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 Applause and Feedback

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Jan 22, 2017 10:45 pm

PamBaze - Congrats on posting your first story! And it was a good one. The way you wrote it made me just feel the nervousnous and indecision Kid was experiencing. Then being stuck without any way to get any news, that'll drive anybody crazy. I liked the way you wrapped the story up though. Don't want to say much so as not to give it away to others. Just know that I enjoyed this :)

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Jan 24, 2017 12:21 am

InsideOutlaw - Love your outlaw days stories. This must've been when the boys started trusting their gut feelings when they occurred. Liked having Lom in the gang this time. I laughed at the part where Lom doesn't want to steal horses, but Heyes says, "They're OUR horses!" That honest streak finally gets the best of him as we all know. Loved the ending. It was perfect.

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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Jan 24, 2017 1:59 pm

Pambaze - Firstly, yes.  I did notice your picture.  Lucky old you! What wonderful tension building interlaced with beautiful descriptive language.  You quickly turn very poignant and you take ua all with you when the fear turns to relief.  It was wonderful.  Thanks for jumping in and playing with us.


InsideOutlaw - I LOVE idea that they can't make a getaway because Lom doesn't have the money to get the horses out of the stables and he won't steal them.  It's very in the spirit of the series.  The whole scene with Lom in the sheriff's office was a  delight.  A happy ending and a complete romp?  What's not to love?

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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Jan 24, 2017 10:59 pm

InsideOutlaw:  Thanks for the zero safe story you said was on its way.  I enjoyed having all the boys involved, especially Lom. And a not quite Hannibal Heyes plan get them out.
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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Jan 27, 2017 8:08 pm

Silverkelpie:  I enjoyed reading this again.  Seems that Heyes is always ready for anything, posing as an insurance man not wanting to ruin his suit, photo shopping the picture, a priest going bad and a bad man becoming a priest and a damsel in distress for Kid to help out. It had it all.

MoulinP:  I am glad that you continued this story and hope that it goes on.  Happy that Heyes is following up on helping Wheat and I hope that Wheat follows thru.  There was no way to expect what happened to Heyes, maybe Kid will have to come out west to help him out?

Cal:  I really liked this one, takes place when they are younger.  Talk about a leap of faith.  Han Heyes, Kid was upset, rightfully so.  I don't think I have ever seen him so P.O.d.  After all of that, ticking Kid off which is what he meant to do, he thought that he could leave Kid behind, not a chance!

Pam:  I liked this a bunch.  Poor Kid, he had no way of knowing if Heyes was alive or not.  His sense of loss was overwhelming, so much so, that he sought out and talked to the preacher about his best friend.  Regarding the chat, there was no actual action here, only what was going on in Kids head, and that was plenty.  You don't need action to tell a good story, you told a good story.

Insideoutlaw:  If you read back on the chat, you must have laughed when I said that I remembered a story about Heyes opening an empty sale.  This was a fun read, Lom not wanting to steal horses, Kid not having any money "because I like to spend it", Loms' performance letting Heyes and Kid know what the gang had planned and they got the money.

Distant Drums:  Heyes being open and honest in his feelings for his partner, friend and family in one.  touching.

Remuda:  All told from Heyes point of view.  He was clear and precise in they telling even tho he/they were both shaken up by what had happened.  The last paragraph says a lot, with all that they had been thru in their outlaws, they could still be shocked.


Last edited by gin16 on Thu Feb 09, 2017 6:27 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Jan 31, 2017 10:04 am

Pambaze - Love the snuggle picture... totally jealous... but in a good way... lucky girl!
I was worried along with Kid in the story, I thought you got the mood .. being hemmed in ... the forced inaction ... the lack of communication with Lom ... just right.  The tension built and I made myself not skip forward.  The wander to the church and the casual chat with the preacher were again right on the money.  Made Kid feel a bit better anyway ... had me hoping that the preacher saw them together later on ... I had a huge smile on my face at the 'Hey Kid' .. and you got them right back on track with “Missed you, too, Kid. Now let’s go get something to eat.”  A fine challenge story ... YAY! cheers
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Jan 31, 2017 10:08 am

Inside Outlaw - You already know there's an awful lot about this tale I love ... the humour ...Lom's part in the plotting .. the safe cracking .. this one has it all. Favourite line ... “They’re OUR horses,” roared Heyes.  lol!
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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Feb 01, 2017 1:00 pm

January -- what a strong month! You guys are terrific!
applause applause
Silverkelpie: You had me at the image of the dog nipping at our boys' heels when they were covered with the remains of a butcher shop. What a fun story! And I didn't realize that photos could be retouched back in the 1880's; that sure came in handy for our heroes.

Moulin P: Believe me when I say, I empathize with you when you say, you didn't know you were writing an epic. The characters just take over and won't quit until they've had their say. Poor Wheat! You really showed us how he is struggling. This is a good story with realistic character development. More, please!

Cal:  This was really a leap of faith, wasn't it? I think you conveyed the emotions and the dialogue here very well. The last bit about $4,000 and change was a punch in the gut. Heyes not saying, this is crazy, we have to find another way of making a living -- nope, instead, let's join a gang! I can very easily see this happening.
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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Feb 01, 2017 1:13 pm

PamBaze: Very nice, tense story. I think you showed the particulars of the situation and Kid's situation very well. Especially the emotions he was feeling, and the kindness of the reverend. I enjoyed this very much.

Inside Outlaw:  Oops, you did it again! A whole, amusing story wrapped up in one short story. The frustration with Lom's sudden onset of honesty was amusing. "But they're our horses!" I also enjoyed the whole bit about Kid's off-key singing and Heyes' newspaper rustling as a passive-aggressive way to rattle the Deputy. Of course all the DHG got home and safe, and with the money!

Distant Drums:  My favorite line is "this is for the real hero." This is a nice representation of the boys' partnership.

Remuda:  I can very easily see Heyes sitting around some evening, years hence, telling this story. That sort of event would give me a sleepless night too. You always pack so much emotion into a few words. Nicely done.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Feb 01, 2017 2:17 pm

Distant Drums - A very touching and poetic tribute to the Kid from his partner.  It gives him credit not just for his instincts and fast gun, but also for him being a steadying influence and understanding the need for amnesty before he did.

Remuda - Wonderful tension building in this one.  You can tell right from the start that it's climax will be shocking and the ending was a surprise to me.  I feared that one of the boys would be shot, but this was somehow more shocking.  Beautifully observed all the way through, with little touches like Heyes making sure that he kept his hands visible and maintaining a look of shock to divert any reason to suspect who they really were.  Wonderful

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Distant Drums

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Feb 02, 2017 5:28 am

Silverkelpie - A great take on photographic blackmail.  Is it just me, or did this story provide a defence to the accusation that this was a picture of the boys?  It could have been faked.  Very clever, and loved the dialogue at the end.

MoulinP - The dialogue in the office was great.  You captured the edgy relationships between the three men just right.  I'm really enjoying this story, and hope you continue it soon.  What a cliffhanger!  
       
Cal -  Wonderful action in this one, and you know your horses.  That shines all the way through this story.  A wonderful explanation of why they split up for a while.  I could see Heyes being attracted to bank robbing after that experience, and the Kid seeing the rewards as just not being worth it.

Pambaze - Yes.  I did see your picture.  Who could miss it, you lucky thing. This story was wonderful and the fears and emotions were beautifully captured.  You write feelings so perfectly.  I loved it.

InsideOutlaw - Oh, this is a lot of fun!  The way Lom won't steal the horses link sight in with the last line beautifully, but you give us a whole comedy of errors in this beautifully written and very funny story.  
 
Remuda - Great foreshadowing from the very first sentence and wonderful descriptive language throughout.  You paint a wonderful picture of life in that slightly upmarket saloon, and keep both boys right in character as they try their best to keep things right in character all the way.  Heyes' logic is shown perfectly in the way he is still analysing how they will be perceived by the law in the immediate aftermath of the shooting.

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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Feb 03, 2017 8:26 am

Distant DrumsA Hero Not A Zero
By line three I know this is Heyes' voice,
Watching my back, supporting my plans
With a keen eye and a fast hand.

Love that line - that's Kid in a nutshell - fab! 
The man is a hug that'll last forever
Protector, friend, and family in one


Aw Heyes... think we're hearing you in a sentimental moment.. hope Kid is around to hear some of this.. Think you may have already been sharing a drink or two Drink ... I really love you Kid ...lolx That was lovely DD enjoyed it a lot.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Feb 03, 2017 8:39 am

Remuda - Rattled
This is Heyes' voice again... just right.. calm sounding and reflective.  Love the baptism line, grime gives way to clean. Lots of lovely writing moments in this, but its not getting in the way as I pause to admire your craft. Kid and me, well, we have an arrangement when we play the same game....found that interesting... I can hear Heyes from the series asking if anyone else thinks they are playing pairs... seems inevitable really. I'm wondering who he thinks he's talking to, he's having to explain a lot and love the way he owns HH and KC but talks about TJ and JS as if they are third parties... this is cool Remuda. The evening seemed to turn on a sixpence... deteriorated quick. Clever that the trouble wasn't theirs, they just witnessed it... but that was more shocking to them.  Really good read.
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MoulinP

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Feb 03, 2017 2:32 pm

Silverkelpie Loved the tongue in cheek ending

Cal I could really see this as it unfolded. The descriptions are great. Had to get the Kid angry so he'd try it and then they only barely made it. I like that they both had different conclusions. The Kid thinks they're done robbing but Heyes wants to go for bigger and better. And he's prepared to do it without his cousin.

Pambaze First story and what a good 'un! Oh the agony of not knowing and no way to find out quickly. Brilliant description of the Kid's decline into utter despair. Heyes at his most mischievous when he does turn up. He knows what the delay would have done to the Kid but he refrains from teasing

Inside Outlaw Very rare glimpse of Lom in the DHG. He already knew where to draw the line but didn't stop him providing the distraction and the warning for the jailbreak. Loved Heyes' comment about having to talk to him about his honest streak.

Distant Drums I'm really beginning to appreciate poetry now thanks to you.

Remuda Seems an ordinary night in a new town at first and then the shock of witnessing the double killing. Profund, Rem

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Feb 03, 2017 11:24 pm

Distant Drums - I really enjoy your poetry. When I try to write it, it usually turns into something goofy. Here, you can tell exactly who is telling the story. I liked the line, 'Protector, friend, and family in one'. Wonderful job!

Remuda - The foreboding first sentence had me convinced something bad was going to happen to either HH or KC. I liked that this was told in first person perspective. So they DO play partners at the poker tables. Oh well, lots of other people did too. I liked the tangent Heyes got off on talking about how he was the thinker and genius. No wonder they were left in shock ay seeing that happen, especially between close family members. Great writing.

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Feb 04, 2017 12:01 am

You three sure were quick off the line this month ;)

Remuda - I remember reading this before. I couldn't remember how it ended though, so I'm glad you posted it. So that's what finally got Harry thrown out. I don't blame Heyes. Harry seems the type of person I could stand for about a minute before he got on my nerves. I enjoyed getting to read this again.

Cal - Liked that this is being told by an introverted child and seeing the event from that point of view. Loved the line, 'It means Hannibal Heyes isn't normal either'. But who wants to be normal? It's boring! Now what's he doing posing as a teacher? I do hope you get the muse working again to rewrite the rest of this.

Silverkelpie - I love when you write mysteries. They're always so intriguing. Not looking good for the boys in that room. I could just see the embarrassment on Kid's face when Heyes conducted his little experiment and I loved Kid's response LOL! So the dark one looks shifty does he? I think that depends on who's looking at him ;) I really liked who the journalist turned out to be and why HH and KC became so concerned. I don't want to give anything away so I'll shut up now. (Just know I loved the ending!)

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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Feb 05, 2017 10:27 am

Just finishing up last month's stories.

Distant Drums:  I'm always impressed by writers of poems and you've definitely done a great job here.  To be able to convey the partnership so well while keeping within the format is amazing.  Good job.


Remuda: I love that they are playing partners.  They're crooks, why wouldn't they?   What a terrible tragedy to witness and especially to be witneessed two men who had their own families ripped from their lives.  I can only imagine how awful it would be for them.  Very well written as always.

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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Feb 05, 2017 11:46 am

Historical accurate ish tales

Remuda - What happened? You know its not the last day of the month right? ... hehe ... You'll just have to post another one at the end....

Aw, I like this one, I even went back and read something about it because I didn't know anything before I read your tale. Harry Wagoner was an oily creep wasn't he... I always had difficulty seeing him in the DHG in the first place... love the ref to the Denver Mint... Think the fact that a younger Heyes separated from Jed would easily fall in with a father figure after parenting the younger Jed for so long... doubly tragic then that he should loose him too.  Answers the Champeen tracker quip also.  Great writing as always, but also kudos for tying up so many lose ends for us.  cheers
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Feb 05, 2017 11:51 am

SilverKelpie The Unusual Suspects 
I remember this one from VS - loved it the first time... she was a real detective wasn't she? I like the maid character. She has some excellent dialogue, like  “I’m sure that I would have remembered that! You two are kind of memorable!    Gathering the suspects in the dining room like an Agatha Christie plot.  The laugh out loud moment when they take in the collection of other suspects... Yes made a great VS and is a worthy challenge too. lol!
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gin16



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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Feb 08, 2017 10:34 pm

Remuda:  It is always good to read a story you have read a couple of years ago.  Heyes stood his ground telling Harry no.  He had strong feelings abut his time in Utah.  Job Settles saw something in Heyes.  Heyes respected Settles as both an employer and a man.  He paid homage to him by becoming 'the champeen tracker in all of southern Utah'. 

Cal:  reading the first paragraph, I thought it might be Heyes talking.  It sounds a lot like he must have  been as a child.  Whoever she is, she has a very strong, clear opinion of Heyes and Kids and very different from her fathers.  I hope that you can recreate the rest of your story, I am curious about who she grows up to be.

Silverkelpie:  Another oldie but a goodie.  a murder mystery with Kid and Heyes as the most likely suspects, only because they are young and able.  I didn't know they had cameras that small way back then.  Kid having to take a lady to dinner, while Heyes, the rat hid under the bed.  Stubbs and the boy stopping the stage and Hattie standing up for them to get the story.  Kid and Heyes most likely getting their pictures taken waving bye to Hattie.  a really good read.

HannaHeyes: What a great story.  What a good memory for Heyes to have.  I also liked your explanation of the northern lights.  It doesn't matter how much technology we have to keep us safe, Mother Nature is more powerful.

MoulinP:  Another good chapter to this story,  I can see Heyes figuring out how to use the typewriter and being so engrossed in doing so he wasn't paying attention to what Mary was saying.  But he did get it in the end and smiled that great dimpled smile.

Rosieannie:  I love this story.  It is full of melancholy to me.  Kid is thinking about the past on his own, then he is asked to share his thoughts on his life, he needs to walk a thin line between saying just enough to appease the students but not saying too much.

Gringa:  I enjoyed reading this again.  The little boy was lucky that it was the Devils Hole gang that robbed the bank that day. Out of the mouth of babes, his mother never did what she was told.

Sky:  enjoyed reading this.  I had never heard this story before.  Our former president must have been quite a character.  Coming dressed up as he was, with a knife from Tiffany's, the boys must have thought they had a rich, spoiled easterner on their hands. 

HelenWest: I did not expect a ghost story.  Heyes must have liked her to make an appearance after so many years of not showing himself.  I wonder where he had hidden the book for all the of that time.  I'm glad that Kid made an appearance.  Kid & Heyes riding off into the wild blue yonder together, fitting.

NebraskaWildlife:  The sunrise sounds wonderful, sleeping on the cold hard ground does not.  If they could get the amnesty, they would not have to do that anymore.  Talking about making plans, having Heyes' coffee, tossing out ideas. I like the plan they come up with, get paid and go to Silkys' and relax.


Last edited by gin16 on Wed Mar 01, 2017 10:44 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Feb 09, 2017 9:43 pm

Remuda: I almost missed your story from the Zero challenge. I really enjoy the lyrical quality of your phrasing, and how you can set a mood, and then utterly change it. I also enjoyed Promontory. Fun to picture Heyes among that point in history.
Cal: I too wondered if the child was Heyes at the start.  It was a fun and different point of view.
Silverkelpie: As always, your story was fun, entertaining, and bringing in interesting aspects like the pictures to worry the boys.
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Cal

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Feb 20, 2017 6:23 am

HannahHeyes - What a fantastic idea... walls of light! And you can get as scientific and nerdy as you like with your explanations ... I too love the science bit... I wish I knew how to post pictures on here... I've painted the Northern lights.. I used to have a painting page on Facebook 

https://www.facebook.com/juliamillerartist/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

Its in there somewhere... you have to scroll down a bit...

Loved your story this month. The opening was poetic and built a wonderful atmosphere. Had me guessing what it could be. Heyes' quiet demeanour set me up with a kind of dread... wasn't that night was it. The flashback, told by Heyes, with all the humour and portents to their future was fabulous. The picture of the two families settling in to watch the show... That's what made me think of the painting!... Had me in tears Hannah... Very unusual for me! 
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Nebraska Wildfire

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Feb 20, 2017 2:04 pm

HannaHeyes:  Lovely story. So poignant with the boys remembering a more innocent time.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Feb 24, 2017 10:09 am

Remuda - Fun to visit this one again, especially with the wonderful dialogue.  Great to see the champeen tracker of all Southern Utah so proud of Settles.

Cal -  I really hope you continue with this one.  This bookish child definitely sounds like Heyes, but then you reveal it's a girl.  Not just any girl, but one who likes picking locks and reading books.  I loved the scene in the carriage, but I obviously love the new teacher even more

HannaHeyes - What a beautiful memory and I loved the thought of people in heaven looking at the lights from the other side. I loved these lines, ""You're goin' to be in jail for breakin' and enterin' by the time you're twelve." Han smiled at him smugly. "They'd have to catch me first. It ain't breaking the law until you get caught."

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Feb 28, 2017 9:55 am

RosieAnnie - Thank you for sharing an excerpt from one of my favourite series.   It fits the prompt perfectly and it's great to see it again.  The exploits of the past are never quite as glamorous when we see the reality of them and gunfighters especially rarely match the legends.   I can't be the only one who wishes that the movies had more reality than legend, as you show so ably that the truth is far more interesting than fiction.

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