Alias Smith and Jones Fun and Fanfiction
Alias Smith and Jones Fun and Fanfiction

A site for all kinds of fun for fans of Alias Smith and Jones
 
HomeHome  PortalPortal  CalendarCalendar  UsergroupsUsergroups  RegisterRegister  Log in  

Share
 

 Applause and Feedback

Go down 
Go to page : Previous  1 ... 12 ... 20, 21, 22 ... 30 ... 40  Next
AuthorMessage
Bluebelle

Bluebelle

Posts : 289
Join date : 2013-10-27

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyThu Jul 31, 2014 5:41 am

Remuda - What a roasting, shimmering landscape you threw us into along with the boys.  beachside  Whew!  I felt like I needed a cold shower after it.  You set the scene so well and then made me worry about who the Kid kept seeing.  Was it someone following them?  You ratcheted up the tension beautifully, with the Kid in character at all times and keeping his gun and his wits about him.  I DID NOT see that ending coming!  Twisted Evil  Oh, you devil  You made me laugh out loud at work!
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 529
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 63
Location : Colorado

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyThu Jul 31, 2014 7:01 am

Remuda:  I sure didn't foresee that ending!  Very descriptive beginning and you introduced an air of tension during the buildup that made the last line a real belly laugh.  I've heard another version of that last line around here: why does the chicken (or sagehen) cross the road?  To prove to the skunks that it can be done.

_________________
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top Go down
Moonpie
Admin
Moonpie

Posts : 268
Join date : 2014-01-04

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyThu Jul 31, 2014 7:46 am

Remuda - What a great ending. Your whole story was so well written and atmospheric that I was completely suckered into looking for something sinister. Then you struck! Thanks for a great twist and a fantastic read.  applause 
Back to top Go down
Nancy Whiskey

Nancy Whiskey

Posts : 2704
Join date : 2013-10-14
Location : The Rusty Bucket Saloon

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyThu Jul 31, 2014 8:08 am

Next 3 feedbacks...

Keays ~ I thought that Wheat's sniping comments caught his character perfectly and the the 'reveal' was cleverly handled and flipped the whole tone of the story.  A great read, well done and thanks.

p.s.  I do like the sound of Hank's whiskey!   climb bottle 

Moonpie ~  You definitely know how to tug on the heartstrings.  You had the plaintive, helpless, desperate young Curry portrayed perfectly.  Great little story.

Bluebelle ~  Well, what can I say?!?  I loved the questions back and forth and the guarded answers.  After all, how you start that type of conversation without sounding utterly clueless?  Perfectly written and really funny, and you caught Heyes' mischevious side beautifully.

Brilliant twists, but that last line was inspired!!!  Loved it, loved it, loved it.

_________________
Tomorrow  I will no longer be reckless or feckless.  I will do everything with both reck and feck!
Back to top Go down
riders57

riders57

Posts : 554
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 62

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyThu Jul 31, 2014 8:33 am

What a bumper crop of great stories this month!

InsideOutlaw -- LOL.  Truly shows how sneaky Heyes can be.  Of course, if he pulled stunts like that on the gang often, its a good thing his plans brought in the money -- otherwise his gang would surely rebel.  Also it no doubt explains Wheat's grumbling about Heyes' leadership.  A funny story and as well written as usual.

Distant Drums -- I'm so glad you've decided to join the challenges.  Don't worry your sense of humor fits right in with this gang.  LOL, poor Kid.  You led us to the punchline very well.

Remuda -- I remember this story from my lurking days.  It's hard to believe that was your first story.  You build the tension well, and, as usual, your dialog shines.  You can feel the heat-induced torpor taking over Heyes.  Again, the ending is great and an unexpected twist.  Great story.

Now, I think I've commented on all the stories, but if I missed one, please let me know; it was unintentional and I've really enjoyed all the submissions this month (let's see if there's any wire dodging today).
Back to top Go down
Hunkeydorey

Hunkeydorey

Posts : 537
Join date : 2013-08-24
Location : London

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyThu Jul 31, 2014 9:57 am

Remuda - Did I read that correctly and this is the first story you ever wrote? Wow! What an accomplished first story. I was caught up in the simmer temperatures and tensions of the following image and was completely taken by surprise by the ending. Great story and you'd never know it wasn't written to fit the prompt.  clapping 
Back to top Go down
Remuda

Remuda

Posts : 823
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 44

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyThu Jul 31, 2014 10:14 am

Thank you all for the very kind words.  To answer HD, it was my first ASJ fic, very much edited from its original posting years ago.  I've been making up (mostly not very good) tales for as long as I can remember.

_________________
Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything. ~ Wyatt Earp
Back to top Go down
riders57

riders57

Posts : 554
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 62

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 01, 2014 5:15 am

Remuda(2) -- another double-dipper!  Again, this drew us in from the beginning, the dialog rang true, creating distinct personalities.  You really built the tension on how the contest would be resolved.  Very enjoyable (and another wire dodging great).
Back to top Go down
Gringa

Gringa

Posts : 483
Join date : 2013-08-31
Location : Madrid

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 01, 2014 6:40 am

Remuda - lots of tension, not only in the rope, but in the beautifully crafted descriptions which built up a vivid picture of two alpha males butting heads. Yes, the gang would love this. It does make me wonder what would happen if the Kid had won? Would it have affected Heyes' credibility? Thankfully, the rope broke and saved us from that question.
Back to top Go down
Silverkelpie

Silverkelpie

Posts : 1447
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 58
Location : Over the rainbow

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 01, 2014 6:46 am

I thought I'd commented on this but the comment seems to be lost. Just finishing up last month

Remuda - You not only gave us a story that was very visual, you gave us a snapshot of the various members of the gang and their alliances and rivalries. Wheat, as usual seemed to be looking out for himself, while Kyle just enjoyed the show. Thank goodness the rope snapped and saved us from finding out who would win.

_________________
Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb
Back to top Go down
Bluebelle

Bluebelle

Posts : 289
Join date : 2013-10-27

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 01, 2014 6:52 am

Remuda - Oh! A contest between Heyes and Curry? What a great Idea and it fits the prompt perfectly. You showed us all the different personalities so well too. Great story, but as a lightsider you all know who I think would have won if the rope hadn't broken.  cowboy3 
Back to top Go down
InsideOutlaw

InsideOutlaw

Posts : 529
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 63
Location : Colorado

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 01, 2014 7:16 am

Remuda:  Loved it!  Neither of them remembering what started it, but both of them too stubborn to concede.  Lucky for all involved--the rope broke.

_________________
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
Back to top Go down
Moonpie
Admin
Moonpie

Posts : 268
Join date : 2014-01-04

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 01, 2014 7:34 am

Remuda - What a clever way to show us the different personalities of the Devil's Hole Gang. You really caught them well and I felt as though a camera was scanning around the scene with all the shouting, facial- expressions and sweat as everyone got caught up in the excitement of the challenge. Loved it.
Back to top Go down
Nancy Whiskey

Nancy Whiskey

Posts : 2704
Join date : 2013-10-14
Location : The Rusty Bucket Saloon

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 01, 2014 8:06 am

Nearly I think I am nearly finished someone else writes another story!  How many this month?!? 

(Note to self - keep on top of it in August and don't leave it till the last minute)


Hannaheyes ~  I felt drained (in a good way) after reading this.  You really put me through the wringer.  So much emotion was captured with highly effective writing techniques.  So many 'voices' through just one well crafted narrative.  Thanks.

InsideOutlaw ~  Devious typical Heyes.  It put a smile on my face.  You gave a great little snapshot of the gang.  Lovely writing.  Well done andthanks for a nice read.

Distant Drums ~  What a hoot, with a laugh out loud punchline.  Great punchline, which I may steal to use in real life at a future date.  Glad you have started writing.  Keep it up.

_________________
Tomorrow  I will no longer be reckless or feckless.  I will do everything with both reck and feck!
Back to top Go down
Hunkeydorey

Hunkeydorey

Posts : 537
Join date : 2013-08-24
Location : London

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 01, 2014 1:29 pm

Remuda - Loved this!  The sun beaming into Heyes' eyes wasn't enough for him to give in but you had him down pat in calculating that the Kid's boots would have put him at a disadvantage.  Very clever of you to give them that lucky break - of the rope - that way we never have to find out who would have won and who wouldn't.
Back to top Go down
Javabee

Javabee

Posts : 810
Join date : 2013-09-08
Age : 63
Location : Seattle

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 01, 2014 4:33 pm

Remuda (1): 
I enjoyed this piece. First, you very descriptively wrote the boys into an atmosphere of fatigue and heat, making Heyes skepticism seem very plausible. Was the Kid seeing things? Bye the the time he drew his gun, the suspense had been built. I was ready to expect anything, except for maybe your last line! Great little story; hard to believe it was your first!  cowboy 1 

Remuda (2)
This story was so much fun, complete with accurate characterizations of the entire gang. I was wondering how you were going to end this without one of the gang's leaders losing face in front of the men. I shouldn't have worried, you cleverly solved the problem with a split rope. Thanks, Remuda. Banana

_________________
"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning." Mae West
coffee 
Back to top Go down
Stepha3nie

Stepha3nie

Posts : 5064
Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 51
Location : Scotland

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 01, 2014 6:20 pm

Remuda: What can I add that hasn't been said yet? I'll just say what I think.

Story1: I cannot believe this is your first story. Loved the way you used language to give vivid, very visual descriptions. It helped very much to create an atmosphere of possible dangers lurking while the boys suffer through heat, monotony, glaring sun. Easy to understand why Heyes is worried that the Kid is losing it.
I never would have guessed what you came up with. Nice resolution.

Story2: Wow, wow, wow. Your descriptions are even more visual, so powerful that it was like watching shots from a moving close-up camera. What a clever underhand way to characterise the gang members. Masterful. And of course our heroes - you got them spot on. I was starting to worry they might be locked forever in an epic stalemate, both equally stubborn, but a low-quality rope solved the problem. What a delightful, inspired piece of writing.

_________________
"I can resist everything - except temptation"  Oscar Wilde
For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!
Back to top Go down
Remuda

Remuda

Posts : 823
Join date : 2013-08-25
Age : 44

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptySun Aug 03, 2014 11:19 pm

What a bumper crop July's prompt produced; wonderful reading!  Finishing up comments.


Javabee (2)
Ah, the lovely Helen returns.  Until the end, I thought she couldn't catch a break with Kid, his attention being split as it was on both occasions.  The tension was built wonderfully to the point where the gambler started to make his move, before Heyes called it quits and all was well.  (If you wanted to pursue the other direction, it would be interesting to see where it goes.)  I like especially how she noted the boys' silent communiation and thought what a fine pair they were.  Smart woman!

Riders (2)
Yay, Mel is back!  She's a great character.  Intriguing beginning here.  Like how you wove in several episodes, especially involving Governor Zulick.  (Will we get to see him again as well?  Wonder if he has any pull with the governor of Wyoming Territory.)  Some wonderful, shadowy imagery in the opening paragraphs.  Fun scenes with Sawyer's making the mistake of calling Mel out although previouly warned and a hungry Heyes' looking for a meal.  Looking forward to more of this.

Hunkeydorey
Another female who helped the boys and vice versa.  I never thought of Valparaiso as being co-ed, so this throws a whole different spin on it for me.  Mary seemed a good woman, and it's interesting she'd send Jack to Devil's Hole.  I loved the speculating by the gang; some great relevations there, especially that one is married.  Adored this exchange:  “I had a tapeworm once,” Kyle ventured.  “A pet ain’t the same as a child."  Is this the beginning of a longer story?  Well done!

Eva Hanley

Nice missing scene.  It had to be difficult going those first months on the road to amnesty:  the hand-to-mouth existence and humiliation, and nothing they could really do about it.  I could see that keeping Heyes awake.  But, one has to give them credit for trying.  Ironic they found a backer in the banker.  Loved the last line:  Heyes' waking Kid up yet again to tell him a plan.  Some things never change.

Gringa
I'm glad you were talked into writing another story.  I wouldn't put it past the boys to have to resort to this type of plan to get their amnesty, what with the machinations of political inexpediency always in the way.  The guys caught the Governor with his Achilles heel, unfortunately having to blackmail him in the bargain.  Love that he has "people," but they couldn't get him out of this one.  Nice historical notes.  I'm glad the boys could celebrate, and love this line, "Here’s to a night we probably won’t remember with friends we’ll never forget."  Is Kid's wife "the" Annabelle?  Hope to see more from you soon.

Keays

Great take on how Charlie came to leave the gang.  Fun how he and Heyes were of the same mind, both taking the initiative toward the same end.  Also sounds like Charlie wanted to be a planner, although Heyes said a diversion wasn't necessary.  Great prophetic last line from Kid; poor Charlie.  Well done!

Moonpie
The boys have certainly come a long way in getting better at hopping trains.  This was heart-stopping, and reminded me of the scene where Kid falls off the train and Heyes jumps after him in "The Long Chase."  Good idea for them to start with stopped trains until they get the hang of it.

Bluebelle
How fun!  I laughed out loud through this whole story.  First, the title is brill!  It harkens back to such as "The Day They Hanged Kid Curry" and "The Ten Days That Shook Kid Curry."  This is definitely the ultimate crossing the line:  Bad enough to have to pretend to be himself as portrayed fictionally in dime novels, but his partner also?  Yes, definitely crosses the line.  Mary-Sue Carmichael is wonderful; a fantasizing female who knows what she wants and will do her utmost to get it.  What a hoot!

Hannah Heyes
Powerful stuff, this.  Yes, I suppose any mother would feel the same, but not sure they would all have the wherewithal or desire to actually carry it out.  It comes down to vigilante justice.  I see this as a missing scene, or scenes.  We know what Jenny did, but didn't see any part of what you describe, and it fits in nicely.  I could totally imagine it the way you wrote it.  She seemed devoid of emotion and resigned in the little we did see, but the satisfaction after the fact is so plausible.  We can only imagine what happened to Jenny; at least she had Louise there for her.  You painted a vivid picture in a few words.  Clapping!

Inside Outlaw

Short and sweet.  A fun Hannibal Heyes plan to keep the gang members occupied and get necessary cleaning done while calling it a game.  It's a good thing they'll all win in the end.  They'd have had Heyes' hide if they found out.  Hmm, wonder if any of them will figure it out in the end.  Well done!

Distant Drums

Another short and sweet, or to Kid's point of view, short, to be quickly forgotten, and eww!  Another randy lady crosses the line.  My goodness!  :)  We can't blame them, can we?  LOL  Yes, Kid got a whole lot more than he bargained for, and all he did was try to be nice.  Well, all the old lady did was show her gratitude ... I was laughing along with Heyes, much to Kid's consternation, and embarrassment!  Nicely done!

_________________
Fast is fine, but accuracy is everything. ~ Wyatt Earp
Back to top Go down
Nancy Whiskey

Nancy Whiskey

Posts : 2704
Join date : 2013-10-14
Location : The Rusty Bucket Saloon

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyMon Aug 04, 2014 4:53 am

Remuda 1 ~ You totally captured the oppressive heat.  Very visual descriptions that created the mood and you built the tension perfectly.  It really pulled me in and set me up for that last line.  I fell into it fair and square.  Thank you for a good read and a good laugh.

Remuda 2 ~ What can I say?  What a note to end on.  An even match, despite their different strengths.  Personally I did not know who I wanted to win, so your solution was spot on!...  Thanks heavens for substandard rope.


Well, that is me caught up with all the feedback.  Now it is on the to the really tricky part.  Trying to decide which one from our bumper crop of terrific entries to vote for.  I need a lie down....

_________________
Tomorrow  I will no longer be reckless or feckless.  I will do everything with both reck and feck!
Back to top Go down
Keays

Keays

Posts : 1447
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 62
Location : Camano Island Washington

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyMon Aug 04, 2014 11:40 am

My but what a month this has turned out to be. I would have thought that in the summer months everybody would be out and about enjoying the nice weather but I think this has been our most prolific month yet. So many really good stories too. Our calibre of writers cannot be beat!


SILVERKELPIE; Always a pleasure to read these scenes again. If I'm not mistaken this is where you left us hanging the last time, so now I'm really looking forward to your next installment. I mean, let's face it. What else do you have to do with your time?

RIDERS57; Poor Hake! Just one of those fellas who has a hard time in life. Bad luck follows him everywhere! Got to feel sorry for the Kid though, not to mention all those ladies out there. What a waste if that axe head had been a little more on the mark!

JAVABEE;I admit that a first I was a bit disappointed and we weren't going to find out what happens next, but this prequal soon cancelled out that concern. What a great lead up to what happened during that ill-fated robber. And both Heyes and Wheat were very much in character. Heyes would have gone sgainst all odds to save his partner and it would have taken sheer force to stop him. Wheat's reason for stopping his boss? Heyes had the money! Love it.

SARAHWHYMENT/INSIDEOUTLAW; I can see we are all in for a humdinger of a story! This is such a good angsty tale about their early years but ouch, you evil people! You get us all hooked and eager for more and then slam the door in our faces! Love your opening paragraphs with Heyes setting at the table, drinking whiskey. Nery visual.
Looking forward to when you both post your next chapter. Nice to be on the reading end of one of these for a change.

JAVABEE; So, another 'conversation' with Helen. Obviously Kid thinks she's worth another go, as long as his partner is done antagonizing the other poker players.
I was expecting the irrate poker player to show up again with a gun, but it looks like Helen finally got her man's full attention.

RIDERS57 (2); Am I right in assuming that this is going to be an on-going story? Love seeing Kid at his most dangerous. I don't like to think what would have happened to Sawyer if Heyes had 'disappeared'. Love the introduction of Mel. Now there's a woman I can relate to. Looking forward to the rest of your story.


HUNKEYDOREY
; This story certainly had us all wondering who the father was. Could have gone either way! Kyle always wants to take in the underdog and Wheat taking the hard line. But nobody's line was harder than Heyes'. Devil's Hole certainly is not the best place to be raising a young'un!
Very bitter sweet story about Mary, with both fellas scrapping their then memories in an effort to pin point which Mary was in question. Then of course the realization that she was from their childhood days.
I too would be interested to see how that meeting between the adult orphans and Mr. Fredrickson might go.

EVAHANLEY; The missing scenes are always fun. They fill in all those nasty gaps that glare out at you from the episodes. This shows Heyes at his finest and most devious. For sure nobody who knoew him would corss him like that because they all knew he would retaliate. Heyes does not like to lose!

GRINGA; Yes, nice to see a story from you once again. And again, we're seeing Heyes at his most devious best. Don't blame them for getting fed up and sometimes the prize is worth the risk.
Poor Governor Warren really did go through a hard time with various writers bringing him to task over the amnesty. The poor man must be spinning in his grave.

MOONPIE; Very insightful story from their childhood days. It struck me as a bit of foreshadowing to the botched train ride in 'The Long Chase'. Even as youngsters neither would willingly leave the other behind.

BLUEBELLE; Okay, this one takes the care--beef cake that is! My first chuckle came from Heyes' comment; 'They're eggs. They're scrambled on fried. A bit like you.'! And of course it only got better from then on.
She surely did cross the line at the end, but there's a lady who knows what she likes.

NANCYWHISKEY; Got a chill from this one, especially from the final line. Of course we all expected the young lady to recover and then she didn't. A very sobering story and an event that may affect the Kid fro some time to come.

HANNAHEYES; A very sad story but one worth writing, and reading. Jenny is one of my favourite characters as well so it was nice to see her story told.
Even though I've never had children, I can't imagine anything wo4se than losing one. You wrote Jenny's pain and anger very realistically and yes, that last line does touch home.

INSIDEOUTLAW; So, after reading two very serious stories, we get to take a breather with a light-hearted one. Hannibal Heyes sure does know how to motivate his men and get a mundane job done without a fight.
He's also smart enough to know that he has 'crossed the line' and to have whiskey for them all at the end of the day anyways.


DISTANT DRUMS;
Poor Kid! Sometimes being a do-gooder just doesn't pay off! I'm sure Heyes will s top laughing eventually.

REMUDA 1; Really feel the heat in this one. Loved the line about the thickness consistency of the previous night's stew. Heyes should know better by now than to doubt the Kid and his eagle eyes. I'm glad you refurbished this one for posting again as I don't recall having read it before.

REMUDA 2; Fun s tory. We always knew they were stubborn but it was always a toss up as to who was the most bull-headed. Now we know. It's both!


Good job ladies. Lots of great stories this month.
Back to top Go down
HannaHeyes

HannaHeyes

Posts : 1321
Join date : 2013-08-27
Age : 43
Location : The Hideout

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyThu Aug 07, 2014 5:37 pm

Finally got around to finishing July's crop of stories!

EvaHanley - I can so see Heyes setting up at night brooding on passing up the chance to steal a fortune and being tricked by McCreedy. Putting the money and jewels back in that safe had to take great willpower after living so long as a thief. Nice, well-written missing scene.

Gringa - Good to see you back to writing. Nice to see the boys having amnesty and being happy. Loved the way they got it, by 'negotiating' with the governor. He had it coming to him. Politics has always been a down and dirty business and I was glad to see one get his comeuppance.

Keays - Good representation of Charlie. You wrote him just as I would have imagined him being. He acted the exact same as he did in jail in his episode. Sadly, Kid's last words to him at Devil's Hole indeed came true. Nice story.

Moonpie - First off, I want to thank you for your comment in the feedback thread. It's always nice to know you've inspired someone :) Now, on to your story. What a sweet story clearly showing the young boys' relationship. I wanted to reach out and give little Jed a push to reach the train.No way would Han have stayed on that train without him. Very visual piece and I really enjoyed it.

Bluebelle - What a story! I've never read the book you're referencing, but I know what it's about and I started giggling as soon as I read your title. We usually don't associate things like that with the women of the 19th century, but it had to start somewhere! I really laughed at the idea of Kid playing a version of the dime novel himself, but when he was asked to play his partner, I fell over! Loved it!

Nancy Whiskey - You wrote a grim reminder that we don't know one minute from the next what may happen to us. Especially scary would be living in a time where there weren't alot of remedies for things. I think Heyes and Curry learned a great lesson that day and I liked the quote you used at the end.

InsideOutlaw - This was a great and humorous HH plan! He knew the boys would be outraged once they found out some of the items couldn't be found and figured out a way to appease them (or at least hoped it would appease them). I may have to try this with my nieces...

Distant Drums - Glad to see you writing! Although this was short, it was still a wonderful piece. I was laughing right along with Heyes! And who among us wouldn't think about trying it on one of them ;) Hope to see more from you.

Remuda - If you hadn't of told me, I would've never guessed this was your first ASJ story. The descriptions were written so well, I could just feel the heat beating down. I expected what Kid had caught a glimpse of to be something bad, but loved what it turned out to be. Around my area, the joke is "Why did the chicken cross the road? To show a possum it could be done."

Remuda #2 - I loved seeing the boys put up against one another in a competition. And this was a great one! Loved how each gang member would cheer on one or the other. I couldn't decide who would win in such a contest, but you came up with a great way around that. Well done!

_________________
Come to the dark side...we have cookies Very Happy  safe
Back to top Go down
riders57

riders57

Posts : 554
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 62

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyThu Aug 07, 2014 5:50 pm

Silverkelpie -- Ah, now we're reaching the new parts.  I'd have to go back and check but I think you've revised this portion substantially.  Really enjoyed how it played out.  Somehow I just don't believe Tibby's explanation but I sure am looking forward to finding out what the real deal is.  As usual with your writing, there are a number of excellent lines in here.  Tibby is no doubt right to be glad the bars separate him from two very angry ex-outlaws.

Keays -- I'm glad that TOF gives you inspiration that allows you to feel connected with the gang here, even when you're too busy to write new stories.  You are a good writer, with an excellent imagination.  I hope you are right and that later in the month you find the time to write more.  I enjoy your stories.
Back to top Go down
Keays

Keays

Posts : 1447
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 62
Location : Camano Island Washington

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyThu Aug 07, 2014 6:04 pm

Oh, thank you Riders. Hopefully after the practicum is done on the 16th I'll have time to settle in to write something original. It's a great topic!
Back to top Go down
Silverkelpie

Silverkelpie

Posts : 1447
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 58
Location : Over the rainbow

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyFri Aug 08, 2014 2:52 am

Keays - It never ceases to amaze me how many scenes from your epic will fit the prompt for challenge stories and this one is no exception. Great to see Lisa back. She was a great supporting character and this snippet fits the prompt as though it had been written for it. I enjoyed reading this one again.

_________________
Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb
Back to top Go down
Silverkelpie

Silverkelpie

Posts : 1447
Join date : 2013-08-24
Age : 58
Location : Over the rainbow

Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 EmptyTue Aug 12, 2014 3:59 am

Stepha3nie - Your very first story!? affraid   It's out there now so you can stop panicking.  Every single one of us knows how it feels to be waiting for those first comments to come in.  What a great first story and a very original take on the prompt.  The tooing and froing of the conversation caught both boys right in character and told us about the very special dog who chose them. puppy kiss  Yes, what else could you call something that keeps you awake and alert?  Loved it and welcome to the club.  I hope that your send that mutt out once a month from now on to round up a few bunnies for you as we all look forward to many more stories from our brand new writer!   applause

_________________
Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty
PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Applause and Feedback - Page 21 Empty

Back to top Go down
 
Applause and Feedback
Back to top 
Page 21 of 40Go to page : Previous  1 ... 12 ... 20, 21, 22 ... 30 ... 40  Next
 Similar topics
-
» Negative feedback
» MKIII VTA help with negative feedback.
» Altering the feedback line on a VTA boarded ST-70/ST-120 amp
» Query Letter Feedback
» Steam Traction World Updates

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Alias Smith and Jones Fun and Fanfiction  :: Writer's Area - Please email Admin to get your own thread for your stories. Use a new thread for each story. Please comment after the story. :: Challenge Stories :: Applause and Feedback-
Jump to: