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 Applause and Feedback

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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Aug 30, 2015 7:49 am

Silverkelpie:  LOL, I love the fox/coyote comparison-it's all too true!  I enjoyed the mystery; especially the last line.

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Aug 30, 2015 8:06 am

Moonpie:  I think what struck me the most about this story was the tragedy of Christine's life, not her death.  She was used and abused by every man in her life: her father, who married her off to a brutish man.  Her lover, who used her knowing he could never give her more and that he didn't really love her.  And the beastly 'family' who finally killed her.  I doubt knowing that somebody cared would be much comfort after being so brutalized.  Nice reflections by Heyes at the end and I love how you left it to our imaginations how he managed to tell his partner.   clapping

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Aug 30, 2015 8:12 am

Remuda:  This is a great story and it fits the prompt beautifully.  There are no winners in war, are there?  Funny, Cal was evil in some ways but he saved Heyes from carrying the same load he bore.

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Aug 30, 2015 8:26 am

Keays:  Yay, a new story from you!!!  That was a very good opening about the town finding its way and the unsettling boy witnessing our heroes arrival. I loved your observations about the hardships of making a living from one's art.  You would know, wouldn't you?  Your description of Jason's artistry is crafted by someone who obviously knows the joys of creation.

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Aug 30, 2015 10:39 pm

Inside Outlaw
Wonderful, and very believable, continuation of last month's challenge.  Not surprised that amnesty put the boys on the governor's leash, to be yanked back and forth at his whim and command.  Also realistic in how Heyes might have gone off-script just as important people and journalists were present, even if he didn't know beforehand who the VIP was.  Great writing, and Curry's last line is so apropos.

Keays
A new story from the mistress of epics.  Very clever this.  I'm wondering who young Jason might have grown up to be.  Love how you incorporated your own art background into the plot.  The words flowed beautifully, as paint on canvas.  Particularly loved this line, "The future was too unreliable and jobs too scarce to head out into the black with only promises in your pockets."  Well done!

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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Aug 31, 2015 1:56 am

Was just signing off after posting when I saw something that made me blink because I wasn't sure I was seeing it right. But there it was. Too tired to read it now, but just had to say, Welcome back, Sky! You have been so missed.
Welcome back

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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Aug 31, 2015 3:55 pm

Skykomish - What a wonderful surprise to log in and find a new story from one of my favourite writers.  Has it really been that long?  There's certainly no sign of rust, that's for sure.  I'm so glad to see a continuation of Heyes' adventures with his long-lost brother, and I sincerely hope that there's more to come.  The story is building nicely with a brooding sense or foreboding creeping in after Heyes' release from prison.  Surely the stranger can't be as good as the Kid?  I, for one, can't wait to find out.  Welcome back.  You have been missed.    Welcome Back

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riders57

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Aug 31, 2015 4:51 pm

Ooh! SKY!!!  Glad to see you are back.

All you ladies who have written such great stories over the past few months -- I truly apologize for not commenting -- sometimes real life just insists on taking over.  I promise I will catch up on the reading and commenting this month (I hope).
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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 01, 2015 12:22 am

Skykomish
It's good to have you back, Sky.  Nothing here says rusty.  The narrative flows, and the descriptions are spot on.  In short, you haven't missed a beat.  This is a great installment to the series and moves it along nicely.  I've always liked Jake and awaited the time when he and Heyes would meet up.  Always wondered what Jake's reaction would be, so I'm glad he harbors no ill will toward Heyes or Kid.  Methinks, though, it will take some getting used to for him being around those two, what with constantly drawn guns and looking over one's shoulder.  The tension is really building.  Looking forward to the next part.

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 01, 2015 12:38 am

Moonpie:

Heye's muddy disguise managed to add some comic relief to an otherwise sobering ending. Your tale was entertaining, but also had depth. It raised women's issues, and brought the boys face to face with the consequences of their self serving actions. Thanks for a great ride and thought provoking conclusion. 
.     applause

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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 01, 2015 8:37 am

Sheila -  A missing scene, and a goodie.  I saw this at first as looking like reminiscent of a cross between Shootout at Diablo Station and Stagecoach Seven, but saw where you were taking this when we got to the end.  Your described a nightmare travelling companion, and one who we'd all me pushing to avoid.  If only we'd known who it really was, we'd be fighting to get closer.  Great misdirection and a great wire dodger!

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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 01, 2015 11:15 am

Skyomish:  Welcome back!!!  It's so great to see you to see this next installment.  I loved the first two parts of this story and always hoped there would be more.  This chapter doesn't disappoint.  You've got the characters down pat and the dialogue is very believable.  This line jumped off the page at me:  “I like to think that if they had lived, I wouldn’t have a price on my head.  But I may be making excuses for myself.”   It says so much.  Can I now eagerly look forward to more? Banana

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 01, 2015 11:23 am

SheilaK:  Nice prelude to Posse.  You had me wondering what Heyes was up to and I was expecting a robbery so the ending came as an enjoyable surprise.  The woman on the coach referring to Heyes as an "it", painted a truly repulsive picture of his state of being.  Can you imagine enduring a hot, dusty stage ride with him? I can now.

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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Moonpie
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 01, 2015 12:15 pm

Remuda - You capture the eternal dilemma, take revenge and turn into people you hate, or rise above it and feel that the score isn't settled.  Powerfully written and a story which packs a punch.

Insideoutlaw - This is so like Heyes to behave this way!  He hates being told what to do and sees the whole thing as a pointlessly humiliating way for the Governor to show that he's 'managing expectations.'  Very easy to see this in my mind's eye.    
 
Keays - It's great to see a self-contained story from you, and it grabbed me right away.  What's not to love about a mysterious boy stalking the boys?  That boy will go far.but they were smart enough not to underestimate the danger.  Loved it.

Skykomish - I am googling to find these two earlier stories.  I love the idea of Heyes having a brother and a family being split up by the war is totally believable.  So, is that stranger better than the Kid?  I really hope you'll keep this story up to let us know.  

Sheila - I agree with Silverkelpie.  This did seem a bit like a scene from Stagecoach  Seven, but the awful drunk was a new member of the cast.  It wasn't until the last line that I saw that it was a missing scene from The Posse Who Wouldn't Quit.  A great take on the prompt.
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skykomish

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 01, 2015 12:53 pm

Moonpie -

Thank you for the kind comments. They are nice to read. 

I realized that the two stories you are googling are not on a currently active site, but they can still be accessed.  The links follow:Look Away and Fallen

I will try in the future to post some of my stories again on an active site.  In the meantime, if these links don't work send me a PM.

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 01, 2015 1:33 pm

I can give you your own thread here if you want it, Skykomish?  Just let me know and I can set it up.
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skykomish

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Sep 05, 2015 2:12 pm

Silverkelpie - You are so skillful at using small details to drop clues in your mysteries.  I love how Mrs. Williams falls for Heyes' flattery regarding her hands without seeing the danger to her.  The bit about the silver in her bed was wonderful.  And of course, the interplay between Heyes and Curry was so much fun, especially the fox and coyote comments.  It was fun to read one of your stories again.  I think I have been away for too long.

Moonpie - How sad!  I haven't read the earlier installments having just returned to this site, but this conclusion seemed tragic for all concerned.  Bittersweet memories, indeed.

Remuda - You already know that I love this story.  It was a treat to see it again.  The scene where Heyes takes out his anger on Curry, and Curry is just trying to figure out what is wrong strikes me as very true to the characters and the way men often interact.  I also particularly enjoyed the conversation between Heyes and Kid at the end.   As for Cal Brundage, this character makes me sad. When he returns Heyes' gun, I don't think he really cares whether or not Heyes kills him.  He is clearly a man haunted by his own ghosts. Well done.

Inside Outlaw - I am so glad that Heyes stopped the sham and spoke out in this story.  It broke my heart to read them as broken and tamed mouthpieces for the governor's hypocrisy. I liked the the stories told by the prisoners and particularly the detail of the frost on the blanket.  The bit at the end about where the real crooks are was great.

Keays - I really enjoyed this story.  The boy, Jason, is a vibrant character.  His internal struggle between what his mother teaches him and the drive of his own passion to draw is clear in your narrative.  It makes me want to reach out to him.  (Of course, having a son with artistic aspirations probably makes me a softy for this situation.)  Loved Heyes and Curry bickering with the boy over the price for the drawing.  Great job!

SheilaUK - Nice addition to one of my favorite episodes.  You really made "the drunk" disgusting.  I could almost smell the booze and dirt as I read the story.  Heyes is having entirely too much fun being thoroughly offensive in your tale.  Lot's of fun to read.

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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Sep 05, 2015 3:30 pm

Remuda:

The confusion the Kid felt with Heyes sudden mood change is palpable, as is their loyalty to each other. Regardless of how unreasonable Heyes is acting, Kid is there for him. He knows his partner so well and it doesn't take long for Kid to figure out what Heyes was up to.  When faced with the chance to take the revenge he had longed for, Heyes was surprised to find himself in a moral dilema. This is a poignant tale, well written and very true to their relationship. Wonderful , Remuda, thanks for sharing.
clapping

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 07, 2015 12:58 pm

Okay -- promised I'd try to catch up.  Moonpie I commented on your July story (enjoyed the continuing saga), so I'll start after that and at least make a few comments, for July stories:

Keays -- your snippet here raises an interesting philosophical question:  we all know the question "do the ends justify the means", well they must, but that doesn't result in the ends justifying any means which seems to be so often forgotten when that phrase is used.  So do the ends justify the means here?

InsideOutlaw - you create a vivid picture of despair from the first sentence.  You also succeed in presenting a very cynical Heyes.  Well done.

NancyWhiskey -- when will they learn that too much drink is bad for them?  Snort.  I really enjoyed the phrase:  "mighty hands planted firmly on monumental hips."  That created an image of a very formidable woman.

Silverkelpie  -- you do a great job with humor.  I truly enjoyed the boys' answers to the form.  But perhaps my favorite line is:  "We know how to keep money secure.  When we steal cash, it stays stolen."  -- Even if it does end up in a safe at the bottom of a lake.

I promise more comments to come soon.
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Sep 08, 2015 10:20 am

Finishing July

SheilaUK -- an interesting extract.  I'll need to read the longer story in order to follow what the Heyes plan is, and for that matter where the missing Kid is.

Remuda - you already know I enjoyed this.  The beginning of the story does a great job of setting up the story, it reflects both the tension of the moment and Lom's doubts.

EvaHanley - I hope your busy schedule loosens enough that you can continue this soons.  It's a great set-up and I'm looking forward to the continuation.  Yes, I can see the railroads conspiring with thee two to track down the new threat.
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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Sep 11, 2015 6:53 pm

Silverkelpie: Heyes listens to Kid's instincts all the time?  Had a good laugh over that one.  Now, the tables are turned and the Kid doesn't want to listen to Heyes' gut feelings.  Loved the line "...knittin' mittens for poor kittens."!  So many good lines in here for us to chuckle over.  "We're very devout men."  Oh yeah?  Since when?  "There's a real big pain, that's for sure."
Smart Kid, though for finding a way out of doing the work.  Usually it's Heyes who gets the cushy job and Kid is the one left with the back breaker.  Nice to see him get a break.
Hey!  I'm nearly 60.  What's your point?
Loved the ending!  Not too much more you can say after that.

Moonpie: Great continuation of your story.  Heyes is always very resourceful when it comes to evading the law.  But this chapter does turn tragic, and I must admit that I didn't see it coming.  Poor Christina, always at the mercy of the men in her life, and the only way out was at the bottom of a well.
On the other hand, this might be a red herring, and it really is a bear!  Only your next chapter will tell us for sure.

Remuda: Still running into old nemeses, aren't they?  The wounds of the Civil War ran deep and Heyes obviously was not immune to them either.  Thank goodness when push came to shove, he was able to let it go.  And thank goodness for the Kid, knowing his partner so well, and to deduce exactly what he was up to.  Kid always has his back, no matter what.


InsideOutlaw: Might not be spot on to the prompt, but an interesting story, none the less.  I can see where it would have stuck in their craw, having to give talks like this.  They, of all people, would understand the hypocrisy of politics.
Very much in character for Heyes to seize upon the opportunity to show these officials what prison life was really all about.  And not only that, but warning their fellow outlaws what the amnesty deal was really all about.  A politicians way of getting what he wanted, and succeeding.

Skykomish: So nice to see you back Sky!  Great continuation of your story as well.  That would be a big drawback if either of the boys ended up having siblings running around.  If familial similarities were that strong, then the law wouldn't have needed pictures of the outlaws, just a knowledge of family members!
Looking forward to your next installment. I hope you keep them coming.

SheilaUK:  Always nice to see a story from you, and I don't think anybody's going to quibble over a minor time infraction!  This was a good one too, portraying the irritating passenger perfectly.  Throughout the whole story, I was wondering where it was going.  Who was this drunken idiot and how does he relate to our heroes?
Well, you sure brought it home with a bang!  You dropped us right in at the end of the episode, and suddenly everything made sense.  You even got Shoshone in there for one of her many cameo appearances.
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Remuda

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PostSubject: Applause and Feedback   Sat Sep 12, 2015 11:14 am

Sheila
Heyes certainly put a lot into his "act" as the fun-seeking drunk.  Good thing the driver was conscientious about a passenger's getting to their paid destination, or at least part of the way, despite the protestations of the other passengers.  A driver in a different frame of mind could easily have left him at the beginning or elsewhere, given his recalcitrance, so I hope Heyes had a plan b.  Great missing scene!

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Sep 13, 2015 4:41 pm

Thank you everyone for your feedback!  I'm sorry that I haven't posted any myself.  I do read all the stories and love all of them but somehow never seem to get the time to say why!

Remuda - I had a plot bunny about how a stagecoach would deal with a drunk and started to write the story with no clear idea where it was to go!  I imagined that the drunk would be interacting with Heyes and Curry on the stage or in town.  But then Heyes whispered to me that it was him, acting drunk!  For the longest time, I couldn't figure out why Heyes would be acting drunk until the end of Posse came to mind and I realised that we didn't know how Heyes got to the town or why he wouldn't have been considered a suspicious stranger!  So then I knew why he was on the stage.  I can only assume that he was enjoying himself so much that he nearly overacted because I'm not sure he had a plan B!
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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 14, 2015 5:19 pm

Sheila, I love hearing about how a story came to be, and enjoyable one here.  Fun when those bunnies don't leave us alone. 

Life does get crazy.  Would love to see your comments when you have time.

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Sep 21, 2015 2:48 pm

InsideOutlaw:

This was so well written. The inner dialogue of the characters was on point, revealing all their hidden struggles and motives, however self-serving they might be. Leave it to Heyes to stop enabling the hypocrisy and illuminate the truth for all to see. The edge of bitterness you gave Heyes made it that much more realistic. I love that following his instincts didn't backfire on him, and gave them a happy ending. Thanks, IO.
cheers

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