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 Applause and Feedback

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SheilaUK

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 05, 2015 7:14 pm

Good memories rosiesnnie and riders!  This is a recycled story which seemed to fit!  It used to be up on a now defunct site.
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Stepha3nie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 05, 2015 7:34 pm

Silverkelpie 2: What a delightful story. You hooked me with the mystery about the letter. What letter, to whom, from whom, why such time constraints? And while I still wondered whether this would turn into wild action or a comfort story (poor Kid), you turned things around and seemed to be writing a comedy sketch, only to provide the answer to the original questions at the end after all. And I was even a little quicker than Heyes on the uptake.
Who hasn’t at some point fought sleep in an inappropriate place? Or drawn unwanted attention because of making a noise? Your descriptions are full of just the right kind of detail, the words chosen carefully and finely tuned, your humour wonderful. I felt myself not only chuckling, but also wishing I could write like this.
I could see the boys in my mind’s eye the entire way through – their characters were so spot on. A grouchy, volatile, sick Kid and a caring Heyes, who still can’t help himself having a little fun. And who pays attention when it counts, thus solving the mystery of the letter, getting the answer they needed, and all without endangering life or limb and (hopefully) in time for the train.
I loved Kid’s interaction with the priest/his sermon and the reactions of the ladies.
I also liked the interspersed bits of sermon, a whole lot of begetting going on without it being any fun. Lol
In my mind’s eye, the priest was a bit like the one in “The Princess Bride”. Am I far off?
And the entire church sequence made me think of a certain Mr. Bean spot. It’s very different, of course, but still…

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skykomish

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 05, 2015 10:12 pm

Nancy Whiskey - Your story is great fun.  You did a good job capturing Clem.  I enjoyed the story opening and also playing the "Find the Song Tittle" game.  I could only find ten and am looking forward to your promised edited version which shows us the song titles.  Like other readers have commented, I would like to see where this story goes and just what Ms. Hale is up to this time. 

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skykomish

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 05, 2015 10:31 pm

Stepha3nie - You have very cruel bunnies.  Pure narrative is not usually my favorite style of story telling, but it works very well in this piece.  I don't know if this description will make any sense to anyone, but the whole thing felt like a silent scream to me.  I could see it running before my eyes like a movie with no music and no dialogue and no sound track, probably in black and white. The pure accidental and senseless tragedy requires silence from us.  This death is harder for me because there is no reason, but rather mere happenstance.  The only respite for me in this story is the fact that the dead man died so quickly that he could not have suffered.  The suffering is all for those who are left behind.  I want to know just exactly what the Kid plans to do now, but I will understand if you do not continue.  The story is complete as it stands.   

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When you put your hand in a flowing stream, you touch the last that has gone before and the first of what is still to come.
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skykomish

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 05, 2015 10:54 pm

SheilaUK - I recognized this story as well.  I am guessing that I read it over on the old Pete Duel site.  Where ever I read it, I liked it before, and I like it now.  I enjoyed how the Kid worked Heyes around until Heyes realized what Kid needed him to know and understand.  Loved Kyle recognizing the Kid and trying to warn Wheat.  The gang was well portrayed and very believable. A very enjoyable story.

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When you put your hand in a flowing stream, you touch the last that has gone before and the first of what is still to come.
- Leonardo DaVinci
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skykomish

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:00 pm

Abcihgm - Congratulations on what I know is not only your first ASJ story, but your very first piece of fiction.  I think that you did a fine job.  I like your dialogue, particularly with Kyle and Wheat.  It is a fun and humorous cross over story.  Keep writing, but beware.  It becomes addictive.

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When you put your hand in a flowing stream, you touch the last that has gone before and the first of what is still to come.
- Leonardo DaVinci
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skykomish

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 05, 2015 11:08 pm

Caroline McK - Great use of the prompt.  The "back" you used is not one I ever would have considered.  I like your idea very much.  The first person narrative works very well.  I can understand the conflict for the Kid given all of his empty waiting.  Nice job. 

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When you put your hand in a flowing stream, you touch the last that has gone before and the first of what is still to come.
- Leonardo DaVinci
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Stepha3nie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 07, 2015 3:40 pm

NancyWhiskey: What a great idea! A story made of song titles. This has taken some skill, to come up with a plot that would offer opportunity to casually drop song titles, without them standing out glaringly obvious.
I think I recognized a good number, but then had to go back with a fine-toothed comb and I’m still not sure I’ve found them all.
I don’t like Clem and think she would have a hard time to convince the boys to help her out again, but in this scenario – there doesn’t seem to be a downside to it, so why not?
I guess “My darling Clementine” would have been a bit difficult to work in, despite the name of the female lead in the story. Which of the boys should have said it? None!

This left my smiling and excited. Thank you!

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For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 07, 2015 4:14 pm

I fell way behind on reading this month so apologies are in order for the brevity of my comments.  The stories were all great!


Remuda:  Wow, this was a very emotional and difficult meeting and you captured the Kid's quandary beautifully!  Good that he ended up choosing compassion even if Heyes seemed to lean towards revenge despite the remorse of the man involved.

Silverkelpie:  Beryl is the mistress of malapropisms but Charles is no fool after all!  Loved all the silliness and the sweet description of their devotion.  Lucky for the two of them they weren't dealing with angels.

RosieAnnie:  Good reminder on extending hospitality to our fellow men in need.  Loved the 'grace' moment and the boys reluctance.  

Skyomish:  Another oldie, but goodie.  Loved the irony of Jed's guilt offset by Mr. Blake's.

Keays:  Harris really is one of the most loathsome villains.  Nice excerpt for the prompt.

Silverkelpie2:  Luckily Heyes was attentive to the boring sermon but I felt for poor Kid getting jabbed for being tired and sick in church.  Who hasn't felt drowsy in this sort of situation?  Good last line, too.

NancyWhiskey:  Clever, clever, clever.  I didn't realize what you were up to until you spelled it out.  Rather than the key to the titles, I'm hoping you finish this interesting tale.

Stephanie:  This one was painful to read but so effective.  It echoes the daily tragedies that are becoming so common.

SheilaUK:  Nice version of how the Kid and Heyes reunited.  Curry insists on an equal role in the gang and makes it easy to see why he and his partner went on to great success.

Abcihgm:  Hurray for joining in!!!  It took me until Doc gave his full name to see where you were headed.  Very clever crossover.

Caroline:  Another sad, thought-provoking story.  Poor Kid is on his own; alone and demoralized with a difficult decision to make.  Hopefully he made the right one.

Well-done everyone!!

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Stepha3nie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 07, 2015 4:29 pm

SheilaUK: I remember reading this before, I think. It’s a great version of how the boys came to lead the Devil’s Hole Gang together.
I wouldn’t want to be in Heyes’ shoes – nursemaiding the gang when they’re hurrahing a town. You show well the frustrations of being an ambitious, intelligent, but very young leader of a rough bunch of guys. It’s obvious that he needs help.
Less obvious are the Kid’s reasons for seeking Heyes out just then. You hint at something dark that the gunman isn’t prepared to talk about. Obviously he already has quite a reputation and enjoys it. But maybe he’s also already learned that a reputation only means having to prove it over and over if you don’t look the part.
I liked how you showed their belonging together. Heyes’ instinctual recognition that Kid was in town (reminded me a bit of Obi Wan Kenobi’s sensing of Darth Vader, the disturbance in the force…), the way they just happen to fall into step, the way Kid knows how to bring the boys to heel without Heyes having to explain anything. You make it clear: Both are good alone, but they are so much better together.

Loved the humour. The way Kid manages to sneak up on Heyes, Kyle’s trying to tell Wheat about Kid. It was all very much in character.

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"I can resist everything - except temptation"  Oscar Wilde
For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!
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Stepha3nie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 07, 2015 4:53 pm

Abcihgm: How great to see a story from you here.
Interesting cross-over. It took me some time to understand who Doc Brown was. Unfortunately I haven’t seen the film, so I’m probably missing out on a few things.
It’s an amusing idea, having the Devil’s Hole gang trying to rob a train that’s going back to the future, "holding up time", as your title says (btw, I really liked the title). And it would take a HH to come up with the idea. But what did Doc Brown think? Telling them he was going to transport money. Tsk tsk.
The only thing I find a little hard to believe, is, that the boys would try to rob from someone they’ve met and who seems to be nice and harmless. It seems a bit out of character, but I understand you had to set up the ill-fated robbery somehow.
Nice banter about Kyle’s mishap re Heyes’ name. It would be Kyle who hollers it in hearing distance of a marshal.

Then again, our boys were also anything but careful when it came to using their real names in ASJ. Luckily for them, most lawmen of the West seemed to be struck with a strange form of partial deafness.

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"I can resist everything - except temptation"  Oscar Wilde
For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!


Last edited by Stepha3nie on Tue Dec 08, 2015 8:26 am; edited 1 time in total
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Stepha3nie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 07, 2015 5:15 pm

Caroline McK: A short piece, but you pack it full of information how several more years after the series have played out. And it’s not good for Kid. What a terrible choice for him – going back to outlawing and certain bad fate, or – what, really?
There are a few heart-wrenching sentences in your piece. This one really struck me: "I got up and walked out, out of Lom's office, out of Heyes' life."
It’s very believable that a fed-up, disillusioned Kid would do exactly that. Most fans seem to agree that this is also how they split up before (an angry Jed simply taking off). Maybe there is even still a bit of trying to shield his former partner from what he might bring down on him.
This situation is not what we want, and we know it will probably not end well. The boys belong together. But what choice does Kid really have? A married Heyes, who received his amnesty years ago, will find it hard to back his friend, when his wife doesn’t want him around.

But this is also where I have trouble believing your scenario. I can’t see Heyes marrying someone who rejects the Kid. And I’m sure he would never have accepted amnesty just for himself if he hadn’t had a backup plan or two for the Kid. I can’t see Heyes abandoning his friend like this. He’s too much the big brother who’s second nature is to look after the other.

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"I can resist everything - except temptation"  Oscar Wilde
For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!
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Stepha3nie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 07, 2015 6:00 pm

I'm so on a roll, I'll start on December's Ice comments.


Riders: What a beautiful story, beautifully told. And so fitting for the link. A really clever HH plan, well executed, and on top of it, some fun with the gang, all set in a winter wonderland. Your dialogue is spot on and so in character, I could see the boys and the gang talking. What’s not to like?
I loved the idea of good old Kyle being graceful on skates, while the rest of the gang keep falling over themselves. A proper ugly duckling to beautiful swan moment, but Kyle brought us back to reality pretty quickly with his remark which showed he had become more interested in his skating career than in the robbery. Who would have thought he had a second love (besides dynamite)?
Thank you for the information about Hans Christian Andersen.
I wonder if Heyes noticed/will figure out that Lobo made a little more money than planned. It seems in character with the outlaw. Then again, knowing the gang, it’s a wonder they actually sold the cider and didn’t drink it all themselves. I think Heyes was lucky.  ;-)

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"I can resist everything - except temptation"  Oscar Wilde
For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!
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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 07, 2015 9:27 pm

SheilaUK:

I enjoyed this story very much. It took some doing, but Heyes finally figured out he couldn't do it all by himself, and needs the Kid. The Kid managed to get Heyes to see the light, so to speak, concerning the equality of their partnership. Together they make a team to be reckoned with. You did a great job characterizing all the gang members, and the bantering rang true. Thanks for posting this, Sheila.

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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 07, 2015 9:45 pm

Abcihgm:

I'm normally not a big fan of crossovers, but you won me over with this one. I have seen Back to the Future and all the sequels, and the last movie fits perfectly with our boys timeline. With true to character humor and banter, and a train robbery gone awry, you managed to seamlessly blend the two stories.  I couldn't help but grin every time Emmet cried "Great Scott!" Also, you came up with a very clever title. Great first submission, and I hope you will continue to share with us. Thanks for playing!

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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Dec 08, 2015 12:23 am

Caroline Mck:

This is a very sad tale of the Kid literally feeling like a fish out of water in a world where there is no longer a place for him. Now a law abiding man, he doesn't feel comfortable with going "Back" to the outlaw life, yet he really isn't accepted among regular folk. Even his partner has left him behind, although reluctantly, for the sake of his new wife. He doesn't have too many choices, and the tone of the piece is that of hopelessness. Very poignant. Thanks for sharing with us, Caroline.

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Nancy Whiskey

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 13, 2015 12:29 pm

Hi all

Due to problems with my internet this week I am behind with my applause and feedback, but will catch up on the rest soon.

In case you are interested re: my 'song title challenge' I have updated my story over on the challenge story thread and you will find all the song titles now highlighted in bold.

Hope you had a bit of silly fun.

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Stepha3nie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 13, 2015 12:46 pm

Thank you, Nancy! I had much fun looking for song titles. Some inspired me to dig out old records/CDs/tapes.

I missed two of yours (Maybe this time, You'll never know), but I found three additional ones.  Very Happy
C'mon
Loyal
Dressed to impress

So, when can we expect a follow up with movie titles? Or maybe books?

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 13, 2015 4:25 pm

Finally getting to finish up November comments...

RosieAnnie - I really enjoyed this story. It was perfect for Thanksgiving. I wonder if those people ever really knew who had taken them in. Quite a few prayers answered in this one. Clapping.

Skykomish - Your story shows Kid having more of a conscience than Heyes. Although, even though he was against Kid's idea, he went along with him and even had a hand in getting the money to return. And, as it turns out, Mr. Blake was as guilty as they were for stealing money. Good story.

Keays - I felt a little lost at first reading this, but then not so much as I got into it. You write action so well. It's easy to see in one's mind. I don't know what Harris had done before, but I hope Wheat and Kyle catch up with him.

Silverkelpie - I hadn't laughed so hard at a story in a long time! Just the picture in my mind of the boys in the back of a church and Heyes trying to keep Kid awake killed me! And some of Kid's comments were just perfectly timed. I would've loved to have seen this in an episode. Very deserving of winning story of the month!


Nancy Whiskey - It was fun trying to find all the song titles in this. I forgot how many I recognized. So Clem has another scheme she needs the boys for. They really need to get that photograph away from her. At least they'll be getting (hopefully) some money for their trouble this time.

Stepha3nie - You were right. That was one cruel bunny. But your story showed something that could actually happen. I am left wondering what Kid will do now, especially since he signed the telegram with his real name.


SheilaUK - A good story of how Heyes and Kid might have joined back up together. I liked when Kid sneaked up on Heyes in the livery. Heyes does need to be more alert when he's deep in thought or upset apparently. This also shows how much Heyes needs Kid to back him up. Good that they're back together.

Abcihgm - I knew exactly what kind of crossover this was when I read the name of the town. With Back to the Future being one of my favorite movies, I really enjoyed this. Glad you decided to join in on the challenge! It gets addicting though!

Caroline McK - This was bittersweet with Heyes getting amnesty and Kid not getting his. What will he do now? I can see him being so upset he just has to get out of there, but I think eventually, he would go back to Heyes, even if they had to meet somewhere like a saloon or something to visit, so he wouldn't be near Heyes' wife. I kinda think Heyes would set his wife straight on the matter though. Kid's decision would definitely be a hard one to make.

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 13, 2015 10:10 pm

Riders - I can just imagine watching a bunch of outlaws trying to skate! Who knew Kyle would be the best at it?! That was one clever HH plan. Hot cider sounds pretty good right now. I loved the story! Very well written.

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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Dec 15, 2015 5:26 pm

Riders
This is a first-rate Hannibal Heyes (err, I mean Riders) plan, and lots of fun to boot.  Love that Kyle has a hidden talent that puts him on a par with the partners -- who would've thought.  So true to character, this would have made a wonderful flashback episode in the series itself.  Great for the prompt.  Clapping!

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PostSubject: feedback   Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:08 pm

Remuda, I just tried to send you a message but may have screwed it up.  Anyway, I love this story, I would very much like to read the longer version, is it available somewhere?
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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:29 pm

Thank you for your kind words, Gin16.  I'm glad you liked the story. 

There isn't a longer version.  The original was written five years ago and posted on a now dead site.  The version here is the same story but heavily edited because we (hopefully) grow in our writing and I didn't think the older one worthy of reposting as it was.

And you're great at this -- the message arrived just fine.  Thanks for reading.

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 18, 2015 2:07 pm

Riders- I love that you made Kyle good at skating.  The least expected of all the gang.  A great robbery tale and perfect for the prompt.  I really fancy the idea of that Hans Christian Anderson festival myself.


Remuda - You write them as boys so beautifully, and I love the picture of young Jed catching the snowflakes.  That was so easy to visualize, and I never thought of them tasting different either.  There is a child-like logic to that.  It is
touches like these that make your writing so special.  

RosieAnnie - What a freezing night at least there was room at the inn for Horace, who would surely have frozen to death outside in that weather!  What a delightful Christmas surprise for Lom when he got home.  That would certainly make my Christmas!
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 18, 2015 10:28 pm

Remuda - Loved little Jed catching snowflakes and then the older Kid doing the same thing. There was a type of innocence in this story. It was bittersweet in a small way knowing what the boys had/would go through, but I really enjoyed it.

Gringa - I really liked that it was Heyes that first came to the lady's aid this time. And of course, Kid was there to back him up. Loved the last paragraph of this story. Three people trying to start new lives.

RosieAnnie - I was getting chills reading about the frigid weather Lom had to walk through. Horace was lucky to have him as a friend. Lom's thoughts as he headed home were really lonely. But then what a surprise waiting for him from people that knew exactly what he felt. Very heartwarming and perfect for Christmas.

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