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 Applause and Feedback

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MoulinP

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Jul 04, 2017 3:34 pm

Keays
I did enjoy reading Ghosts and the ones that went before so it's always good to read an extract. I'd forgotten about man hungry Isabel. Good ole Clem knowing just what to do to get Heyes and Miranda together on the dancefloor.

Nebraska
So was it the ghost of Bilson or the Devil himself? Da ... da ... da! Clever of you to morph whoever into a priest called Jesus. And then the Kid using the run-in to do a little soul searching. Great story.

Cal
A sleepless night for the Kid for a change and a Heyes who wants to go to sleep but can't. Nothing for it then but get up and talk. Another soul searching conversation. Could be a receipe for an argument but successfully avoided. The Kid bearing his soul so HE can sleep but leaving Heyes AWAKE as usual.

Silverkelpie
After being teased by how Abi met Heyes in Keays' sagas, I'm so glad you decided to rewrite your Abi tales. She obviously feels something for the boys, Heyes in particular, but she's got a job to do. Dilema.

Distant Drums
As always your words go right to the heart of the matter, encapsulating all sorts of scenarios until the end when they go for amnesty. Very nice.

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MoulinP

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Jul 04, 2017 3:37 pm

And I have to start July feedback ....

Nothing to forgive Cal. Thank you for giving me a French accent. If only. Makes a change for from my usual West London twang! Read this in the office during lunch - laugh out loud funny - difficult to explain why I was creased up in the corner ....

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:52 pm

Cal - This was utterly fantastic! Loved having Kid serve me a drink...I'll have a virgin pina colada... ;) Now, I think I should go rescue Heyes....bye I promise I'll bring him back...Twisted Evil

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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Jul 18, 2017 11:47 am

NBW - Blue 
His eyes were bluer than the cornflowers in the field.   I already know this is going to be right up my street  Very Happy sigh...... Read that through in one...was NOT disappointed.  I think Heyes' caution was spot on and Kid just being Kid and not knowing he was the subject of a bit of adoration....mmmmmmmm.... rings true.  Love that she has such a good husband, we already know she has impeccable taste. Just enough peril introduced in the form of the posse to give it a little grit.  Best bit... telling her how to get in touch if she ever needed their help... Think I'd be tempted don't you....hehehehehe.. Great read.
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Jul 28, 2017 12:28 am

      
Silverkelpie:  Ah, more Abi.  Great story, of course.  I'm loving these installments.  I just wish they were more often.  I like seeing the boys at this stage in their lives, sharper than they are in the series, except for brief glimpses.  The Kid came across very dangerous in this piece, except as Heyes said in my favorite line, "he also knew she'd be dead by now if the Kid meant to kill her."  And Heyes was Heyes.  Perfect.
   
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MoulinP

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Jul 30, 2017 1:04 pm

Nebraska Fire
Brilliantly written. Interesting how you contrasted the boy's reactions when they realised that Molly knew them. The Kid wasn't at all concerned that she might give them away while Heyes took a lot more convincing.

Silverkelpie
An Abi story. I like Abi. So glad you decided to rewrite these stories - I missed them last time round. The Kid is so suspicious of Abi - almost like he feels a little jealous of the feelings he knows Heyes has for her which he's trying to deny by being matter of fact. I laughed when the maid says " everyone seems so good looking today", as an old man overhears as he walks by and thought she meant him as well. Genuinely scared for Abi when she and the Kid reach the woods. Heyes, as always, arrives in the nick of time. Would the Kid have killed her if he hadn't? That of course is the big question.

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Jul 30, 2017 10:17 pm

     
Utter


MoulinP:  Such a heartrending piece, but you did warn us.  I should really reread it, to comment fully, but I can't bring myself to quite yet.  Thinking back to what happened, it seemed so ironic after all they went through during the years.  I had started something similar, both for this month, and another plot previously, and I've not been able to complete them.  I just can't do the storyline justice, but this piece of yours has flowed beautifully.  I like how you handled the Kid in this piece.  It seems true to how he'd react.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Jul 31, 2017 7:37 am

Nebraska wildfire - There's a poignant melancholy to this story of old acquaintance and first love. I really like Molly's husband. He knows, but he trusts his wife and her judgement. This is beautifully written and the characters captured perfectly. Of course Heyes knows. He can spot recognition and read people. I also liked that they remembered her. She wasn't as invisible to her crush as she thought.

MoulinP - What a sad story, but we know that they must have passed somehow as the story was set about the 1880s, but we still don't like to think about it. Somehow it's fitting that it was a stupid and arbitrary accident. After a life of drama he went the way many of us do. We never want to think about it, but it had to happen somehow. I felt for the Kid all the way through, staying brave for Heyes son. He must have been screaming on the inside.

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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Jul 31, 2017 8:10 am

SilverKelpie - Alter Ego - Part Three

Glad to see another chapter....  The Kid grinned. “He's a thief? As bad as us?".... I can see that grin and I can see how that would bug Heyes that the Banker was dishonest too. Ha...I like Kid when he's cautious. (Was Nephew a typo for cousin there Kelpie?)The Kid’s breath stilled in horror. That's such a good line...
I am liking the riled Kid Curry but feeling a bit anxious for Abi...that's weird.... and neat that you did that. Thank goodness Heyes managed to intervene.... another excellent chapter.

MoulinP - Read this over the Bran Flakes.... had a little trouble swallowing.... I know ...I know you warned us... Well this saga is full of depth and great characterisation.... so I guess I can forgive you a little death here and there... Seriously good writing of a Kid at the end of the line.... just don't make a habit of it! Sad


Last edited by Cal on Sun Sep 03, 2017 5:59 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Jul 31, 2017 3:26 pm

Cal:
The only thing wrong with your story is that I wasn't on Heye's visitation list!! Oh well, there's always next time. This was an "utterly" delightful, thanks Cal!   


Nebraska Wildfire:
Your story is beautifully written with a gentle progression, as all is slowly revealed in good time. Sam is a wise husband, trusting his wife enough to keep from hounding her even though he knew something was up. It wasn't until the posse came, and he saw something in her eyes that he knew the truth. Lovely story.

Silverkelpie:
It was a pleasure to go back and read the first two chapters in preparation for this one. Your Abi possesses an interesting mix of characteristics. She is strong, smart, self-composed and yet full of passion. Whenever she enters a scene it instantly grabs my interest. Adding a certain angry and dangerous blond gunman to the mix made for a heart-thumping read. Looking forward to future installments!

MoulinP:
It's always hard to read and more difficult to write, I imagine, about the death of one of the boys.
It does seem sadly ironic that after all the adventures and risks he took in his life, that something so simple would do him in. However, with all the different wives and children, it appears Heyes lived an eventful and rewarding life full of folks that loved him. Thanks for the warning and the story.

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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Aug 02, 2017 10:44 pm

Silverkelpie:  What a great chapter, way to many great lines/scenes too mention.  Loved all of the ways Heyes came up with for killing her, knowing without any doubts that Kid wasn't going to, but Abi wasn't sure.  And I liked the way he explained to Abi why Kid was so protective of him.  The flow of the words throughout the whole chapter was wonderful.

Cal:  There is no doubt that this is developing into a good tale.  How can you be careless riding underneath a tree?  unless you know that it is unstable.  Where was the sheriff that he turned up all of a sudden and just who is he? someone they both know obviously.  Looking forward to the next part.

Nebraska Wildfire:  What a beautifully written story.  It has much hardship and sadness.  One very important person is missing and I guess we have an idea of what may have happened.  Although you left it open to a continuation.

MoulinP:  Loved it.  Poor Heyes, he likes everything to be nice and neat and all the ends tied up, Tulsee certainly puts a crimp in that.  Good for her!  It's nice that Heyes kept the hat shop.  Why is Susans' last name Brandon?

Inside Outlaw:  What a great tale.  on that chat, you gave us a website that had all kinds of western slang, I used that to find the ones I didn't understand, shoot the crow in this boodle; crooked as a Virginia fence; wheel horse, and I was right about give us a pair of overalls, I thought that it was a couple of drinks. He was way more respectful of them once he knew who they really were.  Glad they left him the money, he did give them some valuable information.  Enjoyed it a bunch.

Nell McKeon:  I liked this.  Heyes had something to keep his mind off of how the Kid was.  Then, I am certain to Heyes' annoyance Kid figures out how to open the puzzle box, and his reasoning on how he did it makes sense.  I kinda like the sheriff too.

Javabee:  What an unusual story.  I was there many years ago and remember the staircase that goes nowhere and the door that opens to a brick wall.  I am sorry that Heyes was so determined to rob her, the Kid could sense that she was one of the needy people and didn't want to.  What an awakening when they found only the baby's hair.  I did not know that part of the story.


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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Aug 02, 2017 10:51 pm

    
SilverKelpie:  Alter Ego Part Four.  I don't know if it's proper for me to say I'm really enjoying Heyes in this piece.  You have him drawn so sharp, physically, and intellectually, and so in control, as to be expected for one of the most successful outlaws ... The Kid's vulnerability this time, after the strength and roughness displayed last time, is a fascinating contrast.  Greatly enjoyed it, as always.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Aug 03, 2017 9:04 am

Silver Kelpie....Love, love loved that! What a ride....literally. So enjoying this Abi fest.... the changes in mood and the opening of hearts is getting so intense.... and yet not at all mushy.... wonderful stuff


Nebraska Wildfire... I liked your narrator I found her feisty despite being put on by her Pa and brother... I re-read this with a sense of dread about the Kid.... I don't think its good news ...that quip about the People's philosopher... and then.... he shut back down, as if his soul was under lock and key......BUT...ignoring all that... loved the story and the characters ...and the scope...going on into the future.... excellent challenge. Are you going to share what brought Heyes to this place with us?


MoulinP..... this was more like two challenges... I actually preferred the one without the boys in! weird.... loved the humour between the women... and Grumpy! How fitting... Then we get the mature Heyes...returned from fishing... to the delightful Tulsee... guess I knew where that was headed but ...I liked the debating going on in Heyes' head even if the idea of a relationship with someone younger than his children didn't quite thrill me either.

Insideoutlaw ... I really appreciated this story of idioms.... the colourful phrases really gilded an already excellent tale of outlaw derring do...  The Heyes and Curry here are not the softer more jaded pair we get in the series ... I was quite shocked that they would do that to the bar owner.... then I thought.... others would have shot him... they even left some money so .... I don't fancy Wheat's chances when they catch up with him lol.


Nell.... What a clever use of the prompt.... a puzzle box.....even the motivation to get it open was well thought out.... I like the fact that you gave Kid a starring role in the opening of said box....even if you did shoot him first!... and I followed his explanation as to why he found it easiest, and thought that entirely credible too.... A really clever challenge and very well written with an easy flow for the reader.


Javabee... Grief there was a melancholy throughout this tale... I didn't like them robbing the sad family... I was with Kid all along... the near death drop for Heyes should have been a warning in my book....NO BOYS! Then the three safes...I thought Java is laying it on a bit thick here...lol... Its true! WOW....excellent use of the prompt but an uncomfortable read.... fab.


Last edited by Cal on Sun Sep 03, 2017 6:00 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Lock - Of All the Towns   Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:31 pm

   
Cal:  I do love how this story shows so much of their relationship with just them arguing. I'll be waiting for more.  I liked the later parts where they are in the town, but both kept off balance, as they kept meeting the inhabitants of the town and finding out new wrinkles.  I guess that was the way the series always unfolded though, so it is the best way to show the boys.  My favorite line is:  "Like the Kid said, better doing that out in the sticks than stood in a Sheriff's office."  It shows Heyes' vulnerability, in spite of his plans and swearing, and the Kid's concern, in spite of his worry over losing their "shooting irons."  
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Aug 29, 2017 1:03 am

MoulinP:  Such a delightful, fun romp of a story.  The characters are so crisply defined, I'm as intrigued and confounded by Tulsee, as Heyes appears to be.  She's definitely a different challenge for him.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Aug 30, 2017 7:18 pm

Cal - "obscenities hurled at him by a less than grateful partner"? Haha, that sounds right in character. Oh, no! A no gun town? Poor Heyes, but I'm loving Mrs. Alderly and this unusual town. This is such an unusual premise, but loads of fun and set against the background of a wonderful character study.

Nebraska Wildfire - You had me wondering which of the boys this was until we got to the Mark Twain book. Where's the Kid? I dread to think. I love the line, "They recognized like, and they recognized superior." This was beautifully written and wrapped a caustic tale of brutality in a cloak of mutual support. I'm glad you left this open for more.


MoulinP - Girls don't wear pants, huh? Tulsee is quite the character and more than a handful. I loved the secret key from the little boy. The woman is a different type of challenge for him. I can see why an older man could be drawn to her youthful impetuousness.

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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Sep 01, 2017 9:08 am

InsideOutlaw - What a romp! Full of local colour and more idioms than you could shake a stick at. I'll be saving this as my go-to resource for Western patois. In the meantime, I loved the concept of someone trying to get one over on the boys and paying the consequences. The last line is brilliant. 

Nel McKeon - Ooh, so Heyes is in jail and the Kid is at the doctor's office? They must be kicking themselves for riding into a box canyon. I love the concept of a puzzle box to test the mettle of a prospective son-in-law. Very original. I love that the Kid is the one who managed to figure out the secret. That's the plan? Heyes is right, it won't stop the sheriff. It feels like there's a whole lot more of this story to come. I hope you post it soon. 

Javabee - Oh, the Winchester House? I've heard of that. It seems so unlike the boys to rob a widow, but when you put the sums in perspective like that, I'm guessing she'd find it cheap to get a visit from the boys. Ooh a séance? Spooky. Loving this premise. I love these lines," “He don’t look too happy, Heyes.” “It’s William Winchester. He was married to a crazy lady, what did you expect?” What a marvellous blend of fact and fiction. Poor Mrs.Winchester really was one of the needy people, wasn't she?

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:03 pm

InsideOutlaw:  It's interesting to see the boys different at this stage in their lives.  Not quite so sweet.  I always tell my kids there are much better ways to describe things than using swear words.  Don't know how many of the western phrases you used would be acceptable in polite company, but at least they are colorful and interesting.


Nell McKeon:  My son loves puzzle boxes.  We looked at some very elaborate ones in Chinatown in San Francisco.  I love it that the Kid figured it out and why.  I like the characterization of the sheriff.  Can't all have been fat and lazy or Heyes and Curry would not have gone for amnesty.


JavaBee:  I've wanted to visit the Winchester House.  It just sounds like something so different.  I've been in San Jose many times, but never made it there.  Oh! It's by Santana Row?  Guess next time... Very touching ending with her greatest treasure in the safe.  It was interesting to see the boys' reactions even in their outlaw days.
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MoulinP

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Sep 03, 2017 11:24 am

Silverkelpie: Heyes at his most menacing and manipulating. He knows the Kid won't kill her but wants him to feel it's his idea not to. The Kid is overcome with remorse and horror at what he might have done. I liked the line about the petticoats that "robbed her of anything but comedy value."

Cal: Like the lines " the smile fell from his face into the dirt," and the Kid "looked about as comfortable as a groom on his wedding day." This looks like it might turn into something longer. I do hope so.

Nebraska Wildfire: Even sick and weak, Heyes still manages to command a presence - one that Silas and Pa recognise. A lot was written here that wasn't said but reading between the lines something awful must have happened for Heyes to wind up shot and remarking that all his family was gone. Please would you do a prequel?

Inside Outlaw: I managed to glean understanding of most words from context but struggled with a few. Earlier comments mentioned a western-speak website . Please will you post that somewhere. That apart I enjoyed the interaction with Wheat's old partner and the revenge was pure comedy - just nasty enough that he wouldn't mess with them again.

Nell McKeon: Heyes can't do it but the Kid can! Ooh how that must hurt! The sheriff is an interesting character and will no doubt make a formidable opponent. Can't help feeling they may come up against him in later stories.

Javabee: They were looking for treasure and found a different type of treasure than they were expecting. The realisation of what they found humbled them. True to form tat it's the Kid who has reservations from the beginning and it is Heyes who is determined to press on.

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 04, 2017 3:30 pm

Silverkelpie - Abi is such a good character for Heyes. She's as enigmatic, manipulative, and focused as he is. This was a nicely intense chapter in your saga. I feel for Kid as he is filled for remorse as he almost let his emotions get the better of him.


Cal - I love the expanded version of this story beginning. Loved Kid coping with a no gun town only due to his concern for Heyes. Nice colorful oc's as usual, Mrs. Adderly is a hoot! Can't wait for more.


Nebraksa Wildfire - Such a somber and melancholy piece of writing. Very well done. The sadness of living life as merely existing but trying for more meaning is running through out. Heyes' passivity, depression, and loneliness exhibited by his stating he has no family and nowhere to go implies the tragedy of Kid's fate. You ended it on a helpful note with Heyes sharing a part of his past with Ellie, maybe there can be a mental as well as physical healing.


Moulin P - Another welcome addition to you post series universe. Tulsee is an interesting second love interest for Heyes. She's definitely intriguing even if she not his usual type. I also likes that you introduced some tension in that Heyes' and Mary's children are not so accepting at first, so like real life.


Inside Outlaw - Bronc sure has some vocabulary! I liked how you illustrated Heyes' and Kid's tough streak as outlaws. They didn't get to be gang leaders, feared and respected in a sometimes rough and brutal environment by always being the nice guys. Even though I couldn't translate literally you gave enough context to understand meaning, while maintaining the flow of excellent comedy mixed with revenge.


Javabee - I've heard on the Whinchester House but in my travels to CA have never had the opportunity to visit. Excellent characterizations of Heyes' and Kid. Heyes is focused on the result and doesn't let emotion sway him like Kid tends to do. Kid's intuition is making itself known but he continues to back up Heyes despite his own misgivings. They both, of course, are hit straight to the heart when all three safes are opened. 
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:44 pm

Silverkelpie: It was so amusing to watch Heyes patiently wait for Kid to calm down, as he checked off every grisly way imaginable to end Abi's life. He certainly didn't have a problem with seeing Abi in a little pain and discomfort while he did it, either. I like the way you portray the boys in their outlaw days. Sometimes I think they come across a bit too affable to be outlaws in some fanfiction, but you reveal their dangerous side perfectly. And of course, any story with your Abi in it is interesting, she is such a strong female character.

Cal: Loved the banter between Kid and Heyes. You set the tone right from the start with Heyes trying to pull a fast one on Kid by trying to hide the fact that the town is a "no gun" town. Mrs. Alderly is quite a character, I wonder what her husband the Sheriff is like. Is a continuance in the works? Hoping....

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Sep 07, 2017 2:17 am

Nebraska Wildfire: As others have said, this is a beautifully written piece. There is so much said without being spoken. The way Ellie tells her tale is very matter of fact, although there is an undercurrent of strong emotion throughout. I believe Heyes recognizes a kindred spirit in her. They have both been traumatized by being associated with the outlaw life and suffered great loss. Thinking of what may have happened to the Kid, and seeing how Heyes is haunted by the memory is heartbreaking. You ended this poignant tale on a spark of hope with this line "It was one cold winter night, with the wind and snow howling around the outside of our snug cabin, that he finally told me what brought him to me." I like to think they finally find healing and happiness together. This is a lovely story, thanks for sharing it with us.

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Sep 07, 2017 6:02 pm

Cal - Oh my, I so wished this was an episode, if only to see how Pete and Ben played their expressions and body language off each other. You have a real comedic flair, even your more serious stories have humor woven deftly in their fabric.  One high note after the other -The Sheriff's name and ensuing conversation. The wall of gun rigs and Kid wondering about the best spot to put his Colt so it would be unobtrusive only to have the Sheriff be a ex-gunsmith and gun aficionado. Kid sure sobered up fast, too bad his partner didn't. That must have been such strong moonshine to drown Heyes' genius for improvisation (seriously Heyes, those names are worse than Smith and Jones, does Kid look Hispanic?). This one might just wind up backfiring,oh yeah, no wonder Kid wants to throttle Heyes.  it certainly has the potential. Loved,Loved it!!!!! coffee   coboy 8
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:01 pm

Silver Kelpie... Gosh Kid is really feeling the guilt... I'm glad Heyes isn't crowding him and Abi is cutting him some slack.  Sometimes that can make it worse though... he'd probably feel better if she gave him a good slap.  I love the dining room scene, Kid's evasion and his flirting... thanks for the lovely images... the suit and the crisp collar...the tousled hair...THEN.... a near naked Kid I had to read with one eye closed by the last line....honest.... Looking forward to seeing what Heyes has cooked up for McCully.  I think Abi has realised these two are going to go their own way.... just as she does... and there's no point fighting it.  MORE MORE MORE.....TAP TAP TAP
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:03 pm

Cal - I'm loving the phrase, "the complicated parade of emotions flashing across his cousin’s face." The whole skit about the names was hilarious and you captured their reaction to swallowing the moonshine perfectly. I love the idea of having a hairdown. I may have one of those myself. This whole story was a total romp and loads of fun. Great to see Heyes' silver tongue in drunken overdrive too. I loved it and I'm very glad you continued with this story.

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