Alias Smith and Jones Fun and Fanfiction
Alias Smith and Jones Fun and Fanfiction

A site for all kinds of fun for fans of Alias Smith and Jones
 
HomeHome  PortalPortal  CalendarCalendar  UsergroupsUsergroups  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share | 
 

 Applause and Feedback

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1 ... 20 ... 37, 38, 39, 40  Next
AuthorMessage
Javabee

avatar

Posts : 771
Join date : 2013-09-08
Age : 61
Location : Seattle

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 21, 2015 3:03 pm

Keays:

From a budding young artist making his first sale, to a laugh over Heyes quirky face, this story made my day. I was glad to see the boy stand his ground on the price of the art, when our ex-outlaws tried to talk him down. I love that you managed to include your own artistic interests in the plot, very reasonably applying the subject to a concern over protecting our hero's identities. As much as I love your epics, it's great to see a new story. Thanks Keays.

Banana

_________________
"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning." Mae West
coffee 
Back to top Go down
Javabee

avatar

Posts : 771
Join date : 2013-09-08
Age : 61
Location : Seattle

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 21, 2015 10:55 pm

Skykomish:

To be so rusty! Writing must be like riding a bicycle, because your entry was great. I'm looking forward to reading the two prequels tonight. As for the continuance, like everyone else, I can't wait to see if Kid ends up having a show down with Sam. 

From the comments it looks like the gang knows you from before I came around. Welcome, I'm looking forward to reading your stories and getting to know you better. Thanks, Sky!

Welcome Back

_________________
"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning." Mae West
coffee 
Back to top Go down
RodeoReed



Posts : 2
Join date : 2015-06-20

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 22, 2015 12:05 pm

Thought I would give some comments a try. Not sure I will get to everyone but here goes.

SheilaUk:

Well, if anyone "Jes wants some fun", all they have to do is read this story, I could actually hear the sound of Heyes drunken voice in my mind as I read his dialogue. I was intrigued right away with who this drunk was and and what he had to do with the boys, and had a good laugh when you melded the story into the right place in the episode.

Skykomish:

Really liked your story. I have not read one with Heyes having a living brother before, and thought this was very believable and well put together. 

Keays:

It must be a pain to have to inspect every person, in every town they go to to, looking for a suspicious face. Even the little artist was a threat of sorts. My daughter says I should give your epic a try, and I think I will take her advice.

InsideOutlaw:

I read this months story before I realized there was one that came before. It still stood on its own and I was glad to see Heyes speak his mind instead of continuing on in his prescribed role.
Back to top Go down
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 6881
Join date : 2013-08-24

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 22, 2015 1:20 pm

Don't be shy Rodeo Reed.  Writers very much appreciate your comments.   Thanks for taking the time.   Danke
Back to top Go down
http://aliassmithandjones.canadian-forum.com
Keays

avatar

Posts : 1431
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 60
Location : Camano Island Washington

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:11 am

Really appreciate your comments, RodeoReed.  And by all means, dive into the epic.  I hope you enjoy it.  You might want to read 'Karma-Lou' and "Who's The Fastest Gun' first though.
Back to top Go down
fledge23



Posts : 3
Join date : 2015-01-22

PostSubject: Feedback and Applause   Sun Sep 27, 2015 5:24 am

Another great story April. I love the relationship between Heyes and Randa and th efact that he can be so honest with her!
Back to top Go down
riders57

avatar

Posts : 532
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 60

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Sep 27, 2015 12:20 pm

Okay I'm working on catching up.  Starting here in August:

Silverkelpie -- as ever fine detective work.  You are wonderful at plotting and sprinkling clues, if only we were as clever as Heyes to spot them.  I love the phrase "mute pools of hate," and so true about hands giving away one's age.

Moonpie -- a very sad end to your story, but all too likely.  The sentence:  "The silver tongue had turned to lead, and the heart had turned to stone,"  very poetic.

Remuda -- I remember this story and still enjoy it.  You do an excellent job of expressing emotion and giving one to think.  As usual your dialogue and characterizations are spot on.

InsideOutlaw -- I think this fits the prompt very well and how like Heyes to find a way out of their dilemma.  Our two semi-heroes were very much in character.
Back to top Go down
riders57

avatar

Posts : 532
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 60

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 28, 2015 1:46 pm

And finishing August:

Keays -- an excellent story, I can see why you won this month.  It's been good to watch how your writing has grown over the past few years.  

Skykomish -- oh good, you continued this.  Love this sequel (I do remember the earlier stories) and so glad to have you back writing and joining in.  This is a good way for them to meet up and the mixed emotions and feelings of shame from each brother for having let the other down is excellent.

Sheila -- what an annoying drunk you created and a clever way to avoid being connected to our wanted outlaws until it was too late.  Glad you submitted this one.
Back to top Go down
riders57

avatar

Posts : 532
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 60

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Sep 30, 2015 11:54 am

Caught up.

Keays - a cute little romp and a nice reference back to an episode.

Silverkelpie -- As always a wonderful story and I like how you laid out the plot in dialogue.  Great line:  "She's been around more men than the barber's cape."  But it sounds like an unpleasant town all around.

Remuda -- I really like this story.  The jumps between the dime novel and the AS&J "reality" are deftly handled.  Also a fun change in roles to have the Kid being the reader.  I won't spoil the ending for others but really enjoyed it.
Back to top Go down
Silverkelpie

avatar

Posts : 1374
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 56
Location : Over the rainbow

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 01, 2015 9:33 am

Keays - A fun section from your new story.  Miranda obviously thought she'd get revenge on her husband by being flirty, but she didn't reckon on his own track record, did she?



Remuda - Firstly, I love that the book was for the Kid, not Heyes, and that it didn't cost a dime.  Secondly, I love the way the book is interspersed amongst the story.  Thirdly, I love the way it hooked both of them, and lines like this one, "The girl had a really bad plan, but they didn’t let me have a better one."  And the last line
is a Doozy.


Stepha3nie - I really hope you continue with this one.  Are these robbers going to be an excuse for her to get revenge on her politician relative?  I hope you let me know.  I'm hooked.



Moonpie - You deftly paint a picture of the type of cold, institutional care young children could expect when they went into care back in the day, but you do it against the very original background of they missing the hit on their homes by being kept back at school for misbehaving.  Very different, and very good.


Skykomish - I was struck right away by the beautiful line, "She laughed and spoke often, and no one seemed to realize how little her words revealed".  Vivian is a wonderful character and this is another one I really want to see continue.  I hope the boys get away, because I'm smiling already at the thought of what they might do
to her.


Javabee - this girl really knows how to get revenge on her brutal step-father.  Nothing makes allies like being united against a common enemy and this was one to be united against.  Loved the last line.

_________________
Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb
Back to top Go down
Moonpie
Admin
avatar

Posts : 268
Join date : 2014-01-04

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 01, 2015 7:02 pm

Keays - Saucy but fun.  Never compete with a man like Heyes on the love front, that's for sure.

Silverkelpie - A twisty, turny conversation unfolds a clever plot to spring the Kid from jail, and to make sure that the poor woman didn't become a patsy for a gang of criminals.  He could have just ridden away, but I like that he didn't.  As he said, they never leave a man behind.

Remuda - Loved this story, and the way the book mixed with the live action was a great device.  Heyes, as ever, is thinking hard all the way through, seeing the difference between the plot and his plotting.  Loved the end too 

Stepha3nie - I hope that this one is continued.  What is the revenge?  I love it when a powerful man is taken down a peg or two.  I hope you let us know.  

Skykomish - Oh, I so hope that this one is going to be continued.  I adore Vivian.  She is the perfect foil or the boys and it's good to see that the Kid isn't the only one who can get his head turned.  You got the boys perfectly in character too.   
 
Javabee - Loved the last line!  I never saw that coming at all.  It was good of them to help her.  Once they were out they could have just high-tailed it out of town by themselves.  Good to see that Heyes also had a soft heart in this one.
Back to top Go down
skykomish

avatar

Posts : 181
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 59

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:57 pm

Silverkelpie - This is a wonderfully twisted story.  I liked Mattie and the way she reacted to the discovery of the account in her name.  Loved the description of her at the beginning, especially the first line, "Mattie Gold’s unremarkable features fell between the summer of attraction, and the winter of frailty." Heyes was great in your writing.  He was having so much fun, partially at the expense of poor Lom and Brubaker.  Loved Heyes' excitement about opening the safe.  Very enjoyable read.

Remuda - You already know that I like this story.  The transitions between the dime novel plot and "real" Heyes and Curry plot were deftly handled. The humor woven through the more serious plot was well written. I loved the way you portrayed Delia.  You leave the reader wondering about her mental state, and also about the closing lines.  Very well done.

Stepha3nie - You left me wanting more.  I want to know how the aunt of the "pompous moron" thinks that the train robbery will provide her with opportunity and fun.  You did a great job of making me despise the nephew.  I liked this line,  "The uncaring landscape kept chugging past, oblivious to human thoughts."  I enjoyed reading this. 

Moonpie
- This story is fun and touching.  The sniping between the school children at the beginning is very true to life.  I loved this line, "T’aint always,” he pouted.  “Ya don’t always catch me." I was surprised by the change of tone at the end.  What a unique and believable way to keep the boys out of the raid.  Well done.

Javabee - Loved the surprise information at the end.  It is always fun when a story ties in so nicely with an episode.  Isabelle is a good character.  So this time it is Heyes helping the needy folk.  Kid certainly should tease him about that, especially after all of the ribbing Heyes has given Kid over the needy folk.   I'm glad the ladies got away from such a bad situation.

_________________
When you put your hand in a flowing stream, you touch the last that has gone before and the first of what is still to come.
- Leonardo DaVinci
Back to top Go down
Remuda

avatar

Posts : 749
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 42

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 02, 2015 2:35 am

Keays
You really painted the poor waiter well.  I so identified with him; around the situation with which he was confronted, I'd want to disappear as well.  But, he had a job to do and aimed to do it, embarrassed or not.  Loved him!

Silverkelpie
I love how all the coincidences collided so well here.  Indeed, as Kid noted, God must love crooks because he made so many of them.  This is smart and sophisticated, and your usual skillful way with leisurely unraveling a plot is so masterfully displayed here.  As noted by others, there are lots of great lines, and I especially liked this one:  "You could persuade the disciples to charge for loaves and fishes."  Clapping!

Stepha3nie
Is this Miss Birdie?  If so, wonderful explanation for why she was on that train.  I hope she was able to get back at her nephew.  I know she was entertained and had such an impact on two particular (now ex-) outlaws.  Love this line:  "Any idiot nowadays makes a career out of politics, just have a look around Washington."  Touche!

Moonpie
This starts out breezy but left me stunned by the ending, so unexpected was it.  To have such an impact without even describing the scene -- great writing!  Love this line, "Like Han, Miss?  I ain’t sneaky enough.", as well as this prophetic one, "He might fire the bullets but you load the gun."  Even then they were so in tune.  Well done!

Skykomish
Oh, what a great character Vivian is.  She so reminded me of Grace Turner, and then the boys alluded to her.  This is so well written, and bites like the serpent referred to by Kid.  Love these lines especially, "Just make sure that appreciatin' doesn't turn into ... well ... appreciatin'." and "He observed Vivian with an expression he usually reserved for a venomous snake."  Hope we see Vivan again -- sequel?  Clapping!

Javabee
Love the boys' partnering up with a little girl and helping her get revenge on her evil stepfather.  Isabelle's cool and cunning; perhaps a mini-Heyes in the making?  Once again, Kid proves his way with the ladies, even if they happen to be twelve.  The twist at the end left me smiling -- great comeuppance!

_________________
Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything. ~ Wyatt Earp
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnieUSA

avatar

Posts : 357
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 98
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:01 am

Keays: I read this early in the morning. Just like Miranda, I am wide awake now. Unlike Miranda, I am wearing underwear and not looking forward to any after-breakfast treats. **le sigh**

Silverkelpie: No revenge like a mature woman scorned! Nothing like seeing the baddies getting their just desserts and our boys getting their amnesty!
Back to top Go down
http://www.lunartidemassageandangeltherapy.com
RosieAnnieUSA

avatar

Posts : 357
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 98
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 02, 2015 10:20 am

Remuda: Is revenge a dish best served cold? This is a solid demonstration how revenge, and the lust for it, can destroy someone's life. The last paragraph is perfect.

Stepha3nie:  Oh yes, who doesn't want to get back at some pompous, phony politician? Sounds like she's been handed the perfect opportunity!

Moonpie: Good explanation of why our boys survived that terrible attack. But Han already the gun and Jed the bullets? Foreshadowing there. Love the little throwaway line of the girl sticking out her tongue.

Skykomish: Curry telling Heyes a pretty woman is trouble and to stay away is like telling my cat to ignore her wet food in the morning. Some men never learn, do they?

Javabee:  Ooh, terrific ending! I didn't see that one coming, but it's a perfect fit.
Back to top Go down
http://www.lunartidemassageandangeltherapy.com
riders57

avatar

Posts : 532
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 60

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 02, 2015 11:26 am

Stepha3nie -- a very promising start -- hope to read the rest of the tale soon.  And hope you get your internet connection back soon.  I can certainly understand how beautiful scenery can be annoying if you're not ready to release a bad mood.

Moonpie -- another emotional story from you.  You got the behavior of a group of school children down pat, and what foreshadowing with the line:  "He might fire the gun, but you load the bullets."

Skykomish -- A great story.  Do I recognize the first paragraph?  I certainly don't know the whole story.  Vivian is wonderfully drawn and you managed a twisty plot very well.

Javabee -- Yes, domestic violence can cause a child to grow up quickly, can't it.  Good plotting on Isabelle's part and a great tie in to the show -- very unexpected.
Back to top Go down
skykomish

avatar

Posts : 181
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 59

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 02, 2015 3:09 pm

Oh Riders,  you are right and gifted with a great memory.   The first few paragraphs were written several years ago.   Do you remember the word challenge on another board?   An unusual word was suggested and you needed to use it in a story.  That is where Vivien was created, though she lacked a name then.  I always wanted to use her in a story, and the revenge prompt seemed appropriate.

_________________
When you put your hand in a flowing stream, you touch the last that has gone before and the first of what is still to come.
- Leonardo DaVinci
Back to top Go down
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 6881
Join date : 2013-08-24

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 02, 2015 3:10 pm

Oh, I love it when these seeds refuse to die off.  They are the best, Sky!   sunny
Back to top Go down
http://aliassmithandjones.canadian-forum.com
HannaHeyes

avatar

Posts : 1180
Join date : 2013-08-27
Age : 41
Location : The Hideout

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 02, 2015 3:22 pm

First off, I want to apologize for not commenting the last couple of months. I've had alot going on and just didn't get around to it. I'm sincerely sorry as I know how much comments mean to writers.

Keays - I think Miranda got more than she expected when she baited Heyes into that conversation! And I agree, I don't think that it's over yet.

Silverkelpie - Mattie was lucky she ran into Heyes, whether she wants to admit it or not. Liked that you brought Brubaker back to be the lawyer. And the boys have amnesty! You write twisty tails so well.

Remuda - Liked that it was the Kid reading for once and he certainly got Heyes interested in that overpriced dime novel. Loved the way you intertwined the book with the real story. And that last line is something else. I'd like to read more on this story.

Stepha3nie - This sounds very possible that the female character is Miss Birdie. Who wouldn't like to get back at some politicians. Good job!

Moonpie - Loved little Jed getting into trouble in the classroom, not to mention Han being blamed for putting the idea in his head. Loved the lined "he might fire the bullets but you load the gun." And then, what a twist. Detention is what kept them from being in the raid. Great writing!

Skykomish - This is certainly one I would love to see continued. Vivian is a great character. Heyes should've listened to Kid. She was nothing but trouble. Good to have you back writing.

Javabee - I liked Isabelle. Even at twelve, she is crafty enough to get her real dad's ring back. I loved the way she did it, helping the boys escape if Heyes opened the safe for her. And it was nice to see Heyes being the generous one. So that was their first run-in with Clitterhouse. Well done!

_________________
Come to the dark side...we have cookies Very Happy 
Back to top Go down
riders57

avatar

Posts : 532
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 60

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 02, 2015 3:38 pm

Sky -- I do remember the word challenges.  I even remember what word was that challenge -- lambent.
Back to top Go down
Admin
Admin
avatar

Posts : 6881
Join date : 2013-08-24

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 02, 2015 5:16 pm

Oh, yes.  That was my word.  We could start a word challenge again if people were interested, maybe on a monthly basis?
Back to top Go down
http://aliassmithandjones.canadian-forum.com
Remuda

avatar

Posts : 749
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 42

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 02, 2015 5:26 pm

Sky, I didn't mention it in my comments, but that opening paragraph sounded familiar to me as well, but I couldn't begin to place it.  Great memory, Riders!

And yes, how I remember the word challenges; they were fun.  They were on a weekly basis, but monthly might be more doable.  Would be great, MAP.

_________________
Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything. ~ Wyatt Earp
Back to top Go down
Remuda

avatar

Posts : 749
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 42

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Oct 03, 2015 12:56 am

Riders
A golden oldie!  I remember this.  The opening paragraph sets a wistful, quiet tone, so apropos for thoughtful philosophizing.  Wonderful how Heyes is willing Kid to sleep, only to find later the cacophony in his head is keeping his partner awake, as if a restless spirit prevents others from dreaming.  As well, how many times have we all watched the clock once too often looking for time to pass more quickly than it is right then, only to lament later how fast it flies by.  On a moonless night with just the stars for company, the pair beheld the universe and the unfairness of it all, only to decide they had made the correct decision after all.  Lovely!

_________________
Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything. ~ Wyatt Earp
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

avatar

Posts : 480
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 61
Location : Colorado

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Oct 03, 2015 12:07 pm

Keays:  Evil Miranda is a lot more fun than sweet Miranda, but she got more than she bargained for while torturing her husband.  Loved Heyes' recitation of his past.  I agree, I don't think it's over.

Silverkelpie:  You are the mistress of twisty tales.  Miss Gold might be a mousy schoolteacher but she's no pushover as the sheriff learned the hard way.  Great storytelling and an excellent last line.

Remuda:  Loved the parallel universes.  It put me in mind of Stephen Hawking.  Nice surprise at the end and, as usual, great writing throughout.


Stephanie:  Was that Miss Birdie?  I love the idea that she would possibly be related to the governor!  It explains so much about how easily our two outlaws were offered amnesty. 

Moonpie:  I'm not usually a fan of childhood stories, but you had our heroes in character from the start.  I find it very believable that they were always rascals.  Your ending caught me by surprise, too.  Nicely done.

Skyomish:  Vivian's a character I'd like to see more of.  She certainly handled the boys with ease.  I'm so glad you've taken up writing ASJ again--you've been missed!

Javabee:  I'm loving the strong female characters this month.  Poor Isabelle is aged beyond her years, but she is nobody's fool.  She's seen a way out of her predicament and doesn't hesitate to use two seasoned outlaws to accomplish her mission.  


Thank you, ladies, for all the great stories this month!! Banana

_________________
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top Go down
HannaHeyes

avatar

Posts : 1180
Join date : 2013-08-27
Age : 41
Location : The Hideout

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Oct 03, 2015 3:24 pm

Riders - It can be misery to be watching the clock waiting for time to pass with only your thoughts to keep you company. Heyes delved quite deeply into his thoughts with only the stars to look at. Kid knew exactly what he was doing too. Wonderful writing.

_________________
Come to the dark side...we have cookies Very Happy 
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   

Back to top Go down
 
Applause and Feedback
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 38 of 40Go to page : Previous  1 ... 20 ... 37, 38, 39, 40  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Negative feedback
» MKIII VTA help with negative feedback.
» Altering the feedback line on a VTA boarded ST-70/ST-120 amp
» Query Letter Feedback
» Steam Traction World Updates

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alias Smith and Jones Fun and Fanfiction  :: Writer's Area - Please email Admin to get your own thread for your stories. Use a new thread for each story. Please comment after the story. :: Challenge Stories :: Applause and Feedback-
Jump to: