feelings....Kid is the genius, illustrated the partner's complementary strengths to a tee.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 02, 2017 5:12 am

Curry


NBW - What a wonderful read with my morning cuppa.....Thank you. Thanks for the reprieve on the premature grief too.  I love the new narrator. Another strong female we get so little of in the actual series.  This is an epic in the making.... perfect fit with the prompt too. Loved it! As a Curryette I sooo appreciated all the snugly stuff....and the looks at those curls ...and into those cerulean eyes... most excellent.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 02, 2017 6:00 pm

Nebraska Wildfire - This is looking really sad, but they found a pulse? Gasp. Oh he's being so canny with the names or is he just confused? Oh, well how could she resist those eyes and those curls and those long winter nights are boring. Who could blame her. I loved the line, " I raised up to meet his eyes again.  There was knowledge in them I had not seen before." Looking forward to more of this wonderful series.

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 02, 2017 6:06 pm

September stories:

Cal: Yes, that Poitin can be dangerous stuff, especially if you keep drinking after the first snortful. I loved Curry watching Heyes be uncomfortable, and then Heyes getting a little too carried away with his stories.

Silverkelpie: The part about opportunities lost and choices made really hit home with me and made me sad. All these characters have regrets, don't they?

Nebraska Wildfire: Sad and realistic. I wonder if Heyes is really in love with this woman, or just reaching out for a safe place?
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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 02, 2017 6:09 pm

Riders 57: I can hardly wait to see this bully get his comeuppance!

Nell McKeon: What a great idea to keep the boys occupied and actually interested and excited in a project. Great ideas for making gifts out of discards.
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 02, 2017 10:44 pm

October - Curry


Silverkelpie:  I love how both Heyes and the Kid play with the bounty hunter, like a cat with a mouse.  Or is it playing with fire?  Would Abi say the second?  I like the portrayal of both of them as utterly confident and certain, men at the top of their game.
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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 02, 2017 11:28 pm

.Nebraska Wildfire:  Thank you.  I had a little spark of hope that things were not what they seemed This is a great chapter.  I liked how the stories parallel each other. how Heyes' hat is an old friend and Kids' sheepskin coat is an old friend, not wanting to part with them.  And how they became close to the women who cared for them, both when they were injured and then afterwards.  Very moving.

Silverkelpie:  I love this story, does it go on for years and years?  I love how Abi tries to get them too leave town and they say, we ain't leaving.  They really have McCully going, they irritate him to no end.  I can see it play out in my head.  I love a mean Kid, he plays the part well.

MoulinP:  A good update to the story.  Will be sorry to see the Kid leave, maybe we can follow him to Boston?.  Soapy was wise to know that his father would influence Jed and to stay away.  It is sad that he couldn't tell him who he really was before he passed.  Does Rose know the family history? 

Nell McKeon:  You managed to work Curry into your tale a number of times. No, Kid is not like Lancelot, he just knows what he believe is the right thing to do, he just needed to convince Heyes that it was.  You didn't say how Kid liked the food?  is that a dumb question?

HannaHeyes:  What a delight.  I do enjoy stories of their childhood.  Poor Jed, "I ain't rakin leaves in your yard by myself"  You knew trouble was coming when Han said"we ought to start learning to cuss".  Jed was smart, not wanting to rake someone else's leaves and knew cussing would get them into trouble, but he went along with it anyway.  Had me laughing out loud.

Cal:  That was fun.  Kid does angry really well and Heyes just loves pushing him.  Kid has flattened him before, so he should be just a little bit more careful or it may happen again.  Does the sheriff know who they are? Hmmmm.

Remuda:  This was such a quiet story, but so much was going on in Kid's head.  Remembering Grandpa Curry's storytelling and remembering how they all listened to him and kept their attention year after year.


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Nell McKeon



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:44 am

Nebraska Wildfire - Thank you, after the last few lines of the previous chapter, I didn't want to hope that Curry was still alive as they could be interpreted several ways. I do believe that the only way one partner would not search for the other was if they believed them dead and verified or witnessed the passing.

You have written a very realistic recovery in mind and body for Curry. It would take months and come in fits and starts. I liked how you portrayed the grasping for self knowledge just below conscious thought and the vague sense of all was not what it seemed. It is interesting how you are writing from the women's viewpoint, who are not damsels in distress, which is rare is ASJ land. The romance is handled well from both parties but especially Bess who shys away from knowing what she suspects about her lover.

Both couples (Heyes and Ellie, Kid and Bessie)seem to be drawn to each other by circumstances, loneliness, compassion, solace seeking, and a genuine movement towards a love that can last a lifetime. But I wonder if they are really head over heals in love with each other at this point as a love borne of free choice regardless of circumstance would be. I do believe that Kid will search and search until he locates Heyes. What will happen now that Heyes is married with a family will remain to be seen. I can't articulate it well and my word choice is poor but there seems to be current of melancholy running through the chapters. Whatever you are doing, you are doing it well.

Silverkelpie - I have read you Abi Stories a long time ago, it is good to be reacquainted with them. Abi is wonderful protagonist- a smart, confident, if unconventional woman, who is a spitfire of a romantic interest for Heyes. It is good to see Curry and Heyes at the top of their game. Both are intelligent, confident, caring, and a force to reckoned with. Together they are always greater that the sum of their parts. McCully is seriously underestimating all three people.


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Nell McKeon



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Oct 03, 2017 9:54 am

Nebraska Wildfire - I've just read the previous reviews on your latest chapter by the other board members and I want to chime in to second Cal's thanks for the attention paid to Curry's curls. The descriptions and lingering light shining on them and all the mentions of the blue eyes are much appreciated. The Kidettes are a minority. so I'll appreciate all I can get. Thanks!
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 06, 2017 3:47 pm

Finishing up September.....

Nebraska Wildfire: 
Heyes is subdued, grief stricken.and filled with guilt as he seems to blame himself for his partners apparent demise. However, I find it interesting in the midst of feeling so low, he still seems to object to anyone thinking he hadn't been a great outlaw, as subtly evidenced with his response to this comment: "Must not have been that good." He looked up at me sharply. 
This is a very touching story and I am looking forward to seeing where it goes.

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