Alias Smith and Jones Fun and Fanfiction
Alias Smith and Jones Fun and Fanfiction

A site for all kinds of fun for fans of Alias Smith and Jones
 
HomeHome  PortalPortal  CalendarCalendar  UsergroupsUsergroups  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share | 
 

 Applause and Feedback

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 22 ... 40  Next
AuthorMessage
Tashmina

avatar

Posts : 124
Join date : 2013-08-24
Location : Toronto

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Oct 19, 2013 4:54 pm

Riders - What a great start to the challenge and as others have said you set the bar very high. Heyes and Curry were right in character in this and kept Jack/Jacques on his toes and made him face the ugly truths about a life of crime. The boy was a great character and was more resilient than they thought at first. I'm sure that he would have been a much better priest after this experience. I loved the Kid's reaction to finding out about the life of celibacy!affraid 

Keays - This fitted perfectly and showed the difference it can make to a person if they meet the right person at the right time. With uncaring guards he'd have faded away and died. Another great glimpse of your story.clapping 

Dor - I will comment when the story is finished. Writing  I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you. That just wouldn't be right!

_________________
All that makes evil possible is for good men to do nothing
Back to top Go down
HannaHeyes

avatar

Posts : 1201
Join date : 2013-08-27
Age : 41
Location : The Hideout

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Oct 19, 2013 11:47 pm

Keays - It's a good thing Heyes had Kenny to look out for him. He might not have made it otherwise. Fits the prompt nicely :)

Tashmina - I'm so glad to see this story continued! I too am curious as to what Miss Roberts is involved with concerning 'Chancy'. I'm sure Heyes will figure out a way to get the information he wants from her. Looking forward to reading more!

_________________
Come to the dark side...we have cookies Very Happy 
Back to top Go down
riders57

avatar

Posts : 536
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 60

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Oct 20, 2013 12:07 pm

Tashmina -- I look forward to seeing how you conclude this story.  Interesting plot so far. I decided I needed to amend this comment because it seems to approve of your story -- as you know from my PMs, I don't. I think several choices made in the course of writing this story are petty and distract from it. I sincerely hope that you will be able to fix that in the future.


Last edited by riders57 on Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:59 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Remuda

avatar

Posts : 750
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 42

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:26 pm

Keays
As others have said, this excerpt fits the prompt really well. Nice to have friends in the worst of situations and places.

_________________
Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything. ~ Wyatt Earp
Back to top Go down
Hunkeydorey

avatar

Posts : 527
Join date : 2013-08-24
Location : London

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:22 pm

Riders - A great story.  I loved the way Heyes showed Jack the error of his ways and led him back to the right path.  It was so clever how he foresaw the way the woman would tell everything to make his point for him.  Loved the Kid's reaction to finding out about priests and the ladies.

Keays - It is amazing how you can always find a part of your story to fit - and this fits the prompt beautifully.  The way Kenny gently pushed Heyes had me on tenterhooks.  Great challenge!

Tash - Wonderful mystery and fantastic entry.  Heyes is duplicitous and edgy- just like I like him and the converstion with Kyle was just hilarious.  I loved the way Wheat showed his leadership skills too and manipulated the gang too.  I get the feeling he will be a worthy opponent for Heyes, where many write him as a bit of a fool.  Loved it and can't wait for more.

Dor -  I will also comment when the story is finished.


Just one more thing to ask - Riders on Tash's story?  Huh?scratch   Don't get it.
Back to top Go down
Gringa

avatar

Posts : 472
Join date : 2013-08-31
Location : Madrid

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Oct 22, 2013 5:45 pm

Dor - like the others I will comment on your lovely tale when competed

Riders - Great tale of the boys keeping a foolish child from making the same mistakes they made. I enjoyed this so much.

Keays - A very poignant tale of a man hanging onto life by a thread but being brought back into the fold simply because a kind man took the time for him. A perfect fit for the prompt.

Tashmina - A wonderful story. So well written and compelling. How very clever of Heyes to leave something in the safe for her. Swapped boys? I can't wait for the next bit.

@Riders re Tash's story. Are you complaining about the fact Miss Roberts is called BJ? I didn't notice it until you drew attention to it, but the ASJ writers used the name of an unpopular censor who made their life hard for an unsympathetic character, so it's actually very ASJ.
Back to top Go down
Javabee

avatar

Posts : 793
Join date : 2013-09-08
Age : 61
Location : Seattle

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Oct 23, 2013 12:42 am

Riders - It's wonderful how Heye's plan managed to achieve two seemingly opposing goals: to point the boy to an honest, upstanding life while at the same time helping set up the gang for a successful robbery. Nice depiction of the boys as "two pretty good bad men". Fits the challenge and was fun to read. Very Happy 

Keays  - Holding my breath to see if Heyes would start eating anything. Without the watchful eye and care of Kenny, I doubt that he would. Love your epic, and as usual it fits the challenge nicely.

Tashmina - Your writing is very colorful and descriptive. I loved this line: “Sometimes speakin’ to you is like tryin’ to herd hornets,” . What a great way to describe Heyes and his silver tongue! This chapter is all about helping the boy, so it definitely fits the challenge theme. I am looking forward to see where you are going with the story. Thanks!

Dor - I am (not so)patiently waiting for the finale, and then I will comment!Very Happy 

_________________
"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning." Mae West
coffee 
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnieUSA

avatar

Posts : 362
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 98
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 24, 2013 8:20 pm

Javabee, when I finished reading your story, I thought, "this is really sweet." It's such a nice moment between the boys. It takes place over the course of a few moments, but it beautifully illustrates their relationship and their understanding of each other. I enjoyed this very much.
Back to top Go down
http://www.lunartidemassageandangeltherapy.com
HannaHeyes

avatar

Posts : 1201
Join date : 2013-08-27
Age : 41
Location : The Hideout

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 24, 2013 8:58 pm

Javabee - Lovely little story! And I agree, it does show their relation well. Loved the phrase about Heyes having a library of smiles. That's a good way to put it! Good job :)

_________________
Come to the dark side...we have cookies Very Happy 
Back to top Go down
Keays

avatar

Posts : 1431
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 60
Location : Camano Island Washington

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 24, 2013 11:36 pm

Java; Loved this line. It was just so fitting. 'Curry knew that Heyes possessed an entire library of smiles, and each one told a different story.'

Nice little story too about how both boys depend on and appreciate the talents of the other. A true partnership.
Back to top Go down
Silverkelpie

avatar

Posts : 1391
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 56
Location : Over the rainbow

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 25, 2013 3:04 pm

Javabee - Well, you did it! You jumped in and posted your first story, and what a great one. You have a wonderful style and show great adeptness at techniques to get the reader to see the scene in their mind's eye already. It is hard to believe you've never written before; not when you come up with phrases like, "Heyes possessed an entire library of smiles... fact that his dimples served as bookends on either side of his smile only punctuated their effect." Great entry and the first of many, I hope!

_________________
Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb
Back to top Go down
Gringa

avatar

Posts : 472
Join date : 2013-08-31
Location : Madrid

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Oct 27, 2013 9:40 am

Javabee - You caught a lovely moment between the boys and showed us how they care about and respect one another. Beautifully written and I loved the line about a library of smiles. You would never know this is your first story! Very well done.
Back to top Go down
Hunkeydorey

avatar

Posts : 527
Join date : 2013-08-24
Location : London

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:22 am

Javabee - This is your first story and you come up with a phrase 'a library of smiles?' Really? I can see we're going to have to keep our eyes on you because with writing like this your be trotting off with the challenge victory on a regular basis! Can you tell I loved it?

Gringa - Such a complex, layered story. I loved that the boys are obviously named after famous generals and the brother was called Alexander, and the fact that the brother managed to influence his sibling long after his death. All the people who helped shaped the adult Hannibal Heyes are in this short, but beautifully constructed piece - from the raiders right through to the lady who handed them the information about amnesty. clapping 
Back to top Go down
Silverkelpie

avatar

Posts : 1391
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 56
Location : Over the rainbow

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:32 am

Gringa - You play with us like a master(somehow that phrase doesn't sound right with the word 'mistress' in it) The influences people exert though a few words on a piece of paper are far-reaching and powerful. The brother's letter shaped Hannibal Heyes as a leader and his loss drove him on a bad road. It took another piece of paper to finally get him on the right path again. clapping 

_________________
Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb
Back to top Go down
Tashmina

avatar

Posts : 124
Join date : 2013-08-24
Location : Toronto

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:47 am

Javabee - Your first story? It's nerve-wracking pushing that button, isn't it? You have no need to be nervous producing work like this. It's just a lovely piece which tells us so much about the relationship between the two men and how they influence one another. Great job.

Gringa - So much to love about this one. You show the influence the brother had on Hannibal Heyes from beyond the grave; how he shaped the man, the leader and the friend. You also show how much he had to gain from turning towards a quest for amnesty; he could get the life his late brother craved - normality and family. Wonderful!

_________________
All that makes evil possible is for good men to do nothing
Back to top Go down
Niekx

avatar

Posts : 356
Join date : 2013-09-16

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Oct 27, 2013 12:07 pm

Keays - yes, this piece of TOF fits the prompt wonderfully. It describes something we all experience as well - how we have a golden thread in our lives that keeps us going. Sometimes it is there for all to see, sometimes someone has to wrap it around you, because you lost sight of it.

Tashmina - it is said before, you write very colorfull descriptions of the settings. I love sentences like "The silver conchos on the hatband caught the watery moonlight." You can picture where they are so much better. Curious how this story will conclude.

Javabee - YES, you did it! Your first story post. Enough said about that particular sentence (which is indeed great btw). I really like your description of their close relationship. Who could continue reading so relaxed with those shots being fired at close range. Yes, Heyes would be the person indeed to draw comfort out of something like that. You know them well.

Gringa - Your stories get better and better and this one fits the prompt to a T. Life would be simple if we could keep our own course. You describe the many influences of other people and events that made the boys choose their path. Including the "Little old lady from Boston" with her flyer - we all know in what direction they were pushed next after that.
Dor - I'll keep reading....:study:
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

avatar

Posts : 483
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 61
Location : Colorado

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:48 pm

Keays: You always have the perfect passage for the prompt. This was no exception. Heyes, at the most desperate time of his life, finds something to hold onto; his daughter. She gives him a reason to live and to forgive himself.

Tashmina: Loved the opening banter and the scene with Wheat and the boys deciding to help. Heyes shows his dangerous side here and proves that he is a formidable foe.

Javabee: Congratulations for jumping in! This story brought a smile to my face imagining Heyes's big warm smile and his pride in his partner's skill. I loved how he couldn't contain his smile and how the Kid understood that it meant so much more. What a great example of the close relationship they have. Very well done.cheers 

Gringa: That letter sparked a fire that caused a lot of heartache for a lot of people. I liked this explanation of how they came to be at the School for Waywards. Naturally, a young bereaved boy would react poorly to having his last hope torn from him. Nice ending with Heyes reflecting on the message of the letter and his present life.

_________________
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top Go down
RosieAnnieUSA

avatar

Posts : 362
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 98
Location : Chicago, Illinois, USA

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 28, 2013 1:25 pm

Gringa, that was very well done. You answered the question, how did our boys end up in a home for waywards? Yes, doing something like breaking all windows in a blind rage would be just cause. At the same time, not every authority figure would be understanding. Congratulations, also, on using idioms that are new to you. I think you used them appropriately. Not too many, either, which could confuse so-called native speakers like myself!
Back to top Go down
http://www.lunartidemassageandangeltherapy.com
HannaHeyes

avatar

Posts : 1201
Join date : 2013-08-27
Age : 41
Location : The Hideout

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 28, 2013 1:58 pm

Gringa - I can imagine that having your last shred of hope being torn away from you would send just about anybody over the edge. Good explanation of how they might have ended up at Valparaiso. The letter might've helped send Heyes down the wrong path, but eventually, it also helped bring him back. Nice job!

_________________
Come to the dark side...we have cookies Very Happy 
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

avatar

Posts : 483
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 61
Location : Colorado

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Oct 30, 2013 10:56 am

Dor:I'm looking forward to seeing how your story plays out, but let me say that I got a good giggle reading it. Of course, the boys didn't just develop their penchant for helping the needy folk after they went for amnesty!

_________________
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top Go down
Silverkelpie

avatar

Posts : 1391
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 56
Location : Over the rainbow

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Oct 30, 2013 5:21 pm

Insideoutlaw - Well you certainly caught the 'laugh often and much' aspect of the prompt -and you made sure you shared it around too.  Great story of a trick playing Heyes.  I'd love to see what the Kid does to him when he catches up with him too!  roll laugh

_________________
Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

avatar

Posts : 483
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 61
Location : Colorado

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Oct 30, 2013 9:49 pm

HunkeyDorey: You do, too, write and you do an awesome job of it! What a poignant, beautifully written tale. I loved it!

_________________
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top Go down
Hunkeydorey

avatar

Posts : 527
Join date : 2013-08-24
Location : London

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 31, 2013 2:57 pm

Insideoutlaw - Sorry, I missed a word. I meant to say, I don't write angst! I'm going to add that now.
Back to top Go down
Bluebelle

avatar

Posts : 289
Join date : 2013-10-27

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 31, 2013 7:31 pm

Riders57 - This was a great tale of a headstrong young man being shown the error of his ways. How clever of Heyes to do it this way. We all know teenagers only learn from experience and not from what anybody tells them. This was the perfect way to teach him where the right path is.

Keays - Wow! Very powerful. This is a broken, hear-sick man, who is quite prepared to allow himself to waste away and only the time and patience of the guard turns things around for him. A terrific piece.

Tashmina - What a fun mystery. I can't wait to see how this concludes. So now there are two boys? How are the boys going to sort this out?

Javabee - You caught a moment in time that shows how the boys reflect off one another, bringing out the best of each other because they have loyalty and support. Isn't that just what we all need?

Gringa - Oh, Gringa. Why can't I write like this? It captures so much in so few words. You have a certainly shown how family love, and the loss of it, can impact on the life of a child. The letter taught Heyes that he actually had his cousin, how to be a great leader and put him on the wrong road. Later, another elderly lady took the time with another piece of paper and a put the letter in a whole different perspective. Loved it!

Insideoutlaw - Such fun, but let's hope that the Kid and the rest of the isn't too angry about all the tricks! I'm sure he's not in store for a treat.

Hunkeydorey - Okay, I have to admit this actually made me cry. It really did. It is so beautiful and gentle but packs the hard punch of a terrible loss. This was wonderful. So well done and I must give you all my best wishes and thoughts for your loss.



Back to top Go down
Silverkelpie

avatar

Posts : 1391
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 56
Location : Over the rainbow

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:26 pm

Insideoutlaw - Poor Kid, Heyes at his most mischievous and determined to make sure he shares his attentions equally around the whole gang.  Painting the horses was bad enough but to put blanks in the Kid's gun is just asking for trouble!
 
Hunkeydorey - This was so emotional and lovely.  I am so sorry for your loss, but thanks you for sharing this lovely story with us and I hope that writing it brought back lovely memories of you mother.  
 
Remuda - The dialogue just sparkles, as usual for your work and you capture Heyes pushing a sleepy Kid put of devilment.  So old Gus' modesty meant he could live to a ripe old age?  That is certainly a good impression to leave our boys and can set them on a new path.  Great story and thanks for the wire-dodging.

_________________
Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb


Last edited by Silverkelpie on Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   

Back to top Go down
 
Applause and Feedback
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 4 of 40Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 22 ... 40  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Negative feedback
» MKIII VTA help with negative feedback.
» Altering the feedback line on a VTA boarded ST-70/ST-120 amp
» Query Letter Feedback
» Steam Traction World Updates

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alias Smith and Jones Fun and Fanfiction  :: Writer's Area - Please email Admin to get your own thread for your stories. Use a new thread for each story. Please comment after the story. :: Challenge Stories :: Applause and Feedback-
Jump to: