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 Applause and Feedback

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Gringa

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Join date : 2013-08-31
Location : Madrid

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Oct 01, 2013 6:21 pm

RosieAnnie - Such a bittersweet and poignant piece. You wrote the sisters so well with their pretty little competition to get grandpa's attention, but you set the comfort and warmth of the happy family life against the storm outside which seemed to symbolize the unrest and unhappiness at losing his bets friend over a silly argument. Lovely!

Hunkeydorey - So very funny! Heyes schemes so well and the Kid behaves like the perfect gentleman while robbing the bank. No wonder Miss Morris was swept off her feet. All the gang were kept in character here and throughout all their thievery they still had limits. You caught them perfectly. Your funny lines and Sarah's plotting were a marriage made in heaven.

Remuda - Both men lying there, thinking the other was sleeping made for a lovely way to compare the similarities and differences between the two men. You write dialogue so well and the internal dialogue here was so very revealing.

Storm thunderstorm  - You had to play and we're so glad you did. This was hilarious and you certainly put the poor Kid through his paces. He'll never dare doubt you again. My son sends his thanks - he has a new favourite writer, so: "¡hola!" from your new fan in lovely Madrid.
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Hunkeydorey

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Oct 01, 2013 6:39 pm

Remuda - I loved the idea of them lying under the stars, deep in their own thoughts and thinking things through. I did love the way Heyes thought so well of The Kid and concedes he is probably the only reason he is still alive. Loved this.

Gringa - I'm not a fan of crossovers so bit into my lip at the start of the story expecting a 'Wizard of Oz' 'ASJ' crossover, but I continued reading and I was glad that I did. It became a tense, emotional piece which showed the impact of the Border Wars on ordinary people. The juxtaposition of the characters against the drama seemed to heighten the sense of danger and fear. So very original and clever.

Storm thunderstorm  - Hey! You've got your very own smilie! Laughed out loud at this all the way though. You made the boys dance to your whims - can you make the Kid dance in my direction? I'll look after him
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Tashmina

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Oct 01, 2013 7:03 pm

Remuda - Weathering the storms of life, especially when you've made some bad choices, can be very difficult indeed. Especially when your partner gives away the hotel room to the women in line behind you. So many thought run through this - it's very complex and well-balanced and show a strong, loving and respectful partnership built from mutal respect. clapping 

Gringa - What a very interesting and original piece. Like everyone else has said it does not go where you think it's going to go. You use the childhood story to demonstrate the destruction of innocence and the storm to symbolize the violence befalling the boys' families. So very clever. I don't think I've read one like this

Storm thunderstorm - Had to use that smilie! Laughed all the way through this and I am so glad you posted, but I'm not sure the Kid wanted you to put him through the mill. Hilarious. He really should have known better. It was just the 30th after all. There was still time.

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Stormr

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Oct 02, 2013 10:49 am

InsideOut - Poor Heyes, such the worrier. Guess it is just second nature to him. A nice new look at what amnesty could bring.

Tashima - nice set up in the begining. A real kid and my 3rd favorite DHG member! I wonder what will come next

RosieAnnie - Oh so sweet with the grandkids and yet so sad to hear that Kid and Heyes split up.
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Stormr

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:08 pm

Hunkeydorey - HA!  The thought of Miss Morris being slung over Kid's is just priceless as is the fact that Heyes will never let him forget it!  Oh, the wonderful scheming Heyes, love the larcenous side of this man (and every other side!) not only getting the payroll but the payroll list from Miss Morris.

Remuda - oh the prolific one!  The separate thoughts of our boys.  So telling, so much in character.  

Gringa - The wizard of oz - wow rather jarring! The reference hits you in the gut. Nicely done.
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InsideOutlaw

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Age : 61
Location : Colorado

PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:36 pm

HunkeyDorey: This was so much fun! You nailed the boys' characters, threw in a heist, and stirred it all up with excellent dialogue. A great read from start to finish!!clapping 
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:51 pm

Remuda: I really liked this reflective piece. Both of them lying awake under the vast western night sky, each unaware of the other's restlessness, thinking up a storm. No one would take on a quest for amnesty without major misgivings and you showed that so well. I loved how their thoughts ran in a parallel direction.
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:56 pm

Gringa: What a clever tale! I, too, wondered when the story started if it would be a crossover story, but this was very original. When I was done, I thought about the tornado in the Wizard of Oz and how allegorical it was to the border wars. Nicely done!
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 1:59 pm

StormR: Oh, Kid of little faith. Of course, you wouldn't forget them...Heyes! Who could? Very cute story.
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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 2:12 pm

Now that I have some peace and quiet and a reliable internet connection, I'll catch up with September comments.

Riders 57: Boy, was this scene needed in the pilot episode. You show their reasoning very clearly. And I like thinking that the boys had enough foresight to prepare and stock hidey-holes for themselves.

Hanna Heyes: I felt so bad for Heyes (the other one, not you!), suffering this bad dream again and again. You show how Curry is there to support him, without "gettin' all mushy" of course!

Keays: You are so prolific, it's no surprise that you could find a scene that fits the current challenge. I certainly understand why Heyes would be so frustrated at that point, and you show that well.

Remuda: Scary! This had a supernatural feel for me. I'm hoping that dark-haired man who dropped to the floor was ducking under the table for safety, and very wise of him to do so.

Inside Outlaw: This feels like you really got into Heyes' head. I think the theme of this might be "be careful what you ask for." The Boys are getting what they say they've wanted, but Heyes is too wise to believe that it's going to magically solve all their problems. Instead, it might create some new problems.

Tashmina: I left comments on this at another side, so I'll be brief here, and just mention, again, that I especially appreciate how you conveyed the atmosphere of this setting. I'm looking forward to seeing where you take these characters in the next chapters (hint, hint!).

Hunkey Dorey: Very clever! You capture the spirit of the characters really well, I think. Miss Morris is a formidable character, but you show that she is maybe, just a wee bit, a little too in love with herself and her own opinions. The boys take her down a peg, and all to her advantage. My favorite line, out of many, is "you're one of life's givers." This story sounded like it came right out of the series.  

Remuda: Interesting that you chose to profile them just one month into the amnesty quest. They're still full of hope, and haven't yet been touched by disappointment. They're clear about their reasons for going straight, and don't question much about the governor's promise just yet. I like that you took us back to visit them at this stage of their lives. Good stuff.

Gringa: You know, I never thought of Wizard of Oz with our boys, but it makes perfect sense. And both Dorothy, and our boys, are going on quests and have to pass through storms.

StormR: I see you and I are both Heyesians! But take pity on the blue-eyed one, will you? Those blonde curls really are irresistible!
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Stormr

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 6:29 pm

Gringa - you're son's favorite author - wow! Especially that he is reading any of the stories on the board. I hope I can live up to his expectations.Very Happy 

Rosieannie - Take it easy on Kid, nope, don't think so. I can resist those curls rather well! Besides, I beat them both up pretty evenly, and what's a few drops of water. Twisted Evil 
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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 03, 2013 9:46 pm

Dor; this is sounding promising. Loved the teller singing the 'haste makes waste.' and then Heyes responding in like kind! So far so fun!
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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Oct 05, 2013 11:30 pm

I've gotten behind!

Hunkeydorey - I loved this! Gertrude was the perfect one to stand up to the DHG. Loved the image of her being carried over Kid's shoulder. How smart and conniving of Heyes to come up with that deal. Good job!

Remuda - Really enjoyed reading the different thoughts of the boys. They do tend to think alike on some things. Also liked that they both thought the other was asleep. Lovely dialogue from you as usual :)

Gringa - I really liked this. I knew as soon as you had Dorothy and Aunt Em hide in the cellar that the storm was going to be the raiders coming. Nice job!

Storm - Ha! Kid oughta know better than to taunt one of Heyes' women! Liked the visual of him getting soaked while Heyes remained dry. Maybe he learned his lesson...
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Oct 08, 2013 4:09 pm

Riders - What a way to start the month and you set the bar really high! So much to love in this with the deluded boy being convinced that the world of was not as attractive as he first thought and Heyes determined to make sure that Jacques' life was going to be better for having stumbled into Strawn and Hawk. Laughed out loud at the Kid's reaction to hearing that priests were celibate and the description of 'Flamin' Flo' was very visual. Adored it.

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Niekx

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Oct 09, 2013 11:36 am

Riders - What an enjoyable read that was. I liked how you gave a forecast on H&C eventual aliases. What you described (youngest son has to become a priest) was something that happened al lot in large catholic families, also in Holland. Even within the 20th century! In the beginning I was guessing a bit at the age of Jack, but he couldn't have been that young if Flo "took care of him", now could he?
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Oct 09, 2013 2:03 pm

Riders: What a clever Heyes plan: teach the boy an important lesson about what it really means to be an outlaw and also manage to use the stage robbery to set up a train robbery. Jacques, as a young inexperienced boy was written in a very natural convincing way and your characterizations of the Kid and Heyes were spot on. Great story!!bounce 

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Tashmina

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Oct 09, 2013 5:14 pm

Riders - I agree - what a great way to start a month. I did so enjoy this take on how Heyes persuaded this boy that a life of crime was not for him. Jacques was certainly a hard nut to crack. though! How clever of you to come up with a plan for the lad to see the harsh side of crime through the machinations of Flo. I am very tempted to look out the book referred to in the notes too. clapping 

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Gringa

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Oct 09, 2013 6:28 pm

Riders - This fitted the prompt so well because it really showed the boys working to leave the world a better place; especially Jacques' world. It was clever how you showed them working in different ways; the Kid was more direct and Heyes' way played out in a plan which placed the boy in the situation, but still gave the child enough distance to be safe. That was wise because it made the child feel like it was his own idea to go back to his family. Loved it.
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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Oct 10, 2013 10:43 pm

Very enjoyable read, Riders. I enjoy the way you wove a historical character into the story and gave him reason and motivation to pursue his life's work. The characterization of Heyes and Curry seemed spot-on to me, too. They're pretty good bad men. They do what they can to dissuade young Jacques from riding the outlaw trail, but they're still willing to use him to achieve their own ends.
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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 11, 2013 12:07 am

Riders
Wonderful read and a great start to the month. You really nailed a great Heyes plan – love how the boys subtly dissuaded Jack from the outlaw life, yet still were able to use him to their own aims. Of course, the use of an historical figure is always fun, and you used it to great effect here. Overall, great plotting in a few words; it read like a much longer tale. Will have to go back and reread Cather; it’s been a while. Clapping! clapping 

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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Oct 11, 2013 8:08 pm

Riders - This was a fantastic story! Loved the way Heyes showed Jack he wouldn't want that life while at the same time, using him to their advantage. How devious! What a great plan to get the mines to start using the trains for transport! And after it's all said and done, Jack realizes he's become a better man to have run into them. Loved it Very Happy
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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 14, 2013 8:46 pm

Riders; I do seem to be behind the eight ball here, but the least I can do is echo what the others have already said. A great story for the beginning of the month. Giving a young boy a real taste of what it means to be an outlaw, and setting things up for future train robberies to boot. Heyes always was multi-layered.
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riders57

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 14, 2013 10:45 pm

Keays -- It is impressive how you can always find a piece of TOF to fit a prompt. As always written with your emotional tug, you make people think.
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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Oct 14, 2013 11:02 pm

Well, I have to admit that Miss Kelpie pointed this one out to me as a fit. I'm glad she did.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Oct 15, 2013 4:41 pm

Keays - I agree that this fits the prompt so very well. Without Kenny taking the time to make Heyes understand what he still had in his life and his future, it's very unlikely he would have retained the will to live. A tug at the heartstrings, but what's wrong with that? clapping 

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