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 Twisted (A Halloweenish story)

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Posts : 1228
Join date : 2013-08-27
Age : 42
Location : The Hideout

PostSubject: Twisted (A Halloweenish story)   Mon Oct 14, 2013 11:38 pm

It was a long forgotten Autumn night in late October. The air was damp with the smell of wet leaves and hot horses. We had just ridden into some two-bit town, tired and dirty from outrunning a posse. We didn't even go to the hotel first. We headed straight for the saloon. I procured us a bottle of watered down whiskey and joined Kid at the back table.

We'd had about half the bottle when she walked in looking like a drowned cat, her black and red dress sticking closely to her hourglass form. I seen the Kid looking at her and I knew what was coming next. You don't see respectable women come into a saloon very often, so we both thought she worked there. Kid gets up and as he's making his way towards the bar, you could see her talking to the bartender. Then she looks back at me. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but Kid probably overheard her as he approached the spot beside her. He talks to her for a moment, they have a drink, then he nods his head as she leaves. She kinda skips out the door.

He comes back to our table and tells me we have a job. I look at him incredulously. He didn't even talk it over with me first! He says she needs somebody to find her the perfect horse, that it needed to be a coal black stallion with one white foot, and that she didn't have time to look for it herself because of something she had to stay and watch at home. I asked him what she needed it for. Supposedly, she was a breeder and was in desperate need to improve her stock or lose her farm. Kid said that she was on the verge of tears when she was talking. I think he was just seeing the water drip down her face. I asked if he found out why she was wet because it wasn't raining outside. Kid looked at me like I was crazy, said there was some things you just didn't ask a woman. Maybe she was wet from earlier. It had rained earlier in the evening. I don't know. I just found it odd. I asked him if he at least found out her name. "Veronica," he said.


So, the next day, we set about going to all the ranches nearby looking for Veronica's idea of the perfect horse. None of them had a black stallion with one white foot. We heard from one of the ranchers that a man named Farmer might have what we was looking for. But he was a half day's ride away. I looked at Kid with an expression that asked, 'is this worth the fifty dollars we're getting paid'. He just nodded his head yes and turned his horse towards the Farmer spread.


It was that evening when we reached our destination. A low-lying fog had drifted into the valley, the kind of thick fog you get after a spring night's storm. The lanterns on the three story house was the only way we found our way to the front door. The house was sorta rundown. Paint was peeling, boards on the porch were warped, only one of the windows wasn't boarded up. There was a sign on the door that said ‘vacancy’. We knocked on the door. Nothing. We knocked again. Eventually we heard footsteps.

"Can I help you," a little elderly lady said as she opened the door slightly.

"We're looking for a man named Farmer ma'am. Does he live here?" I asked politely.

"This is his house," she said, "he's busy out back."

"This late?"

"He got a late start today. Got to get stuff taken care of. Come in and rest yourself. I'll go fetch him."

We go in and she pours us each a cup of coffee, then she goes out the back door. The inside of the house looked almost as bad as the outside. Ragged furniture, torn rugs, dusty. A few moments later, the little lady returns, followed by a huge, rough-looking man. When I say huge, I mean HUGE. He was at least six foot five and three hundred pounds, and it was all muscle. I'm glad he never took up being a lawman. I'd hate to run into him on a bad day.

"Hello Mr. Farmer. I'm Joshua Smith and this is Thaddeus Jones. We heard you may have a horse we're looking for."

He kinda grunts a 'yes' then says, "In the barn." He then turns and heads back out the back door. I shrug my shoulders at Kid and we get up to follow him after we tip our hats to the lady.

As we walk to the barn, we notice the back yard looks like its been dug up in places, like a fresh grave looks. Strange. Mr. Farmer has already disappeared inside so we hurry to catch up with him. We open the barn door and both gasp at the same time. There stands Veronica with squirrel tails hanging off her belt.

"I've been waiting for you," she says.

Then everything goes dark...


When I regain consciousness, I find us both tied to chairs and unarmed.

"Hi there," Veronica bends down and says to me.

"You sure got a funny way of saying hello," I tell her.

"Well, I had to get you ready," she says.

"Ready for what?" Kid asks.

“Ready for the ceremony.”

“WHAT ceremony?"

"Ready for the wedding."

"What?!" we say simultaneously.

"What are you talking about?" I ask.

"I saw you two riding into town earlier and I knew at that moment, you were the one I wanted. The stars told me last night that I would be meeting a new love interest."

"The stars told you..." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The girl was obviously crazy.

"I know you're thinking I'm 'touched in the head', but let me assure you I'm not," she explains. "I knew the man I would marry would have dark hair and dark eyes. It matches me perfectly. And the stars said so. One doesn’t argue with the universe.”

"Well, why the big story about finding you a horse?" I ask.

"I had to get you here of your own accord. That was the first ruse I thought of. If you didn’t come voluntarily, it just wouldn’t be proper. Now, my grandma is going to help me get ready. My brother here will make sure you don't get away. I'll be right back my love."

And with that, she disappears out the door. Big brother stands there staring at us like a hungry mountain lion. I have to say, it made me uncomfortable.

"Well, I think we best be getting outta here, unless you want to become 'Miss Crazy's' husband," Kid whispers to me.

"You think I don't know that?!" I tried moving my wrists to try and loosen the ropes. It didn't work. "Say, Mr. Farmer is it? You know, if I'm gonna get married, I should freshen up. You think you could untie me so I can get ready?"

The big oaf appears to think for a minute then says, "Okay." Well, that was easy. “But DO NOT leave this barn. I don’t want to dig another hole tonight.”

He unties me and I ask for some water to wash the dirt off my face. Apparently, Mr. Farmer is a few people shy of a posse because he left me standing there to get some water. Which was a good thing. I quickly untie Kid and we race for the door to find Farmer outside pumping water into a bucket. He's right in our line of escape. We sneak as quietly as possible out the door and are about to turn the corner when buckshot strikes the wall stopping us.

"Where do you think you're going?" the little old lady says as she reloads.

"Uh...nowhere. Just wanted some fresh air before the ceremony," I say reluctantly.

“You ain’t leavin’. Veronica needs to be happy. You want fresh air, go to a window.”

Farmer runs back over to us and herds us back in the barn while the old lady watches from behind. “You shouldn’t do that,” he says. “That’s why the other ones are in the back yard.”

I don’t know exactly what he meant by that, and I don’t think I want to know. It wasn't a couple minutes later that Veronica comes back in, dressed all in black.

"Isn't it tradition to get married in a white dress?" I ask sarcastically.

"Yes, but, my previous husband died on our wedding night."

For once, I'm speechless...but only for a second. "Previous husband died? How?”

"He hung himself. Guess he couldn’t handle the stress."

"And nothing about that seems strange to you?" Kid asks.

"Well, I just figured it wasn't meant to be. But I know you're the one," she says to me.

'Granny Shotgun' makes me move over to stand beside Veronica. Then big brother stands in front of us and pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket. Veronica does some little dance beside me and throws some feathers around. The girl is definitely unhinged.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to..."

Well, at least the wedding won't be legal. Kid just stood there...what else could he do?

“Do you Veronica take this man to be your husband?”

“I do.”

“Do you take her to be your wife?”

“Well, now, let’s talk about this…”

“No talking! Just answer the question!” Granny yells at me.


“I’ll take that as a yes.” Farmer says. “I now pronounce you man and wife. Now, kiss her.”

I hesitate and Granny comes over and pushes me into her. I give her a peck on the cheek. She turns around and kisses me so hard I think she’s going to deflate one of my lungs. Kid turns away. I know he’s laughing.

So, the 'ceremony' ends and I'm rushed into the house at gunpoint with my new 'bride'. Kid is escorted off the property, given our hardware, and warned not to come back, unless he wanted to be buried in the back yard.

Once inside and alone in a room on the top floor, Veronica does some kind of weird dance around the room with a candle and a feather. I ask her what she’s doing. She says she’s purifying the room, whatever that’s suppose to mean. Then she announces she's going to take a bath. That was fine with me. I sure wasn't planning on doing anything else. Of course, the door locks behind her. I wait a couple of minutes, then pull my lock pick out and set to work escaping. I start to work on the lock when all of a sudden, the door opens and there stands the little old lady. She comes into the room, shotgun in hand, and gives me the evil eye. Then she says,...

"I hope you didn't have any honeymoon plans 'cause you're about to throw yourself out of that window."

I know she could see the shock on my face. "Ma'am?"

"My Veronica is NOT gonna stay married. I won't lose her to some man. That's why I killed her other husband."

"YOU killed him?! I thought he hung himself.”

“He did hang…after I slipped him something to knock him out. My grandson helped me lift him off the floor.”

“Well why let the fake ceremony go on and go through the trouble? Wouldn't it be easier to just forbid her from marrying?"

She steps closer to me. "No. I want her to be happy. Getting married makes her happy. But she ain't stayin' married, I take care of that. She never figured out he didn't die by his own hand. Now, you're going to conveniently trip and fall out of that window one way or another. Oh, she'll be heartbroken for a little while, but she'll get over it."

Again, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The whole household was insane. She's backed me up right next to the window with her shotgun. All of a sudden, Kid bursts through the door.

"I sure am glad to see you!"

"Alright Granny, drop it!" Kid commands.

But she just looks at him, daring him to do something. After a few seconds, she lunges towards me and pushes me out the window. I catch myself on the window sill. There I hang, by my fingertips, three stories up. Kid rushes over to the window. I see him looking down at me. Then I see the butt of granny’s shotgun come down on the back of his head. Kid goes down. She comes over to me and is getting ready to crush my fingers when Kid jumps up behind her. Apparently, she didn’t hit him hard enough to knock him out. He grabs hold of the shotgun and twists it out of her hands. As he does, it goes off, hitting the ceiling. Kid holds granny at gunpoint.

It was then that Veronica runs in wearing a black robe wanting to know what is going on. Kid tells her that granny was trying to help me fall to my death. She gasps, then shakes her head. You’d think she’d make more of a reaction, but, she acts like it was a normal thing. Kid makes her tie granny’s hands, and then he helps me back into the room. We're in the process of leaving the house when Veronica comes into the parlor just as we reach the door.

"Where are you going?!" she asks.

“What do you mean ‘where are we going’? We’re leaving! Your granny just tried to kill my partner. What’s wrong with you people?”

"Veronica, you know that the wedding isn't legal. And as pretty as you are, I have no desire to be married. Now I suggest you talk to your grandma there and find out just what really happened to your other 'husband'. Me and Thaddeus are leaving here and nobody's gonna stop us."

She looks dumbfounded. I see her lip start to quiver, but I just turn to go.

We mount our horses outside and hightail it outta there. We don't stop until we're at least three counties over. I asked Kid how he got by Veronica's big brother. He tells me he circled around the barn when he supposedly left and got the drop on him, left him tied up in the barn. Irony is a beautiful thing at times.


I don't know why Kid does it. He always falls for the sob stories from the ladies. Well, let me tell you,...that was one time that left us shaken for quite a while.

Come to the dark side...we have cookies Very Happy  safe
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Posts : 22
Join date : 2013-09-14
Location : San Jose, CA

PostSubject: Re: Twisted (A Halloweenish story)   Sat Oct 26, 2013 10:49 pm

Boy are you right! Kid just can't say "no" to a woman. No  This was a strange story which I guess is why you called it a "Halloweenish" story! lol! 
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Twisted (A Halloweenish story)
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