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 The Fight

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Stepha3nie

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Join date : 2014-07-12
Age : 48
Location : Scotland

PostSubject: The Fight   Tue Nov 04, 2014 8:28 pm

My first non-challenge story. I owe lots of thanks to Riders - even though it's not a long story, you spotted so much, that now sounds better and you provided invaluable advice.
The story is set after my first challenge story (Coffee), so you might want to read it first.




The sun rose on what promised to be a beautiful September day.  When the light touched the leaves moving in a soft breeze, it brought out ever changing highlights of color.  It should have been a morning to savor and enjoy in peaceful serenity.



Instead, the unmistakable sounds of combat rose from the campsite where two weary ex-outlaws had bedded down the previous night.  No guns had been fired so far, but the fighting was fierce and the victor uncertain.  The wrong outcome would cause difficulties for the two pretty good bad men.



The horses in their makeshift corral were getting restless.  They were accustomed to the unusual due to the identity of their riders.  Sudden charges out of town, gunfire, having saddles thrown on at all times, be it day or night, these things they had experienced and could accept, but this – this – was different.  And they didn’t like it at all.  If the fight came any closer, they might have to flee.  Why didn’t someone, anyone come to calm them down?



The combatants were oblivious to the horses’ discomfort.  They fought on, circling each other, lunging, engaging and disengaging, both searching for, but neither able to gain, an advantage.



The noise of the fight penetrated Hannibal Heyes’ stupor.  Dark brown eyes popped open and closed again quickly, accompanied by a groan.  Why did his head hurt so?  He tried to remember.  Last night, they had celebrated their latest escape.  This morning?  Nope, nothing.  Opening his eyes again, carefully, his gaze searched for the source of the racket.  As he spotted the combatants, Heyes let out another groan.  He tried to move, but found himself well and truly trussed in his securely wrapped blankets.  Nothing he could do to help the Kid; his friend would have to battle it out all by himself and Heyes hoped with all his heart he would win.  A different outcome didn’t bear thinking about.



As the fight continued, Heyes made a quick visual survey of their campsite and couldn’t help wincing.  The battered coffee pot and the skillet he had placed handily next to the fire last night had been flung halfway across the camp in the scuffle.  The Kid’s saddle had toppled over and his bedding lay strewn about.  Something must have prevented the fastest gun in the West from drawing, but he seemed to have used both their boots as further missiles. Only the empty bottle of whiskey was still where Heyes remembered dropping it.



Suddenly, the opponents broke apart, eying each other suspiciously.  Panting, they circled each other.  Kid Curry thought desperately and muttered “Gotta win this. Heyes... Maybe if I try…?”  Taking a few stumbling steps away from the horses, he dropped to his knees.



His opponent couldn’t resist and charged, certain of victory.  As sweet as the win would be, the fun this battle provided was even better, a real treat.



Sounds of the resumed fight drew Heyes’ eyes back to the Kid who had now managed to get a hand on his opponent.  The dark-haired man weighed the odds.  Would size, greater reach and weight beat speed, ferocity and the secure knowledge of previous successes?  If he was honest, his cousin’s track record at single hand combat was not exactly encouraging, but maybe his stubbornness would pay off this once.



The Kid felt his new tactic succeeding.  Once his opponent had been lured into a charge, the fastest gun in the West had spotted the opening he needed.  With its accustomed lightning speed, his gun hand had shot out grabbing his adversary’s throat.  At the unexpected assault, his attacker froze momentarily – long enough for the Kid to swipe out the legs from under him.  Hand still at the other’s throat, the Kid forced his assailant onto his back.  While his foe lay vulnerable, he secured the legs as well as he could.  Subdued, the enemy finally surrendered, submitted to him.



Relieved, elated and spent, Kid Curry sat back to savor his victory – until the vanquished began to lick his hand.



Kid Curry grinned.  “Again with the slobberin’?  Don’t you remember how this all started, Coffee?”



The large, dark-brown dog wagged his tail happily.

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"I can resist everything - except temptation"  Oscar Wilde
For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!
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riders57

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PostSubject: Re: The Fight   Tue Nov 04, 2014 8:51 pm

I think you wrote a great story.  I like how you use the different players' points of view to tell the story.  I also like how you make us wait until the end to reveal just who the Kid is fighting and why.  Great initial story.
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Silverkelpie

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PostSubject: Re: The Fight   Tue Nov 04, 2014 9:06 pm

Great story, Stepha3nie.  Punchy, funny and a great continuation.  Loved it.  You really have found a talent in writing.  I hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoy reading it.   puppy kiss

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Javabee

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PostSubject: Re: The Fight   Wed Nov 05, 2014 2:35 am

This was just such a fun story to read. You started us off thinking it might be a seriously dangerous situation and then eased us into the fun of it all. The different perspectives helped me visualize the encounter. I could just see the looks on their faces; I imagine Heyes looking annoyed and rolling his eyes, with the Kid appearing intensely serious with a subtle smile. Your timing was great, as you made us wait for the reveal. Thanks for continuing this one, S3.  
angry dog

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RosieAnnieUSA

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PostSubject: Re: The Fight   Wed Nov 05, 2014 9:50 am

What a cute story! I thought maybe Curry's opponent wasn't a bounty hunter or something similar. Loved Curry's lines at the end. Good finish. Well done!

  puppy kiss (inserting slobberin' here)
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Stepha3nie

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PostSubject: Re: The Fight   Wed Nov 05, 2014 10:12 am

Thank you all for reading and commenting. It was fun to write and I was hoping it would be fun to read. 
In my mind cheeky Coffee loves to surprise Kid with occasional tussles. Since Coffee has always won so far, Kid desperately need a win for his ego, and Heyes needs him to win to stop the bad moods (and to stop the noise while he is still hung over). But they are both very fond of the fun-loving canine.

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For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!
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Nancy Whiskey

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PostSubject: Re: The Fight   Mon Dec 01, 2014 5:40 pm

lol!  applause

I loved this shaggy dog story, but you kept that bit will last.  What a great fun read, but you had me hooked in the with the real action and motion you got in the fight scene.

I thought the fact you had some narrative from the horses point of view a terrific writing tool.  Very cleverly done and you set up the whole thing wonderfully.  Setting the scene with a very vivid tranquillity in the first paragraph, but setting up the tension with an ominous note.

Can't wait till read more.  Thanks for giving me a good read.

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Tabumin

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PostSubject: Re: The Fight   Sat Feb 14, 2015 9:12 pm

LOL great story!  Heyes waking up - is he tired from celebrating or was he hit on the head and tied up in his blanket?  No guns, but the battle rages on... the fun of the battle....loved the ending!  What a fun surprise.  Great story !
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Stepha3nie

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PostSubject: Re: The Fight   Sun Feb 15, 2015 2:31 am

Thank you Tabumin. I'm glad you liked it. I'm still a beginner when it comes to writing.
If you look under "Monthly Challenge" and then "Coffee", you can find my first story which introduces a certain canine.

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"I can resist everything - except temptation"  Oscar Wilde
For me temptation is Hannibal Heyes, especially in chaps!
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InsideOutlaw

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PostSubject: Re: The Fight   Mon Feb 16, 2015 4:38 pm

I love seeing Coffee again even though I didn't know it was him until the very end of the story!  I thought this was going to go in a totally different direction until I read Heyes' calm assessment of what he was witnessing.  Being a dog lover and owner, I can easily picture Coffee's happy face as he enjoys roughhousing with the Kid (who may or may not have been enjoying it!).  

Cute story. cheers

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“The purpose of life isn’t to arrive at death in perfect condition but to slide into it sideways with your hair mussed, your clothes disheveled, a martini in one hand and chocolate in the other, shouting ‘Whooeee, what a ride!’”--Hunter S. Thompson
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Stepha3nie

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PostSubject: Re: The Fight   Mon Feb 16, 2015 5:05 pm

Thank you IO! I tried not to give the game away and leave the reader guessing Heyes had been knocked out and tied up. But the descriptions still had to fit my idea that he was just hung over and entangled in his blanket.
I think Kid secretly loves the playing, but hates getting awakened in this fashion. But most of all, he hates losing to Coffee in front of Heyes... So it was important for him to win this time.
I never owned a "Coffee", but I think some traits of my dogs and my bird have found their way into this character...

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