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 Applause and Feedback

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Bluebelle

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:33 pm

Remuda - The way you have them bickering lightly is so like the series. You do have such a touch to your writing and helps me to really 'see' them. I loved the fact that Heyes was excited by the possibilities opening up before them by Gus Tremaine's example. It makes this a sunny hopeful story, with a future outside of an amnesty which may never come. Loved it.
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Hunkeydorey

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Nov 01, 2013 5:12 pm

Insideoutlaw - I'd love to see the follow up to this where Kid extracts revenge! I get the feeling the Kid can be as sneaky as the best of them when he puts his mind to it. Loved this, and you'd certainly laugh long and often these two around in this kind of mood - as long as the tricks are being played on somebody else, that is!


Bluebelle - I had to pick that colour for your name, didn't I? Is this your first ever story, or just your first here? Either way I am glad you jumped in and started playing right away. I loved there two mischievous ladies and the dialogue on the train was very funny. "Her leg's come back." It was very like Heyes to feel reluctant to get drawn in, but once he was he wasn't going to allow them to get fleeced. How fitting that the boys' good turn paid off in their next job. Great story and welcome to the team. I look forward to reading more from you. clapping 

Remuda - You are always so great at writing the boys' conversations and that puts the reader right smack bang in the scene from the get-go. I did love the influence from old Gus affecting the boys in their youth and then making them think that there was a possible happy future, even without the amnesty. I have often thought that they could disappear somewhere and try to live a quiet life once they'd been forgotten about and this story feeds into that notion
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Nov 02, 2013 8:01 am

Bluebelle: Welcome and thank you for a great story! This was so much in character with the boys and the series. The dialogue was excellent and so was the plotting. I never saw it coming that Mrs. Harpole's new lover would be a con artist and that the boys would know him. Great twist at the end, too.cheers 

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Nov 02, 2013 8:29 am

Remuda:Gus sounds like he was a quite the influence in the boys younger days and maybe a good example for their future.  Great dialogue as always and a nice reflective tone to the whole tale. Very Happy 

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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Gringa

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Nov 02, 2013 10:54 am

Insideoutlaw - Such fun! A Heyes full of mischief and pranks. He's headed from trouble when he messes with the Kid's gun, isn't he?

Hunkeydorey - So very bittersweet. A lovely tale of the pain of remembering the loved ones when they pass. A beautiful sharing of emotions and my love to you at this time of loss, mi amiga. Group Hug  The title - "Because You Were Here..." is so emotive. Just lovely!

Bluebelle - What a great story and I too have to chose this colour. Have you written on other sites? I loved the boys being bothered by the ladies on the train when they wanted to sleep. That turned around the minute the boys saw the little, old lady was going to be conned. They got their just desserts in this happy ending too.

Remuda - Poor old Gus remains an example to the boys, just as he was when they were younger. Let's hope he shows them how to have families and a life as they try to move on. The tone was introspective and subdued, but you caught the dialogue perfectly as always.

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Keays

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Nov 03, 2013 11:20 am

Was up early this morning so thought I would get caught up on my comments. Happy Sunday, everyone!

Tashmina: Oh what a spooky image you've created of the orphanage/workshop institution. Very fitting for Halloween. Your antagonist is quite the villianess and I sure wouldn't want to be living under her rule. Looking forward to the continuation.

Gringa: This is a very interesting take on the prompt. Not only does it give us a look at life for the average soldier during the civil war, but it offers up a believable back story as to how our boys ended up where they did. Young Hannibal's anger is quite understandable when all he had left to hope for was the return of his older brother.

InsideOutlaw: Oh my! The prankster Heyes puts in an appearance! No wonder he was still in bed; he'd been up all night taking care of business. At least he had enough common sense to get outa town before Kid found his little surprise.

Hunkeydorey: I agree with others here; you can't say you don't write when you can come up with a story like this one. Very bitter-sweet and it's not until the very end when a simple statement is all it takes to bring it all together and the penny drops.

BlueBelle: Funny how fate can step in and lend a hand sometimes. Nice to get paid for a job you're already done, especially when they often don't get paid at all. I can certainly understand the initial irritation of having their rest interrupted though. Especially by two prattering old ladies! Still, our boys to the rescue, every time.

Rumada: Nothing like hearing about an old friend, especially in the obits to get you reminiscing. Hey, if 'ole Gus can do it, why can't they?
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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Nov 10, 2013 10:43 pm

Finally getting to catch up on my October reading...

IO - I feel sorry for Heyes when Kid catches up with him! Love seeing the trickster side of Heyes. Those pranks were wonderful! The best one though was definitely the blanks in Kid's gun. Would love to see a follow up to see if Kid gets him back. Great story!

HunkeyDorey - This was truly a sentimental story. I completely understand the significance of the last sentence. I really liked how you tied it in to the pilot episode and that she had kept up with their progress. Very nicely written.

Bluebelle - Is this your first story? It's great! Really well written and easily read. I liked the way both of the boys' patience was tested by the two ladies. Very in character. Enjoyed the last part too where Heyes takes the job that has already been accomplished. Good job!

Remuda - Nice story of the boys having some idle time. And reading about Gus getting to have a family and all gives them some hope that they can one day lead a normal life. Excellent dialog as always!



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Bluebelle

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Nov 11, 2013 5:43 pm

Insideoutlaw - What a lovely story which is so true to character for the boys. Of course they wouldn't leave a little boy to die a long lingering death out in the wilderness like that. This was beautifully written and full of lovely phrases like, "he reckoned he’d pounded enough country into them each summer they’d grow up to be strong men." What a good lesson for boys to learn; that nobody's all good or all bad. clapping 
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Gringa

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Nov 11, 2013 5:54 pm

Insideoutlaw - What a great tale of how a little boy was taught an important life lesson. The boys were right in character all the way through and it was exciting as well as touching. Great story.

Bluebelle - LOL, were you inspired by our smiley? Dance  How on earth did you come up with this subject? Lots of great lines:

"I meant that to happen. I drew that lion out.”

The Kid rolled his eyes. “Sure ya did, Joshua. Right in the face"

In the end it looks like the boys escaped a tricky attempt to bring them in. Very funny last line.
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Nov 11, 2013 6:18 pm

Bluebelle: What a fun story! I caught on right about the same time Heyes did, but you had me going for a while. Loved Brampton going on and on about the reasons he hunted and Heyes leading the conversation skillfully to keep him talking. Very well-done!

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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HannaHeyes

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Nov 11, 2013 10:22 pm

InsideOutlaw - What a great story JD had to tell his grandsons! And a great lesson to be learned to. Just another example of how the boys were two pretty good bad men. Loved the part where Kid was dreaming and Heyes woke him up. Well written.

Bluebelle - Another wonderful story from you! Good thing Mr. Brampton underestimated his prey just enough to drop subtle hints as to his intentions. Loved this part:

"The Kid cut Heyes off with a glare. “You got tracked. Ain’t anyone ever told you it’s supposed to work the other way round?”

Very nice and one I would like to read more of.

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Remuda

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Nov 18, 2013 2:04 am

Couldn't resist the song aspect, so going out of turn here. Will catch up with the others.

HannaHeyes
Ah, I know the song of which you speak and think you did a great job bringing it to life (I won't mention the title so as not to spoil it for others). This is very atmospheric and definitely haunting. I like how you left which partner it was to our imagination; it really could be either. An enjoyable and spooky read.

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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Mon Nov 18, 2013 6:53 am

Hannaheyes - Yup. I know what you'd been listening too and the resulting story was very hallow'een in tone, but none the worse for it!  I suppose having 'moon' in the prompt is going to bring up spooky stories.  affraid   I too wondered which one of the boys this was.  I'm thinking Heyes, but I'm willing to be corrected.  For a while there I thought the poor soul had stumbled into a hotel full of ex-outlaw appreciators!

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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Nov 20, 2013 4:35 pm

I'm posting out of order this time, so sorry if it looked like it missed you out

Insideoutlaw - This was a very touching tale of how Grandpa taught a very important lesson, but it wasn't without it's action too. It is too easy to look at somebody's position or job and think they're completely trustworthy and the reverse is also true too, as shown so well in this story. I do so love the name J.D. Mackler. Those initials have such a ring of truth to them - just like the rest of the challenge.

Bluebelle - LOL, top marks for originality. I think this is the first ASJ bigfoot story I've ever read. Dance  Great lines too.

“I meant that to happen. I drew that lion out.”

The Kid rolled his eyes. “Sure ya did, Joshua. Right in the face.”


Heyes silver tongue was captured so well in this, using his wiles to 'hunt' out the true motives of the group..

Keays - What a beautiful, sweet and lovely moment between a man and wife. You painted the picture so well that I felt it might be a Christmas story. What you did show was the natural curiosity of a husband exploring changes in his pregnant wife and the joy of those first kicks. Just lovely.

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Na sir 's na seachainn an cath - Neither seek nor shun the fight      Old Scottish proverb
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Wed Nov 20, 2013 8:23 pm

Silverkelpie: Hurrah, a mystery!! This is a great start and pulled me right in. The only problem was that I reached the end too soon. Loved this line: “I dunno. It’s confusing,” the Kid bit into his lip. “I don’t often find folks I can admire and look down on at the same time. That’s quite a job.” LOL!

Keays: Beautifully written snippet that evoked a lot of emotion in very few words. What a lovely time in their lives!

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Thu Nov 21, 2013 3:00 pm

Bluebelle: I love your snappy dialogue. "You always say vegetables are what food eats."  "For 10 dollars a day I'd go hunting for the Easter bunny."  And the conversation about Horace White and the Rolf Brothers. Then you take the dialogue to a darker place, with the ever-suspicious Heyes drawing Brampton out. Well done.

Hanna Heyes: OK, did Heyes check into the Hotel California? Were you inspired by The Eagles? This episode almost sounds like Heyes having a nightmare, but what's scarier than finding out your nightmares are real? Definitely lots of strange things and places out there, and a desperate, tired outlaw might very well ignore his instincts for the comfort of a bed on a cold night.

Silverkelpie: Another mystery! Bless your heart, and darn you for leaving us with a cliffhangar! I want to know what happens next! Sounds like you've been doing research, which you've woven seamlessly into story. I sure didn't know that all porters were called "George," no matter their name. That shows the casual racism of the day. Nor had I ever heard of men in the profession of midwife. You've made some interesting characters here. Hurry up and post the next chapter quick!

Keays: Thanks for this sweet scene, and a little preview where "The Lineage" is going. I like thinking that our boys eventually find peace and happiness.
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Hunkeydorey

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:58 pm

Insideoutlaw - You have a great way of catching the action and I could really visualise the Kid bringing the injured boy up to safety. How lucky that he bumped into two pretty good bad men. Very touching and exciting at the same time.

Bluebelle - Dance Just like everyone else I had to use this smiley, and your story really made me smile too. Loved the banter between the boys as they discussed the Rolfs and Horace White. Were they going to be trapped? Who cares when the story's so much fun?

Hannaheyes - Sounds like the hotel in this story was pretty far west. California maybe? I'm trying to guess which partner it was and I'm coming down on the side of Heyes. Great fun and atmospheric.

Silverkelpie - Great to see you writing again! clapping And what a fun mystery to start us off. I haven't a Scooby doo whodunit, and know that when you're writing it's going to get a whole lot more twisty yet. A whole train full of butlers to choose from? Can't wait to read the next part and welcome back with open arms!

Keays - What a sweet and lovely (and loving) scene which gives is so many clues on the way your new story is going (I'd guessed by the way) So nice to see such domestic bliss after all the trials you've put the poor man through and a very original take on the prompt.

Nancy Whiskey - Your very first story? Very well done. We all know how nerve-wracking that it and you did a great job. What a wonderful take on the prompt - a moonlight flit! You have some great lines in here, such as:

"The knowledge that she had made a mistake hit her instantly as both the men jolted out of their stillness."  

and

"she was pure granite; grey from top to bottom, inside and out"

It's hard to believe it's your first. Take a well deserved bow applause 
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Stormr

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Nov 29, 2013 11:29 am

Insideoutlaw - nicely woven tale. Good lesson from Grandpa and the boys completely in character. Loved Heyes gru.mbling all the way though Kid knew he wouldn't leave the boy.

Bluebell - Bigfoot - love the idea and the reasoning for accepting he job. For $10 a day I'd hunt the Easter Bunny - great line and definitely in character. Nice portrayal of Heyes. Guess Mr. Brampton won't go home with his catch and fame.
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Stormr

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Nov 29, 2013 3:35 pm

Hannaheyes -but it was such such a lovely place!!  Very well done bringing the song to life.  A little strange - yes - but so is the song.  Now I will be singing it the rest of the day!
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Nov 29, 2013 4:24 pm

Hunkeydorey - Very funny and how ingenious to get Heyes to write your story for you! I wish I'd thought of that. Loads of great lines:

“They don’t get to wear guns.”

“Yeah, they do. They ain’t the same though; they keep them in their armpits.”

The brown eyes twinkle with amusement. “Their armpits? Then we’ve nothing to worry about. How can a man look cool pulling a weapon from there?”


"If I suggested moon as a prompt to him he’d take it as an instruction.”


You managed to get so many different prompts for 'Moon' and 'Hunter' in there too.

Nancy Whisky - Your first story? How great and we all know how nerve wracking it can be, but it definitely get easier from here. A wonderful tale and very in character for the boys. You came up with great descriptive lines:

"She was small, but she was pure granite; grey from top to bottom, inside and out."

"She watched them go, resentful of their comradeship."



This has the feel of being part of a larger piece and I hope this is the first of many from you. applause 

Storm - Bouquet Well, we both deserve a treat for keeping our side of the bargain and so glad you posted. Very funny it was too. Of course the bunch of overgrown boys would snigger about Hunter's Moon, turning the other cheek and the dark side of the moon. A terrific read and caught all the gang so well. I hope this is the sign of many more for you too and thanks for the kick up the 'moon' for getting me writing again.

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Stormr

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Fri Nov 29, 2013 6:02 pm

Silverkelpie - I know...the butler did it!!!  Ooops, did I ruin it?  I guess there are a few other people on the train so it may not be a butler, but personally I think a bunch of butlers in a who done it is just brilliant and hysterical!!  Kudos to you for thinking of it and for getting back to writing.  You win for posting first Champagne Can't wait to read the rest of the story!
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Stormr

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:57 pm

Keyes - oh, how sweet.  Very nice, I like the idea of Heyes finding happiness and a family.  A moon...I guess I get that, I just felt like an elephant!!!

Hunkeydorey - cute!!!  Yes it was a tough prompt.  Moonshine, maybe later - love it.  Heyes first refusing to help and then just for some peace and quiet.  

Nancy - Wow you first!  Excellent and heart wrenching.  Looking forward to reading more from you.

Javabee - how nice it is to bear witness to Heyes opening a safe.  You got their routine down very nicely.  

Remuda - Yippy!!!  My two favorite sidekicks!!  Love Wheat and Kyle.  Nicely done, showing the dynamics between the two.  Yep, Kyle does drive Wheat just a bit batty!


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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 01, 2013 9:18 am

Just finishing off the comments for November:

Javabee - for someone new to writing you really capture the boys down to a T.  Your description of Heyes cracking the safe was wonderful and the appreciation they have for each other's skills was palpable.  A great story with great lines like:

"Listening carefully, he adjusted the dial as if he was tuning a fine instrument. Each click played a different note to the music that only he could hear."


The line about having to handcuff a female passenger caught my attention!  Now that's a story I'd like to read.  It could be hilarious.  clapping 

Remuda -  My next favourite characters after the boys and you gave then a terrific set of lines to speak.  Who'd have thought that the verdict Kyle was looking for was a horse's affection?   Loved it, especially the way Kyle kept taking Wheat around in circles.

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Hunkeydorey

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 01, 2013 10:10 am

Storm - I do love stories that bring in the whole gang and this was great fun.  I loved the various interpretations of 'moon' taken from the prompt and the chuckling, nudging naughtiness.  Poor Wheat, he always seems to be getting a hard time and Kyle drawing a moustache on his wanted poster won't help matters at all.  applause 

Javabee - you build up the tension beautifully here and we don't know if Heyes will be able to crack this difficult safe or not.  Of course he does and you use language so cleverly to take us along for the ride.  So they jump down to take us on the next phase of the Hannibal Heyes plan?  I can't wait to read that too. (hint, hint)

Remuda -  The queen of dialogue has written another winner, and what fun it is to sit in on the conversation between Kyle and Wheat.  Of course they're partners, but in your hands they become a wonderful double act too.  applause


Last edited by Hunkeydorey on Sun Dec 01, 2013 11:12 am; edited 1 time in total
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: Applause and Feedback   Sun Dec 01, 2013 10:27 am

HannaHeyes:  As a long-time Eagles fan, I loved this take on Hotel California.  You managed to weave the lyrics into the story very nicely and still maintain an overall creepiness.  Loved the final scene of the woman turning over the sign to 'vacancy' again.

HunkeyDorey: The boys were helpful, weren't they?  Loved your use of the word, 'canoodlin'!  Fun story.

Nancy Whiskey: Kudos on an impressive first story.  What a hateful character Euphemia proved to be.  I enjoyed the air of menace that you wrote around the boys.  They didn't get to be who they are without being intimidating.  

StormR:  *snicker* MOON *snicker.  Fun, silly and altogether amusing!  And, the boys got one over on Wheat.

Javabee: I loved the last line of your first paragraph: More importantly, it didn’t take finesse, and Heyes was all about finesse. Great scene of a safecracking and now I am salivating for the rest of the story!

Remuda: Good interaction between Wheat and Kyle and a nice use the prompt. I enjoyed how needy Wheat was wanting Kyle to confirm their partnership and also the twist at the end. Kyle loves that mare!

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