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 Applause and Feedback

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Gringa

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 01, 2013 11:04 am

What a great and varied month.  I have so enjoyed all the stories and it's great to see new people taking up writing too.  I know that this new site prompted me to start writing again after feeling like my efforts weren't welcome on anymore.  Thank you, MAP, for providing us with a new playground.

Hannaheyes - I think I know what song inspired this creepy tale.  Many seem to think it's Heyes, but I was getting a Kid vibe.  No whiskey since 1869?  That doesn't sound like somewhere either of the boys would like to stay!

Silverkelpie -  I am so glad to see you writing again!  It is so good to have you back amongst your posse, now you promise us that you won't go away again, ya hear?  To have a whodunit set around a whole crowd of butlers is inspired and there are so many great lines in this.  I'd forgotten that you study the Victorian era so much that you can always teach us something about the period.  I had never heard of an accoucheur policeman and had no idea that they had male midwives.  It was also an interesting glimpse into the casual racism of the time with slave names being used for black porters and stewards.  It is your trademark to surprise and delight us and this doesn't disappoint.  Oh, and we think it was the accoucheur policeman.  Bet I'm wrong though.

Keays -  This almost had a Christmassy feel to it with the snow set against the warm cozy night in.  If it had been my pregnancies the prompt would have to have been 'Hunter's Hippoptamus' but Heyes would have a glamorous wife with a glorious baby bump.  Loved when it kicked him too!

Hunkeydorey - How clever of you to get Heyes to write this story for you.  Can they do my garden next?  Loads of ideas in this one to fit the prompt and this was a clever way to get them all in.  This was great fun and you are so right.  A fast draw from under the arm just isn't the same at all!Guntoot   


Nancy Whiskey - Your very first story!  Banana fiesra   That's huge and we all know how nerve wracking it can be.  There were great lines in this one:

"Euphemia Hunter was ageless, granite and immoveable"

"The one with the face of an angel hadn’t uttered one word but his silence expanded to fill the void like midnight without moonlight."

I especially liked the description of Heyes holding her gaze like a rattlesnake.  We've all seen those intense, dark eyes in the series.

Storm -  So we have you to thank for having Sarah writing again?  Thank you!  And now you give us your own terrific story too.  This was very funny and full of chuckling overgrown boys behaving badly.  Loved it!  Now we know what you meant by the 'dark side.' lol! 

Javabee -   This was really well written.  It felt like I was watching it and could feel the tension building as we wondered if Heyes was going to break into the safe.  This had the feel of belonging to a larger story and I do hope you continue with this.  Who did the jewel belong to and what is going to happen when the owner found it had been taken.  Please tell us.  You have whetted our appetite nicely.

Remuda - Wheat and Kyle?  What a fun discussion this was going round and around in circles twuster I know how Wheat felt.  Like him, I thought that it was all about a woman.  roll laugh
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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Dec 04, 2013 12:45 am

InsideOutlaw: You show the boys on the run from the posse as outlaws, and then let us see the soft spot they have for a kid in trouble. Definitely illustates the "pretty good bad guy" theme and teaches J.D.'s grandkids a valuable lesson.

Bluebelle: This is a very fun and creative tale with lots of great dialogue and a villain trying to be shrewder than Heyes. As if that's going to happen.

Hannaheyes: You have created a scary and surreal dream world. This phrase gives away the identity of the song "You can check out whenever you like, but you can NEVER leave." Always liked that song and its interesting to see a story based on it.

Silverkelpie: I always like a mystery and this is a fun one. I liked this:
“It’s about time somebody realised our worth.”
“We spend a good part of our time tryin’ to make sure folks don’t find out what we’re worth, Joshua.”

and this:
“I don’t often find folks I can admire and look down on at the same time.
A male midwife, a school for butlers, a mysteriously missing person, and more, all wrapped into one tale is great fun to read.

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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 06, 2013 11:11 pm

Finally, getting down to getting my two cents worth in here. What a fun month.

INSIDEOUTLAW; This is a sweet tale. An old man reminiscing about his past and teaching his beloved grandchildren a valuable lesson as well. I got a kick out of Curry's dream and it sounds like he got a kick out of it too. Funny how life can take certain twists and turns and puts you someplace where you never expected to end up. He was so disappointed about having to leave the posse and yet because of that, he ended up meeting those two most infamous of outlaws; Hannibal Heyes and Kid Curry. And through that meeting he learned a very valuable lesson and one that, years later, he could pass on to the next generation. Talk about leaving behind a legacy.

BLUEBELLE; This one had me going for a while too. Was he really after the infamous Sasquatch or was it an elaborate plan to trap the infamous outlaws? I guess we'll never know for sure. I don't blame Heyes one bit for leaning on the side of caution and high tailing it outa there. Who'd be hunting for succotash, indeed!

HANNAHEYES; An interesting take on an old classic! Glad whichever partner it was finally got away; what a terrible place to spend eternity in. I clued in quite early on where this was going and that's more to your credit than my deciphering skills. You captured the feel of the song and turned it into an interesting challenge.

SILVERKELPIE; What a great comeback story! You haven't lost your touch. Loved Heyes' line; ...'about time somebody realized our worth.' and then the Kid's very appropriate response to it.
Another great line; 'I don't often find folks I can admire and look down on at the same time.'! Another classic mystery in the making.

HUNKEYDOREY; Okay, I have to admit when I first started reading this I was prepared to not like it, simply because I get tired of the 'cross-over' type of stories. But the more I got into this one the more laughs I was getting. Loved all your comparisons like; Sherlock has his homes and Starsky had some kind of hutch. etc. Then of course, how could I not hold you in high praise when you get Heyes to read my challenge story and he actually likes it! Two thumbs up from me!

NANCYWHISKEY; What a sad story but as others have already stated; hard to believe it's your first attempt. We really do have some talented writers here! Ms. Hunter sure misjudged our boys didn't she? And they had oh so many reasons to not be nice to her. Tragic story and very well written.

STORMR; Doesn't take much to get them boys riled up does it? At least this time they were joking and having fun instead of trying to shoot somebody's head off! Both men had valid points though; a full moon would make it easier to see what they were doing, but it would also help the law see them. Get in-strike fast-get out! All the makings of a great Hannibal Heyes plan.

JAVABEE; Oh I love a story that highlights Heyes' on-going love affair with locks! Very descriptive as he's working his magic and feeling nervous about tackling a safe that he's not sure he can seduce, but who can resist those magic fingers. If we hadn't already known it, there would be no mistaking now; there's something just not quite right about that boy. But what a glorious passion!

REMUDA; A horse!? That was all about a horse!? Well, of course I can certainly understand where Kyle is coming from. Really enjoy the stories revolving around Wheat and Kyle. Liked Wheat feeling a little put out at Kyle hesitating about their partnership. Wheat doesn't always show it but there's a bond there none the less.
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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 07, 2013 3:00 am

Keays: After all that Heyes has been through, it is such a delight to see him happy and enjoying marital bliss, finally! I would never have thought of comparing Miranda's baby bump as a full hunter's moon, but it works and is very creative. I so enjoy every chapter that you write. =)

Hunkeydorey: It was a lot of fun reading this! My only regret is that I didn't submit my little story in time to make an appearance in it. Maybe next time.....=)

Nancywhiskey: Sad story that really kept my interest right to the end. I always love to see our heroes defending the underdog, especially showing a soft spot for children. This was my favorite part:
The blond one took a step back.  His eyes narrowed and he seemed to grow in pure physical presence.  The dark one seemed to contract, and shot forward until he was close - too close.  She was reminded of a rattlesnake holding her gaze.  

Stormr: This is a nice lighthearted spin on the prompt. Love the fun banter involving the entire gang. It's always nice to watch Wheat be put in his place.

Remuda: It's always entertaining whenever Kyle and Wheat come on the scene and this is no exception. I have to admit I thought Kyle was "mooning" over a girl and the horse caught me by surprise. Nice way to use the prompt!

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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Dec 19, 2013 10:46 pm

Silverkelpie, what a terrific story for the Christmas season. You introduce us to some wonderful new characters here. The three Kings really run Bethlehem, don't they - doctor, lawyer, and sheriff. Lydia is just a lost soul, but Vervia - she's a strong woman with very few illusions. I love the picture of Vervia hitting Noah with her parasol, and Kid pulling her off Noah. "I ain't fool enough to fall for his brand of usin'."She wants to "live a little dangerously," and Heyes very wisely wants to do the opposite. Too many good lines to quote, but a few of my favorites are "They were old roots, rotting in a bog," to describe the state of Noah's former teeth. (I know someone who's neglected his teeth his entire adult life. Your description is accurate.) Ira's greeting to Vervia: "What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?" That could be awfully mean, but here, it's affectionate. The lawman's realizing he's mangled his own hat, and resolving that he won't let his older brothers wind him up. And p.s., who was Esther Lack and what happened to her? Nothing good, I think.  But it's real nice that everybody ends up happy here. If you ever felt the desire to continue Vervia's story in San Francisco, I, for one, would be real interested!
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 20, 2013 3:10 pm

Hi RosieAnnie, Thanks for your kind comments.  Esther Lack's trial in 1865 became notorious and was widely reported after she was found not guilty by reason of insanity for the murder of three children.  The murders were particularly unpleasant and violent and many wanted her to hang, feeling she got off too lightly.  Not very Christmassy so it merits no more than a passing mention as an explanation for Heyes' knowledge of the subject in the story.

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Cimarron

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 20, 2013 9:19 pm

Silverkelpie - A baby in a stable - not in a manger but by the bag of food?  So close, but not quite the same and this was a theme for the whole, clever story.  The star from the East was a faded vaudeville singer, the Three Kings were the sheriff, the lawyer and the doctor whose ambitions to run the town brought the gold into the story - not to mention Frank and Myrtle to make up the gifts.  There was so much packed into this plot but it was great the way Heyes' reading habit saved the day.  So many fantastic lines and I adored Vervia.  What a great name too!  The perfect name for a strong, brave woman.
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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 20, 2013 9:57 pm

Well, I can't really say anything more than what has already been said.  At real Christmasy tale without being overly sentimental.  It was nice to have something worthwhile to read at 3:00 am and not being able to sleep.  Thanks for giving making it the right choice to get up and do something.
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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 20, 2013 10:21 pm

Cimarron, good for you for jumping in! I sang this to "Good King Wenceslas" as I read it, as you suggested. My singing made the cat jump off my lap and paw at me to make me stop. Despite the cat's role as a music critic, I thought you made some clever rhymes and managed to tell a complete story through verse. You should be proud of your first effort. Keep 'em coming!
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 21, 2013 6:30 am

Cimarron -  It's so nerve-wracking pressing send for that first story, isn't it?  We're so glad you did because you've brought us     gifts  Christmassy fun by the sack load.  So many clever rhymes and it scanned with the carol you chose perfectly.  I always avoid songs and poems like the plague because I'm not talented enough to build the rhymes in the way you clearly are.  Wonderful first submission, very seasonal and I look forward to reading more from you.

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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 23, 2013 12:28 am

Cimaroon; That was such a hoot!  You helped to lighten my mood on a rather lonely and depressing evening.  Thanks.  That was fun.
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 23, 2013 10:09 am

The stockings are hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon will be here....and I finally got time to read!

Silverkelpie:  I have so missed your stories and am so happy you are writing again!  This was a very seasonal mystery with your usual great characterizations.  I loved Vervia's character--perhaps we'll see her again? hint, hint.  So Lydia stole her ticket west? Not altogether innocent, she was sure lucky to have help in getting out of this mess.  Loved Frankie and Myrtle, too.

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 23, 2013 10:15 am

Cimarron:  That was awesome!  I could hear the tune as I read along and you matched the lyrics so well I might be humming this one all season.  Clever, clever first post.  Congratulations!  I'm looking forward to more from you. Banana

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Dec 26, 2013 1:17 pm

Nancy Whiskey: I'd be very nervous if someone was following me, and especially if that someone was the undertaker! The boys were very smart to confront Samuel sweetly and nicely, without any kind of threat. With the whole incident with Jemima and Brucie, and their gentle confrontation with Samuel, you showed us that the boys are "pretty good" men. "Kindness is a gift" indeed.

Javabee: I love the picture of Kyle wrestling an oversized tree. And this time, it was a Wheat plan that was put into play and succeeded. You showed the soft side of these hardened outlaws, and it felt real and plausible.
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 27, 2013 1:27 pm

Nancy Whiskey: Samuel was a fun character and nicely drawn.  He may not have been much of a threat, but he was definitely a good judge of character.  

Javabee:  This was a nice cozy tale of an outlaw Christmas in the Hole.  I enjoyed the visuals and also the goodwill towards Wheat. Thanks.

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 27, 2013 1:39 pm

Silverkelpie - I am so glad you are back writing again.  I'd forgotten how you teach us things about the era with every story.  This tale of a mail order bride on the run from her disappointing husband ticked all the Christmas boxes.  You do created very memorable characters and I would love to read more of the Star from the East making her way in San Francisco.  Wonderful lines and a fun read.

Cimarron - A terrific first entry and definitely very seasonal!  You had me humming 'Good King Wenceslas Looked Out' all day.  Great rhymes and it scanned perfectly.  I look forward to more from you.

Nancy Whiskey - A very original entry and the idea of the boys being followed around by an undertaker certainly made this unique.  I was glad to see that he wasn't persuaded to turn them in.

Javabee -  You got a lot in a short piece and it certainly fits the prompt.  A hatband to outdo Heyes' or the Kid's for a prospective leader was an inspired idea.  Ya gotta have a special hat to run The Devil's Hole Gang!  It's the law. cowboy 5
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Dec 27, 2013 7:29 pm

Hunkeydorey:  You hooked me immediately, ratcheting the emotional tension up in the first few paragraphs and never letting me go until the last word.  The brief conversation spoke of a world of hurt and history, yet offered healing revelations.  Excellent story. clapping 

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 28, 2013 7:57 am

Nancy Whiskey - you certainly came up with an original take on the prompt and the boys handled the undertaker who was following them around with great aplomb.  Good to see the boys won around another potential person who thought about turning them in.

Javabee -  Great visuals in this one, with poor Wheat getting a present to match the potential leader of the Devil's Hole Gang.  He's all set to go now once the boys go for amnesty

Hunkeydorey -  Your writing just gets better and better.  You were always good at playing with our heartstrings, but you play them like a master in this one.  I thought this was going to be a very sad tale, but you turned it around to bring out the positive while still giving us a melancholy ending.   clapping

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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:11 am

Keays - This was great fun.  If I was them I'd have stayed in jail to get a Christmas dinner too.   turkey chase   I did spot the reindeer names connection and wondered how you were going to get them all, but you did it!  Loads of great lines and I did love the way they fitted each other to the wanted posters.  "expectorating on women?"  Never - not our boys.

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Dec 28, 2013 10:58 pm

HunkeyDorey: Sweet and bittersweet. So much going on in these conversations, regret and anger and longing, wistfulness and realization. I think this is beautifully done.

Keays: so the boys got taken into protective custody? Well, why not? The play on names, and all the comings and goings, and the snowball fight, were hilarious. Terrific characterization on many people, with only a few lines for each. You packed a lot of amusement into a short story, and it never felt rushed, too short, or too long. A delicious holiday treat.

Inside Outlaw: Poor Heyes, getting banged around again! Thank goodness for Gladys, who is one of the more fun and colorful characters around. And the boys should thank goodness for the sheriff, who's willing to take a day off from his duties and allow them to get out of town with their pay and their freedom.
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 29, 2013 11:29 am

Silverkelpie - What a charming Christmas tale with Heyes' reading habits saving the day for the mother and child.  lots of funny lines and I too would like to read more of Vervia.

Cimarron -  What a great Christmas Carol and I nearly didn't post mine when I saw how good it was, but I thought it was different enough.  I do love yours and think yours is way better.

Nancy Whiskey -  You really show here that violence was the last option and that they'll use non-violent means wherever possible, which paid off in the end.  Such fun having the boys followed by an undertaker.

Javabee -  You are really good at capturing pictures of lovely moments and Christmas at Devil's Hole was no exception.  I loved the mental image you gave me of the tree and how nice that Wheat got a special present in the end.

Hunkeydorey - So much emotion in this one.  I like the way you write the Kid.  He's smart and can see through the gossipy old lady, but you know that Lainie was special to him.  The end was sad with a great last line.  Was Robert, the son, the Kid's?  I wondered because the last line said, "moments can be short, but their echoes can be endless."

Keays - So much fun!  All the reindeer names and so many people coming and going in this one and lots of fun lines.  I admit I had to look up 'expectorating.'  Spitting on women?  Yeuch!  Great story with everything including a snowball fight.  Loved it

Insideoutlaw  - Glad Tydings?  What a great idea for the prompt.  Poor Heyes got all busted up but at least they found a lawman who let them shelter from the storm and get paid.  The writing was powerful in this.  I could almost feel the chill in the air as I was reading.
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 29, 2013 1:13 pm

Bluebelle:  This was very clever and you told a complete, fully formed story through song.  I'm impressed and envy your talent! cheers

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 30, 2013 11:22 am

Remuda: Very nice Christmas story and great dialogue and characterizations.  I enjoyed old Oakie talking circles around the boys.  Sweet ending, too!

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 30, 2013 3:10 pm

Remuda - Haven't we all met someone like old Oakie,  lol! ?  Your superlative touch with dialogue certainly made this circular conversation loads of fun and isn't it sweet that Thomas wanted to look after his 'Pa?'  Loved it.

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Dec 30, 2013 4:50 pm

Remuda, I have a family member who has Alzheimer's disease, and Oakie's conversation seems to me to be a very good representation of someone with that disorder. Heyes gets a little frustrated with the roundabout conversation, since he doesn't understand that disease like we do today. I sort of remember hearing about a real story, where a prostitute gave birth, and the men tried to raise the baby, so I think you did some historical research here, and put it to good use. I love that the "baby" remembers those who raised them, and wants to take care of Oakie.
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